Big Girl Pants
Currently waiting for my registration time so I can attempt to further my education. Only 28 more minutes!
Had a pretty rough day yesterday that bled into the night. The buzzing of anxiety has been laced in all my activities lately. So many things I feel like I need to do, but just become overwhelmed by. Starting school again is kind of a bigger deal than I thought it would be. I mean, there's so much prep and stuff to do. Rearranging work schedules, buying books, taking tests, etc. I probably should invest in some pens and pencils. Maybe a notebook. I'm also looking into getting back into the gym to help manage my stress levels. Also, I think I could use a nice tone-up. I've always been skinny, but I am usually a little bit more lean than this. It wouldn't hurt my health anyway to get back in the gym for about 30-45 every other day.
21 more minutes!
Spent quite a long time on the phone last night talking about the most random assortment of things, including the band Wire, Pam from Trueblood, and original PBS programming. We also talked some pretty heavy stuff that ultimately made me realize how far off from the rest of the world I am. It's no one's fault, but it's the way things are. The best solution is to just not expect anything from anyone and I can't be disappointed. Sounds a bit depressing, but if you really consider it, it makes absolute sense.
"You say I'm fixable. A classic case, lack of will. I say I don't want to try, I'd rather sit here all night..."<3
There's nothing really that wrong with me. And if there is, I embrace it as part of my history and it's made even the best parts of me exist. I think my biggest mistake was getting too involved in other people. I had distanced myself from the majority of the world and I was doing pretty okay with that. I have friends, I see them occasionally, and great times are had. But sometimes I make the mistake of being too much of myself to people, and I can see how that would overwhelm and terrify people. So, I'll stop doing that. Of course, not to everyone. There are people in my life that are very close to me and know me better than anything I could ever hide from them. But for the most part, from now on I will reflect what people want from me. Like a mirror. Because isn't that what people really want? A reflection of themselves?
Had a pretty rough day yesterday that bled into the night. The buzzing of anxiety has been laced in all my activities lately. So many things I feel like I need to do, but just become overwhelmed by. Starting school again is kind of a bigger deal than I thought it would be. I mean, there's so much prep and stuff to do. Rearranging work schedules, buying books, taking tests, etc. I probably should invest in some pens and pencils. Maybe a notebook. I'm also looking into getting back into the gym to help manage my stress levels. Also, I think I could use a nice tone-up. I've always been skinny, but I am usually a little bit more lean than this. It wouldn't hurt my health anyway to get back in the gym for about 30-45 every other day.
21 more minutes!
Spent quite a long time on the phone last night talking about the most random assortment of things, including the band Wire, Pam from Trueblood, and original PBS programming. We also talked some pretty heavy stuff that ultimately made me realize how far off from the rest of the world I am. It's no one's fault, but it's the way things are. The best solution is to just not expect anything from anyone and I can't be disappointed. Sounds a bit depressing, but if you really consider it, it makes absolute sense.
"You say I'm fixable. A classic case, lack of will. I say I don't want to try, I'd rather sit here all night..."<3
There's nothing really that wrong with me. And if there is, I embrace it as part of my history and it's made even the best parts of me exist. I think my biggest mistake was getting too involved in other people. I had distanced myself from the majority of the world and I was doing pretty okay with that. I have friends, I see them occasionally, and great times are had. But sometimes I make the mistake of being too much of myself to people, and I can see how that would overwhelm and terrify people. So, I'll stop doing that. Of course, not to everyone. There are people in my life that are very close to me and know me better than anything I could ever hide from them. But for the most part, from now on I will reflect what people want from me. Like a mirror. Because isn't that what people really want? A reflection of themselves?