If you never try, you'll never know . . .
So college is essentially a strange cycle of smoking pot, sitting on benches outside of Brett (my building), classes, general mischief/fucking around and the occasional homework. There really is no element of control here, as opposed to the procrustean manner of the Sandowich. This sudden deluge of nearly unrestricted freedom isn't so much intimidating as it is, well, cliche. We sit around not-so-hidden areas of campus and smoke pot, fuck with our neighboring building (FUCK YOU, TINSLEY!!!), and get involved in the usual mayhem. There are strange, strung-out, surreal people with whom we interact on a daily basis. Wally, the 48-year-old husband of one of our building's maids, likes to sit on the Brett benches and tell offensive jokes, comment on the anatomies of the present female residents, and quiz those around him as to the capitals of obscure countries ("Hey, guys, what's the capital of Taiwan?"). We aren't sure as to what exactly happened to Wally in the past (he is currently receiving unemployment), but he has told us that he is prescribed to some very powerful pain medications. Also, there is Karl. Karl is a 28-year-old who allegedly graduated from Rutgers in 1999. He rides his bike around the campus telling all sorts of strange stories to students (He sticks hammers up his ass, he likes fat women, he likes to touch men's feet, his professor once touched his penis in the woods at Livingston Campus, etc.). Unfortunately, Karl is now the subject of an investigation by the New Brunswick Police Department and we don't expect to see him anymore. Some other first month highlights include several three-gram blunts, everclear pong, a party in a neighboring dorm building with forty 40s (yes, 1600 ounces of malt liquor), and all manner of assault on Tinsley (peeing on it, shooting week-old Chinese food at it with a giant slingshot, yelling at anyone walking in or out of the building, etc.). Let's see what the semester still has in store...
By the way, the capital of Taiwan is Taipei.
By the way, the capital of Taiwan is Taipei.