Poor another drink for me...I like it better when Im numb...
This weekend wasnt too bad. I havent been feeling good lately. I dont know, my life is too crazy. I dont have anything stable in my life really. Janine and I are trying to make things stable. I am working on accepting that. I just am not used to it. I am used to having nothing to count on still. Everything can change within seconds. Everyone gets pissed at me when things changed. But there isnt anything I can do about that. I just feel so screwed over. I just hope that when I get my apartment things will improve so much. It will be nice when Andrew is there too. Actual human interaction without tons of open hostility would be nice. Thats all I get here at my house. It is so awesome. The thing I hate the most is the fact I am making good money...and I feel broke as fucking hell. I think its my mom...I think its the fact that my dad made sooo much money and we just never ever saw any of it and we always were 7 house payments behind and about to lose everything. I dont make even 1/4 of what he made an hour...and then on weekends it doubled...and just so much money I cant even imagine it. Course I never could imagine 1,000$ until it was in my bank account. Im just used to being poor or something. I dont know, I have issues right now. I need to talk to andrew about taking C++ classes at pcc online together. Thatd be really awesome, maybe some other ones. I might try to somehow end up going to pcc for two years in their degree program and then continue through with the transfer to psu and finish my computer science degree. But I dont know, I never know anything...Some of the classes I can take online, so I might take one at a time slowly. Until I can figure out what I might do jobwise, either at banks or if I need to work something else out...I dunno...I never know anything and I HATE it.