A Change Is Coming
My journal will be undergoing a change.
Every entry I write will be cut.
I’ll put the creepy at the top, that way if people want to skip it, they can click on the next cut and read down from there. I’ll try and put creepy warnings near every entry that could be creepy, though I’ve proven to have a bad sense of that.
First one involved me being hungover. It was the next day after massive massive drinking. I was in my room and Dan! and John were elsewhere in the apartment. My room was huge…. I had six beds and two cradles. One of the beds was my chosen bed, it was on the right side of the room facing the door, kind of up on a raised platform that we close to the ceiling…. so it was like a top bunk, just being one bed on a raised ground. It was small, but good enough. to the left of that one were two large queen sized beds….. one of which was my secondary bed.
The coolest part of my bedroom is that it had a bathroom in it, toilet and sink. Not in a separate room, against the right wall, further up the wall from my primary bed. So I had to urinate….. so instead of going right to the toilet…. I urinated over the bed in front of it. It was like 6 feet away….. but I was totally urinating up and over the bed and into the toilet.
Dan! and John were banging on the door saying they were going to come in. I asked them to hold it a second and tried to finish urinating. They slammed open the door and just started walking in looking around. I ducked down behind the bed, pulling my pants up and screaming at them that they were rude and I was going to the bathroom when they barged in.
John and Dan! ignored me still looking around the room. Eventually they came over and asked how I felt. I said I was still hungover…. but that was okay. I told them what was funny is that I’d gotten in the wrong bed…. I thought I made it to the right bed, but I could see all the covers messed up in the second queen size bed that I never used. Then we talked some more…. and that was that dream.
There was another dream about a leaky bag of garbage I had to keep getting rid of…. every time I did, it came back in some later dream and then the dream was about trying to get rid of it again. It was weird.
Lastly…. the creepiest part of one of the dreams I had…. was that my cat could talk. Except…. all it said was, “do you love me?” It kept asking that in the saddest loneliest voice. Every time I told it I really did, but then it’d ask why I wouldn’t let it in my room. I was doing something and needed the room, so I couldn’t let it in. Whatever I said it would just ask again if I loved it in that horrible sad voice. I couldn’t comfort it and it was so sad and lonely looking and sounding that it just kept breaking my heart.
None of these are creepy for the reader… though one was really creepy for me.
1. Was your last kiss a mistake?
Don’t really have one, unless you count like family and greeting kisses. Those aren’t mistakes.
2. When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
I don’t really remember. I thought I was gonna after Marquette rejected me, but I didn’t.
3. If the world was were going to end tomorrow, what would you be doing right now?
Not sure. Maybe getting fucked as much as possible, maybe hanging out with friends…. maybe sitting alone in my room watching depressing shows/movies. Watching Everwood would totally be an option.
4. How has your heart been lately?
A lot of things. Lonely, in love, confused, despairing it will ever find anyone else, and plenty of just blah.
5. What is bothering you right now?
Being owed money and having none of it myself.
6. What time is it?
3:13 PM CDT
7.Have you ever seen someone get shot?
No.
8. When was the last time you were in a serious relationship?
Does having a serious relationship with Jesus count?
9. Who do you tell everything to?
Ha…. no one. I think I’ve been burned so bad and betrayed so much I can’t trust anyone anymore. I tell a lot to John because he listens well, I just have to know what goes into too much for him to be able to listen to.
11. Do you use big words?
Yeah…. I have some friends that are less educated…. and yeah… they’re asking me to define words like every other minute. I never realized it, but academia’s love of big words has gotten to me.
12. (omitted by someone else because it was lame)
Fuck yeah…. time to make my own question.
12. Are you saved?
Yes…. Jesus loves me.
13. Where are you?
In my room in an apartment in Milwaukee I’m gonna miss next year.
14. Does your head hurt?
Yeah… a little…. but I got hella smashed last night.
15. If your last ex asked you for another chance would you give it to them?
Yes… as long as I still had feelings and if I really believed things had changed.
16. Have you ever rented out a hotel room?
Yes…. for fucking employee rate…. fuck yeah.
17. Have you ever injected a drug?
No, unless you count allergy shots…. but they’re more like injecting yourself with allergens, not drugs.
18. When was the last time you saw your father?
Christmas…. I miss him…. he’s awesome.
19. Name a lyric from the song you’re listening to?
Take me on the floor, I can give you more
Awww….. it’s true too…. I can give you more if you take me on the floor.
20. Do you use your friends?
I hope not, I sure try not to, but who knows…. I tend to come off differently from how I intend.
22. Do you fight with your parents often?
Yes… fairly often… mostly with my mother.
23. Where is the shirt you’re wearing from?
A big and tall store…. because I’m fat.
25. Have you ever been in a car accident?
Yes… as a baby, and even at the wheel…. though it was minor and did no damage to me or the car.
