Real Entry?
I cant help but find this kinda ironic.
For like, two fucking weeks, I've been wanting to make a post about how SUPER HAPPY I am and how the sun's shining and the birds are singing and everything's been going my way and all that good shit. Now it seems like the only time I've got the motivation to make that post is on the crappiest day I've had in quite some time now.
TO THE EXPOSITIONMOBILE
Here's the thing. The last few days really haven't been all that bad. They've been slow, sure, but that's nothing too horribly terrible. The main problem is thus - saturday night was the last one I had any decent amount of sleep. Since sunday onwards, I've slept like shit, and the problem's only been compounded in the last day. Here's the thing - I know at least a handful of people who can still operate pretty normally on next to no sleep. I envy those people, and I am not one of them. A day of bad sleep, I'm a little sigh-y but fine. Two days of bad sleep and I'm kinda grumbly, but life goes on. Two days of bad sleep followed by a bout of full on insomnia? Now I've got some problems, and thats exactly where I'm sitting right now. Really though it's not so terrible. I've been here before, with the tiredness and the feeling sick and sore and all the crappy shit. I can survive it. The thing I hate the most though is that I just don't feel like myself. In the things I say, the things I do, the way I interact with other people, I am not myself right now, and I absolutely hate it. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say I'm still myself, just a different version who acts weird and I kinda despise? Not all that great either way.
BUT WITH THE BAD THERE IS GOOD. And this is where I'm gonna have problems.
See, I've been trying for at least two weeks to put into words just the kinda happy state I've been in, and I've failed miserably each and every time. Maybe I should just accept that I'm not really gonna find words that do it justice. Thats okay too. I guess the bottom line is that I feel like I'm actually doing things right. Despite my self doubts, despite my second guessing and horrible insecurities, I feel like I'm moving past them and doing something right, and it's a fantastic feeling. I hope I never ever lose this feeling. It's just... incredible. And that's all I can really say without being a huge sap.
Anywho, I guess thats as updatey as this is gonna get for now. Catch y'all later.
For like, two fucking weeks, I've been wanting to make a post about how SUPER HAPPY I am and how the sun's shining and the birds are singing and everything's been going my way and all that good shit. Now it seems like the only time I've got the motivation to make that post is on the crappiest day I've had in quite some time now.
TO THE EXPOSITIONMOBILE
Here's the thing. The last few days really haven't been all that bad. They've been slow, sure, but that's nothing too horribly terrible. The main problem is thus - saturday night was the last one I had any decent amount of sleep. Since sunday onwards, I've slept like shit, and the problem's only been compounded in the last day. Here's the thing - I know at least a handful of people who can still operate pretty normally on next to no sleep. I envy those people, and I am not one of them. A day of bad sleep, I'm a little sigh-y but fine. Two days of bad sleep and I'm kinda grumbly, but life goes on. Two days of bad sleep followed by a bout of full on insomnia? Now I've got some problems, and thats exactly where I'm sitting right now. Really though it's not so terrible. I've been here before, with the tiredness and the feeling sick and sore and all the crappy shit. I can survive it. The thing I hate the most though is that I just don't feel like myself. In the things I say, the things I do, the way I interact with other people, I am not myself right now, and I absolutely hate it. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say I'm still myself, just a different version who acts weird and I kinda despise? Not all that great either way.
BUT WITH THE BAD THERE IS GOOD. And this is where I'm gonna have problems.
See, I've been trying for at least two weeks to put into words just the kinda happy state I've been in, and I've failed miserably each and every time. Maybe I should just accept that I'm not really gonna find words that do it justice. Thats okay too. I guess the bottom line is that I feel like I'm actually doing things right. Despite my self doubts, despite my second guessing and horrible insecurities, I feel like I'm moving past them and doing something right, and it's a fantastic feeling. I hope I never ever lose this feeling. It's just... incredible. And that's all I can really say without being a huge sap.
Anywho, I guess thats as updatey as this is gonna get for now. Catch y'all later.