The chronicles of a new mom; Entry 1, My L&D Story
Yeah. You read that right. I'm a mom now. I'm blowing the dust off of this old thing to help chronicle some of my feelings, info, and observation of this crazy situation/adventure Dustin and I have managed to get ourselves into. I don't have the time, energy, or patience to actually physically write in a little journal like I want, and I have people who are getting kinda tired of me blowing up my facebook wall with various statuses about it, so this is the next best thing. Also, since its on a website, I don't have to worry about saving files or possibly loosing it if my computer dies in the future. Who know's..maybe she'll read this one day. If you wanna know about my first week as a mom, almost detail-by-detail(well, the ones where I'm drugged in the hospital before and after my labor and delivery might be a bit fuzzy, but I'll try) Click the cut and keep reading. If you're rolling your eyes and don't really give a crap..keep scrolling. I mean, really..how many people are gonna read this anyway? Its more for me, than anything. Anyway..
February 27th, 2013 started out as a regular boring day for me..I slept late because the night before my then unborn child had been turning flips and making waves in my stomach. Moving much more than she ever had. In the back of my mind I knew what was coming, but I didn't know when. See, I had been in early labor for about 2 weeks. Having semi-regular contractions. Not really painful ones, but contractions non-the-less. I'd had my 'bloody show' at the beginning of the month..so I had expected her a lot sooner than this. But, my contractions had stayed irregular..there were a couple scares where I thought 'this is is, lets go.' We ended up making two trips to the hospital during those two weeks..first time, they checked me and I was at 2cm. Then, the next week I had my appointment with my OB, and I had dilated to 3. Ironically, the date before my last appointment, and 3 days before my INTENDED due date, March 2nd..I go into full blown labor. Contractions that stopped me in my tracks every 4-5 minutes, horrible back pain..the whole shabang. Called my mom and we headed up there right after Dustin got off work..got there about 3:00 and they admitted me, got me in a birthing suite and checked me again..I was still 3cm. It hurt everytime they checked me..in the back of my head I wondered if that was normal. Then it was like they hit the breaks..I was frustrated because I had been stuck at 2-3cm for a week, and I was afraid of being sent home, again. They put me under observation for about 2 hours..which is their policy, to watch my contractions and progress. Within that 2 hours I had regular contractions, still 5 minutes apart. They came in and checked me for what would be my final time..I had dilated to 4cm. That's when I knew this was it, I wasn't coming home without a baby. But then they said 'Well, we can keep watching you and you could progress slowly through the night but honestly, your cervix is not opening up the way its supposed to..and your hips are very narrow..we're gonna talk to the doctor and explain the situation..and she'll come in here, check you and discuss options.'
So they left the room and I'm thinkin 'Well, I'm about to be in for a world of pain for the next 12 hours or so, but at least I'm finally about to have her..I'll deal with it.' The doctor came in about 20 minutes later, by then it was almost 7:00. She checked me, looked at me, and my chart and said 'Well, here's the problem. Your hips and pelvis are very narrow, because of your dysplasia. Your baby is still WAY up high, and she seems kinda stuck. I don't think you could deliver her on your own, even if you dilated all the way to 10cm. Its just too tight in there..you could hurt yourself, and the baby. So, what we're gonna do, is have a C-section within the next hour. How's February 27th sound as a birthday??' My whole world spun around me as I let her words sink in, as everyone around me cheered..I felt like I was going to throw up, a C section was honestly the last thing I had ever wanted..but apparently that was my only option. I numbly said 'Ok..?' with wide eyes and growing fear that made my brain want to explode. Suddenly I had to get a grip on the reality that my baby was coming. Today. NOW. Holy shit. Thats all I kept repeating when the doctor left the room.
Within half an hour people started filing in and putting bracelets on me, sticking needles attached with tubes in my arm..and my fear only grew, almost to the point of hyperventilation . But I tried not to show it. My mom and Dad were there..Dustin was there, some of his family too. I couldn't fall apart in front of them. I wanted her here..I was ready to yank her out myself at this point but I was NOT expecting major surgery to do it for me. But what really scared me was thinking 'Oh my God I'm actually about to have this baby and we are so unprepared its laughable..what the hell are we gonna do?'
