[Series] Truth In A Lie; 04 Contrast
Title: Truth In A Lie
Author: b_sim
Characters/Pairings: GACKT/Hyde (Hideto)
Rating: R
Genre: AU, humour, romance
Summary: As a model, Hideto meets with many fakes and frauds. His life gets even more confusing when Gackt, a video game character, materialises in his world. Hideto wonders if anything is even real anymore.
Notes: Is this getting too serious too quickly? Honestly.
Disclaimer: Do not own Hyde and GACKT.
Hideto never realised how many things there were in his world until he had been forced to explain each and every one to Gackt. It had been a week and Gackt still had things that he didn’t know about.
The model still remembered what had happened the first time he brought Gackt out shopping for clothes - he didn’t think anyone could forget something like that. Having decided that Gackt knew enough to at least walk down the street without killing someone, Hideto had brought him out to Shibuya to get him some clothes because he was running out of jerseys to dress Gackt in and if he was going to be here for much longer, he had to learn about clothes, anyway. He was living with a model for fuck’s sake. How embarrassing it’d be if someone were to walk into his apartment and find Gackt dressed in gaudy jerseys and unglamorous shorts. Dressing Gackt in an acceptable outfit Hideto had bought on his own, he then brought Gackt out to choose his own clothes.
For a while, all seemed to be fine. Taking the train had been rather normal, though Gackt still seemed rather nervous. Watching people do it on the television (which Gackt sometimes still called the ‘magic mirror’. For fun or by accident, Hideto wasn’t sure, but it was cute anyway, so he didn’t force Gackt to stop.) and doing it in real life for himself was different, of course. Hideto was nervous too - there were some people, who looked to be otaku[1], staring at Gackt. They didn’t recognise him from Saving Uthonia, did they? If they did, they didn’t make a move to prove that and, pretty soon, they had arrived at Shibuya.
That’s when Hideto realised that, no, dogs weren’t man’s best friends.
A small white poodle walked past them with their master and started yapping at Gackt who immediately gasped dramatically and pushed Hideto out of the way, putting himself in front of the smaller man. By then, there were several eyes on them already and, no matter how much the little poodle’s master tried to walk away, the dog refused to stand down, continuing to bark at Gackt in that irritating high pitch. Hideto wondered if it was hostile. Its tail was wagging, though…
Hideto, at that point of time, still didn’t realise that Gackt apparently thought the poodle was a wolf.
“Stand back, Hideto!” Gackt had roared, getting into a martial arts pose. “I’ll take care of this! I did this all the time in Uthonia!”
When Hideto did realise that, instead of a tiny white puff ball, Gackt saw ferocious fangs and heard growls instead of yips, he could only facepalm yet again and start dragging the assassin away before he could do real damage. Oh, yes, he could see the resemblance between a fucking poodle and wolf. He had then spent the next five minutes apologising to people around them, keeping one of his arms locked with Gackt’s tightly to make sure he couldn’t try anything. And the poodle was still yipping. Hideto had half a mind to let Gackt go, to be honest.
If that wasn’t bad enough, after explaining to Gackt what pets were (Gackt seemed to accept the explanation, only staring at the dogs cautiously from there on out), they had walked past a store where a salesman was undressing a mannequin in the display window. Gackt, being as chivalrous as he was, started yelling out in disgust and shock, hitting the display glass over and over again, barking at the frightened man to, “unhand the damsel, you pervert!”
Hideto had promptly dragged Gackt away, changing his mind about entering the store.
Apparently, thinking that Gackt knew enough to get through a day of shopping was wrong. There was still a lot more Hideto had to teach him.
Hideto had also tried to educate Gackt about the many appliances he had at home, intending to spend one full day with the assassin to do so. In the bathroom, Hideto learned that Gackt was deathly afraid of the toilet, believing it to be a vortex that sucked people in to it. Hideto had had to actually use it in front of Gackt to prove that it was safe - of course, having lived in the medieval times or whatever times Gackt had been in, being nude in front of other men meant nothing to him. To Hideto, though, who was living in this century and this day and age, he just couldn’t help but burn up. Sure, he had posed naked for the camera before, which meant thousands of others had seen his nude shoots in magazines too, but being forced to do this felt different somehow. It was…degrading, almost. But knowing that such things were normal to Gackt helped a little.
