Individual paths vs fear
I once had a dream in which I was trying to escape a crumbling house.
The building was falling apart around me, and I was crawling on my belly along the floor, trying to find a safe passage outside. While doing so, I had my two cats clutched to my chest, and a pet snake wrapped around my neck. I was desperately trying to wrangle the lot of them towards the exit with me, but they struggled free and ran off in separate directions.
Needless to say, I was freaking out.
A voice nearby told me gently that all the beings connected to my life have their own lives to lead, their own paths to follow... that it was very kind of me to want to nurture and protect them from any harm, but that they do not exist for my benefit, and I cannot hold them back from their individual fates because of my personal fears. They ultimately have to follow their own destinies, wherever they may lead.
It made me think of the various kinds of relationships we have with people.
Some wander into our lives only long enough to be the catalyst for an event or to impart some piece of knowledge, while others linger for a while and develop stronger connections with us. We come to form deep attachments to these people, and often end up clinging tightly to those we care about. This is mostly for their own benefit, because we care about them and want to keep them from any harm or suffering, but we do it for our own benefit as well.
Yes, when we anxiously telephone a friend after not having heard from them for a while, just to make sure they're OK, we're mostly concerned for their well-being. We want to ensure that they aren't sick or hurt or otherwise in need of some kind of care... but we are also looking out for ourselves by these actions.
WE love these people. WE benefit from their affection, their company, their input on our own existence. Life is such a roller coaster of uncertainty and change that we grab onto those things and people that offer some semblance of security and consistency in our lives.
I'm just as guilty of doing this as most others out there.
In fact, with the exception of those who are either pathologically emotionally numb, or highly ascended Buddhist masters, I think almost all of us have succumbed to this tendency on many occasions. When we find out that another's plans differ from our own, we have those fleeting thoughts of,
"But, we were going to..."
"But I need you to..."
"But I wanted us to..."
...and a couple of supports collapse from beneath our carefully laid-out flow chart, letting it tremble to the ground with a clatter of fallen sharpies and marker pins.
We must, MUST remember that each and every being is on their own path, and ultimately must be allowed to follow it.
It's a lot easier said than done, isn't it? Talking about non-attachment is far simpler than actually putting it into practice, especially when our own egos, fears, dreams and desires come into play. When relationships (of any kind) break apart, so much of the suffering we experience comes from our expectations suddenly being shattered -- our long term projections and dreams and imaginings coming to a halt when the other player suddenly excuses him/her self from the game.
Yes, we are all interconnected on this giant game board, and everyone we come into contact with plays a vital role in our lives... but although the choreography for this grand ballet is exquisite, each dancer is a single entity, and ultimately must be permitted to dance, and shine, on their own.