[Series] Truth In A Lie; 07 Bad Role Model
Title: Truth In A Lie
Author: b_sim
Characters/Pairings: GACKT/Hyde (Hideto)
Rating: R
Genre: AU, humour, romance
Summary: As a model, Hideto meets with many fakes and frauds. His life gets even more confusing when Gackt, a video game character, materialises in his world. Hideto begins to wonder if anything is even real anymore.
Notes: Sorry for taking so long to update!
Disclaimer: Do not own Hyde and GACKT.
The photoshoot had ended sooner than usual but Hideto didn’t rush home immediately-after coming to the conclusion that he had developed feelings for his video game character, the model wasn’t so sure he could face Gackt right about now. It was a beautiful afternoon anyway and Hideto had decided to make use of it, walking around Shinjuku, going into different stores or just taking a walk through a park. He needed the time alone to think about his own feelings anyway.
It wasn’t that he didn’t wish to get into a relationship. He hadn’t exactly had any bad experiences with boyfriends in the past that would make him want to stay away from guys. And, sometimes, it could get lonely at night, which made him wish he had someone. Even with Gackt around, it was lonely at times. It wasn’t as if they slept in the same bed or even in the same room. And Hideto didn’t want to have to keep turning to his hand to find sexual release either. He also just missed loving someone and being loved by that same person. He missed having a boyfriend and kissing him and telling him about his day. He missed actually making love with his partner in bed instead of just fucking them. He missed having someone he could trust.
Trust. That was the tricky part, wasn’t it? Just because you were in a relationship with someone didn’t mean that person was trust-worthy. Hideto learned that the hard way.
Even now, he could still see his mother with raw eyes that had done a lot of crying.
Before the whole incident with his parents, Hideto had always believed that true love, while rare, did exist. Whenever he looked at his mom and dad, he believed that. His mom was a sweet lady with a cheerful disposition and perhaps a too loud voice. His dad was soft-spoken and wasn’t as outgoing and mad the personality of a robot. Hideto never really understand what it was that they saw in each other that made them get married but, to him, it didn’t matter. They were together and they were happy. They were one small happy family.
The first time Hideto had realised his mom had been crying was when she was in the living room, sitting on the couch with the television on. He had thought she had just been watching a very sad film.
The second time was when Hideto had seen, with his own eyes, his mom crying in the living room, her head in her husband’s lap. The larger man was sitting on the couch and petting her back, silent and simply allowing her to cry. It had been early in the morning and Hideto had been on his way to go to school and, while curious, he hadn’t dared asked, leaving the house with a soft ‘goodbye’ in his wake.
The third time, Hideto had been returning from school and, when he walked into his home, he had found his mother and father sitting at the dining table, talking softly over some red wine. His mother’s eyes were still red and very dull and she looked extremely tired. People often told her that she looked younger than her actual age but now, she looked much older. Not wanting to interrupt, Hideto had simply muttered a soft ‘tadaima’ and then retreated to his room, not even waiting for a ‘okaeri’ in return.
He knew something was wrong. He knew something bad had happened but he had figured that his parents would tell him in time.
But they didn’t.
Two weeks later, they were still having hushed conversations and his mom still looked extremely fatigued whereas his dad had on his stone face, as always. His mom wasn’t happy anymore, that much Hideto could tell. She spoke softly and never smiled anymore. It made him wonder if his father had done something. After all, a friend of his had told him before-there’s only one thing that could make a grown woman cry; her husband.
He had finally gathered his courage and asked his mother when they were grocery-shopping together. Buying groceries wasn’t something that Hideto liked and, hence, it wasn’t something that he did at all. But he hadn’t wanted his mother to be alone and it had seemed like a good opportunity to have a one-on-one talk with her. Understanding that his mother was more emotional than his dad, he had actually wanted to ask his old man instead, fearing that him asking anything about their current situation would make his mom burst into tears. But he and his father had never been on good terms, not since he was fourteen and his father had called him stupid which resulted in a huge fight. Yeah, he didn’t exactly want to talk to his dad.
“Did something happen between you and dad?” Hideto asked meekly, picking some apples and placing them into plastic bag. He went for the bigger, redder ones because, when he had been five or six, his mom had told him once that they were the juiciest.
His mother hadn’t replied verbally. She had just shrugged her shoulders and then went back to choosing cabbages. That alone was an answer enough for Hideto.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“I’m sorry, Hideto, but it’s not something your father and I would like to discuss with you,” she had said bluntly, not meeting Hideto’s eyes. “It’s private.”
“I have a right to know. I’m part of this family, too.”
“You don’t have to know,” she had claimed before walking away to other parts of the supermarket. Hideto just stared at her back for a moment before following, gritting his teeth. He didn’t bring up the topic again, knowing he would just be shot down. His mother was a lovely woman, yes, but as stubborn as a mule and he knew she wouldn’t tell him anything if she didn’t want to.
Hideto had spent the next two days in his room, refusing to speak to either of his parents. He didn’t greet them, didn’t look at them and didn’t have meals with them. He chose to leave home for school early so he wouldn’t have to face his mother and, on weekends, he stayed in bed until his mother had gone out. He was angry with them for not including him in their talks. What was so serious that it couldn’t be shared with them? Were they going bankrupt? Did a relative pass away? Did they have trouble with yakuza? Not knowing killed Hideto.
