(no subject)
Again, I am way awake when I should be asleep.
Again, I am staring at the wall in the dark, and attempting to get myself together. Sometimes, I believe that trying to find oneself in the middle of the night should be considered a crime. You know?
I mean, how am I supposed to come to logical conclusions in the dark of night, when depression caused directly by loneliness and exhaustion. I grasp at the ghosts of myself and memories long past, and I hope that, by virtue of will, I can exorcise the demons I have wrapped myself in. Seriously though, I wish I knew what to do with myself, I need to find a way to make enough money to get myself by, and also have time to figure out where I am going to go from here, and what I want from my future. I mean, I know that I have some time before I have to figure out what my niche in life is, but. . .I don't want to wait the rest of my life.
There are so many moments in time, in this life I have lead, wherein I have chosen to do nothing with myself, and thereby cheated the real me of an identity. Too long have I sat here on my ass, attempting to convince myself that, by doing nothing, I am keeping myself safe, and ready for when my "Great Destiny" is thrown upon me.
But, that is a lie. There is no Great Destiny waiting for me. Now, before you decide that I am merely feeling sorry for myself, hear me out. What I mean to say is this: Great Destinies do not wait. No, they are made. They are forged in the fires of tribulation and necessarily hard action.
We create them from our blood, sweat, tears, and pain. Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King Jr., William Wallace, all these people led remarkable, brave, and powerful lives. But they did not do it by promising themselves something that they had to wait for.
Instead, they worked towards creating something of themselves that people would believe in, and allow them to enact the changes they saw needed to be made in the world.
I know a bit about destiny, and I know that I have to create mine. . .but the trouble is: I don't know where to start. I mean, I have traveled to several countries in my life, lived as a gypsy of sorts, been a brilliant academic(at times) and a good(sometimes) friend. I have done things that should begin to let me see some kind of destiny taking shape. . .but there is nothing forthcoming. No insight as I believed it would manifest.
So, I am stuck here, all dressed up with nowhere to go, so to speak. One day, maybe, I will have some kind of rude awakening, and I will see the light, but until then. . .please, Gentle Readers, lend your young, confused author some advice. Help me to see what I am missing.
I need some help, and I don't know if I can rely only upon myself anymore.
With all the Love and Respect I can muster,
Your Author,
Red.
Again, I am staring at the wall in the dark, and attempting to get myself together. Sometimes, I believe that trying to find oneself in the middle of the night should be considered a crime. You know?
I mean, how am I supposed to come to logical conclusions in the dark of night, when depression caused directly by loneliness and exhaustion. I grasp at the ghosts of myself and memories long past, and I hope that, by virtue of will, I can exorcise the demons I have wrapped myself in. Seriously though, I wish I knew what to do with myself, I need to find a way to make enough money to get myself by, and also have time to figure out where I am going to go from here, and what I want from my future. I mean, I know that I have some time before I have to figure out what my niche in life is, but. . .I don't want to wait the rest of my life.
There are so many moments in time, in this life I have lead, wherein I have chosen to do nothing with myself, and thereby cheated the real me of an identity. Too long have I sat here on my ass, attempting to convince myself that, by doing nothing, I am keeping myself safe, and ready for when my "Great Destiny" is thrown upon me.
But, that is a lie. There is no Great Destiny waiting for me. Now, before you decide that I am merely feeling sorry for myself, hear me out. What I mean to say is this: Great Destinies do not wait. No, they are made. They are forged in the fires of tribulation and necessarily hard action.
We create them from our blood, sweat, tears, and pain. Winston Churchill, Martin Luther King Jr., William Wallace, all these people led remarkable, brave, and powerful lives. But they did not do it by promising themselves something that they had to wait for.
Instead, they worked towards creating something of themselves that people would believe in, and allow them to enact the changes they saw needed to be made in the world.
I know a bit about destiny, and I know that I have to create mine. . .but the trouble is: I don't know where to start. I mean, I have traveled to several countries in my life, lived as a gypsy of sorts, been a brilliant academic(at times) and a good(sometimes) friend. I have done things that should begin to let me see some kind of destiny taking shape. . .but there is nothing forthcoming. No insight as I believed it would manifest.
So, I am stuck here, all dressed up with nowhere to go, so to speak. One day, maybe, I will have some kind of rude awakening, and I will see the light, but until then. . .please, Gentle Readers, lend your young, confused author some advice. Help me to see what I am missing.
I need some help, and I don't know if I can rely only upon myself anymore.
With all the Love and Respect I can muster,
Your Author,
Red.