"App. 22 Hours"
Dear Journal,
It has been approximately 22 Hours since I had my very last cigarette in the entire world. Parts of this day (particularly toward the end) have been a little more difficult than Mr. Carr led me to believe, but I was able to announce to my friends--the other grad students--that I have quit, and I told them what Mr. Carr said to the "non-smokers" in his book.
Mainly I told them what Mr. Carr said about how they should tell me every day how nicely I smell and how much more good-looking I am. I also told them the part about how they can bring up the smoking thing any time, because just because I am not talking about it, it doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it. In fact, I WILL BE fucking thinking about it and it would be great if my friends could continue to praise me and my bravery and so forth. I told them all that. I also told them what Mr. Carr wrote about how sometimes ex-smokers will get really angry as a ploy to get his friends to say "jeez, maybe you should go ahead and have a cigarette" and so he (me--the ex-smoker) could go ahead and do that thinking he has permission, but that they should instead say "my, if that's what it's like for you when you're smoking, I'm glad you're quitting; how brave of you." and so forth. I think they understood. Despite the difficulties--Even though I'm not actually "giving up" anything and any feeling of deprivation is a result of brainwashing--I did find one benefit not mentioned in the book.
The feeling of nicotine withdrawal--I think you can get a little high from it. It's an unfamiliar, jarring feeling that your body goes through. The book describes it as the "little monster" inside of you slowly dying over a period of three weeks. I want to get high off of the little monster's death. I think that will get me through. I keep saying "fuck you, little monster" and "die, little monster" every time I feel a pang of withdrawal like the book says. But maybe I can enjoy everything more by getting high off of the monster's dead rotting corpse. But who knows? It's only been twenty-two hours.
It has been approximately 22 Hours since I had my very last cigarette in the entire world. Parts of this day (particularly toward the end) have been a little more difficult than Mr. Carr led me to believe, but I was able to announce to my friends--the other grad students--that I have quit, and I told them what Mr. Carr said to the "non-smokers" in his book.
Mainly I told them what Mr. Carr said about how they should tell me every day how nicely I smell and how much more good-looking I am. I also told them the part about how they can bring up the smoking thing any time, because just because I am not talking about it, it doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it. In fact, I WILL BE fucking thinking about it and it would be great if my friends could continue to praise me and my bravery and so forth. I told them all that. I also told them what Mr. Carr wrote about how sometimes ex-smokers will get really angry as a ploy to get his friends to say "jeez, maybe you should go ahead and have a cigarette" and so he (me--the ex-smoker) could go ahead and do that thinking he has permission, but that they should instead say "my, if that's what it's like for you when you're smoking, I'm glad you're quitting; how brave of you." and so forth. I think they understood. Despite the difficulties--Even though I'm not actually "giving up" anything and any feeling of deprivation is a result of brainwashing--I did find one benefit not mentioned in the book.
The feeling of nicotine withdrawal--I think you can get a little high from it. It's an unfamiliar, jarring feeling that your body goes through. The book describes it as the "little monster" inside of you slowly dying over a period of three weeks. I want to get high off of the little monster's death. I think that will get me through. I keep saying "fuck you, little monster" and "die, little monster" every time I feel a pang of withdrawal like the book says. But maybe I can enjoy everything more by getting high off of the monster's dead rotting corpse. But who knows? It's only been twenty-two hours.