(no subject)
I never did finish my last update, did I? Oh well.
time's just flying by. This year's almost up already, I can't believe it! Is has been possibly my most amazing to date.
recent things: I fell in with the local lesbian crowd, somehow got moved into the hip lesbian room, had an AMAZING night out in town, apparently burnt some bridges, but it showed me more about the true natures of those I've been around, spent an amazing week with the aunt and uncle in rhode island, survived a blizzard, and now I'm here, drunk, watching lesbian movies with blue moon by myself and reminiscing.
I could be feeling bad, I was earlier, but really I'm pretty damn happy. The whole issue with the roomies/friends shook me up a little, I obviously still have an issue or 2, but I'm pretty confidant. Maybe it's because I'm in my own little bubble right now, perfectly content, and I feel incredibly loved. I'm remembering how no matter how bleak things look sometimes if I just get through them and spend time with the right people everything is better. And I have to be ok with not having a right person around sometimes, or someone turning around and fucking things up on me, because it's not really about me half the time, they have issues and insecurities. And sometime I'm just asking more from them than they could possibly give, which is something I just need to let be and get over. And above all, I just have to allow myself the freedom to be happy and beautiful. And I really believe I am, which is something I've rarely actually thought about myself before. Too often I view myself through insecurities and how I 'fail' others, I don't let myself see what's actually there. My wonderful smile, my deep compassion, my intelligence, my strength, my style... I see myself as awkward, clumsy, all these things. But I'm starting to realize I'm a woman, a grown woman, with all these great things under her belt already and more to come.
I want to go to the city (a pretty city, too) for new years, an interesting little woman I met a few weeks back wants to see me again, and frankly I'm curious as hell to see more of her, her friends, and what sorts of situations I could wind up in. I just need to find the (right) ride out. A few minor things are holding me back, but even if I don't go I'm sure I'll find something fulfilling to do. Might not result in as interesting stories (and boy do I have some!!!) but I'll come out of it just as well.
ok, I think that's about all I have to say for now. Surprising, my phone didn't even tell me I wrote too much yet!
anyway, how are you all? I haven't even checked this site in ages. I hope you all had amazing holidays and stuff.
time's just flying by. This year's almost up already, I can't believe it! Is has been possibly my most amazing to date.
recent things: I fell in with the local lesbian crowd, somehow got moved into the hip lesbian room, had an AMAZING night out in town, apparently burnt some bridges, but it showed me more about the true natures of those I've been around, spent an amazing week with the aunt and uncle in rhode island, survived a blizzard, and now I'm here, drunk, watching lesbian movies with blue moon by myself and reminiscing.
I could be feeling bad, I was earlier, but really I'm pretty damn happy. The whole issue with the roomies/friends shook me up a little, I obviously still have an issue or 2, but I'm pretty confidant. Maybe it's because I'm in my own little bubble right now, perfectly content, and I feel incredibly loved. I'm remembering how no matter how bleak things look sometimes if I just get through them and spend time with the right people everything is better. And I have to be ok with not having a right person around sometimes, or someone turning around and fucking things up on me, because it's not really about me half the time, they have issues and insecurities. And sometime I'm just asking more from them than they could possibly give, which is something I just need to let be and get over. And above all, I just have to allow myself the freedom to be happy and beautiful. And I really believe I am, which is something I've rarely actually thought about myself before. Too often I view myself through insecurities and how I 'fail' others, I don't let myself see what's actually there. My wonderful smile, my deep compassion, my intelligence, my strength, my style... I see myself as awkward, clumsy, all these things. But I'm starting to realize I'm a woman, a grown woman, with all these great things under her belt already and more to come.
I want to go to the city (a pretty city, too) for new years, an interesting little woman I met a few weeks back wants to see me again, and frankly I'm curious as hell to see more of her, her friends, and what sorts of situations I could wind up in. I just need to find the (right) ride out. A few minor things are holding me back, but even if I don't go I'm sure I'll find something fulfilling to do. Might not result in as interesting stories (and boy do I have some!!!) but I'll come out of it just as well.
ok, I think that's about all I have to say for now. Surprising, my phone didn't even tell me I wrote too much yet!
anyway, how are you all? I haven't even checked this site in ages. I hope you all had amazing holidays and stuff.