Spiral: Chapter 7

[lux_apollo]

Title: Spiral
Author: lux_apollo
Rating: R for violence.
Pairings: Bobby/John, some minor Kitty/Piotr, Scott/Jean and Remy/Rogue seen in this chapter.
Summary: John arrives back at the Brotherhood Base. X-men meeting. Poker night for Bobby and friends. Bobby and Justin have a talk.

Notes: Thanks to sarahlu81 and miss_bushido for beta. This fic is cross posted at x_slash and

Comments

[talktooloose]

Whole chapter is bold and underlined. I will read after you fix it.

[lux_apollo]

Ack!!

[lux_apollo]

Fixed it. Sorry 'bout that. I should know better than to post things first thing in the morning.

*groans*

[yalover]

Poker! That was my initial reaction. I tend to love any fic with poker in it. Was the underlining deliberate? Kinda hurts the eyes.
The description of Justin's 'accident' was good and i like that you've left a specific account of what happened with Aleks to a later date.
Loved John threatening Avalanche... little f***er deserved it.

[lux_apollo]

The underlining was not intentional, just me not doing my tags properly because it was first thing in the morning. Fixed it.

I'm glad you liked the poker. I was trying to think of something fun for the gang to do that would give them yet another reason to try and drag Justin out of his shell. A more truthful description of his 'accident' will be forthcoming; at least, a description of the accident from Justin's perspective...

Oh, I couldn't resist John having it out with one of the other Brotherhood members. I thought about it being Pietro, but Pietro isn't quite the type of asshole I needed for that scene. Besides, John promised Wanda he'd play nice with her twin. Anyway... most of the Brotherhood have had some major crap fall out in their lives. It would figure that they aren't exactly a happy-go-lucky group, and that there would be a lot of internal, personal conflicts and strife. They are only really united because of their common cause.

At least, that's how I see it.

[talktooloose]

I had sustained shivers through most of the Justin and Bobby conversation. I love secrets being slowly unpeeled.

"Bobby, are you...?" hee hee. "We were drunk..." ho ho.

I loved how both were revealing themselves and supporting the other. There is the basis for a strong friendship there, I think. Nice natural dialogue as usual. Believeable sense of place. Good choreography and scene transitions. The dangling legs.

In the Pyro/Avalanche scene, I found myself wondering why Avalanche didn't fight back. If John had used his powers to make a threatening fireball, or fire finger or something, he wouldn't have had to restrain Avalanche physically and John's not such a strong guy.

[talktooloose]

Ah yes... well, that is something that isn't explained well. There are four youngsters in the Brotherhood right now: John, Wanda, Pietro and Dominic. John is going on 19, Wanda and Pietro are both a year older; and Dominic is about the same age as John. About six months younger, we'll say

[lux_apollo]

^^^

That was me.

[talktooloose]

Oh, I totally got the insult-basis for the fight.

And (you good writer, you) you had the mystery explained to us later in the chapter by another character in another context. Clever.

I just thought that someone holding a little zippo flame to my crotch is not really as threatening as someone holding a knife and I would just shove them away.

[mandlebars]

That chapter was great, they way we learn more of Justin and such. And Gambit! I love your Gambit.

[lux_apollo]

I'm glad you liked him. He's an interesting character to write just for his manner of speaking. I tried to keep it understandable while keeping with the fact that he's Cajun and speaks a sort of Creole. Not that I really know anything about Creole...

[mandlebars]

Well as a Creole speaker you write it wonderfully!