UNDENIABLE...AGONIZING...CRAVINGS...
well lately ive had some spare time to just think. and when i have spare time to think, its no so good. i usually think of all things bad. it sux. one thing that i can tell u is that ive thought about how much i really have a craving for Shadiah. its agonizing knowing that i cant have her. its not that i want her, now its that i absolutely NEED her. i know it might sound stalkish, but nobody knows ho i feel about her, not really. i cant even describe it, if i could i would. it just makes my heart ache knowing that she knows how i feel about her. she does things that drive me insane. i want so badly,to as beth would say "jump her bones" but i dunno, i kinda dont feel right just coming on to her like that. and i know im being very blunt about the whole situation, but there are things that she does to me that a lot of u dont have a clue about. im telling u i have never felt this way about anyone before. ok i have to move on with what other things i thought about...
so ive also been thinking about what im actually gonna do with my life. i had this plan set out of going to valley, then graduating from there then going to cal state and getting my bachelors from there. but lately i feel as if that is all shot to hell. i mean i know damn well im not gonna stay with security my whole life. but this office job im doing right now, im content with it. my boss says that if something opens up full time id be the first one to get it, and that could open up a whole window of opportunities cuz in this office job im able to move up on the food chain. so it makes me wonder should i just stay where im at in hopes of moving my way up to the top or should i finish skool and go along with my original plan or shoudl i go to ITT TECH and just gain my bachelors degree in criminal justice and just work off of a bachelors degree? im so bleh about the whole thing. sometimes i wish that money werent such a problem, then i would know exactly what to do education wise.
i was talking with shadiah the other day and she asked me that if i had unlimited funds what would i actually do with the money? when she asked me it caught me a little off gaurd, cuz people would say the obvious perks, like a new car a new house or something materialistic, but before i answered i realized she wanted me to answer her with something honest, not the truth but an honest thing to spend it on. something that would reflect waht kind of person i am. i told her that i would probably want to open a widely known center for teens of all ages, races, ethnicities and everything in between. the center would provide tutoring, jobs, a safe place to hang out, even buy all types of instruments so kids would be able to play any trpe of music that they like,also interesting talks about domestic violence, safe sex, athe list could go on, just something that will make it a little easier for adolesence who just happen to be underprivleged. though privleged kids would not be turned away. and of course the whole thing would be non-profit. thats really what i would do with unlimited funds. believe it or not i would, though a new car and house wouldnt sound bad either.
im not too sure why i posted that, but i guess it fell into my mind.
there have been a few other things on my mind, its been making me upset ans stressed out and sometimes i just want to i dunno...scream at people.
so ive also been thinking about what im actually gonna do with my life. i had this plan set out of going to valley, then graduating from there then going to cal state and getting my bachelors from there. but lately i feel as if that is all shot to hell. i mean i know damn well im not gonna stay with security my whole life. but this office job im doing right now, im content with it. my boss says that if something opens up full time id be the first one to get it, and that could open up a whole window of opportunities cuz in this office job im able to move up on the food chain. so it makes me wonder should i just stay where im at in hopes of moving my way up to the top or should i finish skool and go along with my original plan or shoudl i go to ITT TECH and just gain my bachelors degree in criminal justice and just work off of a bachelors degree? im so bleh about the whole thing. sometimes i wish that money werent such a problem, then i would know exactly what to do education wise.
i was talking with shadiah the other day and she asked me that if i had unlimited funds what would i actually do with the money? when she asked me it caught me a little off gaurd, cuz people would say the obvious perks, like a new car a new house or something materialistic, but before i answered i realized she wanted me to answer her with something honest, not the truth but an honest thing to spend it on. something that would reflect waht kind of person i am. i told her that i would probably want to open a widely known center for teens of all ages, races, ethnicities and everything in between. the center would provide tutoring, jobs, a safe place to hang out, even buy all types of instruments so kids would be able to play any trpe of music that they like,also interesting talks about domestic violence, safe sex, athe list could go on, just something that will make it a little easier for adolesence who just happen to be underprivleged. though privleged kids would not be turned away. and of course the whole thing would be non-profit. thats really what i would do with unlimited funds. believe it or not i would, though a new car and house wouldnt sound bad either.
im not too sure why i posted that, but i guess it fell into my mind.
there have been a few other things on my mind, its been making me upset ans stressed out and sometimes i just want to i dunno...scream at people.