He had been forced to face his mother soon, though. She had walked into his room around eleven at night, knowing her son would still be awake. When she walked in, Hideto hadn’t looked up to acknowledged her.
“Could you please log in to my e-mail and e-mail Shihara-san that I haven’t received my package yet?”
Hideto had grunted. Apparently, his mother took that for a ‘yes’, leaving the room just a moment later.
A few minutes later, he was in his mother’s e-mail inbox. He handled all of her online purchases as she didn’t exactly know how to use a computer or deal with paying for items via online methods. There, in her inbox, he found three unread e-mails that were advertisements and four from some social networking sites. What caught his attention, though, was an e-mail, marked as ‘read’, that was from his father. As far as he knew, his father hardly ever sent e-mails.
Part of Hideto wondered if these e-mails would reveal anything about their family’s current plight. And, if they did, should he open them? Yes, he wanted to find out what was going on and no, his mother was not going to tell him, ever. But his mother had just asked him to send an e-mail to Shihara -san. He wasn’t supposed to snoop or play detective.
A minute later, curiosity got the best of him and he clicked on the first e-mail from his dad.
I’m sorry I’m putting you through this. I still love you.
As always, his father was a man of few words. It told him nothing. It wasn’t until he got to his mother’s reply that he finally understood.
This is so painful that I can’t describe it.
Hideto was starting to hate his father more and more. What was he putting his mother through that was so painful?
You are the only one I love. My entire world.
A little sappy but Hideto had expected this. It was his mom after all and she always tended to be a little melodramatic.
I just can’t stop thinking about it. I still can’t believe that you’ve been sleeping with another woman for the past six years.
Hideto’s heart skipped a beat. He read on.
It really makes me sad. You can’t even get it up when you’re in bed with me. I thought it was a medical condition that came with growing older so I didn’t question it.
But it’s not. You’ve just been having sex with another woman. Is she so much more beautiful than me that she can make you cum?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Even knowing all this, I still love you. But I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and I can’t even focus on anything anymore.
I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do. I just hope we can figure something out soon.
Love you always.
Hideto had then sent the e-mail to Shihara-san, as was requested of him, and then got into bed, thoughts jumbled up and all in a mess.
Till now, eight years later, he still didn’t understand his father or his mother. He had told her that he knew what was going on a while later and they sometimes talked about it, trying to figure things out. Would they get a divorce, would they live in different houses and who would Hideto stay with if that happened? And what about their income, would it be split? But, in the end, all of these talks with his mother did nothing to help. She was too stupid, thinking she needed a man in her life to live on. She refused to kick her husband out of the house. And his dad was even more stupid, refusing to leave his mistress despite knowing that him staying with her caused his mom even more pain. Hideto thought they were both idiots.
Even now, Hideto was sure his mom was back home in Osaka, with his father. But come nightfall, his dad would leave the house and go to his other lover while his mother stayed at home and tried not to think about them fucking. They were both stupid.
He never wanted to be in his mother’s position. Ever.
Could he trust Gackt? Hideto knew he could. Gackt didn’t lie, didn’t cheat and didn’t pull up masks.
But he had to face the facts-Gackt was a lie.
He was fake. He was a video game character who wasn’t supposed to exist in this world. What would a relationship like that be like? What if Gackt had to go back home one day? What then? Hideto would be all alone again and, this time, with a broken heart. Besides, Gackt might not even like him the way Hideto liked him.
But a part of him, a very small part that was optimistic, asked what if. What if Gackt would stay here forever? What if things worked out? Who cared that Gackt was actually a video game character and not a real human being. Who cared about stuff like that. Gackt was more human than most people he knew any way.
If only he was either black or white[1], Hideto thought to himself with a wry smile.
Four hours later, Hideto found himself sitting on a bench right outside a park. He had been there for at least half an hour now, listening to music on his MP3 and watching cars and people go past. He was getting increasingly bored, though. And he believed he could face Gackt now. He had slowly come to terms with himself and his feelings. He had told himself earlier that day to just ignore this feeling and, hopefully, it would past. He was betting all he had on it just slowly fading. He couldn’t afford to get into a relationship with an unnatural being.
He would just face Gackt and act normal.
No, not act normal. Be normal.
It was getting late, anyway, and he was hungry. Letting his MP3 continue playing music, he reached a hand into his other pocket to retrieve his cell phone. He had turned it off when he had started the photoshoot earlier and had left it off ever since. He hadn’t wanted unnecessary calls or messages while he was trying to sort out his own thoughts and feelings.
First came the start-up page, then the welcome page and, finally, the main page of his phone. Hideto waited for a few seconds for everything to load, including his notifications. When they did, he was in for a slight surprise.
18 New Messages
26 Missed Calls
Out of the eighteen messages, only one was from his manager. The other seventeen were from Gackt.
All twenty-six calls had been made by Gackt.
His video game character must have been worried. Hideto suddenly felt quite guilty (though he had to admit that some part inside him started to warm at the thought that Gackt cared this much). The first message he read, which would mean it was the last one Gackt sent, made him do a double-take.
