I need a shower.
Prorastination. It is my ultimate downfall in.... everything.... life even. My schooling is not going well do to it. My girlfriend situation (<--- that sounds so pathetic.) isn't going well b/c of it. My personel life isn't going well because of it. I really don't understand myself sometimes. How I can specifically know a problem in my life and I know that I am more than capable of overcoming it, but I won't. Why I won't is a question I am still asking myself. Lazyness maybe. Fear. I dunno. I suppose people get in there comfort zones and dont want to leave. But then again, what comfort zone am I in? I have moved about 4 times this year, changed jobs, pretty much quit school, and my parents officially divorced. What comfort zone am I in that I can walk out of? Yeah, I'm bitching, I know. Fuck.
[I'm sorry I'm not as outgoing as you want me to be. I know I can be, I simply choose not to be. The thing is I want to find out, but I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to experience something and me to not feel the same way back. I don't want to break your heart. There is a saying, "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." But I feel this is wrong. I would much rather live the pondering of what it would be like to love, then to love and then have to live with the heart ache of knowing what it was like to have love, and not having it anymore. I am realizing more now that there might truelly be something there, and I am very close to the point of taking the chance to find out. I can only hope that I am doing the right thing. I am trying my best to follow my heart and not my mind.]
I'm sorry this makes no sense, I don't even know if it is supposed to. But I wrote my feelings the best I can. - Noah
[I'm sorry I'm not as outgoing as you want me to be. I know I can be, I simply choose not to be. The thing is I want to find out, but I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to experience something and me to not feel the same way back. I don't want to break your heart. There is a saying, "It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all." But I feel this is wrong. I would much rather live the pondering of what it would be like to love, then to love and then have to live with the heart ache of knowing what it was like to have love, and not having it anymore. I am realizing more now that there might truelly be something there, and I am very close to the point of taking the chance to find out. I can only hope that I am doing the right thing. I am trying my best to follow my heart and not my mind.]
I'm sorry this makes no sense, I don't even know if it is supposed to. But I wrote my feelings the best I can. - Noah