26. Do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace?
Sometimes they seem to think so…. but that’s a delusion of theirs I pay no attention to.
27. The thing that was bothering you before, is it still bothering you?
When is it not.
28. Have you ever showered with another person?
I wish… can certainly think of some people I’d like to shower with……
29. Do you know anyone with cancer?
Yeah…. a couple…. all doing pretty well with it right now.
30. Do you have any picture frames in your room?
No…. some pictures, but no frames.
31. Are you happy?
Generally…. I really have been.
32. Ever smoked a cigarette?
No never ever. I’ve been offered…. but they just gross me out so much.
33. Do you think the whole day is better if you smoke pot?
I don’t know. I’ve never tried… it might make my days seem better… but I don’t think I’ll ever try it.
34. Has anyone ever saved your life?
Kinda. I mean…. I’m being financially bailed out right now, so that’s like having my life saved…. at least to me.
35. Do you flirt?
Apparently quite a bit unconsciously. That’s what people tell me.
36. Do you get good grades?
I used to. Emphasis on used to. I think my midterms this year are like two A’s and 4 F’s. None of it’s accurate….. but it entertains me.
37. Have you ever been intoxicated twice in one week?
In my family that question becomes have you ever been intoxicated two whole weeks a month?
Yes.
38. Do you know a secret about anybody?
Yeah…. quite a few about quite a few people. People tell me things they wouldn’t tell others for some reason... and I try hard to keep confidence.
39. Can you cook?
I don’t feel I can cook well. I mean… I can and I can follow recipes…. but I live with imaginative cooks and always feel overshadowed and discouraged. I can bake though…. love to bake.
40. Do you care about the last person you ’hooked up’ with?
Nope.
41. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
Yeah…. never really considered doing it… feel I’d look uglier than I already do.
42. Does a kiss make you feel better?
I imagine it would.
43.Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
No… no matter how drunk… I always make it to my bed. But I have my family’s superpowers.
44. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before…. I want it to warm up.
45. What are you doing this weekend?
Going to Triduum alone, which saddens me. Wishing I’d gone home instead.
46. Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
No… it would weird me out.
47. Have you ever been heartbroken?
More than I’d like.
48. Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field?
Definitely a relationship.
49. Have you ever had stitches?
No… cast over my broken wrist, but no stitches.
50. How long ago did you hug someone?
Don’t remember…. no huggers around here.
Every entry I write will be cut.
I’ll put the creepy at the top, that way if people want to skip it, they can click on the next cut and read down from there. I’ll try and put creepy warnings near every entry that could be creepy, though I’ve proven to have a bad sense of that.
First one involved me being hungover. It was the next day after massive massive drinking. I was in my room and Dan! and John were elsewhere in the apartment. My room was huge…. I had six beds and two cradles. One of the beds was my chosen bed, it was on the right side of the room facing the door, kind of up on a raised platform that we close to the ceiling…. so it was like a top bunk, just being one bed on a raised ground. It was small, but good enough. to the left of that one were two large queen sized beds….. one of which was my secondary bed.
The coolest part of my bedroom is that it had a bathroom in it, toilet and sink. Not in a separate room, against the right wall, further up the wall from my primary bed. So I had to urinate….. so instead of going right to the toilet…. I urinated over the bed in front of it. It was like 6 feet away….. but I was totally urinating up and over the bed and into the toilet.
Dan! and John were banging on the door saying they were going to come in. I asked them to hold it a second and tried to finish urinating. They slammed open the door and just started walking in looking around. I ducked down behind the bed, pulling my pants up and screaming at them that they were rude and I was going to the bathroom when they barged in.
John and Dan! ignored me still looking around the room. Eventually they came over and asked how I felt. I said I was still hungover…. but that was okay. I told them what was funny is that I’d gotten in the wrong bed…. I thought I made it to the right bed, but I could see all the covers messed up in the second queen size bed that I never used. Then we talked some more…. and that was that dream.
There was another dream about a leaky bag of garbage I had to keep getting rid of…. every time I did, it came back in some later dream and then the dream was about trying to get rid of it again. It was weird.
Lastly…. the creepiest part of one of the dreams I had…. was that my cat could talk. Except…. all it said was, “do you love me?” It kept asking that in the saddest loneliest voice. Every time I told it I really did, but then it’d ask why I wouldn’t let it in my room. I was doing something and needed the room, so I couldn’t let it in. Whatever I said it would just ask again if I loved it in that horrible sad voice. I couldn’t comfort it and it was so sad and lonely looking and sounding that it just kept breaking my heart.
None of these are creepy for the reader… though one was really creepy for me.
1. Was your last kiss a mistake?
Don’t really have one, unless you count like family and greeting kisses. Those aren’t mistakes.
2. When was the last time you cried really, really hard?
I don’t really remember. I thought I was gonna after Marquette rejected me, but I didn’t.
