A Sad day for Steve
Today I write my first entry in my own journal. I wish I had a better day. I took a risk and lost evrything. She doesn't feel the same way. I can deal with that. That's fine with me. I was in drama and I was thinking of ways to make me cry for a part I was reading. and so I thought back to a sad time and that got me pretty well and then I looked over at her and a horrible image shot through my head. she was sitting far away from me so she didn't see the tears almost pouring out of me eyes. It got worse after someone told me how their friend once asked them, "what would you say at my funeral". A sad thought for anyone but even worse for me after i saw in my mind... I can't even type it. I was fighting back tears the rest of the afternoon. I pretended to laugh, put on fake smiles, anything to make me feel better but that image of her dead in my mind was killing me. I saw her right after school and I went to give her a hug and cry on her shoulder and she backed away and told me that we don't have the same feelings for each other and that she thinks of me as a friend, which I already knew. But, the fact that she backed away from me with a look of disgust on her face made me feel as though nobody would be there for me and it just got worse and worse. On the bus, 2 older girls that are friends of mine were deeply concerned, as were matt and srj, but there was nothing i could say, i was lost in deep thought about how bad she had made me feel. and now i don't know what to do. i feel as thought i can't walk into school tomorrow. like i can't see her face or hear her voice without crying. I am on the brink of tears just thinking about how much i lost. but that can't get me down, for 1981 years ago, it was 40 days until Jesus rose from the dead and saved us all. to think, i am worried about how i should go about going to school tomorrow, just that long ago, Jesus was thinking, in 37 days I am going to die and have to raise myself back from the dead to save people I haven't even met. Something to think about.
-Steve, who else?
-Steve, who else?