Most of Hideto’s teachings carried on like that. Sometimes he facepalmed, sometimes he didn’t. He soon realised, though, that one day alone was not enough to teach Gackt about everything and it was only now, a week later, that he thought he had finally finished. He had gotten up that morning (he was still sleeping on the couch) and asked himself what else he had to teach Gackt but, since nothing came to mind and nothing was on fire or being destroyed by Gackt’s martial arts, Hideto declared it safe for now. He had then, very merrily, gone ahead to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. It was going to be a good Sunday, he believed.
Gackt was in the kitchen when Hideto entered it. The taller man was sitting on the kitchen table, reading a book as he waited for the coffee, which he had started brewing already, finish brewing.
Hideto blinked once - Gackt had managed to work the coffee machine on his own without burning himself or anything else. It was a pleasant surprise. “Good morning.”
Gackt looked up from the book then, offering Hideto a small smile. “Good morning, Hideto. Did you sleep well?”
“As well as a person can on a couch,” Hideto teased, walking over and then hopping up to sit on the kitchen table next to Gackt. .
Gackt looked hurt. “I did ask if you wanted your bed back and you said ‘no’, though…”
Hideto smiled tiredly and nudged Gackt gently in the ribs. Sarcasm and light teasing, Hideto had realised earlier, was lost on Gackt. It was actually rather cute. “Relax, I was just joking. I slept great.”
The video game character took a second to digest it and then chuckled before nudging Hideto back.
It was nice, being able to spend time with someone like this. In fact, the entire past week had been nice, despite the facepalming and ordeals that Hideto had to go through. Everyday, Gackt would ask him if he slept well and ask about the world they lived in. They would have their meals together and talk about random things. Gackt liked to talk about Uthonia, especially, stating the differences between this world and his, as if Hideto didn’t know what Uthonia was like. Gackt enjoyed talking about philosophy and, despite the oddity of Gackt’s existence and the fact that he was just a video game character, Hideto indulged him. Hideto conversed with him and took it seriously instead of just treating it like a joke.
Gackt’s thoughts and views were intelligent and certainly much more human than anyone else’s. Everyone else just lied and bullshitted their way through conversations. It felt nice to be taken seriously and to have a simple, pleasant conversation with someone. And every single night, Gackt would ask if Hideto wanted his bed back and Hideto would say no, mostly just because he liked seeing Gackt’s eyes shine with happiness and gratitude every time that he did. The strange feeling that Hideto had gotten the first time he saw true emotion in Gackt’s eyes was now a constant thing. Whenever Gackt was around, he felt it. Hideto still wasn’t quite sure what it actually was but, whatever it was, Hideto liked it.
Even just sitting here next to the man already made Hideto feel it.
“Hideto,” Gackt cut into his thoughts then. “I’ve been meaning to ask - what is that thing?”
“Hm?” The model looked up then and at what Gackt was pointing at.
It was a blender. Hideto wondered how he had missed that out when going through the appliances in the kitchen.
“It’s called a blender,” Hideto started, hopping off of the table and then walking over to it, gesturing for Gackt to follow him while the coffee brewed. Gackt did so obediently, eyes shining with curiosity. While some parts of him were still afraid of this world, he had, more or less, gotten used to it and he trusted Hideto not to harm him. Hence, while he was cautious, he was not afraid. It was about three days after his arrival that Hideto had decided that he could stop giving the “I’m-about-to-do-this” warnings.
Getting some fruits from the refrigerator, Hideto chopped them up into small enough pieces to place it into the blender. Gackt watched on, eyes slightly wide.
“You put fruits in it and then when you press this button,” Hideto said, pointing to one of the buttons on the machine. “The blender will start slicing and mixing the fruits together to get a smoothie. You remember what those are, right?”
“The thing that made my head hurt?”
“No, that’s a slushie and that was because you drank it too quickly. But, yeah.” Hideto shrugged with a small, amused smile on his head. He remembered Gackt’s reaction to his first brain freeze, too. He had thought Lord Ezra had finally shown himself and was using some sort of psychic power. It had been a little annoying then but, thinking back on it now, it was just funny. “It’s close enough.”
The phone rang then. Gackt jumped - he still wasn’t used to the sound.
Sighing softly, Hideto walked out of the kitchen and to the phone. Before he even picked it up, though, a shriek resounded from the kitchen and he ran back, eyes wide. “Gackt?!”
Hideto froze at the doorway and watched as the blender shot small amounts of sliced, mushy fruits at the walls and at Gackt who was cowering in the corner. Gackt had, apparently, pressed the button and didn’t know he had to put the fucking cover back on the blender.
“Hideto, help!”
The model still took the time to facepalm before he rushed over, dodging flying bits of his smoothie, and turned off the blender.
“You said it made smoothies! Not attack!”
