(no subject)
Title: What Becomes of Us (4 of ?)
Author: Bri
Rating: R
Characters/Pairing: Bobby/John, other couples include OCs
Summary: He missed them more than anything, but except for Johnny, they were still X-men. He was on the run from them, too. Post X-3, Bobby makes a decision that changes everything.
Notes: Told mainly from Bobby's POV, and for the first few chapters, the story bounces back and forth between the present and backstory.
Previous chapters: One Two Three
AN: I'm not quite sure I'm happy with the first part of this, especially the ending. But I've toyed with it for awhile, and I think I've given up and it'll just have to stay.
It was two weeks before Bobby found himself heading down to the rec room in search of company. He hadn’t been avoiding anyone, not really, he’d talked to Ryn in the class they had together and Cass, Zephyr, West, and Shade when he ran into them on his way in or out of his apartment. It was just - he hadn’t wanted to hang out in a big group again. It felt too familiar, and too strange because it wasn’t the same, it could never be the same.
But it was two months into the term, and he was drowning in his psychology paper. He’d resorted to using the metaphor “a rolling stone gathers no moss,” but he was pretty sure he was going to have to cut that out. He’d gone off on a tangent about stones that didn’t want to roll and were never supposed to roll but somehow found themselves rolling anyway. What were they supposed to do with all the moss they’d gathered before when they stationary and that they wanted to keep but couldn’t because now they were rolling?
He stared at his computer for a few moments, then hit save and shut it down. Yeah, it was time for a break. The door to the rec room was open when Bobby headed downstairs, and he could see some B-horror movie on the screen of the TV. Except for Cass, everyone he’d seen in the room the last time was there, watching the screen with varying degrees of interest.
Bobby stood in the doorway, just for a moment, then Sam glanced up and greeted easily, “Hey Bobby.”
“Hey,” Bobby returned.
“Have a seat, we’ve got the best view of the shit horror movie that should’ve been a comedy,” Ryn said, scooting closer to Riley to make room for him on the couch.
Bobby sat down next to her, and Shade, who was sitting sideways in a chair close to his side of the couch, tilted upside down for a moment to grab a bottle of beer from a half-full six pack on the floor next to him. He straightened and offered the bottle to Bobby.
“Thanks,” Bobby said as he took the bottle and twisted off the top.
“No problem,” Shade replied. “I get ‘em free from work, so it’s not the best, but.” He shrugged. “Free alcohol. Oh, and it never made it to the fridge, so it’s kind of warm.”
Bobby very nearly said he could fix that, but he remembered it would be a bad idea just in time to shut up. Instead, he focused on chilling the liquid inside his bottle without affecting the glass and said, “Any alcohol is good with me right now. The paper I was working on was kicking my ass.”
“Is it that psychology one?” Ryn asked.
“Yeah,” Bobby said.
“Again? Dude, how many papers do you guys have in that class?” Zephyr asked.
“Way too fucking many,” Ryn said.
“She’s paper crazy,” Bobby agreed. “She’s been giving us one every week.”
“I gave up on mine,” Ryn said. “My plan is to write the rest at four am on the day it’s due.”
Bobby grinned. “Good plan.”
“Ha ha,” West commented. “Ha. Guess how many papers I have to write?”
“You don’t count,” Zephyr informed him.
“Sure I do. Ahh, being graduated with no homework is so much fun,” West said.
“Yeah, from a crappy two year community college, while the rest of us will have big fancy degrees,” Ryn countered. “Plus, now you have to repay your student loans and go to work and shit.”
West grinned. “I draw on people for a living. I don’t go to work, I go have fun.”
Ryn considered that. “Good point. Why haven’t I dropped out of school and come to work with you yet?”
“Because you wanted the big fancy degree?” Bobby suggested, then turned to West. “You’re a tattoo artist?”
“Yup,” West said. “I work at Rose Red. If you come in, I’ll give you a discount.”
“Or,” Ryn said. “You can come to me and I’ll do it for free.”
West rolled his eyes. “Using my equipment.”
“Hey,” Ryn protested. “I fucking let you draw all over me when you were still learning. I so deserve more use of your stuff.”
Bobby grinned a bit. “I think I’m pretty good tattoo-less, anyway. But check back when I’ve had more alcohol.”
Ryn looked over at Shade. “Give him another beer,” she suggested teasingly.
“Now who’s the one trying to get people drunk?” Bobby asked.
Ryn grinned and opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by Cass’s arrival.
“I heard the word drunk, which means there must be alcohol, which means you should totally share,” she announced as she dropped onto the couch next to West.
“Well, someone’s dressed nice tonight,” West commented, looking her over.
“Didn’t you have a date tonight?” Zephyr asked.
“Yup,” Cass replied. “Well. Had three-quarters of a date, then I got too fed-up and bailed. I fucking hate men. They seriously, seriously suck.” She paused to take the beer Shade held out to her and added, “Present company excluded.”
“Do we need to kick someone’s butt?” Riley asked.
Cass thought about that for a moment. “Nah. He’s just a stupid, annoying, egotistical frat boy. He’s not worth it.”
“Don’t worry. I know what solves shitty dates and paper-crazy professors,” Shade commented. “Hockey.”
“Hockey?” Bobby repeated. “Playing or watching?”
“Playing,” West said. “There’s a pond that not many people know about, and it should be frozen over enough to skate on.”
