I feel like shattered glass. All broken, free and open for new light to pierce the eye! :)
I have been cleaning and deleting old unwanted things on my computer lately. In the process, I found a twelve second video of Paul and I. We stopped being friends two years ago this past April. He is the one that cut our friendship ties. The experience made me a better person. Not only being best friends for five years, but also losing him in my life. It was for the better. He changed. I still forever remain me, myself and I!
I told myself through transition that he never really thought of us as friends. He was just being a "fair-weather" friend the whole time. The twelve second video changed my thoughts on that. We were always open, honest, and thoughtful with one another. On the same page, we always had a blast whatever we were doing, laughing until we cried, or when something came shooting out of noses and mouths.
We had our hand full inside jokes no one would never understand, even if we tried explaining, if asked. I will hold and treasure our memories near and dear to my heart. At one point, during my transition I was thinking to myself, if I would ever forgive him, if he asked me back as a pal. I used to tell myself ‘no,’ but now I tell myself ‘yes.' I try not hold regrets, but questions do bloom up time-to-time. It appears to be natural, if you ask me.
Ironically, it was only eight months after I "physically" lost my all-time favorite person in the world that I lost him. I am no longer bitter. I am no longer sad. I just sincerely hope life, work, school, family are treating him well and not horribly. People were always taking advantage of him.
I strongly believe everyone deserves love and happiness in this world. He is no different, despite what he did to us and other people down his path of life. For that I owe great deal to Otto Frank’s words of wisdom: “Good people and bad people have one thing in common; they both make mistakes. Only the difference is that good people can admit their mistakes and learn from it.”
:)