Hideto facepalmed yet again and his coffee machine beeped, informing him his coffee was ready.
Minutes later, both men found themselves cleaning up the kitchen. Hideto was kneeling on the kitchen counter, wiping the walls, while Gackt was on his hands and knees on the ground, cleaning the tiled floor. The assassin was strangely quiet - he believed Hideto was angry and, well, Hideto actually was. He hadn’t intended to spend his Sunday morning like this. His coffee was going to get cold too and Hideto, when angry, always chose to be quiet too and, hence, only the sounds of him grunting, as he cleaned the walls, filled the kitchen.
Gackt continued to look up at Hideto every now and then, guilty. He knew he had done something wrong and, he had done plenty of wrong things in the past week, but Hideto never seemed to get mad. He supposed Hideto was just really concerned with the cleanliness in his house. Gackt had to admit that he was getting slightly afraid of the smaller man too. Hideto was glaring daggers at the wall, wiping it furiously. For the first time, Gackt felt fear. But he kept quiet and continued to clean the floor obediently - it was the very least he could do, having been the one to make the mess in the first place.
It was only a while later, when Hideto joined Gackt on the ground, having finished cleaning the walls, that one of them decided to speak up.
“I’m sorry, Hideto,” Gackt said apologetically, sparing a glance at his friend. “I just wanted to try it out. I didn’t think it’d make a such a mess and upset you.”
Hideto finally looked up.
Yes, he was annoyed and he was upset. But he supposed it was his own fault for not being thorough on his explanation of a blender. He also knew that, while Gackt had been the one to press the button, it wasn’t really his fault. Looking into Gackt’s eyes helped make the annoyance fade too - there was so much sadness and guilt in them. He looked like some poor animal. There was also some smoothie dripping off of Gackt’s nose and Hideto just couldn’t helped but crack a small smile at that.
A soft sigh of slight exasperation escaped Hideto who then reached up to wipe the smoothie away.
“It’s alright.”
When Gackt smiled back sheepishly, Hideto just shook his head in amusement, chuckling softly, and then returned his attention to cleaning the floor.
His coffee had turned cold afterwards but the image of Gackt and smoothie dripping off of his nose was worth it. There was always tomorrow to have warm coffee again anyway.
*****
There was only one thing Hideto hated more than parties: Having to attend them.
With a suffering sigh, Hideto raised his glass back up to his lips, taking a sip of his martini as he surveyed the room and the people around him from his seat at the bar. The room was full of other models, just like himself, fashion designers, businessmen, public relations people, etc, etc. He had already been approached by one or two people looking to do business with him. Hideto had taken their cards and would then go home to consider the job offers. But it wasn’t because of this that he hated parties. Hell no, he enjoyed modelling and would love to get more jobs.
He just didn’t like being surrounded by so many fake people.
It made him feel cold.
The moment he had entered the room and heard fake laughs, chills went through him, penetrating ever single bone and fibre in him. He watched as women showed off their jewellery and subtly compared them with other women’s through compliments. The men chose to show off the women hanging off of their arms, most of them much younger than the men themselves. The young ladies were obviously in on it just for the money too. He watched as some of the models he knew smile at each other sweetly, singing songs of praise for each other while Hideto swore he saw their noses grow longer.
Everyone - everyone - was lying.
He wondered if anyone (anyone who wasn’t a video game character anyway) was even capable of telling the truth. Lying to get ahead, lying to make yourself look good… These were skills that these people seemed to have been born with, like they had grown up like this, wearing masks all the time. A different mask to face a different person in a different situation. Hideto wondered just how many faces they had. It was scary, to be honest, to be surrounded by so many people whom he “knew” but actually didn’t know at all.
If he took off the mask that people faced him with, who would he see, he wondered. Maybe a demon. Or a goblin. Whatever it was, it had to be something horrible, because people seemed to be so desperate to cover it up.
Five minutes into the party and he was wishing he could go home already. But he had told himself to spend at least two hours here to mingle and let the paparazzi take their photos. Hideto had spent a few minutes chatting with some people about business but, pretty soon, he was getting sick of all the pretense and had made his way to the bar.
He was going to get wasted tonight and no one was going to stop him.
He had started out with something strong - a Lychee martini - and kept his pace and momentum from there on.
After several drinks, the noise in the background was starting to sound louder and louder. Mumbling unintelligent words, Hideto pulled the sleeve of his jacket up, taking a look at the time. Two hours were up fifteen minutes ago.