“Awesome,” Bobby said, then paused. “I don’t have any skates, though.” Normally, that was never a problem, but he couldn’t just make an ice blade on the bottom of his shoes here.
“I’ve got an extra pair,” Shade said. “They’re figure skates, but Zeph and Dani only have figure skates and Cass’s hockey skates are dead, so you’ll be in good company.”
“I think I’ll ref today,” Dani said. “I’m kinda tired, and that way the teams’ll be even.”
“Eight pieces, then?” Riley asked, tearing up a piece of paper he’d found somewhere. “Anyone have a pen?”
Ryn pulled one out of her pocket and he marked the back of four pieces, then dropped them into the cowboy hat Sam handed him and passed the hat around. Bobby grabbed a piece when it came to him and handed the hat off to Shade, then looked down to see that his was one of the unmarked ones.
“Sweet,” West commented, leaning over Cass so he could see Shade’s piece. “We’re on the same team. You guys are doomed.”
“Who’s on the unmarked team?” Riley asked.
Bobby raised his hand, and saw Zephyr and Ryn doing the same.
“Have you played hockey much, Bobby?” Ryn asked.
Bobby shrugged. “A few times.” No need to brag. And also no need to let the other team know just how good he was. Okay, so maybe when it came to sports, Bobby was a little competitive. That was supposed to be a good thing, right?
“Yup, fucking doomed,” Ryn said. “Shade and West are like the fucking kings of hockey. Why haven’t we made a rule that you two aren’t allowed to be on the same team?”
“Because then I wouldn’t be on the team that’s so very obviously going to win?” Cass suggested.
“I think I agree with Cass here,” Sam said.
“We should force a handicap on them,” Zephyr said. “Make one of them skate on only one leg or something.”
Riley laughed. “Why don’t we actually play before you start dooming us?”
Shade grinned. “Before, after, either way, you’ll be doomed. Any volunteers for driving?”
“I will,” Dani offered. “I’ve got the biggest car.”
“I’ll drive, too,” Riley said. “My hockey stuff’s still in the back of my Jeep from a few days ago. Yours too, Ryn.”
“You guys played hockey without us?” Sam asked.
“Just some one-on-one stuff,” Ryn said. “No big deal.”
“One-on-one,” Cass said suggestively. “I’ll bet.”
Riley ducked his head slightly and Ryn glared at her. Bobby was reminded of Jubilee, back when he and Rogue had been too unsure in what their relationship was for it to stand up to jokes, but Jubilee hadn’t seemed to get that. Johnny’d done it, too, but he’d known full well what the situation was, he’d just done it anyway.
“You’re just upset that us playing hockey threatens your victory,” Riley said.
“Yup,” Cass agreed, apparently knowing when to shut up. “That’s totally it. I’m going to go grab my gear now.”
“Everyone grab their stuff and meet out by the cars?” Shade suggested. “I’ll grab my extra gear for you, Bobby.”
“Thanks,” Bobby told him, flashing him a smile.
A short time later, Bobby found himself sitting next to Zephyr in the back of Riley’s jeep. The last time he’d skated was on the fountain, with Kitty, and thinking of that brought a whole new pang of grief and homesickness. Both because it’d been right after Professor Xavier had died and it put that fresh in his mind and because he’d likely never skate with Kitty again. He swallowed, and forced his mind back to the present.
Bobby’d never been particularly paranoid about things like this, but he wondered if this had been one of his best ideas. He was sitting in the backseat of a car belonging to a guy he barely knew, he had no idea where they were going, and he was going there along with seven other people, most of whom he’d only met twice.
Brilliant, Drake, he thought to himself. Even a sheltered Boston boy like you should know this is stupid. Don’t take rides with strangers? That’s not even street smarts 101, it’s kindergarten street smarts.
Bobby frowned, wondering when the voice in his head had started reminding him of Johnny, then ignored it. This group seemed okay, and it wasn’t like Bobby was all that helpless. Then Zephyr turned towards him to tell him not to worry, she was a figure skater, not a hockey player, so they could be inexperienced together. He smiled at her and told her that he couldn’t ask for a better partner in inexperience, but he might have a few tricks up his sleeve.
When they got to the pond, just minutes ahead of Dani, Bobby went along with Shade to check and see if it was frozen enough to skate on. It wasn’t, but Bobby fixed that before Shade realized it and the pair of them pronounced it fit for skating. For a moment, Bobby missed the appreciative looks, the shared grins at an example of power he’d gotten at the Institute. But the others were smiling, pleased, glad that the ice was thick enough for them to play, and Bobby realized he was content with indirect gratitude.
They split off into their teams, had brief meetings, and then started playing. It took him only a little bit to get used to skates of metal rather than hand-crafted ice, but it was enough that the other team was already grinning widely at their inevitable victory. When Bobby scored their first goal against West fifteen minutes into the game, though, their grins faded a bit.
They’d chosen captains, and there were a few play-making sessions, but with four on four the game was pretty informal with a focus on fun. There was a lot of horsing around, but both sides were obviously trying to win, and Bobby was in his element. The game was slightly rough, especially between Shade, West, Riley, and Ryn, who seemed to be entertained by how much they could knock each other to the ice. Bobby joined in when he realized it was okay, which evened things up a bit since Riley and Ryn were switching off as goalie. It was close, very close, but in the end Bobby’s team won by one goal, to lots of cheering from Riley, Ryn, and Zephyr and groans from the others.
