All the Lies I Never Have Led
Title: (Prompt Table) All the Lies I Never Have Led
Author: Guess
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Bobby/Johnish, slight mention of Rogue/Bobby (though you have to squint)
Summary: John has earned a lifelong sentence in prison. Bobby goes to visit him. Both of our lovely boys blame John's predicament on their inability to lie. This summary sucks.
Bobby (Iceman)
All the lies I never have led, brought us here. Here, with you standing no more than two feet from me and yet totally unreachable.
Your hair has grown out again, the natural darker blond showing at the roots. You don't seem concerned with how unkempt it is, preferring instead to glare at me with your wild brown eyes. I try to imagine that the hate that I see in your eyes is just a cover for something else, but I know that it is not, not anymore. I try to smile at you, but it feels false and in the end all I can do is stare at what you've become, at what I made you.
You could have stayed, no one was forcing you to go with Magneto. But you did, because of me. Because I couldn't lie, not then. I couldn't say I loved you. I was too afraid of what it meant, of what loving you would entail. I wrapped myself up with Rogue, refusing to acknowledge what I knew you wanted from me. I thought it was enough, thought that if we could pretend long enough then maybe it would become the truth. I understand that you couldn't live like that, you needed more than what little I was willing to offer you.
Now your home is a cell with no window and electrified bars, and I can't help but blame myself for my part in putting you there. It was never meant to be, not like this. Even I can see that the confinement is driving you insane. Though now it is far too late for me to do anything about it.
“Why?” I ask, I can no longer allow myself to be afraid of the answer. I have no choice, I have to face this the way you have to face what you've done.
Instead of answering me you laugh, a sharp mirthless sound that cuts into me, slicing at my insides.
Then you reach out, maybe to touch me. But instead you grip one of the bars that stands between us. There's a cackle, and I can't doubt the pain in your eyes.
I step forward, “Stop.”
You shake your head. You want me to see this, I don't know why but you want me to see you doing this to yourself.
I can't stand this, can't stand knowing that this is all my fault. If I had lied we wouldn't be here. If I had swallowed my pride I wouldn't have ruined your life and mine.
“Please John, I love you!” I can say it now, because subconsciously I know that it will not matter.
You laugh again and release the bar, I don't look at the blackened flesh of your hand even though the foul smelling smoke rises between us, “You never were very good at lying.”
John (Pyro)
All the lies I never have led, brought us here. Here, with you standing no more than two feet from me and yet totally unreachable. If I were to reach through the bars I could touch you, but the hum of electricity is a clear warning and I have no wish to further injure my hands. Besides that, I don't think you want me to touch you. You just want to stand there and condemn me with your lovely blue eyes, silently reminding me with your smug little grin that you are and always will be the better man.
You're the one who is going to grow old with the woman you love. You're the one who is going to have a family, a house, a life. And me, I'm going to rot in this cell for the rest of my time on this god forsaken earth. Hated by humans because of what I was and hated by you and all the other mutants because of what I no longer am and can never be again.
All because I couldn't lie, I couldn't conceal my feelings and pretend that I only wanted friendship from you. I was selfish, knowing I didn't deserve you and wanting it all anyways. When I didn't get what I wanted I couldn't stay at that school pretending that everything was all right with the world, pretending that my heart wasn't breaking every single time I saw you.
And now, you hate me. Or maybe you don't, since I'm so far beneath you that I'm not even worthy of your hate. Either way, I could never lie to you and you know it, but you will never ever admit it. You knew then how I felt and you know now why I left, so why are you asking me, “Why?”
I laugh at your stupid question because after all these years the tears will no longer come. Then I reach my hand through the bars and grip the warm metal, feeling the electricity burn my skin. The pain is good, it reminds me that no matter how much it hurts inside to know that I'll never have you, I can live with it. Compared to this, the pain you caused is nothing.
You start forward but don't touch me, you're not concerned enough to end my pain. “Stop.” you say, the command made unconfident by the tremor in your voice.
I shake my head, trembling but refusing to let go.
“Please John.” You say, practically begging. Your eyes are filled with something that is too much like fear, “I love you!”
I laugh again, though it sounds too much like a sob to my ears, and let go. My palm is sizzling, the old bandages have burned away, but somehow it no longer hurts. I breath the smoke that rises between us and don't look away from your eyes, “You never were very good at lying.” I say. But then again, neither was I.