“Finally,” he muttered to himself. He slid off of his stool and then took five seconds to collect himself when a wave of dizziness hit him and hit him hard. Everything he saw faded into millions of colourful dots, distorting into weird figures and shapes that he didn’t have the mind to identify. His hearing started to go next - from loud, booming chatter and music to soft buzzing sounds in his ear. The buzzes started to sound sharper, sounding like a whistle.
Where was Gackt, he suddenly wondered. He wanted Gackt here. He wanted that weird, tingly feeling that he got whenever Gackt was around. He was cold all over, breaking out in sweat. He felt alone again. He felt outnumbered - why outnumbered, Hideto thought to himself. Was he in a fight? No, he wasn’t. He was just at a party. So why did he feel as if he was being crushed. He felt as if there was something pushing against his chest, compressing his lungs and making it difficult for him to breathe.
It was dark. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t hear. His sense of touch was starting to go too. He couldn’t feel the cool marble counter of the bar which he was holding to hold himself up.
But one thing he did feel was the arm sneaking around his waist and everything came back to him.
The darkness suddenly cleared up to reveal the floor which he was staring down at and the buzzing in his ears burst back into noisy laughter, voices and music.
Suddenly, everything felt so tangible. Everything felt magnified and enhanced.
He slowly looked up at the person holding him and then felt sick again.
“Are you alright? I think you’ve drunk too much, Hideto-san,” Bunta said, voice laced with concern. “Let me bring you home.”
It pissed Hideto off that he could still see lust burning in Bunta’s eyes. With a soft growl, Hideto shoved him away as hard as he could, ignoring the looks people gave him. He made his way towards the door, stumbling a few times but managing to hold himself up straight. Outside, he puked out everything he had drunk.
He started to shiver.
Why did he feel so alone?
*****
When the model entered his apartment, he was sober enough to realise that the living room lights were still on, which meant Gackt was probably still awake. He could hear his television as well.
“Hideto, is that you?” came Gackt’s voice from the living room.
“Yeah,” Hideto called back, wondering why Gackt was still up so late. Slipping off his shoes and shrugging off his suit jacket, he walked further into the apartment, finding Gackt sitting on the couch and watching a Disney film on the television - it was Tarzan saying goodbye to his gorilla mom. Gackt had his knees pulled up to his chest, dressed in pajamas. It was an adorable sight that made Hideto forget about his night for a moment. A smile pulled at his lips and he walked over, stopping only to drape his jacket over the back of one of the chairs at the dining table.
“How was the party?” Gackt asked, turning away from the screen to look at Hideto.
Hideto just sighed and shrugged, crossing his arms and then resting them on the couch. “It was fine.”
“You can have the bed if you’d like, Hideto. I want to watch to the end of this movie. It’s really funny. Have you watched it before?”
The smaller man nodded. Gackt looked closer at him and Hideto blinked once, confused.
“What is it?”
“You don’t look well,” Gackt commented. Ignoring the movie on the screen, Gackt stood up and then curled one hand around Hideto’s neck, feeling his temperature. “Are you alright? I think you’ve drunk too much, Hideto…”
Hideto stared at Gackt after he had said those words, the same words Bunta had said to him. It held the same concern and, for a moment, Hideto almost thought he would see the same desire in Gackt’s eyes but when he looked up and into those brown eyes, what he saw was what he had heard. Whatever cold he felt disappeared in an instant and that weird sensation he always felt around Gackt returned, stronger than ever. The contrast between being with pretenders and being with Gackt was almost too much for Hideto to handle, making him just want to curl up in someone’s arms and stay there forever. This feeling that Gackt’s presence brought covered him completely and Hideto didn’t ever want to come out from under it.
“I’m fine,” he managed to say after a few seconds. Gackt stared at him as if he didn’t believe him. Hideto smiled. “I’m just tired, Gackt.”
“I insist you take the bed tonight.”
“Gackt, no, I’ll be okay…”
“Please?”
Gackt’s eyes were shining with worry. They very much resembled puppy dog’s eyes too and Hideto wondered if Gackt knew what he was doing.
He caved, finding himself in his own bed just minutes later. He could still hear the faint sound of the television from the living room. It made him smile, knowing Gackt was there.
Out there… Out there in the world, he felt cold and alone. In here… In here with Gackt, he didn’t.
And as Hideto succumbed to sleep, he finally realised what that strange feeling was.
It was warmth.
Notes: GOD I WANT TO MURDER THE FIRST HALF OF THIS. It feels so disorganised!
[1] I think everyone knows this one but, in case you don’t, otaku are people who have obsessive interests in anime, manga or video games.