3. If the world was were going to end tomorrow, what would you be doing right now?
Not sure. Maybe getting fucked as much as possible, maybe hanging out with friends…. maybe sitting alone in my room watching depressing shows/movies. Watching Everwood would totally be an option.
4. How has your heart been lately?
A lot of things. Lonely, in love, confused, despairing it will ever find anyone else, and plenty of just blah.
5. What is bothering you right now?
Being owed money and having none of it myself.
6. What time is it?
3:13 PM CDT
7.Have you ever seen someone get shot?
No.
8. When was the last time you were in a serious relationship?
Does having a serious relationship with Jesus count?
9. Who do you tell everything to?
Ha…. no one. I think I’ve been burned so bad and betrayed so much I can’t trust anyone anymore. I tell a lot to John because he listens well, I just have to know what goes into too much for him to be able to listen to.
11. Do you use big words?
Yeah…. I have some friends that are less educated…. and yeah… they’re asking me to define words like every other minute. I never realized it, but academia’s love of big words has gotten to me.
12. (omitted by someone else because it was lame)
Fuck yeah…. time to make my own question.
12. Are you saved?
Yes…. Jesus loves me.
13. Where are you?
In my room in an apartment in Milwaukee I’m gonna miss next year.
14. Does your head hurt?
Yeah… a little…. but I got hella smashed last night.
15. If your last ex asked you for another chance would you give it to them?
Yes… as long as I still had feelings and if I really believed things had changed.
16. Have you ever rented out a hotel room?
Yes…. for fucking employee rate…. fuck yeah.
17. Have you ever injected a drug?
No, unless you count allergy shots…. but they’re more like injecting yourself with allergens, not drugs.
18. When was the last time you saw your father?
Christmas…. I miss him…. he’s awesome.
19. Name a lyric from the song you’re listening to?
Take me on the floor, I can give you more
Awww….. it’s true too…. I can give you more if you take me on the floor.
20. Do you use your friends?
I hope not, I sure try not to, but who knows…. I tend to come off differently from how I intend.
22. Do you fight with your parents often?
Yes… fairly often… mostly with my mother.
23. Where is the shirt you’re wearing from?
A big and tall store…. because I’m fat.
25. Have you ever been in a car accident?
Yes… as a baby, and even at the wheel…. though it was minor and did no damage to me or the car.
26. Do you have to check in with your parents before you go someplace?
Sometimes they seem to think so…. but that’s a delusion of theirs I pay no attention to.
27. The thing that was bothering you before, is it still bothering you?
When is it not.
28. Have you ever showered with another person?
I wish… can certainly think of some people I’d like to shower with……
29. Do you know anyone with cancer?
Yeah…. a couple…. all doing pretty well with it right now.
30. Do you have any picture frames in your room?
No…. some pictures, but no frames.
31. Are you happy?
Generally…. I really have been.
32. Ever smoked a cigarette?
No never ever. I’ve been offered…. but they just gross me out so much.
33. Do you think the whole day is better if you smoke pot?
I don’t know. I’ve never tried… it might make my days seem better… but I don’t think I’ll ever try it.
34. Has anyone ever saved your life?
Kinda. I mean…. I’m being financially bailed out right now, so that’s like having my life saved…. at least to me.
35. Do you flirt?
Apparently quite a bit unconsciously. That’s what people tell me.
36. Do you get good grades?
I used to. Emphasis on used to. I think my midterms this year are like two A’s and 4 F’s. None of it’s accurate….. but it entertains me.
37. Have you ever been intoxicated twice in one week?
In my family that question becomes have you ever been intoxicated two whole weeks a month?
Yes.
38. Do you know a secret about anybody?
Yeah…. quite a few about quite a few people. People tell me things they wouldn’t tell others for some reason... and I try hard to keep confidence.
39. Can you cook?
I don’t feel I can cook well. I mean… I can and I can follow recipes…. but I live with imaginative cooks and always feel overshadowed and discouraged. I can bake though…. love to bake.
40. Do you care about the last person you ’hooked up’ with?
Nope.
41. Have you ever thought about getting your nose pierced?
Yeah…. never really considered doing it… feel I’d look uglier than I already do.
42. Does a kiss make you feel better?
I imagine it would.
43.Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor?
No… no matter how drunk… I always make it to my bed. But I have my family’s superpowers.
44. Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in?
Before…. I want it to warm up.
45. What are you doing this weekend?
Going to Triduum alone, which saddens me. Wishing I’d gone home instead.
46. Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower?
No… it would weird me out.
47. Have you ever been heartbroken?
More than I’d like.
48. Would you rather be in a relationship or play the field?
Definitely a relationship.
49. Have you ever had stitches?
No… cast over my broken wrist, but no stitches.
50. How long ago did you hug someone?
Don’t remember…. no huggers around here.