Finally after waiting what seemed like forever they wheeled me back to the OR, as Dustin and my mom dressed in those scrub outfits with hairnets and those little blue bootie things, because they were gonna be back there with me. But, they couldn't actually come into the room until my epidural was in and they were about to hack me open. I wish they HAD been there for when they put the needle in..but I'm glad they weren't in a way because if they had been the anesthesiologist probably would have been knocked out. They had to try to get the needle in FOUR.TIMES.before it actually worked. Four times, a needle went into my spine. It was the most excruciating pain I ever felt, even after it was all over and the staples were pulling at the skin in my stomach after the numbing wore off..this hurt worse. They had me curled up in a tight ball, laying on my side with my chin on my chest, all while I was STILL having my regular contractions. By the 4th time I had my fingers dug into one of the nurses legs and I was sobbing, screaming 'YOU FUCKERS ARE TRYING TO PARALYZE ME!!' They laughed and said no, for me to calm down..that it would all be over soon. Finally they got it in right because I instantly felt warmness run through my body..within 10 minutes the whole lower half of my body was completely numb. Then, they took both my arms, stuck them out to the sides on these pad things and actually strapped me down. I felt like a dead butterfly in a display case. They said it was so I wouldn't attempt to move or reach out and grab anything, then the blue drape was put up where I couldn't see anything that was going on down there.
A few minutes later I saw the doctor come in and test how numb I was, and I couldn't feel ANYthing. She said 'Ok sweety get ready to be a mommy in a few minutes..I started to panic again. Because Dustin and my mom weren't in there yet and the show was about to start. A couple minutes later I saw the door open and they came in and were directed to stand by my head. My mom grabbed my hand and I finally felt a little relief. At least she was here. I wanted her here. I wanted her to see the birth of her first grandchild..even if it wasn't the way I had imagined it would be. Dustin kissed my cheek and then he had his phone out, ready to take pictures. I began to feel a lot pressure.
Apparently they had started to operate on me before they had even gotten in there..I felt the table shaking and my lower-body being shifted back and forth. People were talking all around me but I couldn't focus on any words. More shaking, more pressure. Finally I heard Dustin whisper 'oh my God', and put his hand on my face. My mom yelled 'Oh she's BEAUTIFUL!' All I could see was the damn blue sheet in my face.too numb and scared to say or do anything and then..I heard it..I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. My daughter's first cry. Haylee Joanne Short. Born at 8:40pm weighing 7 pounds, 6 ounces and 19 and a 1/2 inches long.
Those first few seconds that's all I could focus on, was hearing every bit of her voice that I could. My mom said 'Listen to that, that's your baby!' Then I found myself sobbing uncontrolably, as much as she was. Within a few seconds they had her cut away from me and they brought her around the drape so I could finally see her. She was crying, pink, and a lot BIGGER than I ever imagined she would be. Just..perfect. I felt a rush of emotions. All of them. Some I'd never felt before. Dustin was gone, probably to watch them clean and wrap her up..and then as soon as she was put in his arms she stopped crying(thats what they said anyway, I couldn't see anything. Blue sheet, remember?) During this time my uterus was being sewn back together, stuffed back in, the blood cleaned out..and then it was all sealed back together with 18 staples across my stomach. My mom said it was kinda scary watching all this happen..because she had only seen c sections done on tv, with alot of editing. She saw more of me that day than she ever thought she would, I guess. But, she held my hand the whole time.
They finally unstrapped my arms, but I was so numb that I could barely move them. Before I knew it Dustin was bringing her around to me again, this time completely clean, and wrapped up really tight in a swaddle. All I could see was her face, and her eyes..slowly blinking and taking in the bright world. All I could manage to say was "Hi..I love you.." Dustin brought her close enough to my face to where I could kiss her cheek. Then, suddenly they had to move him away from me because I needed to go to recovery..and I didn't see her, or any of them again for another 2 hours. At the time I didn't think much of how much time was passing in the recovery room, because I was still so numb and apparently doped up on a ton of painkillers. But later when they did tell me..and when they said that everyone had gotten to see her, and hold her..when all I got to do was barely kiss her cheek..I was furious. I wasn't even one of the first people to hold her. Even my DAD held her..and he doesn't usually have anything to do with babies..and I missed it. I missed it all. I sometimes still cry about it, and probably will for a while. It just kinda messes with me..the fact that I missed the first 2 hours of her life. But they said that time for recovery of a c section was normal. I just hate that I laid in a room shivering, and doped out of my mind while everyone else got to experience my daughter.
Honestly as mad as it makes me that I missed out on that time, and as disappointed as I am with the fact that I had a c section..I can't complain much. Because I skipped over the pain of labor(yet I'm having to deal with weeks of recovery, and a lot more pain in the long run..so in my eyes v-deliverers have it a lot easier). She's here, perfect, beautiful..and mine for the rest of my life. I love her.