“I think we got hustled,” West commented, grinning and eyeing Bobby with a new respect.
Bobby grinned back. “I just don’t like to brag.”
“You can brag all you want,” Ryn informed him. “You’re also officially captain next time Shade and West are on the same team.”
“What if the three of us are all on the same team?” Bobby asked, a bit too pleased with his victory to think about her assumption that he’d be there next time they played.
“Then the rest of us hand you guys the victory and we pick teams again,” Riley said.
Shade grinned. “I can handle those terms.”
“Yeah, I bet you can,” Zephyr commented, shoving him playfully. “When do I get those lessons you’re always promising me?” She paused. “Screw that, I’ll just ask Bobby.”
Bobby grinned at her. “Playing hockey with pretty girls is always on my list of things to do.”
They laughed and joked the entire way home, but now that Bobby wasn’t playing hockey anymore, his mind started wandering. He was glad he’d gone down to hang out with them. At least for a little while, he’d been able to just play hockey. Part of him wasn’t really sure that was such a good thing, though. With what he’d done, with what he’d ruined, he should be always thinking about what he’d left behind. Yeah, that was a healthy attitude. Okay, no more thinking like that.
When they got back, he headed up to finish working on his paper, but he couldn’t concentrate on it any more than he’d been able to before, and finally he gave up and went to bed.
~*~
“So you’re leaving us,” Kitty commented as she dropped down next to him on the bed.
For a moment, his breath caught and his chest constricted, because she’d found out, she’d figured it out somehow and she knew what he was planning. But then he realized she was probably talking about the “vacation” he was taking and his shoulders relaxed the tiniest bit.
“One day you’ll phase in here like that without knocking and I’ll be changing or something,” Bobby informed her.
She grinned at him, waggling her eyebrows. “Why do you think I keep doing it?”
He laughed. “Perv.”
She shook her head. “No, that’s you. I just try to make you feel more at home with returned perviness.”
“Me? A perv?” Bobby asked in disbelief. “I’m offended. You know I’m too innocent for that.” He gave her his best “boy next door” grin.
“Pfft. Innocent. Right. With how many times you’ve snuck into the girls’ showers?” Kitty teased.
Bobby considered protesting that he hadn’t snuck into the girls’ showers, and it had been only to freeze over their shower pipes, anyway, but then he just grinned. “Okay, you caught me. I’m a perv.” He leered at her.
“See? I knew it. And quit that, or I’ll smack you,” she told him.
He stopped, grinning. “I’ll ice over and then your hand will just be cold.”
She rolled her eyes. “Hmph. I’ll have you know that I can make a blowtorch just from coconuts and palm fronds, all Gilligan’s Isle like. So, like, watch out.”
Bobby laughed. “Congratulations! You’re Ginger.”
“If I have to be one of them, I’m so Mary Anne,” Kitty replied. “And you’re Gilligan.”
“Yeah, right. I’m the awesome guy smart enough to not get stuck on a desert island and is back home with plumbing and electricity, sipping lemonade,” he said.
“Nope, sorry. Gilligan,” she said. “Are you forgetting my blowtorch?”
"Yeah, I’m totally watching out for your coconuts and palm fronds,” Bobby said. “Not laughing at that mental image.”
“See?” she said. “Pervert. Stop thinking about my coconuts.”
Bobby paused. “I was going to say something like, ‘but Kitty, you know I can’t resist your coconuts,’ but I think that might be too lame. Or maybe too creepy.”
“Definitely too creepy,” she agreed. “And also so not true. You obviously can resist my coconuts, no matter how much you think about them.”
“I’m just really good at hiding it,” he told her.
“Uh-huh,” Kitty commented, raising her eyebrows at him. “You know, I’m so super glad that we had this conversation about my coconuts.”
“You love talking about your coconuts,” Bobby replied. “Your coconuts bring all the boys to the yard.”
Kitty grinned. “I could teach you, but I have to charge.”
Bobby paused for a moment, then said, “Yeah, that was the extent of my knowledge of that song. I’ve got nothing now.”
“That’s okay,” Kitty said. “It’s probably time to stop talking about my coconuts before we really get into creeper territory.”
“I thought I was a perv?” Bobby asked, not quite ready to let the conversation drop. If they stopped joking around, she’d probably follow up on her first comment, and he’d really like to put that off as long as possible.
“Perv, creeper, same thing,” Kitty said.
“I’d rather have creeper,” he said. “The Creeper’s a comic book character. He guest starred in Batman.”
“Huh.” She considered that. “You should go track him down and team up with him. The Pervert and the Creeper. Best superhero team ever. They’ll save your life and spy on you in the shower.”
Bobby grinned. “Hey, even heroes have to have a little fun every now and then.”
Kitty nodded. “Is that why you’re leaving?”
He was really glad he wasn’t eating or drinking anything, because otherwise he probably would have choked. He almost choked just on the air he was breathing, and he shifted uncomfortably on his bed. “No. I’m leaving because I have to.”
Kitty sighed. “You think I want to be here when they take him away? I mean, I know I wasn’t as close to him as you were, but he was my friend, too.”
“But you think this is the right thing to do,” Bobby said.
“No, I don’t.” She looked up at him. “I don’t know what the right thing to do is, okay? But what are we supposed to do? We can’t just keep him here forever. And he did all those things. He killed people and, I mean, he’s what we’re supposed to be fighting against. Seriously, Bobby. If it wasn’t John, if it was another person who’d done what he did, we’d have no trouble.”