Author: b_sim
Characters/Pairings: GACKT/Hyde (Hideto)
Rating: R
Genre: AU, humour, romance
Summary: As a model, Hideto meets with many fakes and frauds. His life gets even more confusing when Gackt, a video game character, materialises in his world. Hideto wonders if anything is even real anymore.
Notes: Is this getting too serious too quickly? Honestly.
Disclaimer: Do not own Hyde and GACKT.
Hideto never realised how many things there were in his world until he had been forced to explain each and every one to Gackt. It had been a week and Gackt still had things that he didn’t know about.
The model still remembered what had happened the first time he brought Gackt out shopping for clothes - he didn’t think anyone could forget something like that. Having decided that Gackt knew enough to at least walk down the street without killing someone, Hideto had brought him out to Shibuya to get him some clothes because he was running out of jerseys to dress Gackt in and if he was going to be here for much longer, he had to learn about clothes, anyway. He was living with a model for fuck’s sake. How embarrassing it’d be if someone were to walk into his apartment and find Gackt dressed in gaudy jerseys and unglamorous shorts. Dressing Gackt in an acceptable outfit Hideto had bought on his own, he then brought Gackt out to choose his own clothes.
For a while, all seemed to be fine. Taking the train had been rather normal, though Gackt still seemed rather nervous. Watching people do it on the television (which Gackt sometimes still called the ‘magic mirror’. For fun or by accident, Hideto wasn’t sure, but it was cute anyway, so he didn’t force Gackt to stop.) and doing it in real life for himself was different, of course. Hideto was nervous too - there were some people, who looked to be otaku[1], staring at Gackt. They didn’t recognise him from Saving Uthonia, did they? If they did, they didn’t make a move to prove that and, pretty soon, they had arrived at Shibuya.
That’s when Hideto realised that, no, dogs weren’t man’s best friends.
A small white poodle walked past them with their master and started yapping at Gackt who immediately gasped dramatically and pushed Hideto out of the way, putting himself in front of the smaller man. By then, there were several eyes on them already and, no matter how much the little poodle’s master tried to walk away, the dog refused to stand down, continuing to bark at Gackt in that irritating high pitch. Hideto wondered if it was hostile. Its tail was wagging, though…
Hideto, at that point of time, still didn’t realise that Gackt apparently thought the poodle was a wolf.
“Stand back, Hideto!” Gackt had roared, getting into a martial arts pose. “I’ll take care of this! I did this all the time in Uthonia!”
When Hideto did realise that, instead of a tiny white puff ball, Gackt saw ferocious fangs and heard growls instead of yips, he could only facepalm yet again and start dragging the assassin away before he could do real damage. Oh, yes, he could see the resemblance between a fucking poodle and wolf. He had then spent the next five minutes apologising to people around them, keeping one of his arms locked with Gackt’s tightly to make sure he couldn’t try anything. And the poodle was still yipping. Hideto had half a mind to let Gackt go, to be honest.
If that wasn’t bad enough, after explaining to Gackt what pets were (Gackt seemed to accept the explanation, only staring at the dogs cautiously from there on out), they had walked past a store where a salesman was undressing a mannequin in the display window. Gackt, being as chivalrous as he was, started yelling out in disgust and shock, hitting the display glass over and over again, barking at the frightened man to, “unhand the damsel, you pervert!”
Hideto had promptly dragged Gackt away, changing his mind about entering the store.
Apparently, thinking that Gackt knew enough to get through a day of shopping was wrong. There was still a lot more Hideto had to teach him.
Hideto had also tried to educate Gackt about the many appliances he had at home, intending to spend one full day with the assassin to do so. In the bathroom, Hideto learned that Gackt was deathly afraid of the toilet, believing it to be a vortex that sucked people in to it. Hideto had had to actually use it in front of Gackt to prove that it was safe - of course, having lived in the medieval times or whatever times Gackt had been in, being nude in front of other men meant nothing to him. To Hideto, though, who was living in this century and this day and age, he just couldn’t help but burn up. Sure, he had posed naked for the camera before, which meant thousands of others had seen his nude shoots in magazines too, but being forced to do this felt different somehow. It was…degrading, almost. But knowing that such things were normal to Gackt helped a little.
Most of Hideto’s teachings carried on like that. Sometimes he facepalmed, sometimes he didn’t. He soon realised, though, that one day alone was not enough to teach Gackt about everything and it was only now, a week later, that he thought he had finally finished. He had gotten up that morning (he was still sleeping on the couch) and asked himself what else he had to teach Gackt but, since nothing came to mind and nothing was on fire or being destroyed by Gackt’s martial arts, Hideto declared it safe for now. He had then, very merrily, gone ahead to the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee. It was going to be a good Sunday, he believed.
