FIC: The Gift of Giving || The RoyEd Christmas Drabbles 4/10
Banner courtesy of hpfangirl71
Title: The Gift of Giving
Author: drummerdancer
Verse: None
Characters/Pairings: Roy/Ed, mentions of other(s)
Word Count: 2100 total (100:100:500:100:1300)
Rating: T
Summary: In which Roy enlightens Ed on the gift of sending holiday cards.
“We are not sending holiday cards!”
“Now, c’mon Ed…”
“No; I’m serious!” Edward pushed the stack of blank cards off the coffee table, not even bothering to watch as they scattered across the floor. He stood up, fists clenched, body tense. “Send them addressed from you and you alone; I refuse to sign them.”
Hurt was etched clear as day on Roy’s face, but right then, Edward didn’t give a damn. Grabbing his jacket from the armrest, Ed slung it over his shoulder and headed for the door.
“Wait, Ed-!”
Edward slammed the door, his destination unknown even to him.
***
He wandered street after street, his eyes unseeing as his head spun with emotions. He didn’t even know why he was so mad; after all, most normal people sent cards during the holidays, right? It wasn’t completely outrageous or anything that Roy, too, would also want to send them.
But deep down, Edward knew it was something more than that. Something inside of him was at odds with it, with all of this, like just the thought of him being all domestic-y and happy was a problem in and of itself.
He crossed another street, lost to the world.
***
Up ahead, a single store light glowed warmly against the darkening sky. Edward felt his stomach rumble, and he quickly hurried in. A single waitress greeted him immediately, and he ordered a sandwich with some coffee as he found a seat by a window.
The place was deserted save for a couple across the aisle from him. He dropped his head in his hand and watched as they conversed with one another. They seemed happy, all lovey-dovey and shit, holding hands like there was no tomorrow. He wondered why he couldn’t be like that.
The waitress came by with his meal not five minutes later, and Edward was quick to take a bite as he watched the other table. The man had his hand over the woman’s, his face unhindered and easy like an open book. He smiled as she said something to him, his eyes never leaving hers.
Edward wondered if not for the thousandth time why he couldn’t be like that with Roy. Sure, they were ‘seeing’ each other in the romantic sense, but was he ever completely open like that? Hell no, he wasn’t! In fact, most of the time his emotions were in one of two settings; peaceful, and pissed. And even then, his definition of ‘peaceful’ was shallow at best; it only took a jab or two about his height and he’d go off the deep end.
Signing to himself, Edward looked away. He did feel other emotions; happiness, sadness, all the ones other people felt. But all of that was done in private. Only Al saw that side of him, and as of late, Edward hadn’t seen him very often.
He sat back and subconsciously dug into his pocket. As he flipped the lid of his watch, he thought again about the holiday cards. They weren’t a big deal…really they weren’t! But deep down…they were.
The image of his late mother came to mind as he stared at the old engraving. As far as he knew, her parents had died long ago, leaving her abandoned and without any relatives. She hadn’t had very many holiday cards to send out. In fact…
She had only sent one every year. To his father.
Slamming his watch shut roughly, Edward cursed bitterly. He could still remember every year that went by, when the holidays approached, and she would round up him and Al and get their chicken-scratch signatures together on a card with hers. In later years, she even included a picture of the three of them, all smiling and giggling.
The last one they’d taken had been an act; by that time, Edward had come to accepted that his bastard of a father was never coming back, and doing this mundane ritual was only a reminder of that pain. Sure, he had grinned and whatnot, for the sake of his mother’s happiness, but deep down…he had been angry.
Downing the last of his food, Edward laid his cenz down and left.
***
The walk back to Roy’s was a slow one. At first, he’d debated whether to go back at all, seeing as how he had left so rudely. But he also didn’t want Roy to worry about him, no matter how bad things got. Especially since this fight had all been one-sided and started by him.
He kicked a loose pebble and watched it skirt against the broken sidewalk. He’d probably never be as open and as honest as he’d like to be, but if Roy still wanted him anyway, Edward owed it to the man to at least try.
***
Opening the apartment door as quietly as he could, Edward noticed the lamp light from the living room was still on and ablaze. He walked in, careful to seem as put together as he could while inside, his emotions stewed.
“You’re back,” came a soft voice. “Wasn’t sure if I’d see you again or not tonight.”
Edward glanced at the other man. Roy was sitting in the same position he had been earlier, though a steaming mug of coffee on the table indicated the man had indeed moved since then. That made him feel a little better; he would’ve felt like a total asshole if Roy had simply stayed exactly where he was the entire time.
Still, not all of the guilt was washed away by that observation. Edward’s shoulders lowered slightly as he bowed, a courtesy he was all too used to performing in the office.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” he muttered, closing his eyes as he waited. Apologies weren’t really his thing, and neither he nor Roy expected him to elaborate.
Roy was silent. A sudden trickle of unease washed down Edward’s spine. What if he’d really screwed up this time? Was Roy secretly furious at him? Was this it between them, was it all over?
Footsteps came his way as he looked up in time to see Roy pushing his shoulders back to a straight up position, his hands coming to rest there as he looked at Edward.