Bobby was silent for a moment. Then he said softly, “But it is John.”
“I know,” Kitty said sadly, looking at him like she knew something more that she wasn’t telling him. “But he’s not John anymore. God, Bobby, you know I wanted him to come back, too, but he didn’t. He’s been with the Brotherhood too long. You can’t just kill people like that and still be a good guy. Maybe, okay, maybe if he really regretted it, but he doesn’t.”
“How do you know?” Bobby asked.
She just looked at him. “You were his best friend, and he tried to kill you. Shouldn’t that tell you something? He tried to kill you. Anyone who tries to kill you is on my list of people we hate.”
Bobby didn’t say anything. He wondered if he’d be this forgiving if it’d been Kitty that Pyro had tried to kill instead of him. And then decided he was kind of delusional, because there was still a part of him that insisted that Johnny’d never actually kill Kitty.
She sighed. “Where are you going?”
“I dunno.” Bobby shrugged. “I was thinking about the beach.”
Kitty shoved him, a half-hearted attempt at playful. “You better not being going to the beach, not without me.”
There was a second where Bobby almost asked her to come with him, then. Where he realized that she wanted him to ask her to go. The two of them, on a beach somewhere, laughing and joking and trying to pretend like one of their best friends wasn’t back home dying. But he wasn’t going to a beach. And she wouldn’t understand what he was really doing. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he really understood it. But he wished it was different. He wished she’d be able to go with him, because he didn’t want to lose her.
“Okay, okay. I’ll take you to the beach when I get back,” he told her, pretending for just a little bit that he really was just going off to clear his head, he really would be back, and he’d definitely see her again.
“Good,” she said, nodding. Then she stood up, leaning over to wrap her arms around him. “Don’t take too long. I’m gonna miss you.”
Bobby slid his arms around her, closing his eyes as he hugged her close. “I’ll miss you too, KitKat.”
She smiled as she pulled away. “Later, Bobcat.”
He watched her walk through the door. “Goodbye, Kitty.”
~*~
There was a huge pit in his stomach when he knocked on Marie’s door. Actually, it was more like a black hole than a pit. A black hole that was sucking everything around it down into nothing-ness. Yeah, that was a good mental picture. He wasn’t sure he could do this. Talking to Kitty had been hard enough, he didn’t know how he was going to tell the woman he loved that he was leaving and never coming back without actually saying that.
The look on her face when she answered the door told him that yes, she had heard that he was going to be leaving, even though he’d only told Storm that morning.
“Can we talk?” he asked quietly.
She held the door open wider, then closed it behind him without saying a word before turning around to look at him.
“I don’t know where I’m going,” he told her in response to the silent question in her eyes.
She nodded. “Is this, does this have anything to do with us?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? It has to do with everything that’s going on right now, everything in my life that’s just really confusing and I can’t really handle it,” he said, talking a little too fast, but she got it. He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to make it through this conversation without telling her too much, or maybe not enough.
She bit her lip. “I love you, Bobby,” she told him softly. “I know, I know I don’t say it often, or even enough, but I do.”
“I know,” he said, even though he kind of hadn’t. He’d been pretty sure, and he had liked to believe she did, but he hadn’t been certain. “I love you, too. But…”
“But you can’t do this.” She glanced down, nodded to herself, then looked up. “Bobby, just, just get it over with.”
He blinked, confused. “Get what over with?”
“Just break up with me.”
He frowned. “I didn’t come in here to break up with you!”
“You came in here to tell me things aren’t working out for you here and you’re leaving for an unknown amount of time. It’s the same thing,” she replied.
“No, it’s not. You left. Things ‘weren’t working out for you here’ and you left and didn’t even tell me. Was that you breaking up with me? I was still here when you got back,” he said, working to keep his voice down.
“Were you?” she shot back. “Things haven’t been the same since I came back, Bobby, it’s obvious. We don’t talk, I don’t know what you’re thinking anymore, and sometimes you look at me like you have no idea who I am.”
Bobby opened his mouth to say that sometimes he wasn’t sure who she was anymore, then closed it again. “I’m sorry." He paused, glancing down, then looked up again. "I love you. Why can’t, why can’t that be enough?”
Her eyes softened and she reached out, resting her bare hand against his cheek. “Sometimes it is, but I don’t think this is one of those times.”
Not for the first time, he wondered what the hell he was doing. What the fuck he was giving up, just to save the fucking asshole who tried to kill him. If Bobby had needed more proof that he had a hero complex, he didn’t now. “I wish it could be.”
“Me too, sugar. Me too. Maybe, maybe in a couple of days you’ll come back and your head will be clear and we’ll sit back down and realize that it is enough,” Marie said. “Maybe not. But you’ll come back, when you’re done thinking, and we’ll figure it out.”
He swallowed roughly as guilt hit him again. He couldn’t even bring himself to say anything to that, nothing directly in response. Instead, he just quietly told her, “I told Storm I’d leave Saturday.”
She nodded and he opened his arms, pulling her against him. She slipped her arms around his neck and hugged him, then tilted her head up so she could press her lips against his. It was wonderful, the way kissing her always was, but it felt slightly different. Bobby’d heard it used in movies and books and always thought it was kind of cliché and stupid, but maybe he’d been wrong and it was the best way to describe it. It felt like goodbye.