Thats all I've got for right now..its almost 4 am and I've had to stop and feed her twice since I started typing this entry. I'm tired and I need as much sleep as I can get right now. I'll update more tomorrow..because I wanna get all my hospital/first week memories down while they're still fresh on my mind..but at least with this one, I got my L&D story out.
February 27th, 2013 started out as a regular boring day for me..I slept late because the night before my then unborn child had been turning flips and making waves in my stomach. Moving much more than she ever had. In the back of my mind I knew what was coming, but I didn't know when. See, I had been in early labor for about 2 weeks. Having semi-regular contractions. Not really painful ones, but contractions non-the-less. I'd had my 'bloody show' at the beginning of the month..so I had expected her a lot sooner than this. But, my contractions had stayed irregular..there were a couple scares where I thought 'this is is, lets go.' We ended up making two trips to the hospital during those two weeks..first time, they checked me and I was at 2cm. Then, the next week I had my appointment with my OB, and I had dilated to 3. Ironically, the date before my last appointment, and 3 days before my INTENDED due date, March 2nd..I go into full blown labor. Contractions that stopped me in my tracks every 4-5 minutes, horrible back pain..the whole shabang. Called my mom and we headed up there right after Dustin got off work..got there about 3:00 and they admitted me, got me in a birthing suite and checked me again..I was still 3cm. It hurt everytime they checked me..in the back of my head I wondered if that was normal. Then it was like they hit the breaks..I was frustrated because I had been stuck at 2-3cm for a week, and I was afraid of being sent home, again. They put me under observation for about 2 hours..which is their policy, to watch my contractions and progress. Within that 2 hours I had regular contractions, still 5 minutes apart. They came in and checked me for what would be my final time..I had dilated to 4cm. That's when I knew this was it, I wasn't coming home without a baby. But then they said 'Well, we can keep watching you and you could progress slowly through the night but honestly, your cervix is not opening up the way its supposed to..and your hips are very narrow..we're gonna talk to the doctor and explain the situation..and she'll come in here, check you and discuss options.'
So they left the room and I'm thinkin 'Well, I'm about to be in for a world of pain for the next 12 hours or so, but at least I'm finally about to have her..I'll deal with it.' The doctor came in about 20 minutes later, by then it was almost 7:00. She checked me, looked at me, and my chart and said 'Well, here's the problem. Your hips and pelvis are very narrow, because of your dysplasia. Your baby is still WAY up high, and she seems kinda stuck. I don't think you could deliver her on your own, even if you dilated all the way to 10cm. Its just too tight in there..you could hurt yourself, and the baby. So, what we're gonna do, is have a C-section within the next hour. How's February 27th sound as a birthday??' My whole world spun around me as I let her words sink in, as everyone around me cheered..I felt like I was going to throw up, a C section was honestly the last thing I had ever wanted..but apparently that was my only option. I numbly said 'Ok..?' with wide eyes and growing fear that made my brain want to explode. Suddenly I had to get a grip on the reality that my baby was coming. Today. NOW. Holy shit. Thats all I kept repeating when the doctor left the room.
Within half an hour people started filing in and putting bracelets on me, sticking needles attached with tubes in my arm..and my fear only grew, almost to the point of hyperventilation . But I tried not to show it. My mom and Dad were there..Dustin was there, some of his family too. I couldn't fall apart in front of them. I wanted her here..I was ready to yank her out myself at this point but I was NOT expecting major surgery to do it for me. But what really scared me was thinking 'Oh my God I'm actually about to have this baby and we are so unprepared its laughable..what the hell are we gonna do?'
Finally after waiting what seemed like forever they wheeled me back to the OR, as Dustin and my mom dressed in those scrub outfits with hairnets and those little blue bootie things, because they were gonna be back there with me. But, they couldn't actually come into the room until my epidural was in and they were about to hack me open. I wish they HAD been there for when they put the needle in..but I'm glad they weren't in a way because if they had been the anesthesiologist probably would have been knocked out. They had to try to get the needle in FOUR.TIMES.before it actually worked. Four times, a needle went into my spine. It was the most excruciating pain I ever felt, even after it was all over and the staples were pulling at the skin in my stomach after the numbing wore off..this hurt worse. They had me curled up in a tight ball, laying on my side with my chin on my chest, all while I was STILL having my regular contractions. By the 4th time I had my fingers dug into one of the nurses legs and I was sobbing, screaming 'YOU FUCKERS ARE TRYING TO PARALYZE ME!!' They laughed and said no, for me to calm down..that it would all be over soon. Finally they got it in right because I instantly felt warmness run through my body..within 10 minutes the whole lower half of my body was completely numb. Then, they took both my arms, stuck them out to the sides on these pad things and actually strapped me down. I felt like a dead butterfly in a display case. They said it was so I wouldn't attempt to move or reach out and grab anything, then the blue drape was put up where I couldn't see anything that was going on down there.
