(no subject)
I haven't posted in a while so this might be long. Lately there hasn't been too much going on but I've been getting to hang out with Daisy more, which is cool cause we haven't been talking much lately. The dance that we are doing is really starting to get cool and I'm happy because I was seriously thinking about quitting.
Other than that, I've been feeling a little bit weird. I feel kind of lonely which is why I'm thankful for the friends I have. One imparticular, but for the most part I have really caring friends. I hate being alone, I just want someone to love and to love me back. I don't care about looks or anything, the feeling that you have somone just makes me feel good. It's also hard for me to get clse to my friends. For example, Jessica, my best friend and the person that means most to me. I'm graduating this year and the thought of not being able to see her smile every morning just kills me. She's not the only thing I'll miss, it's just the fact that after high school, you are on your own. I have to decide what I want to do with my life and I have no idea what I am going to do.
I've been thinking alot about my life and I think I have it pretty good. I worry about my friends alot and usually I don't even sleep at night because I'm thinking. I've changed so much and for the good I'd say. I'm feeling a whole bunch of new emotions and I am really confused. Never before could I say that I loved somone and actually mean it. I mean with the exception of my family. I get made fun of alot cause my best friend is a girl. So what? She's one of the best things that has ever happened to me, I realized who I was and who I need to become. At least I have somone I can talk to about anything. I am completely okay with that. I feel much happier than I have in a while but I feel like I have an empty spot. I don;t feel like that unless I'm alone. When I'm with my friends and having a good time, it seems to dull the pain, which is partly I do the things I do. Then when it's all said and done, I'll be home and the empty spot will come back. It's not just in my head, I feel it, like in my chest as if my heart is telling me somthing. But I don;t know what to do, I know I don;t feel complete and I dont know why. Maybe I need somone to love. I mean at least that's how I feel. Im only half happy. Sometimes the key to happiness is right under our nose. Forget lust. Lust is temporary. But love, love is like a dream come true. Most of the time it's the people whom we least expect. The girl that you've known your whole life, the one you used to wrestle with an dplay in the dirt with. Maybe a friend, somone who loves you just as much as you love them. What people don;t understand is that feelings need to be brought to the surface. It's better to try and fail then to realize 10 years down the line that you missed out on an oppertunity that could have made you life a dream come true. If you love somone, tell them. Most of the time they feel the same, but were just too terrified to lose your friendship. I've seen so many people get hurt from letting themselves be used. I made a promise to myself that I would never do that to any girl, I would never ever break somones heart intentionally.
I'm so thankful that I've had it harder than most. I'm grateful that I was given the life expieriences that I've been given because I know, that in the end, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.
I just want to be happy............
Other than that, I've been feeling a little bit weird. I feel kind of lonely which is why I'm thankful for the friends I have. One imparticular, but for the most part I have really caring friends. I hate being alone, I just want someone to love and to love me back. I don't care about looks or anything, the feeling that you have somone just makes me feel good. It's also hard for me to get clse to my friends. For example, Jessica, my best friend and the person that means most to me. I'm graduating this year and the thought of not being able to see her smile every morning just kills me. She's not the only thing I'll miss, it's just the fact that after high school, you are on your own. I have to decide what I want to do with my life and I have no idea what I am going to do.
I've been thinking alot about my life and I think I have it pretty good. I worry about my friends alot and usually I don't even sleep at night because I'm thinking. I've changed so much and for the good I'd say. I'm feeling a whole bunch of new emotions and I am really confused. Never before could I say that I loved somone and actually mean it. I mean with the exception of my family. I get made fun of alot cause my best friend is a girl. So what? She's one of the best things that has ever happened to me, I realized who I was and who I need to become. At least I have somone I can talk to about anything. I am completely okay with that. I feel much happier than I have in a while but I feel like I have an empty spot. I don;t feel like that unless I'm alone. When I'm with my friends and having a good time, it seems to dull the pain, which is partly I do the things I do. Then when it's all said and done, I'll be home and the empty spot will come back. It's not just in my head, I feel it, like in my chest as if my heart is telling me somthing. But I don;t know what to do, I know I don;t feel complete and I dont know why. Maybe I need somone to love. I mean at least that's how I feel. Im only half happy. Sometimes the key to happiness is right under our nose. Forget lust. Lust is temporary. But love, love is like a dream come true. Most of the time it's the people whom we least expect. The girl that you've known your whole life, the one you used to wrestle with an dplay in the dirt with. Maybe a friend, somone who loves you just as much as you love them. What people don;t understand is that feelings need to be brought to the surface. It's better to try and fail then to realize 10 years down the line that you missed out on an oppertunity that could have made you life a dream come true. If you love somone, tell them. Most of the time they feel the same, but were just too terrified to lose your friendship. I've seen so many people get hurt from letting themselves be used. I made a promise to myself that I would never do that to any girl, I would never ever break somones heart intentionally.
I'm so thankful that I've had it harder than most. I'm grateful that I was given the life expieriences that I've been given because I know, that in the end, what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.
I just want to be happy............