Part Five
Author: Bri
Rating: R
Characters/Pairing: Bobby/John, other couples include OCs
Summary: He missed them more than anything, but except for Johnny, they were still X-men. He was on the run from them, too. Post X-3, Bobby makes a decision that changes everything.
Notes: Told mainly from Bobby's POV, and for the first few chapters, the story bounces back and forth between the present and backstory.
Previous chapters: One Two Three
AN: I'm not quite sure I'm happy with the first part of this, especially the ending. But I've toyed with it for awhile, and I think I've given up and it'll just have to stay.
It was two weeks before Bobby found himself heading down to the rec room in search of company. He hadn’t been avoiding anyone, not really, he’d talked to Ryn in the class they had together and Cass, Zephyr, West, and Shade when he ran into them on his way in or out of his apartment. It was just - he hadn’t wanted to hang out in a big group again. It felt too familiar, and too strange because it wasn’t the same, it could never be the same.
But it was two months into the term, and he was drowning in his psychology paper. He’d resorted to using the metaphor “a rolling stone gathers no moss,” but he was pretty sure he was going to have to cut that out. He’d gone off on a tangent about stones that didn’t want to roll and were never supposed to roll but somehow found themselves rolling anyway. What were they supposed to do with all the moss they’d gathered before when they stationary and that they wanted to keep but couldn’t because now they were rolling?
He stared at his computer for a few moments, then hit save and shut it down. Yeah, it was time for a break. The door to the rec room was open when Bobby headed downstairs, and he could see some B-horror movie on the screen of the TV. Except for Cass, everyone he’d seen in the room the last time was there, watching the screen with varying degrees of interest.
Bobby stood in the doorway, just for a moment, then Sam glanced up and greeted easily, “Hey Bobby.”
“Hey,” Bobby returned.
“Have a seat, we’ve got the best view of the shit horror movie that should’ve been a comedy,” Ryn said, scooting closer to Riley to make room for him on the couch.
Bobby sat down next to her, and Shade, who was sitting sideways in a chair close to his side of the couch, tilted upside down for a moment to grab a bottle of beer from a half-full six pack on the floor next to him. He straightened and offered the bottle to Bobby.
“Thanks,” Bobby said as he took the bottle and twisted off the top.
“No problem,” Shade replied. “I get ‘em free from work, so it’s not the best, but.” He shrugged. “Free alcohol. Oh, and it never made it to the fridge, so it’s kind of warm.”
Bobby very nearly said he could fix that, but he remembered it would be a bad idea just in time to shut up. Instead, he focused on chilling the liquid inside his bottle without affecting the glass and said, “Any alcohol is good with me right now. The paper I was working on was kicking my ass.”
“Is it that psychology one?” Ryn asked.
“Yeah,” Bobby said.
“Again? Dude, how many papers do you guys have in that class?” Zephyr asked.
“Way too fucking many,” Ryn said.
“She’s paper crazy,” Bobby agreed. “She’s been giving us one every week.”
“I gave up on mine,” Ryn said. “My plan is to write the rest at four am on the day it’s due.”
Bobby grinned. “Good plan.”
“Ha ha,” West commented. “Ha. Guess how many papers I have to write?”
“You don’t count,” Zephyr informed him.
“Sure I do. Ahh, being graduated with no homework is so much fun,” West said.
“Yeah, from a crappy two year community college, while the rest of us will have big fancy degrees,” Ryn countered. “Plus, now you have to repay your student loans and go to work and shit.”
West grinned. “I draw on people for a living. I don’t go to work, I go have fun.”
Ryn considered that. “Good point. Why haven’t I dropped out of school and come to work with you yet?”
“Because you wanted the big fancy degree?” Bobby suggested, then turned to West. “You’re a tattoo artist?”
“Yup,” West said. “I work at Rose Red. If you come in, I’ll give you a discount.”
“Or,” Ryn said. “You can come to me and I’ll do it for free.”
West rolled his eyes. “Using my equipment.”
“Hey,” Ryn protested. “I fucking let you draw all over me when you were still learning. I so deserve more use of your stuff.”
Bobby grinned a bit. “I think I’m pretty good tattoo-less, anyway. But check back when I’ve had more alcohol.”
Ryn looked over at Shade. “Give him another beer,” she suggested teasingly.
“Now who’s the one trying to get people drunk?” Bobby asked.
Ryn grinned and opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by Cass’s arrival.
“I heard the word drunk, which means there must be alcohol, which means you should totally share,” she announced as she dropped onto the couch next to West.
“Well, someone’s dressed nice tonight,” West commented, looking her over.
“Didn’t you have a date tonight?” Zephyr asked.
“Yup,” Cass replied. “Well. Had three-quarters of a date, then I got too fed-up and bailed. I fucking hate men. They seriously, seriously suck.” She paused to take the beer Shade held out to her and added, “Present company excluded.”
“Do we need to kick someone’s butt?” Riley asked.
Cass thought about that for a moment. “Nah. He’s just a stupid, annoying, egotistical frat boy. He’s not worth it.”
“Don’t worry. I know what solves shitty dates and paper-crazy professors,” Shade commented. “Hockey.”
“Hockey?” Bobby repeated. “Playing or watching?”
“Playing,” West said. “There’s a pond that not many people know about, and it should be frozen over enough to skate on.”
“Awesome,” Bobby said, then paused. “I don’t have any skates, though.” Normally, that was never a problem, but he couldn’t just make an ice blade on the bottom of his shoes here.
