I Was Just Gang Raped By Five Guys.

[drumtroll]

So Vancouver just got a Five Guys restaurant.  Jane and I went in there a couple months ago, saw the prices ($8 for a single burger, $5 for a small fries), then promptly turned around and walked right back out.  Then one of Jane's friends raved about their burgers being worth every penny.  And of course President Obama likes them, so it must be

Comments

[jadedvioletruin]

Houston got a Five Guys a few months before I left for Chicago, but I never went. Apparently, they are all the rage here and I finally went a couple of months back. Thankfully I didn't pay for it. My friend who owed me a favor did. My burger wasn't as soggy as yours but I was definitely just as disappointed because as she was eating it she was talking about how good it was. I should also point out that she is Canadian.

[drumtroll]

Oh man. It's like The Emperor's New Clothes. They put up these quotes of all of their great newspaper reviews all over their walls (the best money can buy), then they charge way too much for them to build the hype - the result is all of these robotic sheep who have been eating McDonald's all of their lives freak out like elves just crapped magic into their mouths and it's the best thing they've ever tasted. (I guess, to be fair, maybe it *is* the best thing they've ever tasted up to that point.)

[bloodtree]

Oi oi oi, hold up with the Canadian thing a second... oh who I am kidding. For a second I was hoping she was from Nunavut and had only tasted raw seal meat. Five Guys may or may not have been an improvement. She was only tasting the hype though; the kids go apeshit for anything American we get here without caring how good it actually is. ("We're getting a Bath & Body Works?!!") (Oh. That quote was from me. Damn.)

For the record, though, if hospitals served burgers in the recovery ward, they'd be better than Five Guys. I've been searching my brain for a time I ate a more tasteless, disgusting burger. The only thing I can come up with is one of those frozen meat patties that comes in an unmarked box of 120 from some bulk meat warehouse and cooked up at a tee-ball game. And even then, I think my personal dressing of the burger took it to a higher level than Five Guys.

Worst. Burger. Ever. Really, I want to know their technique in sucking ALL of the flavour out of every component of that burger. My current guess is the magical

[drumtroll]

I can't remember... didn't we have a worse burger at the KMC bowling alley? Or maybe that was just me. At any rate I know I didn't pay $8 for it.

[bloodtree]

I took the cleanliness of the tables, multiplied it by the smell of the grease, added the menu made out of marquee letters, divided it by the ugliness of the staff and then ordered the grilled cheese.

Still, I think your burger had a whole pineapple slice n' shit... that slice alone is better than anything Five Guys could scrape off the floor.

Good call though, I nearly forgot about our "we're in the middle of nowhere in Hawaii and there's nowhere else to eat" experience. Says a lot for Five Guys when we have to scrape the bottom of the memory barrel for a worse burger than theirs. Thumbs up!