I’m going out to look for you, Hideto! Please wait for me! Ezra, if you’re reading this, don’t you dare do anything to Hideto! I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DO!
Hideto felt like laughing and facepalming at the same time.
It was past dinner time and Hideto wasn’t home yet. Gackt had already made soba, too. Hideto had gotten him a cook book a few weeks ago since Gackt seemed to enjoy cooking and he had wanted to surprise his friend tonight by making his favourite food. It was going to get cold if Hideto didn’t come home soon, though. Hideto had said the photoshoot would end before dinner so Gackt wasn’t quite sure why he wasn’t back yet.
He had already sent seventeen messages and called at least six times.
It wasn’t like Hideto not to reply or pick up.
Pacing the living room for the thirty-eighth time (or was it thirty-seventh? Gackt wasn’t sure. He had been counting to distract himself but he was slowly losing his focus.), Gackt sent yet another text message.
Are you okay? Did you get hurt? I demand that you reply me!
Just as he sent it and then placed his phone back into his pocket, a scary thought gripped him and he stopped pacing, standing there in the living room and staring into space for a while. His eyes were slightly wider and his entire body tensed. His heart started to beat faster and fear crept into his heart slowly but powerfully. It wrapped around him tightly, forcing him to realise the gravity of the situation.
Thirty seconds later, he was running to the storeroom to get his armour and sword.
Lord Ezra had finally made a move, Gackt decided. Lord Ezra had taken Hideto. Gackt had to save him. No matter how skilled Hideto was in martial arts, there was no way he could defeat Lord Ezra and his flying monkeys and magic. No, only his sword could do that.
The weight of his armour on his body felt alien but he ignored the feeling. What mattered now was not his own comfort but Hideto’s safety!
He was sprinting down the stairs of the apartment building just minutes later, believing himself to be faster than the elevator. He was texting and calling Hideto again, just hoping that a message would be replied, a call would be answered. He just had to know what was going on. Was Hideto safe? Had Lord Ezra done anything to him and what did Lord Ezra want in the first place?
I’m going out to look for you, Hideto! Please wait for me! Ezra, if you’re reading this, don’t you dare hurt Hideto! I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DO!
Gackt was running around in his armour. People were giving him strange looks but he didn’t care - Hideto had warned him about that before any way. Armour wasn’t something common here, he learned, but that didn’t matter right now. If Ezra had Hideto, Gackt would have no choice but to do battle with him and he needed the armour’s protection.
He had no idea where to start so he just ran to all the places that Hideto frequented.
He went to town, knowing Hideto simply enjoyed walking among the people and seeing the sights. Gackt himself fit in a bit more here, too. There were lots of other kids who dressed in even stranger costumes - it was called cosplay, if he remembered correctly. He thought he saw someone dressed as a character from an anime he had been watching but, at the speed at which he was running, he couldn’t be sure and he was too worried about Hideto to just stop and confirm his assumption.
Instead, he continued to run around town like a mad man, looking up at the sky every now and then to look for Ezra’s flying monkeys. He saw nothing but birds and tall building. But he wasn’t going to give up.
Two hours later, he paused at a traffic light, panting and catching his breath.
He looked up, looking for signs of Ezra and his minions. He saw nothing. He kept his ears open for cries for help in Hideto’s voice but he heard nothing but the traffic and people talking.
He stood there for a moment, heart still racing.
What was Ezra doing to Hideto? Gackt couldn’t even imagine.
Skinning Hideto alive? Gackt wouldn’t put it past Ezra to do that. Pouring scalding hot water on to him? Maybe. Clipping off Hideto’s nipples with pliers[2]? Perhaps.
As Gackt stood there at the intersection, even when the green man came on and people started to cross the road, he suddenly started feeling very helpless. He felt so alone right now.
Ever since he had come into this world, he had always had Hideto by his side. Hideto was always there to teach him things, to talk to him, be with him. Even when Hideto had to go to work and attend photoshoots, he would entertain Gackt by replying his text messages and whatnot. Sometimes, the model would give him a call in between takes just to ask him how were things at home.
Since that morning, though, he hadn’t heard from his friend at all.
And the thought that Ezra was doing something horrible to him made Gackt’s heart ache. He had never felt a pain like this before and it upset him so much. He couldn’t imagine what Hideto had to be going through right now and he felt terrible because he knew it was his own fault. If he hadn’t gotten close to Hideto, Ezra wouldn’t have kidnapped him.
Gackt felt tears gathering in his eyes.
He wondered if Hideto was alright.
Please hang on, Hideto… he thought, before dashing across the street. I’m coming!
After glancing at the messages Gackt had left him, Hideto decided it’d be best that he call the taller man, just to assure him he was fine. Who knew what sort of trouble Gackt could get himself into while in such a panicked state and in public too. He hoped no one had gotten hurt yet.
The first ring hadn’t even finished and Gackt had answered his call already.
“Ezra?! Ezra, you let Hideto go, right now! First, you send me to this strange world and then, now, you take my closest friend away! He has nothing to do with this so you let him go, you hear me?!”
“Gackt.”
“You ruined the dinner I prepared for him too! I’ll let that slide but I will gut you like a fish if you hurt him!”
“Gackt.”
“Return him to me! Now! Or I will stuff wasabi down your throat and nostrils!”