A few minutes later I saw the doctor come in and test how numb I was, and I couldn't feel ANYthing. She said 'Ok sweety get ready to be a mommy in a few minutes..I started to panic again. Because Dustin and my mom weren't in there yet and the show was about to start. A couple minutes later I saw the door open and they came in and were directed to stand by my head. My mom grabbed my hand and I finally felt a little relief. At least she was here. I wanted her here. I wanted her to see the birth of her first grandchild..even if it wasn't the way I had imagined it would be. Dustin kissed my cheek and then he had his phone out, ready to take pictures. I began to feel a lot pressure.
Apparently they had started to operate on me before they had even gotten in there..I felt the table shaking and my lower-body being shifted back and forth. People were talking all around me but I couldn't focus on any words. More shaking, more pressure. Finally I heard Dustin whisper 'oh my God', and put his hand on my face. My mom yelled 'Oh she's BEAUTIFUL!' All I could see was the damn blue sheet in my face.too numb and scared to say or do anything and then..I heard it..I heard the most beautiful sound in the world. My daughter's first cry. Haylee Joanne Short. Born at 8:40pm weighing 7 pounds, 6 ounces and 19 and a 1/2 inches long.
Those first few seconds that's all I could focus on, was hearing every bit of her voice that I could. My mom said 'Listen to that, that's your baby!' Then I found myself sobbing uncontrolably, as much as she was. Within a few seconds they had her cut away from me and they brought her around the drape so I could finally see her. She was crying, pink, and a lot BIGGER than I ever imagined she would be. Just..perfect. I felt a rush of emotions. All of them. Some I'd never felt before. Dustin was gone, probably to watch them clean and wrap her up..and then as soon as she was put in his arms she stopped crying(thats what they said anyway, I couldn't see anything. Blue sheet, remember?) During this time my uterus was being sewn back together, stuffed back in, the blood cleaned out..and then it was all sealed back together with 18 staples across my stomach. My mom said it was kinda scary watching all this happen..because she had only seen c sections done on tv, with alot of editing. She saw more of me that day than she ever thought she would, I guess. But, she held my hand the whole time.
They finally unstrapped my arms, but I was so numb that I could barely move them. Before I knew it Dustin was bringing her around to me again, this time completely clean, and wrapped up really tight in a swaddle. All I could see was her face, and her eyes..slowly blinking and taking in the bright world. All I could manage to say was "Hi..I love you.." Dustin brought her close enough to my face to where I could kiss her cheek. Then, suddenly they had to move him away from me because I needed to go to recovery..and I didn't see her, or any of them again for another 2 hours. At the time I didn't think much of how much time was passing in the recovery room, because I was still so numb and apparently doped up on a ton of painkillers. But later when they did tell me..and when they said that everyone had gotten to see her, and hold her..when all I got to do was barely kiss her cheek..I was furious. I wasn't even one of the first people to hold her. Even my DAD held her..and he doesn't usually have anything to do with babies..and I missed it. I missed it all. I sometimes still cry about it, and probably will for a while. It just kinda messes with me..the fact that I missed the first 2 hours of her life. But they said that time for recovery of a c section was normal. I just hate that I laid in a room shivering, and doped out of my mind while everyone else got to experience my daughter.
Honestly as mad as it makes me that I missed out on that time, and as disappointed as I am with the fact that I had a c section..I can't complain much. Because I skipped over the pain of labor(yet I'm having to deal with weeks of recovery, and a lot more pain in the long run..so in my eyes v-deliverers have it a lot easier). She's here, perfect, beautiful..and mine for the rest of my life. I love her.
Thats all I've got for right now..its almost 4 am and I've had to stop and feed her twice since I started typing this entry. I'm tired and I need as much sleep as I can get right now. I'll update more tomorrow..because I wanna get all my hospital/first week memories down while they're still fresh on my mind..but at least with this one, I got my L&D story out.