Gackt was in the kitchen when Hideto entered it. The taller man was sitting on the kitchen table, reading a book as he waited for the coffee, which he had started brewing already, finish brewing.
Hideto blinked once - Gackt had managed to work the coffee machine on his own without burning himself or anything else. It was a pleasant surprise. “Good morning.”
Gackt looked up from the book then, offering Hideto a small smile. “Good morning, Hideto. Did you sleep well?”
“As well as a person can on a couch,” Hideto teased, walking over and then hopping up to sit on the kitchen table next to Gackt. .
Gackt looked hurt. “I did ask if you wanted your bed back and you said ‘no’, though…”
Hideto smiled tiredly and nudged Gackt gently in the ribs. Sarcasm and light teasing, Hideto had realised earlier, was lost on Gackt. It was actually rather cute. “Relax, I was just joking. I slept great.”
The video game character took a second to digest it and then chuckled before nudging Hideto back.
It was nice, being able to spend time with someone like this. In fact, the entire past week had been nice, despite the facepalming and ordeals that Hideto had to go through. Everyday, Gackt would ask him if he slept well and ask about the world they lived in. They would have their meals together and talk about random things. Gackt liked to talk about Uthonia, especially, stating the differences between this world and his, as if Hideto didn’t know what Uthonia was like. Gackt enjoyed talking about philosophy and, despite the oddity of Gackt’s existence and the fact that he was just a video game character, Hideto indulged him. Hideto conversed with him and took it seriously instead of just treating it like a joke.
Gackt’s thoughts and views were intelligent and certainly much more human than anyone else’s. Everyone else just lied and bullshitted their way through conversations. It felt nice to be taken seriously and to have a simple, pleasant conversation with someone. And every single night, Gackt would ask if Hideto wanted his bed back and Hideto would say no, mostly just because he liked seeing Gackt’s eyes shine with happiness and gratitude every time that he did. The strange feeling that Hideto had gotten the first time he saw true emotion in Gackt’s eyes was now a constant thing. Whenever Gackt was around, he felt it. Hideto still wasn’t quite sure what it actually was but, whatever it was, Hideto liked it.
Even just sitting here next to the man already made Hideto feel it.
“Hideto,” Gackt cut into his thoughts then. “I’ve been meaning to ask - what is that thing?”
“Hm?” The model looked up then and at what Gackt was pointing at.
It was a blender. Hideto wondered how he had missed that out when going through the appliances in the kitchen.
“It’s called a blender,” Hideto started, hopping off of the table and then walking over to it, gesturing for Gackt to follow him while the coffee brewed. Gackt did so obediently, eyes shining with curiosity. While some parts of him were still afraid of this world, he had, more or less, gotten used to it and he trusted Hideto not to harm him. Hence, while he was cautious, he was not afraid. It was about three days after his arrival that Hideto had decided that he could stop giving the “I’m-about-to-do-this” warnings.
Getting some fruits from the refrigerator, Hideto chopped them up into small enough pieces to place it into the blender. Gackt watched on, eyes slightly wide.
“You put fruits in it and then when you press this button,” Hideto said, pointing to one of the buttons on the machine. “The blender will start slicing and mixing the fruits together to get a smoothie. You remember what those are, right?”
“The thing that made my head hurt?”
“No, that’s a slushie and that was because you drank it too quickly. But, yeah.” Hideto shrugged with a small, amused smile on his head. He remembered Gackt’s reaction to his first brain freeze, too. He had thought Lord Ezra had finally shown himself and was using some sort of psychic power. It had been a little annoying then but, thinking back on it now, it was just funny. “It’s close enough.”
The phone rang then. Gackt jumped - he still wasn’t used to the sound.
Sighing softly, Hideto walked out of the kitchen and to the phone. Before he even picked it up, though, a shriek resounded from the kitchen and he ran back, eyes wide. “Gackt?!”
Hideto froze at the doorway and watched as the blender shot small amounts of sliced, mushy fruits at the walls and at Gackt who was cowering in the corner. Gackt had, apparently, pressed the button and didn’t know he had to put the fucking cover back on the blender.
“Hideto, help!”
The model still took the time to facepalm before he rushed over, dodging flying bits of his smoothie, and turned off the blender.
“You said it made smoothies! Not attack!”