Painful way to die, Hideto couldn’t help but think as his eye twitched.
“Gackt.”
“One strand of hair out of place and I will throw a durian at you!”
Hideto fought back a sigh. “Gackt…”
“And slam sizzling hot steaks onto your face!”
For fuck’s sake. “Gackt!”
“What?!”
“It’s me, Hideto!”
He couldn’t tell if that overly dramatic gasp that came over the phone was fake or not. But considering the fact that it was Gackt, who just seemed to be simply incapable of lying or being fake, it was most likely genuine. That fact alone made an amused smile tug at his lips.
“Hideto! Hideto, are you alright?! You defeated Ezra yourself?! That’s amazing! Where are you?!”
“Gackt, calm down… I’m fine. I’ll explain once we meet up, alright? Where are you?”
Twenty minutes later, Hideto found himself waiting outside his favourite café for Gackt, since the latter had claimed he was near there. Hideto was nearer, though, and he had arrived first. And when the smell of his favourite pasta dish floated out from the café, his stomach growled. It was way past dinner and the last thing he had eaten was the ice cream cone from the photoshoot… He wondered what Gackt had cooked for him - since Gackt had been yelling at ‘Ezra’ about the dinner going cold - and if it could be reheated with the microwave.
Turning to look into the café and at the food, he felt himself frowning. He was tired, miserable and hungry. He really just wanted to go home and curl up with a bowl of curry rice or something.
“Hidetoooo!!”
Before the model could even turn to the voice, a large body crashed into his. The only thing that stopped him from falling over were the two strong arms that wrapped themselves tightly around his body. Hideto couldn’t even yell out in surprise (the crash knocked the wind out of him) or in protest (there were some metal pieces of his ‘attacker’s’ armour digging into his arms) and he, instead, wheezed before starting to cough, trying to get his head to stop spinning. His attacker’s loud booming voice wasn’t helping.
“I was so worried!” Gackt exclaimed loudly, arms tightening around the smaller man whose coughs fell on deaf ears. “I thought Ezra had done something terrible to you! I’m so glad you’re alright, Hideto!”
“Gackt!” Hideto gasped, wriggling about in the video game character’s arms, trying to free his own arms so he could push Gackt away. “Let go, you’re squishing me!”
Those words fell on deaf ears too.
“But all is right with the world now! We shall go home and have dinner and you can tell me all about how you defeated Ezra on your own!” Gackt said cheerfully, lifting Hideto off the ground and ignoring the looks that people in the café, and passers-by, were throwing in their direction. “You really must be a possessed demon! There’s no other explanation as to how you could have defeated Ezra on your own! And unscathed, too!”
Hideto felt something wet hit his shoulder. Gackt’s grip on his was becoming looser too. Hideto looked up at his friend.
Gackt was smiling and there were tears running down his face.
Hideto felt guilt rush past him again. He hadn’t thought that Gackt would be this worried for him.
“I thought I would never see you again!” Gackt said before sniffling and raising a hand to wipe away his tears. “You’ve no idea how relieved I am!”
Hideto simply stared. After a few seconds of him getting over the initial shock and of Gackt trying to stop his tears, Hideto finally found his voice again, though it was timid.
“...I’m sorry I didn’t pick up or reply your messages,” Hideto said, mind already whirling to try and come up with a reason for not doing so. But he had never lied to Gackt before and he didn’t want to start now, especially not when Gackt had never lied to him either. He just hoped the taller man wouldn’t be angry with him. “My phone was, uh... It was off.”
Gackt shook his head. “It doesn’t matter; you’re safe. Let’s just go home.”
Warmth spread through Hideto’s body and he felt himself blush. He had never really been treated like this before, like he was something so precious and valuable. In his world, people he knew tended to place themselves and their wants above him and his. Everything they did and said was for themselves and to get themselves ahead. But Gackt… Judging from the soft panting and sweat running down the side of his face, he had been out running about in that heavy armour, just to look for him and make sure he was alright. He had been so worried for someone else besides himself that he had shed tears.
Hideto didn’t know how many people would do that for him. Gackt made him feel so important. Gackt made him feel like he had some worth.
“Yeah, let’s go home.”
Nodding, Gackt stepped back to let Hideto out of his hold before he started heading in the direction of home, one hand going to Hideto’s.
Hideto blinked at the fingers that twined with his and wondered if Gackt was simply doing this to try and comfort him like he had the last time.
“Gackt, I’m fine.”
“I know,” the assassin said, turning to face Hideto. Hideto couldn’t quite explain how he knew, but he could see the warmth he felt shining in Gackt’s eyes. Logically speaking, there was no way a feeling could shine, but he just knew it. He felt it. It felt as if there was another part of him that felt this same warmth and, yet, this other part of him and he himself were one. It was a strange feeling. Then again, Gackt did made him feel strange things. “I just felt like doing it.”
With that one line, Hideto realised that Gackt made him feel more than just “important” or “with worth”.
Gackt made him feel loved.
Notes: Crush and burn the ending, someone, please. I was slacking towards the end, wasn’t I?
[1] Reference to chapter five when Hideto decided that, in shades of grey, Gackt was colour.
[2] Got this little nasty idea from a school trip to Cambodia where we learned about how people were tortured there.
