(no subject)
I just wrote a super long entry about the whys and hows of loving you. Then I deleted it. There were just too many contradictions and too many unexplained things. The more I tried to clarify myself, the more convoluted everything became. It's so strange that something so clear to me, that makes so much sense, doesn't make any when I try to write it down. Perhaps I relate to you in a way that I don't relate to anyone else in my life. You and this love exists with its own rules and its own perspectives. The words don't mean the same thing as they do usually in my everyday life.
In any case, I think I've got a few more pieces of the puzzle and I'm understanding a little more of the why. It doesn't change anything, not that I'm looking to change anything. I don't even know why I keep trying to dissect it and make sense of it. Perhaps because what my heart feels is so illogical, so absurd as to be absolutely alien to my mind and how is it possible that my heart's gone out and found a life of its own, separate from everything I am. The 2 me-s that can't be reconciled. Or rather, perhaps it's just you and me. And this love really belongs to you more than it belongs to me, even though I'm the one feeling it. I feel like I'm losing the thread of my argument again.
I can't make any sense of this. I suppose you can't use the mind to write what the heart is feeling. I will stop before I try to clarify what I just said again and then confuse myself. The mind's understood a little bit of the heart and that's enough of a shift in perception for today.
In any case, I think I've got a few more pieces of the puzzle and I'm understanding a little more of the why. It doesn't change anything, not that I'm looking to change anything. I don't even know why I keep trying to dissect it and make sense of it. Perhaps because what my heart feels is so illogical, so absurd as to be absolutely alien to my mind and how is it possible that my heart's gone out and found a life of its own, separate from everything I am. The 2 me-s that can't be reconciled. Or rather, perhaps it's just you and me. And this love really belongs to you more than it belongs to me, even though I'm the one feeling it. I feel like I'm losing the thread of my argument again.
I can't make any sense of this. I suppose you can't use the mind to write what the heart is feeling. I will stop before I try to clarify what I just said again and then confuse myself. The mind's understood a little bit of the heart and that's enough of a shift in perception for today.