Falling out of love
it's been awhile. Today, I took everything down of the bedroom walls. I know realize that I hate this room. I hate the feelings that I have. I hate this. This room feels so empty and unloving. Sterile comes to mind. I was considering trying to stay here at the end of June, but now I realize that can't happen or work out. As much as I love this house as a whole, this room has to much attachment to what was and is no longer. I cannot continue to live here if I'm ever to fully move on. Taking things down today was my final step in making it to a full realization that it's over and she's never coming back into my life. At least, in the capacity that was. I'm going to have to leave this place soon. I'm not sure if I'll stay in Olympia. One thing that has come out of this, is my attachment to this town is now gone, and therefore, allows me to go anywhere I please. I may move back to Seattle or just move somewhere else in Olympia. Or I could move to another state entirely. I'm unsure of what to do. I'm waiting on hearing back from job with the railroads that would have me traveling a lot. All in all though, I really do miss her. I miss the feeling of waking up next to someone. I miss the connection and knowing someone would be home waiting for me. I Miss the intimacy physically, emotionally and mentally. I miss her smell. I miss the way she laughed. I miss her dogs. I miss pretty much everything about her. I know this will all fade in time and I'll move on. But right now it's still all very vivid and real. It's hard. But mostly, it's painful.