(no subject)

Jul 13, 2009 01:29

I'm pretty sure I lose friends when they get close enough to me for a long enough period of time to see that the "emotionless jerk" thing isn't just a facade. I don't lose them at that precise moment, I lose them when it becomes too much and they need a close friend who can put some emotional support underneath them. Which I understand.

So I probably shouldn't let people get that close. Or I could change my personality. The problem is I'm horribly, horribly content and satisfied with my personality and who I am. So it wouldn't make sense to change it.

So do I go through a vicious cycle of friends figuring out I am the brick wall I claim to be and then watch them take a different path that has softer, more climbable walls? Or do I put a big, fat electric fence 20 feet in front of the brick wall so no one can try and hurdle it?

Then again, putting up the electric fence would eliminate my transparency policy of "ask a straight question, get a straight answer" which would be changing my personality which would be nonsensical as I have already mentioned.

Damn.

So it's vicious cycle? Awesome.

I could see a shrink... he might tell me profound things. He might teach me how to eliminate the vicious cycle without changing myself. Buuut I don't see how. I envision a shrink telling me everything I already know, because I know myself. I'm probably just being cynical or a skeptic or whatever, but that's ok.

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