(no subject)
It's past half six in the morning and I'm back to crying my eyes out hysterically... I'd like to say it jus alcohol induced but it isnt.
I went to oceana after spending night/day with mat. Wished I'd went snowballing with evwryone but the way I spent today was good enough for me. :)
anyway, went to Oceana, was good but then at end there were problems with mel.
got back here eventuallt n mini house party was formed. Except annie went to bed early n then mel and her guy started arguing, mat was proper depressedcos just found out howbroke he is n then max came round, who i dont even like n as usual we argued cos I think he a drug pushing arragont bastard. He started shouting n throwing snowballs in the house.. I lost it.Then I slipped in the hallway from the water... I just couldnt take any more. I asked them all to leave...mat came back in, he was going anyway but knew how pissed off I was... I couldnt even be that nice to him... I was too annoyed over everything...BAsically Max brought up Aaron... n then other things just naturaly connected to Aaron,.... then they left n I stood in the sitting room, looking out at one pf the last gardens he ever looked at nd realised he's never see snow again... I know it sounds stupid but I'm back to square one n crying my eyes out, back to crying so much my tears blur the keys on the keyboard... I FUCKIN MISS HIM EVEN IF EVERYonE ELSE HAS FORGOTTEN HIM!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK everything, right now I cant be arsed with Mat or anything to do with him right now...
I know he wasnt involved but it;s his fault Max was round here, his fault that as a result Aaron was brought up n his fault I feel so shitty right now. I wanted him to stay but no, Max the fucking dickhead was more important, even if i was visibly upset...not upset like I am now... But I looked annoyed and couldnt look mat in the eye when he was leaving... I even told him I wanted everyone to go and him to stay... but I couldnt tell hm how upset I was really... and he left...
I miss Aaron. Everyne forgets so quikly and I feel like I burdening people with the past by mentioning it... bu he haunts me... my dreams, my fears, everything... I miss him n no-one seems to understand why..
Officially this is a post more about venting than people reading...
I cant find my handbag, aint seen it all night which is a worry..
Andi gonna kill with cos of the noise tonight,with good reason...
n I gotta go to docs tomorrow for important tests then on to the school.. fukin shittin it.
I feel like shit n wished I hadnt gone out tonight,...had good night except bit bak here... now I need to find my bag or I in trouble.
I went to oceana after spending night/day with mat. Wished I'd went snowballing with evwryone but the way I spent today was good enough for me. :)
anyway, went to Oceana, was good but then at end there were problems with mel.
got back here eventuallt n mini house party was formed. Except annie went to bed early n then mel and her guy started arguing, mat was proper depressedcos just found out howbroke he is n then max came round, who i dont even like n as usual we argued cos I think he a drug pushing arragont bastard. He started shouting n throwing snowballs in the house.. I lost it.Then I slipped in the hallway from the water... I just couldnt take any more. I asked them all to leave...mat came back in, he was going anyway but knew how pissed off I was... I couldnt even be that nice to him... I was too annoyed over everything...BAsically Max brought up Aaron... n then other things just naturaly connected to Aaron,.... then they left n I stood in the sitting room, looking out at one pf the last gardens he ever looked at nd realised he's never see snow again... I know it sounds stupid but I'm back to square one n crying my eyes out, back to crying so much my tears blur the keys on the keyboard... I FUCKIN MISS HIM EVEN IF EVERYonE ELSE HAS FORGOTTEN HIM!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
FUCK everything, right now I cant be arsed with Mat or anything to do with him right now...
I know he wasnt involved but it;s his fault Max was round here, his fault that as a result Aaron was brought up n his fault I feel so shitty right now. I wanted him to stay but no, Max the fucking dickhead was more important, even if i was visibly upset...not upset like I am now... But I looked annoyed and couldnt look mat in the eye when he was leaving... I even told him I wanted everyone to go and him to stay... but I couldnt tell hm how upset I was really... and he left...
I miss Aaron. Everyne forgets so quikly and I feel like I burdening people with the past by mentioning it... bu he haunts me... my dreams, my fears, everything... I miss him n no-one seems to understand why..
Officially this is a post more about venting than people reading...
I cant find my handbag, aint seen it all night which is a worry..
Andi gonna kill with cos of the noise tonight,with good reason...
n I gotta go to docs tomorrow for important tests then on to the school.. fukin shittin it.
I feel like shit n wished I hadnt gone out tonight,...had good night except bit bak here... now I need to find my bag or I in trouble.