Hideto facepalmed yet again and his coffee machine beeped, informing him his coffee was ready.
Minutes later, both men found themselves cleaning up the kitchen. Hideto was kneeling on the kitchen counter, wiping the walls, while Gackt was on his hands and knees on the ground, cleaning the tiled floor. The assassin was strangely quiet - he believed Hideto was angry and, well, Hideto actually was. He hadn’t intended to spend his Sunday morning like this. His coffee was going to get cold too and Hideto, when angry, always chose to be quiet too and, hence, only the sounds of him grunting, as he cleaned the walls, filled the kitchen.
Gackt continued to look up at Hideto every now and then, guilty. He knew he had done something wrong and, he had done plenty of wrong things in the past week, but Hideto never seemed to get mad. He supposed Hideto was just really concerned with the cleanliness in his house. Gackt had to admit that he was getting slightly afraid of the smaller man too. Hideto was glaring daggers at the wall, wiping it furiously. For the first time, Gackt felt fear. But he kept quiet and continued to clean the floor obediently - it was the very least he could do, having been the one to make the mess in the first place.
It was only a while later, when Hideto joined Gackt on the ground, having finished cleaning the walls, that one of them decided to speak up.
“I’m sorry, Hideto,” Gackt said apologetically, sparing a glance at his friend. “I just wanted to try it out. I didn’t think it’d make a such a mess and upset you.”
Hideto finally looked up.
Yes, he was annoyed and he was upset. But he supposed it was his own fault for not being thorough on his explanation of a blender. He also knew that, while Gackt had been the one to press the button, it wasn’t really his fault. Looking into Gackt’s eyes helped make the annoyance fade too - there was so much sadness and guilt in them. He looked like some poor animal. There was also some smoothie dripping off of Gackt’s nose and Hideto just couldn’t helped but crack a small smile at that.
A soft sigh of slight exasperation escaped Hideto who then reached up to wipe the smoothie away.
“It’s alright.”
When Gackt smiled back sheepishly, Hideto just shook his head in amusement, chuckling softly, and then returned his attention to cleaning the floor.
His coffee had turned cold afterwards but the image of Gackt and smoothie dripping off of his nose was worth it. There was always tomorrow to have warm coffee again anyway.
*****
There was only one thing Hideto hated more than parties: Having to attend them.
With a suffering sigh, Hideto raised his glass back up to his lips, taking a sip of his martini as he surveyed the room and the people around him from his seat at the bar. The room was full of other models, just like himself, fashion designers, businessmen, public relations people, etc, etc. He had already been approached by one or two people looking to do business with him. Hideto had taken their cards and would then go home to consider the job offers. But it wasn’t because of this that he hated parties. Hell no, he enjoyed modelling and would love to get more jobs.
He just didn’t like being surrounded by so many fake people.
It made him feel cold.
The moment he had entered the room and heard fake laughs, chills went through him, penetrating ever single bone and fibre in him. He watched as women showed off their jewellery and subtly compared them with other women’s through compliments. The men chose to show off the women hanging off of their arms, most of them much younger than the men themselves. The young ladies were obviously in on it just for the money too. He watched as some of the models he knew smile at each other sweetly, singing songs of praise for each other while Hideto swore he saw their noses grow longer.
Everyone - everyone - was lying.
He wondered if anyone (anyone who wasn’t a video game character anyway) was even capable of telling the truth. Lying to get ahead, lying to make yourself look good… These were skills that these people seemed to have been born with, like they had grown up like this, wearing masks all the time. A different mask to face a different person in a different situation. Hideto wondered just how many faces they had. It was scary, to be honest, to be surrounded by so many people whom he “knew” but actually didn’t know at all.
If he took off the mask that people faced him with, who would he see, he wondered. Maybe a demon. Or a goblin. Whatever it was, it had to be something horrible, because people seemed to be so desperate to cover it up.
Five minutes into the party and he was wishing he could go home already. But he had told himself to spend at least two hours here to mingle and let the paparazzi take their photos. Hideto had spent a few minutes chatting with some people about business but, pretty soon, he was getting sick of all the pretense and had made his way to the bar.
He was going to get wasted tonight and no one was going to stop him.
He had started out with something strong - a Lychee martini - and kept his pace and momentum from there on.
After several drinks, the noise in the background was starting to sound louder and louder. Mumbling unintelligent words, Hideto pulled the sleeve of his jacket up, taking a look at the time. Two hours were up fifteen minutes ago.