“It’s okay; don’t apologize.” Roy looked at him with an unreadable look before continuing, his voice low. “I…I get it, okay? Being with me isn’t the most…conventional thing in the world, so I understand that you feel wei-”
Shock rippled through Ed’s system, and he almost would’ve laughed if not for the severity of Roy’s voice. Is that what the man thought this was about? Their relationship?
“No, no, that’s not it! I don’t have a problem with this-” Edward made a back-and-forth motion between their bodies, not caring to elaborate with words, “-so don’t worry about that, okay? I promise I’m fine.”
Now looking absolutely befuddled, Roy took a step back and removed his hands. “Then why were you so upset earlier? What’s the problem with the holiday cards? Do you just not like to celebrate the holidays?”
Edward blushed and looked away. “No, no…that’s not it either.”
“Then wha-”
“It’s my father!” he burst out suddenly, his whole body stiff and uncomfortable as he frowned. “My mom…she used to send out one card every year…and it was always to him. We never got anything in return; no cards, no pictures, no nothing. And it’s just…sending a card now feels so wrong…like, what if we don’t get anything back? I just…I don’t know if I could handle it.” Edward finished and immediately wanted to take the words back. He’d never told anybody, not Teacher, not Al, nobody. And now…he’d just said it all so awkwardly to Roy…
Childishly, Ed wanted to run away, but before he could even think about it, he felt his shoulders being grabbed once again, though this time he was being held, chest-to-chest with Roy. He sucked in his breath, not knowing how the man was going to react or what he was going to say. After all, now that he’d said it all, it sounded completely ridiculous.
“I’m sorry; that was stupid,” he muttered, not knowing what to say. He hated feeling like this, so exposed and open, like Roy could see into his brain or something. At least when he was angry, he had control over the situation; now, he simply waited, not knowing what to do.
Roy breathed deeply against his chest, one hand smoothing through his hair while the other one rubbed a circle into his lower back. It was nice, soothing even, something his mom would’ve done while he was little. He leaned into the touch, his unease slowly slipping away.
Finally, Roy spoke.
“You know, growing up, I never got any holiday cards…my biological parents were gone, and they just didn’t ‘do’ cards at the orphanage. But then, when my late father’s sister stepped in…everything changed.” Roy looked away for a moment, a look of fondness gracing his face.
“She loved everything. She loved her job, she loved her friends, and she especially loved the holidays. We used to prepare for them like you wouldn’t believe. We’d make sugar cookies, decorate dozens of trees…and I can’t even begin to count how many times I wrote my name down on those damn cards. The first year, I was so sore I couldn’t write for a week!” He looked down again, this time meeting Ed’s eyes.
“For all those years, I thought it was silly and a complete waste of time. After all, the cards we received in return were barely a fraction of the ones we sent out; why even bother, I used to say. In fact…” he grinned, “I even asked her that.”
His grin turned wistful, like he was recalling the experience for the first time in front of Ed. He watched, fascinated, as Roy closed his eyes and continued.
“She said the point of giving was not to receive, and in fact, she didn’t ever expect to receive anything in return. For her, the thought that sending those cards might brighten someone’s day, even if only for a fleeting second, was a gift in and of itself. In fact, she thought she was selfish because she got so much enjoyment out of picking out the cards and designing the inside and such. It made her happy; it still does, even to this day.”
Roy smiled, looking directly into Ed’s eyes. “And it makes me happy, too, because I’m selfish like that as well. I have so much to be thankful for, and sending cards is one of the ways I can spread that happiness around to others. It might not seem like much…but to some, it’s the world.”
Edward was speechless, his jaw hanging slack as he gaped at Roy. He’d never ever thought of it like that. For him, giving cards was like equivalent exchange; you give one, you get one. Except that debt had never been paid by his old man, not once. But, his mother had always sent them, regardless. Maybe she had understood that too?
Edward looked away for a moment, his insides curling as his cheeks flushed. He was feeling neither peaceful nor pissed at the moment, and he wasn’t really sure what to do. In fact…he felt enlightened, something that he’d only ever felt while reading books. But this, this knowledge that Roy had bestowed upon him…it was eye-opening.
“Um…,” he trailed, again a loss for words. What should he do? What should he say?
“It’s okay if you still don’t want to do cards. I get it; it’s not for every-”
“No; wait! I do want to do the card thing! Here-” Edward rushed over to the coffee table and bent down, scooping up all the unsigned cards from earlier. “We can start right now!”
Roy glanced at the clock on the bookshelf. “Edward, it’s half past midnig-”
“Don’t care! We’re doing this now!” He sat down on the couch, stacking the cards neatly as his hand found a discarded ink pen. Looking expectantly up at Roy, Edward patted the seat next to him. “Well?”
Looking all too pleased with himself, though thankfully not as smug as usual, Roy sat down next to him, pointing out how and where and to who each card was going to, all the while with Edward grinning and smiling, a feeling of elatedness he’d rarely felt.
All because of some dumb holiday cards.
Fake cut @ fandomwords100 & steelandsparks