“I’ve got an extra pair,” Shade said. “They’re figure skates, but Zeph and Dani only have figure skates and Cass’s hockey skates are dead, so you’ll be in good company.”
“I think I’ll ref today,” Dani said. “I’m kinda tired, and that way the teams’ll be even.”
“Eight pieces, then?” Riley asked, tearing up a piece of paper he’d found somewhere. “Anyone have a pen?”
Ryn pulled one out of her pocket and he marked the back of four pieces, then dropped them into the cowboy hat Sam handed him and passed the hat around. Bobby grabbed a piece when it came to him and handed the hat off to Shade, then looked down to see that his was one of the unmarked ones.
“Sweet,” West commented, leaning over Cass so he could see Shade’s piece. “We’re on the same team. You guys are doomed.”
“Who’s on the unmarked team?” Riley asked.
Bobby raised his hand, and saw Zephyr and Ryn doing the same.
“Have you played hockey much, Bobby?” Ryn asked.
Bobby shrugged. “A few times.” No need to brag. And also no need to let the other team know just how good he was. Okay, so maybe when it came to sports, Bobby was a little competitive. That was supposed to be a good thing, right?
“Yup, fucking doomed,” Ryn said. “Shade and West are like the fucking kings of hockey. Why haven’t we made a rule that you two aren’t allowed to be on the same team?”
“Because then I wouldn’t be on the team that’s so very obviously going to win?” Cass suggested.
“I think I agree with Cass here,” Sam said.
“We should force a handicap on them,” Zephyr said. “Make one of them skate on only one leg or something.”
Riley laughed. “Why don’t we actually play before you start dooming us?”
Shade grinned. “Before, after, either way, you’ll be doomed. Any volunteers for driving?”
“I will,” Dani offered. “I’ve got the biggest car.”
“I’ll drive, too,” Riley said. “My hockey stuff’s still in the back of my Jeep from a few days ago. Yours too, Ryn.”
“You guys played hockey without us?” Sam asked.
“Just some one-on-one stuff,” Ryn said. “No big deal.”
“One-on-one,” Cass said suggestively. “I’ll bet.”
Riley ducked his head slightly and Ryn glared at her. Bobby was reminded of Jubilee, back when he and Rogue had been too unsure in what their relationship was for it to stand up to jokes, but Jubilee hadn’t seemed to get that. Johnny’d done it, too, but he’d known full well what the situation was, he’d just done it anyway.
“You’re just upset that us playing hockey threatens your victory,” Riley said.
“Yup,” Cass agreed, apparently knowing when to shut up. “That’s totally it. I’m going to go grab my gear now.”
“Everyone grab their stuff and meet out by the cars?” Shade suggested. “I’ll grab my extra gear for you, Bobby.”
“Thanks,” Bobby told him, flashing him a smile.
A short time later, Bobby found himself sitting next to Zephyr in the back of Riley’s jeep. The last time he’d skated was on the fountain, with Kitty, and thinking of that brought a whole new pang of grief and homesickness. Both because it’d been right after Professor Xavier had died and it put that fresh in his mind and because he’d likely never skate with Kitty again. He swallowed, and forced his mind back to the present.
Bobby’d never been particularly paranoid about things like this, but he wondered if this had been one of his best ideas. He was sitting in the backseat of a car belonging to a guy he barely knew, he had no idea where they were going, and he was going there along with seven other people, most of whom he’d only met twice.
Brilliant, Drake, he thought to himself. Even a sheltered Boston boy like you should know this is stupid. Don’t take rides with strangers? That’s not even street smarts 101, it’s kindergarten street smarts.
Bobby frowned, wondering when the voice in his head had started reminding him of Johnny, then ignored it. This group seemed okay, and it wasn’t like Bobby was all that helpless. Then Zephyr turned towards him to tell him not to worry, she was a figure skater, not a hockey player, so they could be inexperienced together. He smiled at her and told her that he couldn’t ask for a better partner in inexperience, but he might have a few tricks up his sleeve.
When they got to the pond, just minutes ahead of Dani, Bobby went along with Shade to check and see if it was frozen enough to skate on. It wasn’t, but Bobby fixed that before Shade realized it and the pair of them pronounced it fit for skating. For a moment, Bobby missed the appreciative looks, the shared grins at an example of power he’d gotten at the Institute. But the others were smiling, pleased, glad that the ice was thick enough for them to play, and Bobby realized he was content with indirect gratitude.
They split off into their teams, had brief meetings, and then started playing. It took him only a little bit to get used to skates of metal rather than hand-crafted ice, but it was enough that the other team was already grinning widely at their inevitable victory. When Bobby scored their first goal against West fifteen minutes into the game, though, their grins faded a bit.
They’d chosen captains, and there were a few play-making sessions, but with four on four the game was pretty informal with a focus on fun. There was a lot of horsing around, but both sides were obviously trying to win, and Bobby was in his element. The game was slightly rough, especially between Shade, West, Riley, and Ryn, who seemed to be entertained by how much they could knock each other to the ice. Bobby joined in when he realized it was okay, which evened things up a bit since Riley and Ryn were switching off as goalie. It was close, very close, but in the end Bobby’s team won by one goal, to lots of cheering from Riley, Ryn, and Zephyr and groans from the others.
“I think we got hustled,” West commented, grinning and eyeing Bobby with a new respect.