Author: b_sim
Characters/Pairings: GACKT/Hyde (Hideto)
Rating: R
Genre: AU, humour, romance
Summary: As a model, Hideto meets with many fakes and frauds. His life gets even more confusing when Gackt, a video game character, materialises in his world. Hideto begins to wonder if anything is even real anymore.
Notes: Sorry for taking so long to update!
Disclaimer: Do not own Hyde and GACKT.
The photoshoot had ended sooner than usual but Hideto didn’t rush home immediately-after coming to the conclusion that he had developed feelings for his video game character, the model wasn’t so sure he could face Gackt right about now. It was a beautiful afternoon anyway and Hideto had decided to make use of it, walking around Shinjuku, going into different stores or just taking a walk through a park. He needed the time alone to think about his own feelings anyway.
It wasn’t that he didn’t wish to get into a relationship. He hadn’t exactly had any bad experiences with boyfriends in the past that would make him want to stay away from guys. And, sometimes, it could get lonely at night, which made him wish he had someone. Even with Gackt around, it was lonely at times. It wasn’t as if they slept in the same bed or even in the same room. And Hideto didn’t want to have to keep turning to his hand to find sexual release either. He also just missed loving someone and being loved by that same person. He missed having a boyfriend and kissing him and telling him about his day. He missed actually making love with his partner in bed instead of just fucking them. He missed having someone he could trust.
Trust. That was the tricky part, wasn’t it? Just because you were in a relationship with someone didn’t mean that person was trust-worthy. Hideto learned that the hard way.
Even now, he could still see his mother with raw eyes that had done a lot of crying.
Before the whole incident with his parents, Hideto had always believed that true love, while rare, did exist. Whenever he looked at his mom and dad, he believed that. His mom was a sweet lady with a cheerful disposition and perhaps a too loud voice. His dad was soft-spoken and wasn’t as outgoing and mad the personality of a robot. Hideto never really understand what it was that they saw in each other that made them get married but, to him, it didn’t matter. They were together and they were happy. They were one small happy family.
The first time Hideto had realised his mom had been crying was when she was in the living room, sitting on the couch with the television on. He had thought she had just been watching a very sad film.
The second time was when Hideto had seen, with his own eyes, his mom crying in the living room, her head in her husband’s lap. The larger man was sitting on the couch and petting her back, silent and simply allowing her to cry. It had been early in the morning and Hideto had been on his way to go to school and, while curious, he hadn’t dared asked, leaving the house with a soft ‘goodbye’ in his wake.
The third time, Hideto had been returning from school and, when he walked into his home, he had found his mother and father sitting at the dining table, talking softly over some red wine. His mother’s eyes were still red and very dull and she looked extremely tired. People often told her that she looked younger than her actual age but now, she looked much older. Not wanting to interrupt, Hideto had simply muttered a soft ‘tadaima’ and then retreated to his room, not even waiting for a ‘okaeri’ in return.
He knew something was wrong. He knew something bad had happened but he had figured that his parents would tell him in time.
But they didn’t.
Two weeks later, they were still having hushed conversations and his mom still looked extremely fatigued whereas his dad had on his stone face, as always. His mom wasn’t happy anymore, that much Hideto could tell. She spoke softly and never smiled anymore. It made him wonder if his father had done something. After all, a friend of his had told him before-there’s only one thing that could make a grown woman cry; her husband.
He had finally gathered his courage and asked his mother when they were grocery-shopping together. Buying groceries wasn’t something that Hideto liked and, hence, it wasn’t something that he did at all. But he hadn’t wanted his mother to be alone and it had seemed like a good opportunity to have a one-on-one talk with her. Understanding that his mother was more emotional than his dad, he had actually wanted to ask his old man instead, fearing that him asking anything about their current situation would make his mom burst into tears. But he and his father had never been on good terms, not since he was fourteen and his father had called him stupid which resulted in a huge fight. Yeah, he didn’t exactly want to talk to his dad.
“Did something happen between you and dad?” Hideto asked meekly, picking some apples and placing them into plastic bag. He went for the bigger, redder ones because, when he had been five or six, his mom had told him once that they were the juiciest.
His mother hadn’t replied verbally. She had just shrugged her shoulders and then went back to choosing cabbages. That alone was an answer enough for Hideto.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?”
“I’m sorry, Hideto, but it’s not something your father and I would like to discuss with you,” she had said bluntly, not meeting Hideto’s eyes. “It’s private.”
“I have a right to know. I’m part of this family, too.”
“You don’t have to know,” she had claimed before walking away to other parts of the supermarket. Hideto just stared at her back for a moment before following, gritting his teeth. He didn’t bring up the topic again, knowing he would just be shot down. His mother was a lovely woman, yes, but as stubborn as a mule and he knew she wouldn’t tell him anything if she didn’t want to.
Hideto had spent the next two days in his room, refusing to speak to either of his parents. He didn’t greet them, didn’t look at them and didn’t have meals with them. He chose to leave home for school early so he wouldn’t have to face his mother and, on weekends, he stayed in bed until his mother had gone out. He was angry with them for not including him in their talks. What was so serious that it couldn’t be shared with them? Were they going bankrupt? Did a relative pass away? Did they have trouble with yakuza? Not knowing killed Hideto.
