don't even bother reading this
I'm frustrated with the internet right now. People can pretend they're in touch with people they never talk to because they read their random BS screen-for-whoever's-going-to-be-able-to-see-it blog entries or status updates on Facebook.
Maybe I'm just sick of not being in touch with anyone and I know it's largely (or 50%) my fault, but it's still frustrating.
Maybe I'm still just pissed off that people actually left condolence messages on my fucking Facebook wall when my mom died and that was all I ever heard from them and they thought that actually meant anything.
I haven't been this sad since December. I feel like I skipped the last few months; like I was somehow able to completely ignore the fact that my mom was dead and walk around like my life wasn't totally fucked. No one gets it who hasn't been through it. No one's been through it. It's no ones fault; they just have no fucking clue. It only bothers me when they don't know they have no clue. My sister and I have been following such parallel paths in our grief it's almost unnerving. Even when we're not talking to each other about it.
I had nightmares for a week and a half, about mom every time. I did right after it happened, too, but they came back out of the blue. Haven't been able to sleep without taking OTC stuff in days. was up until 4:30 last night. played frisbee with no subs today and it was the closest to normal i've felt in days, right up until the second we stopped, and then i went back to being totally unable to sleep.
anyway this is all bullshit and i should filter it. i dont want to hear replies from people who never email me and didnt even send me a card when my life got destroyed. i shouldnt be so angry but it distracts me from feeling sad all the time.
anyway
whatever
nevermind
Maybe I'm just sick of not being in touch with anyone and I know it's largely (or 50%) my fault, but it's still frustrating.
Maybe I'm still just pissed off that people actually left condolence messages on my fucking Facebook wall when my mom died and that was all I ever heard from them and they thought that actually meant anything.
I haven't been this sad since December. I feel like I skipped the last few months; like I was somehow able to completely ignore the fact that my mom was dead and walk around like my life wasn't totally fucked. No one gets it who hasn't been through it. No one's been through it. It's no ones fault; they just have no fucking clue. It only bothers me when they don't know they have no clue. My sister and I have been following such parallel paths in our grief it's almost unnerving. Even when we're not talking to each other about it.
I had nightmares for a week and a half, about mom every time. I did right after it happened, too, but they came back out of the blue. Haven't been able to sleep without taking OTC stuff in days. was up until 4:30 last night. played frisbee with no subs today and it was the closest to normal i've felt in days, right up until the second we stopped, and then i went back to being totally unable to sleep.
anyway this is all bullshit and i should filter it. i dont want to hear replies from people who never email me and didnt even send me a card when my life got destroyed. i shouldnt be so angry but it distracts me from feeling sad all the time.
anyway
whatever
nevermind