Bobby grinned back. “I just don’t like to brag.”
“You can brag all you want,” Ryn informed him. “You’re also officially captain next time Shade and West are on the same team.”
“What if the three of us are all on the same team?” Bobby asked, a bit too pleased with his victory to think about her assumption that he’d be there next time they played.
“Then the rest of us hand you guys the victory and we pick teams again,” Riley said.
Shade grinned. “I can handle those terms.”
“Yeah, I bet you can,” Zephyr commented, shoving him playfully. “When do I get those lessons you’re always promising me?” She paused. “Screw that, I’ll just ask Bobby.”
Bobby grinned at her. “Playing hockey with pretty girls is always on my list of things to do.”
They laughed and joked the entire way home, but now that Bobby wasn’t playing hockey anymore, his mind started wandering. He was glad he’d gone down to hang out with them. At least for a little while, he’d been able to just play hockey. Part of him wasn’t really sure that was such a good thing, though. With what he’d done, with what he’d ruined, he should be always thinking about what he’d left behind. Yeah, that was a healthy attitude. Okay, no more thinking like that.
When they got back, he headed up to finish working on his paper, but he couldn’t concentrate on it any more than he’d been able to before, and finally he gave up and went to bed.
~*~
“So you’re leaving us,” Kitty commented as she dropped down next to him on the bed.
For a moment, his breath caught and his chest constricted, because she’d found out, she’d figured it out somehow and she knew what he was planning. But then he realized she was probably talking about the “vacation” he was taking and his shoulders relaxed the tiniest bit.
“One day you’ll phase in here like that without knocking and I’ll be changing or something,” Bobby informed her.
She grinned at him, waggling her eyebrows. “Why do you think I keep doing it?”
He laughed. “Perv.”
She shook her head. “No, that’s you. I just try to make you feel more at home with returned perviness.”
“Me? A perv?” Bobby asked in disbelief. “I’m offended. You know I’m too innocent for that.” He gave her his best “boy next door” grin.
“Pfft. Innocent. Right. With how many times you’ve snuck into the girls’ showers?” Kitty teased.
Bobby considered protesting that he hadn’t snuck into the girls’ showers, and it had been only to freeze over their shower pipes, anyway, but then he just grinned. “Okay, you caught me. I’m a perv.” He leered at her.
“See? I knew it. And quit that, or I’ll smack you,” she told him.
He stopped, grinning. “I’ll ice over and then your hand will just be cold.”
She rolled her eyes. “Hmph. I’ll have you know that I can make a blowtorch just from coconuts and palm fronds, all Gilligan’s Isle like. So, like, watch out.”
Bobby laughed. “Congratulations! You’re Ginger.”
“If I have to be one of them, I’m so Mary Anne,” Kitty replied. “And you’re Gilligan.”
“Yeah, right. I’m the awesome guy smart enough to not get stuck on a desert island and is back home with plumbing and electricity, sipping lemonade,” he said.
“Nope, sorry. Gilligan,” she said. “Are you forgetting my blowtorch?”
"Yeah, I’m totally watching out for your coconuts and palm fronds,” Bobby said. “Not laughing at that mental image.”
“See?” she said. “Pervert. Stop thinking about my coconuts.”
Bobby paused. “I was going to say something like, ‘but Kitty, you know I can’t resist your coconuts,’ but I think that might be too lame. Or maybe too creepy.”
“Definitely too creepy,” she agreed. “And also so not true. You obviously can resist my coconuts, no matter how much you think about them.”
“I’m just really good at hiding it,” he told her.
“Uh-huh,” Kitty commented, raising her eyebrows at him. “You know, I’m so super glad that we had this conversation about my coconuts.”
“You love talking about your coconuts,” Bobby replied. “Your coconuts bring all the boys to the yard.”
Kitty grinned. “I could teach you, but I have to charge.”
Bobby paused for a moment, then said, “Yeah, that was the extent of my knowledge of that song. I’ve got nothing now.”
“That’s okay,” Kitty said. “It’s probably time to stop talking about my coconuts before we really get into creeper territory.”
“I thought I was a perv?” Bobby asked, not quite ready to let the conversation drop. If they stopped joking around, she’d probably follow up on her first comment, and he’d really like to put that off as long as possible.
“Perv, creeper, same thing,” Kitty said.
“I’d rather have creeper,” he said. “The Creeper’s a comic book character. He guest starred in Batman.”
“Huh.” She considered that. “You should go track him down and team up with him. The Pervert and the Creeper. Best superhero team ever. They’ll save your life and spy on you in the shower.”
Bobby grinned. “Hey, even heroes have to have a little fun every now and then.”
Kitty nodded. “Is that why you’re leaving?”
He was really glad he wasn’t eating or drinking anything, because otherwise he probably would have choked. He almost choked just on the air he was breathing, and he shifted uncomfortably on his bed. “No. I’m leaving because I have to.”
Kitty sighed. “You think I want to be here when they take him away? I mean, I know I wasn’t as close to him as you were, but he was my friend, too.”
“But you think this is the right thing to do,” Bobby said.
“No, I don’t.” She looked up at him. “I don’t know what the right thing to do is, okay? But what are we supposed to do? We can’t just keep him here forever. And he did all those things. He killed people and, I mean, he’s what we’re supposed to be fighting against. Seriously, Bobby. If it wasn’t John, if it was another person who’d done what he did, we’d have no trouble.”