He had been forced to face his mother soon, though. She had walked into his room around eleven at night, knowing her son would still be awake. When she walked in, Hideto hadn’t looked up to acknowledged her.
“Could you please log in to my e-mail and e-mail Shihara-san that I haven’t received my package yet?”
Hideto had grunted. Apparently, his mother took that for a ‘yes’, leaving the room just a moment later.
A few minutes later, he was in his mother’s e-mail inbox. He handled all of her online purchases as she didn’t exactly know how to use a computer or deal with paying for items via online methods. There, in her inbox, he found three unread e-mails that were advertisements and four from some social networking sites. What caught his attention, though, was an e-mail, marked as ‘read’, that was from his father. As far as he knew, his father hardly ever sent e-mails.
Part of Hideto wondered if these e-mails would reveal anything about their family’s current plight. And, if they did, should he open them? Yes, he wanted to find out what was going on and no, his mother was not going to tell him, ever. But his mother had just asked him to send an e-mail to Shihara -san. He wasn’t supposed to snoop or play detective.
A minute later, curiosity got the best of him and he clicked on the first e-mail from his dad.
I’m sorry I’m putting you through this. I still love you.
As always, his father was a man of few words. It told him nothing. It wasn’t until he got to his mother’s reply that he finally understood.
This is so painful that I can’t describe it.
Hideto was starting to hate his father more and more. What was he putting his mother through that was so painful?
You are the only one I love. My entire world.
A little sappy but Hideto had expected this. It was his mom after all and she always tended to be a little melodramatic.
I just can’t stop thinking about it. I still can’t believe that you’ve been sleeping with another woman for the past six years.
Hideto’s heart skipped a beat. He read on.
It really makes me sad. You can’t even get it up when you’re in bed with me. I thought it was a medical condition that came with growing older so I didn’t question it.
But it’s not. You’ve just been having sex with another woman. Is she so much more beautiful than me that she can make you cum?
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Even knowing all this, I still love you. But I can’t eat, I can’t sleep and I can’t even focus on anything anymore.
I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what to do. I just hope we can figure something out soon.
Love you always.
Hideto had then sent the e-mail to Shihara-san, as was requested of him, and then got into bed, thoughts jumbled up and all in a mess.
Till now, eight years later, he still didn’t understand his father or his mother. He had told her that he knew what was going on a while later and they sometimes talked about it, trying to figure things out. Would they get a divorce, would they live in different houses and who would Hideto stay with if that happened? And what about their income, would it be split? But, in the end, all of these talks with his mother did nothing to help. She was too stupid, thinking she needed a man in her life to live on. She refused to kick her husband out of the house. And his dad was even more stupid, refusing to leave his mistress despite knowing that him staying with her caused his mom even more pain. Hideto thought they were both idiots.
Even now, Hideto was sure his mom was back home in Osaka, with his father. But come nightfall, his dad would leave the house and go to his other lover while his mother stayed at home and tried not to think about them fucking. They were both stupid.
He never wanted to be in his mother’s position. Ever.
Could he trust Gackt? Hideto knew he could. Gackt didn’t lie, didn’t cheat and didn’t pull up masks.
But he had to face the facts-Gackt was a lie.
He was fake. He was a video game character who wasn’t supposed to exist in this world. What would a relationship like that be like? What if Gackt had to go back home one day? What then? Hideto would be all alone again and, this time, with a broken heart. Besides, Gackt might not even like him the way Hideto liked him.
But a part of him, a very small part that was optimistic, asked what if. What if Gackt would stay here forever? What if things worked out? Who cared that Gackt was actually a video game character and not a real human being. Who cared about stuff like that. Gackt was more human than most people he knew any way.
If only he was either black or white[1], Hideto thought to himself with a wry smile.
Four hours later, Hideto found himself sitting on a bench right outside a park. He had been there for at least half an hour now, listening to music on his MP3 and watching cars and people go past. He was getting increasingly bored, though. And he believed he could face Gackt now. He had slowly come to terms with himself and his feelings. He had told himself earlier that day to just ignore this feeling and, hopefully, it would past. He was betting all he had on it just slowly fading. He couldn’t afford to get into a relationship with an unnatural being.
He would just face Gackt and act normal.
No, not act normal. Be normal.
It was getting late, anyway, and he was hungry. Letting his MP3 continue playing music, he reached a hand into his other pocket to retrieve his cell phone. He had turned it off when he had started the photoshoot earlier and had left it off ever since. He hadn’t wanted unnecessary calls or messages while he was trying to sort out his own thoughts and feelings.
First came the start-up page, then the welcome page and, finally, the main page of his phone. Hideto waited for a few seconds for everything to load, including his notifications. When they did, he was in for a slight surprise.
18 New Messages
26 Missed Calls
Out of the eighteen messages, only one was from his manager. The other seventeen were from Gackt.
All twenty-six calls had been made by Gackt.
His video game character must have been worried. Hideto suddenly felt quite guilty (though he had to admit that some part inside him started to warm at the thought that Gackt cared this much). The first message he read, which would mean it was the last one Gackt sent, made him do a double-take.
I’m going out to look for you, Hideto! Please wait for me! Ezra, if you’re reading this, don’t you dare do anything to Hideto! I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DO!
