A true awakening...
So much searching and so much thinking and contemplating have been done in my life up until now about love. I have been very indecisive with myself until now with what I truly want in a love life. I decided one thing and then changed my mind not more than a few days after. It really was becoming quite unhealthy for my consciousness. I am glad to announce to myself and to the world that I know exactly what I am sure I want now.
Really, It just came to me, everything just added up and I found out what I really would be happy with in life, and now that I look back on my awakening here, it really isn't that incredibly extraordinary that I figured it out this way- because I should have seen it as clear as day before... I know who it is I want to spend my life with, and I know how exactly I want to spend it with them. I can see our future laid out in front of my mind, as if it were reality, and I like what I am envisioning.
Before I announce it for all you readers out there, or to myself, I must lay down my requirements for happiness in this though... which they really aren't requirements per se, but more of necessities to make it work right. The girl with whom I'm speaking of can answer whether or not these necessities are do-able once she reads them, and then finds out it is her that I would be happier with than anyone else.
My necessities for making this hopefully-soon-to-come-true eternal-love-life are as follows:
1) perfect trust and perfect love... It's not that I don't trust the person or love the person now, but this must remain good and such for our relationship to fully keep blooming to what it hopefully will become.
2) Talk about any issues that ever arise... This also will hopefully not change, for it is pretty good when we are together anyway, this is just a necessity to make it work perfect for us, so we will always be on the same page as each other.
3) Incredible romance... This is somewhat lacking, but given the situation up until this point, it has been kind of hard, since we haven't lived together, and aren't alone enough together. This is my favorite thing in the world though with he girl I truly love- far surpassing sex or anything like that (although I don't mind sex- not in the least!)
4) Noted commitment... this is almost the most important thing to me, and hopefully to the girl I speak of, because this is the one thing that separates a casual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship from that of a loving-soul-mated relationship as I feel in my heart we are for each other. (I wonder if she feels the same.. for that is a strong certainty)
Those are my 4 necessities for the relationship to work and I really think that is pretty fair, for this is what good steady relationships are made of. Now before you read further (regardless of being able to SEE the following text already) - if you think you might possibly be the girl, and actually even if you aren't thinking so, ask yourself if you could provide the 4 said necessities to the person you hope to be with in life. Please, think hard, and see if you can, if so- and you think you are the girl I'm talking about- read on...
The girl that I have found to be the one girl that makes me feel so incredibly complete inside and outside while being around or even just thinking about is, now-without a doubt, Jillian. I know that I have messed up in the past on some things, and I know that I have been really indecisive about things up until this point and the entire time we were together, but I have thought about it hard and long, and I have come to the conclusion that without you in my life to share my times with and be with in my loving arms, I don't think I could be happy. You compliment every small detail about me, and you are the one expression of me that a song, poem, or even words themselves cannot hope to even touch. You are my one best song in life, and you are my one best poem. You are my replacement pen when I run out of ink, or even my red ink when a black pen will not do. You enable me to write things that even my wildest dreams cannot fathom, and you let me accomplish this without a scribbled-out word or a dab of white-out. With you there is no mistakes, there is only what feels right.
and what feels right is you. I am sure of that now.
Really, It just came to me, everything just added up and I found out what I really would be happy with in life, and now that I look back on my awakening here, it really isn't that incredibly extraordinary that I figured it out this way- because I should have seen it as clear as day before... I know who it is I want to spend my life with, and I know how exactly I want to spend it with them. I can see our future laid out in front of my mind, as if it were reality, and I like what I am envisioning.
Before I announce it for all you readers out there, or to myself, I must lay down my requirements for happiness in this though... which they really aren't requirements per se, but more of necessities to make it work right. The girl with whom I'm speaking of can answer whether or not these necessities are do-able once she reads them, and then finds out it is her that I would be happier with than anyone else.
My necessities for making this hopefully-soon-to-come-true eternal-love-life are as follows:
1) perfect trust and perfect love... It's not that I don't trust the person or love the person now, but this must remain good and such for our relationship to fully keep blooming to what it hopefully will become.
2) Talk about any issues that ever arise... This also will hopefully not change, for it is pretty good when we are together anyway, this is just a necessity to make it work perfect for us, so we will always be on the same page as each other.
3) Incredible romance... This is somewhat lacking, but given the situation up until this point, it has been kind of hard, since we haven't lived together, and aren't alone enough together. This is my favorite thing in the world though with he girl I truly love- far surpassing sex or anything like that (although I don't mind sex- not in the least!)
4) Noted commitment... this is almost the most important thing to me, and hopefully to the girl I speak of, because this is the one thing that separates a casual boyfriend/girlfriend relationship from that of a loving-soul-mated relationship as I feel in my heart we are for each other. (I wonder if she feels the same.. for that is a strong certainty)
Those are my 4 necessities for the relationship to work and I really think that is pretty fair, for this is what good steady relationships are made of. Now before you read further (regardless of being able to SEE the following text already) - if you think you might possibly be the girl, and actually even if you aren't thinking so, ask yourself if you could provide the 4 said necessities to the person you hope to be with in life. Please, think hard, and see if you can, if so- and you think you are the girl I'm talking about- read on...
The girl that I have found to be the one girl that makes me feel so incredibly complete inside and outside while being around or even just thinking about is, now-without a doubt, Jillian. I know that I have messed up in the past on some things, and I know that I have been really indecisive about things up until this point and the entire time we were together, but I have thought about it hard and long, and I have come to the conclusion that without you in my life to share my times with and be with in my loving arms, I don't think I could be happy. You compliment every small detail about me, and you are the one expression of me that a song, poem, or even words themselves cannot hope to even touch. You are my one best song in life, and you are my one best poem. You are my replacement pen when I run out of ink, or even my red ink when a black pen will not do. You enable me to write things that even my wildest dreams cannot fathom, and you let me accomplish this without a scribbled-out word or a dab of white-out. With you there is no mistakes, there is only what feels right.
and what feels right is you. I am sure of that now.