Bobby was silent for a moment. Then he said softly, “But it is John.”
“I know,” Kitty said sadly, looking at him like she knew something more that she wasn’t telling him. “But he’s not John anymore. God, Bobby, you know I wanted him to come back, too, but he didn’t. He’s been with the Brotherhood too long. You can’t just kill people like that and still be a good guy. Maybe, okay, maybe if he really regretted it, but he doesn’t.”
“How do you know?” Bobby asked.
She just looked at him. “You were his best friend, and he tried to kill you. Shouldn’t that tell you something? He tried to kill you. Anyone who tries to kill you is on my list of people we hate.”
Bobby didn’t say anything. He wondered if he’d be this forgiving if it’d been Kitty that Pyro had tried to kill instead of him. And then decided he was kind of delusional, because there was still a part of him that insisted that Johnny’d never actually kill Kitty.
She sighed. “Where are you going?”
“I dunno.” Bobby shrugged. “I was thinking about the beach.”
Kitty shoved him, a half-hearted attempt at playful. “You better not being going to the beach, not without me.”
There was a second where Bobby almost asked her to come with him, then. Where he realized that she wanted him to ask her to go. The two of them, on a beach somewhere, laughing and joking and trying to pretend like one of their best friends wasn’t back home dying. But he wasn’t going to a beach. And she wouldn’t understand what he was really doing. Hell, he wasn’t even sure he really understood it. But he wished it was different. He wished she’d be able to go with him, because he didn’t want to lose her.
“Okay, okay. I’ll take you to the beach when I get back,” he told her, pretending for just a little bit that he really was just going off to clear his head, he really would be back, and he’d definitely see her again.
“Good,” she said, nodding. Then she stood up, leaning over to wrap her arms around him. “Don’t take too long. I’m gonna miss you.”
Bobby slid his arms around her, closing his eyes as he hugged her close. “I’ll miss you too, KitKat.”
She smiled as she pulled away. “Later, Bobcat.”
He watched her walk through the door. “Goodbye, Kitty.”
~*~
There was a huge pit in his stomach when he knocked on Marie’s door. Actually, it was more like a black hole than a pit. A black hole that was sucking everything around it down into nothing-ness. Yeah, that was a good mental picture. He wasn’t sure he could do this. Talking to Kitty had been hard enough, he didn’t know how he was going to tell the woman he loved that he was leaving and never coming back without actually saying that.
The look on her face when she answered the door told him that yes, she had heard that he was going to be leaving, even though he’d only told Storm that morning.
“Can we talk?” he asked quietly.
She held the door open wider, then closed it behind him without saying a word before turning around to look at him.
“I don’t know where I’m going,” he told her in response to the silent question in her eyes.
She nodded. “Is this, does this have anything to do with us?”
“I don’t know. Maybe? It has to do with everything that’s going on right now, everything in my life that’s just really confusing and I can’t really handle it,” he said, talking a little too fast, but she got it. He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to make it through this conversation without telling her too much, or maybe not enough.
She bit her lip. “I love you, Bobby,” she told him softly. “I know, I know I don’t say it often, or even enough, but I do.”
“I know,” he said, even though he kind of hadn’t. He’d been pretty sure, and he had liked to believe she did, but he hadn’t been certain. “I love you, too. But…”
“But you can’t do this.” She glanced down, nodded to herself, then looked up. “Bobby, just, just get it over with.”
He blinked, confused. “Get what over with?”
“Just break up with me.”
He frowned. “I didn’t come in here to break up with you!”
“You came in here to tell me things aren’t working out for you here and you’re leaving for an unknown amount of time. It’s the same thing,” she replied.
“No, it’s not. You left. Things ‘weren’t working out for you here’ and you left and didn’t even tell me. Was that you breaking up with me? I was still here when you got back,” he said, working to keep his voice down.
“Were you?” she shot back. “Things haven’t been the same since I came back, Bobby, it’s obvious. We don’t talk, I don’t know what you’re thinking anymore, and sometimes you look at me like you have no idea who I am.”
Bobby opened his mouth to say that sometimes he wasn’t sure who she was anymore, then closed it again. “I’m sorry." He paused, glancing down, then looked up again. "I love you. Why can’t, why can’t that be enough?”
Her eyes softened and she reached out, resting her bare hand against his cheek. “Sometimes it is, but I don’t think this is one of those times.”
Not for the first time, he wondered what the hell he was doing. What the fuck he was giving up, just to save the fucking asshole who tried to kill him. If Bobby had needed more proof that he had a hero complex, he didn’t now. “I wish it could be.”
“Me too, sugar. Me too. Maybe, maybe in a couple of days you’ll come back and your head will be clear and we’ll sit back down and realize that it is enough,” Marie said. “Maybe not. But you’ll come back, when you’re done thinking, and we’ll figure it out.”
He swallowed roughly as guilt hit him again. He couldn’t even bring himself to say anything to that, nothing directly in response. Instead, he just quietly told her, “I told Storm I’d leave Saturday.”
She nodded and he opened his arms, pulling her against him. She slipped her arms around his neck and hugged him, then tilted her head up so she could press her lips against his. It was wonderful, the way kissing her always was, but it felt slightly different. Bobby’d heard it used in movies and books and always thought it was kind of cliché and stupid, but maybe he’d been wrong and it was the best way to describe it. It felt like goodbye.
Part Five