Hideto felt like laughing and facepalming at the same time.
It was past dinner time and Hideto wasn’t home yet. Gackt had already made soba, too. Hideto had gotten him a cook book a few weeks ago since Gackt seemed to enjoy cooking and he had wanted to surprise his friend tonight by making his favourite food. It was going to get cold if Hideto didn’t come home soon, though. Hideto had said the photoshoot would end before dinner so Gackt wasn’t quite sure why he wasn’t back yet.
He had already sent seventeen messages and called at least six times.
It wasn’t like Hideto not to reply or pick up.
Pacing the living room for the thirty-eighth time (or was it thirty-seventh? Gackt wasn’t sure. He had been counting to distract himself but he was slowly losing his focus.), Gackt sent yet another text message.
Are you okay? Did you get hurt? I demand that you reply me!
Just as he sent it and then placed his phone back into his pocket, a scary thought gripped him and he stopped pacing, standing there in the living room and staring into space for a while. His eyes were slightly wider and his entire body tensed. His heart started to beat faster and fear crept into his heart slowly but powerfully. It wrapped around him tightly, forcing him to realise the gravity of the situation.
Thirty seconds later, he was running to the storeroom to get his armour and sword.
Lord Ezra had finally made a move, Gackt decided. Lord Ezra had taken Hideto. Gackt had to save him. No matter how skilled Hideto was in martial arts, there was no way he could defeat Lord Ezra and his flying monkeys and magic. No, only his sword could do that.
The weight of his armour on his body felt alien but he ignored the feeling. What mattered now was not his own comfort but Hideto’s safety!
He was sprinting down the stairs of the apartment building just minutes later, believing himself to be faster than the elevator. He was texting and calling Hideto again, just hoping that a message would be replied, a call would be answered. He just had to know what was going on. Was Hideto safe? Had Lord Ezra done anything to him and what did Lord Ezra want in the first place?
I’m going out to look for you, Hideto! Please wait for me! Ezra, if you’re reading this, don’t you dare hurt Hideto! I WILL KILL YOU IF YOU DO!
Gackt was running around in his armour. People were giving him strange looks but he didn’t care - Hideto had warned him about that before any way. Armour wasn’t something common here, he learned, but that didn’t matter right now. If Ezra had Hideto, Gackt would have no choice but to do battle with him and he needed the armour’s protection.
He had no idea where to start so he just ran to all the places that Hideto frequented.
He went to town, knowing Hideto simply enjoyed walking among the people and seeing the sights. Gackt himself fit in a bit more here, too. There were lots of other kids who dressed in even stranger costumes - it was called cosplay, if he remembered correctly. He thought he saw someone dressed as a character from an anime he had been watching but, at the speed at which he was running, he couldn’t be sure and he was too worried about Hideto to just stop and confirm his assumption.
Instead, he continued to run around town like a mad man, looking up at the sky every now and then to look for Ezra’s flying monkeys. He saw nothing but birds and tall building. But he wasn’t going to give up.
Two hours later, he paused at a traffic light, panting and catching his breath.
He looked up, looking for signs of Ezra and his minions. He saw nothing. He kept his ears open for cries for help in Hideto’s voice but he heard nothing but the traffic and people talking.
He stood there for a moment, heart still racing.
What was Ezra doing to Hideto? Gackt couldn’t even imagine.
Skinning Hideto alive? Gackt wouldn’t put it past Ezra to do that. Pouring scalding hot water on to him? Maybe. Clipping off Hideto’s nipples with pliers[2]? Perhaps.
As Gackt stood there at the intersection, even when the green man came on and people started to cross the road, he suddenly started feeling very helpless. He felt so alone right now.
Ever since he had come into this world, he had always had Hideto by his side. Hideto was always there to teach him things, to talk to him, be with him. Even when Hideto had to go to work and attend photoshoots, he would entertain Gackt by replying his text messages and whatnot. Sometimes, the model would give him a call in between takes just to ask him how were things at home.
Since that morning, though, he hadn’t heard from his friend at all.
And the thought that Ezra was doing something horrible to him made Gackt’s heart ache. He had never felt a pain like this before and it upset him so much. He couldn’t imagine what Hideto had to be going through right now and he felt terrible because he knew it was his own fault. If he hadn’t gotten close to Hideto, Ezra wouldn’t have kidnapped him.
Gackt felt tears gathering in his eyes.
He wondered if Hideto was alright.
Please hang on, Hideto… he thought, before dashing across the street. I’m coming!
After glancing at the messages Gackt had left him, Hideto decided it’d be best that he call the taller man, just to assure him he was fine. Who knew what sort of trouble Gackt could get himself into while in such a panicked state and in public too. He hoped no one had gotten hurt yet.
The first ring hadn’t even finished and Gackt had answered his call already.
“Ezra?! Ezra, you let Hideto go, right now! First, you send me to this strange world and then, now, you take my closest friend away! He has nothing to do with this so you let him go, you hear me?!”
“Gackt.”
“You ruined the dinner I prepared for him too! I’ll let that slide but I will gut you like a fish if you hurt him!”
“Gackt.”
“Return him to me! Now! Or I will stuff wasabi down your throat and nostrils!”
