I think I'm an idiot.
We finally spoke sensibly the other night. We hung out, did pills, watch TV, and finally talked without either one of us storming out or screaming obscenities. He told me that we have to separate ourselves and that we especially needed to stop having sex, because nothing good can come with sleeping with one another when I'm about to leave. He kept talking about all of the guys who would be fucking ripped at USNA that would want me and how different I would look when I came back. He seemed jealous. That's what Brittany said. Basically that I would see that he doesn't compare to these guys. When I left I started crying because I told him I didn't want to lose him and he said we could still be friends and do shit like this. And we decided to do just that.
Oh, last night I was going to bed early and all of a sudden at 12.50 Jess comes barging in sobbing. Mike broke up with her. He said that they weren't going to see each other over the summer and he is going abroad soon and it would be better if they weren't together. She said it was totally unexpected because nothing led up to it. She basically spent the night. Butt didn't sleep but I fell asleep by 5.30 because i had a chem lab exam the next day and I had to study.
Yesterday butt and I went to breakfast and I had 1/2 a pancake, 1/2 a scone, a bite of yogurt, and 2 hardboiled eggs, no yoke. I went to chem, came back and fell asleep until 12.30. I woke up and studied until 1.30 when my exam was. I hope it went okay. I think it did. It needed to have so I get a passing grade in that class. Afterwards I fell asleep again and slept until 6.00 when I had to go to this gay meeting about moving out. Then Jess and I got dinner and I actually ate something other than a salad, well, I got a salad and some mushroom lasagna. But I was so full afterwards. Then we got icecream and watched TV with Kasey and Britt. I could tell Jess felt badly about them making out all over the place because she doesn't have it anymore, and I don't either.
Now to why I'm an idiot. I had sex with him last night. I don't know why or how it happened but it did and I don't think it was a good idea... I went down to the house and he was drunk. I was tipsy and he asked me to go back to his room to do pills and watch 300. I wasn't planning on staying. I never took my jeans off. We started out listening to music and just hanging out like we used to. Then we had fruit and he fed me strawberries. I kept rubbing his head because it's all gone now and it's fuzzy and I like hair like that. We went out a bunch of times to smoke and talked to danger and paul for a while. He mentioned Kate. But I don't want to think about that right now. So we went back and finished the movie, which was amazing and I loved it so much. For awhile we were sitting there and he was rubbing my feet like he used to and then held my hand. We talked about everything; Jess and Mike breaking up, his sister, my coke problem, leaving, brittany, DSP, sweethearts, class, pretty much everything but me and him. We finally lay down and plan on going to sleep and he pulls me really closely and he's rubbing my leg. Next thing I know is that he's fingering me and kissing me lightly. Right after that he takes off his boxers and my underwear and shirt and we're having sex again. Before that part I was just thinking that we shouldn't be doing this because I can't, I don't want to lose him again. I don't want to get close and then have him push me away because it hurts to badly. We had sex for awhile. An hour or more. It started to hurt and he got worried and wanted to stop but I told him to finish. I didn't want it to end because who knows when the next time we'll do it will be, if ever. All of a sudden he cums and has to throw up. He goes into the bathroom and pukes and says he has a headache and his face is burning up, which it is. So I rubbed his back while he fell asleep. At one point he was getting pissed about osmething trivial like he does and he kind of yelled at me and then he immediatly apologized and was like< i' didn't mean that, i shouldn't have yelled at you, there's nothing wrong. It was weird.
I have to go to class so I'll finish the rest later.
Oh, I had a UTI and I'm not pregnant. haha the end.
And Dom has no STDs so I'm good in that aspect as well.
Oh, last night I was going to bed early and all of a sudden at 12.50 Jess comes barging in sobbing. Mike broke up with her. He said that they weren't going to see each other over the summer and he is going abroad soon and it would be better if they weren't together. She said it was totally unexpected because nothing led up to it. She basically spent the night. Butt didn't sleep but I fell asleep by 5.30 because i had a chem lab exam the next day and I had to study.
Yesterday butt and I went to breakfast and I had 1/2 a pancake, 1/2 a scone, a bite of yogurt, and 2 hardboiled eggs, no yoke. I went to chem, came back and fell asleep until 12.30. I woke up and studied until 1.30 when my exam was. I hope it went okay. I think it did. It needed to have so I get a passing grade in that class. Afterwards I fell asleep again and slept until 6.00 when I had to go to this gay meeting about moving out. Then Jess and I got dinner and I actually ate something other than a salad, well, I got a salad and some mushroom lasagna. But I was so full afterwards. Then we got icecream and watched TV with Kasey and Britt. I could tell Jess felt badly about them making out all over the place because she doesn't have it anymore, and I don't either.
Now to why I'm an idiot. I had sex with him last night. I don't know why or how it happened but it did and I don't think it was a good idea... I went down to the house and he was drunk. I was tipsy and he asked me to go back to his room to do pills and watch 300. I wasn't planning on staying. I never took my jeans off. We started out listening to music and just hanging out like we used to. Then we had fruit and he fed me strawberries. I kept rubbing his head because it's all gone now and it's fuzzy and I like hair like that. We went out a bunch of times to smoke and talked to danger and paul for a while. He mentioned Kate. But I don't want to think about that right now. So we went back and finished the movie, which was amazing and I loved it so much. For awhile we were sitting there and he was rubbing my feet like he used to and then held my hand. We talked about everything; Jess and Mike breaking up, his sister, my coke problem, leaving, brittany, DSP, sweethearts, class, pretty much everything but me and him. We finally lay down and plan on going to sleep and he pulls me really closely and he's rubbing my leg. Next thing I know is that he's fingering me and kissing me lightly. Right after that he takes off his boxers and my underwear and shirt and we're having sex again. Before that part I was just thinking that we shouldn't be doing this because I can't, I don't want to lose him again. I don't want to get close and then have him push me away because it hurts to badly. We had sex for awhile. An hour or more. It started to hurt and he got worried and wanted to stop but I told him to finish. I didn't want it to end because who knows when the next time we'll do it will be, if ever. All of a sudden he cums and has to throw up. He goes into the bathroom and pukes and says he has a headache and his face is burning up, which it is. So I rubbed his back while he fell asleep. At one point he was getting pissed about osmething trivial like he does and he kind of yelled at me and then he immediatly apologized and was like< i' didn't mean that, i shouldn't have yelled at you, there's nothing wrong. It was weird.
I have to go to class so I'll finish the rest later.
Oh, I had a UTI and I'm not pregnant. haha the end.
And Dom has no STDs so I'm good in that aspect as well.