Author: Guess
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Bobby/Johnish, slight mention of Rogue/Bobby (though you have to squint)
Summary: John has earned a lifelong sentence in prison. Bobby goes to visit him. Both of our lovely boys blame John's predicament on their inability to lie. This summary sucks.
Bobby (Iceman)
All the lies I never have led, brought us here. Here, with you standing no more than two feet from me and yet totally unreachable.
Your hair has grown out again, the natural darker blond showing at the roots. You don't seem concerned with how unkempt it is, preferring instead to glare at me with your wild brown eyes. I try to imagine that the hate that I see in your eyes is just a cover for something else, but I know that it is not, not anymore. I try to smile at you, but it feels false and in the end all I can do is stare at what you've become, at what I made you.
You could have stayed, no one was forcing you to go with Magneto. But you did, because of me. Because I couldn't lie, not then. I couldn't say I loved you. I was too afraid of what it meant, of what loving you would entail. I wrapped myself up with Rogue, refusing to acknowledge what I knew you wanted from me. I thought it was enough, thought that if we could pretend long enough then maybe it would become the truth. I understand that you couldn't live like that, you needed more than what little I was willing to offer you.
Now your home is a cell with no window and electrified bars, and I can't help but blame myself for my part in putting you there. It was never meant to be, not like this. Even I can see that the confinement is driving you insane. Though now it is far too late for me to do anything about it.
“Why?” I ask, I can no longer allow myself to be afraid of the answer. I have no choice, I have to face this the way you have to face what you've done.
Instead of answering me you laugh, a sharp mirthless sound that cuts into me, slicing at my insides.
Then you reach out, maybe to touch me. But instead you grip one of the bars that stands between us. There's a cackle, and I can't doubt the pain in your eyes.
I step forward, “Stop.”
You shake your head. You want me to see this, I don't know why but you want me to see you doing this to yourself.
I can't stand this, can't stand knowing that this is all my fault. If I had lied we wouldn't be here. If I had swallowed my pride I wouldn't have ruined your life and mine.
“Please John, I love you!” I can say it now, because subconsciously I know that it will not matter.
You laugh again and release the bar, I don't look at the blackened flesh of your hand even though the foul smelling smoke rises between us, “You never were very good at lying.”
John (Pyro)
All the lies I never have led, brought us here. Here, with you standing no more than two feet from me and yet totally unreachable. If I were to reach through the bars I could touch you, but the hum of electricity is a clear warning and I have no wish to further injure my hands. Besides that, I don't think you want me to touch you. You just want to stand there and condemn me with your lovely blue eyes, silently reminding me with your smug little grin that you are and always will be the better man.
You're the one who is going to grow old with the woman you love. You're the one who is going to have a family, a house, a life. And me, I'm going to rot in this cell for the rest of my time on this god forsaken earth. Hated by humans because of what I was and hated by you and all the other mutants because of what I no longer am and can never be again.
All because I couldn't lie, I couldn't conceal my feelings and pretend that I only wanted friendship from you. I was selfish, knowing I didn't deserve you and wanting it all anyways. When I didn't get what I wanted I couldn't stay at that school pretending that everything was all right with the world, pretending that my heart wasn't breaking every single time I saw you.
And now, you hate me. Or maybe you don't, since I'm so far beneath you that I'm not even worthy of your hate. Either way, I could never lie to you and you know it, but you will never ever admit it. You knew then how I felt and you know now why I left, so why are you asking me, “Why?”
I laugh at your stupid question because after all these years the tears will no longer come. Then I reach my hand through the bars and grip the warm metal, feeling the electricity burn my skin. The pain is good, it reminds me that no matter how much it hurts inside to know that I'll never have you, I can live with it. Compared to this, the pain you caused is nothing.
You start forward but don't touch me, you're not concerned enough to end my pain. “Stop.” you say, the command made unconfident by the tremor in your voice.
I shake my head, trembling but refusing to let go.
“Please John.” You say, practically begging. Your eyes are filled with something that is too much like fear, “I love you!”
I laugh again, though it sounds too much like a sob to my ears, and let go. My palm is sizzling, the old bandages have burned away, but somehow it no longer hurts. I breath the smoke that rises between us and don't look away from your eyes, “You never were very good at lying.” I say. But then again, neither was I.