Painful way to die, Hideto couldn’t help but think as his eye twitched.
“Gackt.”
“One strand of hair out of place and I will throw a durian at you!”
Hideto fought back a sigh. “Gackt…”
“And slam sizzling hot steaks onto your face!”
For fuck’s sake. “Gackt!”
“What?!”
“It’s me, Hideto!”
He couldn’t tell if that overly dramatic gasp that came over the phone was fake or not. But considering the fact that it was Gackt, who just seemed to be simply incapable of lying or being fake, it was most likely genuine. That fact alone made an amused smile tug at his lips.
“Hideto! Hideto, are you alright?! You defeated Ezra yourself?! That’s amazing! Where are you?!”
“Gackt, calm down… I’m fine. I’ll explain once we meet up, alright? Where are you?”
Twenty minutes later, Hideto found himself waiting outside his favourite café for Gackt, since the latter had claimed he was near there. Hideto was nearer, though, and he had arrived first. And when the smell of his favourite pasta dish floated out from the café, his stomach growled. It was way past dinner and the last thing he had eaten was the ice cream cone from the photoshoot… He wondered what Gackt had cooked for him - since Gackt had been yelling at ‘Ezra’ about the dinner going cold - and if it could be reheated with the microwave.
Turning to look into the café and at the food, he felt himself frowning. He was tired, miserable and hungry. He really just wanted to go home and curl up with a bowl of curry rice or something.
“Hidetoooo!!”
Before the model could even turn to the voice, a large body crashed into his. The only thing that stopped him from falling over were the two strong arms that wrapped themselves tightly around his body. Hideto couldn’t even yell out in surprise (the crash knocked the wind out of him) or in protest (there were some metal pieces of his ‘attacker’s’ armour digging into his arms) and he, instead, wheezed before starting to cough, trying to get his head to stop spinning. His attacker’s loud booming voice wasn’t helping.
“I was so worried!” Gackt exclaimed loudly, arms tightening around the smaller man whose coughs fell on deaf ears. “I thought Ezra had done something terrible to you! I’m so glad you’re alright, Hideto!”
“Gackt!” Hideto gasped, wriggling about in the video game character’s arms, trying to free his own arms so he could push Gackt away. “Let go, you’re squishing me!”
Those words fell on deaf ears too.
“But all is right with the world now! We shall go home and have dinner and you can tell me all about how you defeated Ezra on your own!” Gackt said cheerfully, lifting Hideto off the ground and ignoring the looks that people in the café, and passers-by, were throwing in their direction. “You really must be a possessed demon! There’s no other explanation as to how you could have defeated Ezra on your own! And unscathed, too!”
Hideto felt something wet hit his shoulder. Gackt’s grip on his was becoming looser too. Hideto looked up at his friend.
Gackt was smiling and there were tears running down his face.
Hideto felt guilt rush past him again. He hadn’t thought that Gackt would be this worried for him.
“I thought I would never see you again!” Gackt said before sniffling and raising a hand to wipe away his tears. “You’ve no idea how relieved I am!”
Hideto simply stared. After a few seconds of him getting over the initial shock and of Gackt trying to stop his tears, Hideto finally found his voice again, though it was timid.
“...I’m sorry I didn’t pick up or reply your messages,” Hideto said, mind already whirling to try and come up with a reason for not doing so. But he had never lied to Gackt before and he didn’t want to start now, especially not when Gackt had never lied to him either. He just hoped the taller man wouldn’t be angry with him. “My phone was, uh... It was off.”
Gackt shook his head. “It doesn’t matter; you’re safe. Let’s just go home.”
Warmth spread through Hideto’s body and he felt himself blush. He had never really been treated like this before, like he was something so precious and valuable. In his world, people he knew tended to place themselves and their wants above him and his. Everything they did and said was for themselves and to get themselves ahead. But Gackt… Judging from the soft panting and sweat running down the side of his face, he had been out running about in that heavy armour, just to look for him and make sure he was alright. He had been so worried for someone else besides himself that he had shed tears.
Hideto didn’t know how many people would do that for him. Gackt made him feel so important. Gackt made him feel like he had some worth.
“Yeah, let’s go home.”
Nodding, Gackt stepped back to let Hideto out of his hold before he started heading in the direction of home, one hand going to Hideto’s.
Hideto blinked at the fingers that twined with his and wondered if Gackt was simply doing this to try and comfort him like he had the last time.
“Gackt, I’m fine.”
“I know,” the assassin said, turning to face Hideto. Hideto couldn’t quite explain how he knew, but he could see the warmth he felt shining in Gackt’s eyes. Logically speaking, there was no way a feeling could shine, but he just knew it. He felt it. It felt as if there was another part of him that felt this same warmth and, yet, this other part of him and he himself were one. It was a strange feeling. Then again, Gackt did made him feel strange things. “I just felt like doing it.”
With that one line, Hideto realised that Gackt made him feel more than just “important” or “with worth”.
Gackt made him feel loved.
Notes: Crush and burn the ending, someone, please. I was slacking towards the end, wasn’t I?
[1] Reference to chapter five when Hideto decided that, in shades of grey, Gackt was colour.
[2] Got this little nasty idea from a school trip to Cambodia where we learned about how people were tortured there.