“Finally,” he muttered to himself. He slid off of his stool and then took five seconds to collect himself when a wave of dizziness hit him and hit him hard. Everything he saw faded into millions of colourful dots, distorting into weird figures and shapes that he didn’t have the mind to identify. His hearing started to go next - from loud, booming chatter and music to soft buzzing sounds in his ear. The buzzes started to sound sharper, sounding like a whistle.
Where was Gackt, he suddenly wondered. He wanted Gackt here. He wanted that weird, tingly feeling that he got whenever Gackt was around. He was cold all over, breaking out in sweat. He felt alone again. He felt outnumbered - why outnumbered, Hideto thought to himself. Was he in a fight? No, he wasn’t. He was just at a party. So why did he feel as if he was being crushed. He felt as if there was something pushing against his chest, compressing his lungs and making it difficult for him to breathe.
It was dark. He couldn’t see. He couldn’t hear. His sense of touch was starting to go too. He couldn’t feel the cool marble counter of the bar which he was holding to hold himself up.
But one thing he did feel was the arm sneaking around his waist and everything came back to him.
The darkness suddenly cleared up to reveal the floor which he was staring down at and the buzzing in his ears burst back into noisy laughter, voices and music.
Suddenly, everything felt so tangible. Everything felt magnified and enhanced.
He slowly looked up at the person holding him and then felt sick again.
“Are you alright? I think you’ve drunk too much, Hideto-san,” Bunta said, voice laced with concern. “Let me bring you home.”
It pissed Hideto off that he could still see lust burning in Bunta’s eyes. With a soft growl, Hideto shoved him away as hard as he could, ignoring the looks people gave him. He made his way towards the door, stumbling a few times but managing to hold himself up straight. Outside, he puked out everything he had drunk.
He started to shiver.
Why did he feel so alone?
*****
When the model entered his apartment, he was sober enough to realise that the living room lights were still on, which meant Gackt was probably still awake. He could hear his television as well.
“Hideto, is that you?” came Gackt’s voice from the living room.
“Yeah,” Hideto called back, wondering why Gackt was still up so late. Slipping off his shoes and shrugging off his suit jacket, he walked further into the apartment, finding Gackt sitting on the couch and watching a Disney film on the television - it was Tarzan saying goodbye to his gorilla mom. Gackt had his knees pulled up to his chest, dressed in pajamas. It was an adorable sight that made Hideto forget about his night for a moment. A smile pulled at his lips and he walked over, stopping only to drape his jacket over the back of one of the chairs at the dining table.
“How was the party?” Gackt asked, turning away from the screen to look at Hideto.
Hideto just sighed and shrugged, crossing his arms and then resting them on the couch. “It was fine.”
“You can have the bed if you’d like, Hideto. I want to watch to the end of this movie. It’s really funny. Have you watched it before?”
The smaller man nodded. Gackt looked closer at him and Hideto blinked once, confused.
“What is it?”
“You don’t look well,” Gackt commented. Ignoring the movie on the screen, Gackt stood up and then curled one hand around Hideto’s neck, feeling his temperature. “Are you alright? I think you’ve drunk too much, Hideto…”
Hideto stared at Gackt after he had said those words, the same words Bunta had said to him. It held the same concern and, for a moment, Hideto almost thought he would see the same desire in Gackt’s eyes but when he looked up and into those brown eyes, what he saw was what he had heard. Whatever cold he felt disappeared in an instant and that weird sensation he always felt around Gackt returned, stronger than ever. The contrast between being with pretenders and being with Gackt was almost too much for Hideto to handle, making him just want to curl up in someone’s arms and stay there forever. This feeling that Gackt’s presence brought covered him completely and Hideto didn’t ever want to come out from under it.
“I’m fine,” he managed to say after a few seconds. Gackt stared at him as if he didn’t believe him. Hideto smiled. “I’m just tired, Gackt.”
“I insist you take the bed tonight.”
“Gackt, no, I’ll be okay…”
“Please?”
Gackt’s eyes were shining with worry. They very much resembled puppy dog’s eyes too and Hideto wondered if Gackt knew what he was doing.
He caved, finding himself in his own bed just minutes later. He could still hear the faint sound of the television from the living room. It made him smile, knowing Gackt was there.
Out there… Out there in the world, he felt cold and alone. In here… In here with Gackt, he didn’t.
And as Hideto succumbed to sleep, he finally realised what that strange feeling was.
It was warmth.
Notes: GOD I WANT TO MURDER THE FIRST HALF OF THIS. It feels so disorganised!
[1] I think everyone knows this one but, in case you don’t, otaku are people who have obsessive interests in anime, manga or video games.