haven't done this in a while

[drubixcube]

So as of late I've started to feel better or at least I'm telling myself that. I did a good deed in stopping some fucking asshole that stole about $4000 in gear from the band someday never, which made me feel good. And lots of other good things are happening weather is hanging out with friend drinking or just life I guess. But still I have a nagging since of sadness and emptiness. And I dread the nighttime. When I can't sleep and all I do think about things and cry. "Every evening I died and every evening I was born again. Resurrected.” That’s how I feel its rough. And lastly I hear how bad everyone else has it and everyone else has it. I DON'T CARE how bad someone else has it im me. I don’t know im fucking selfish. Wow as I go on the tone of this is sure going down hill I don’t know. God how I wish I could stop time. I want to go on permanent vacation, yeah that’s it run away from my problems cause that’s worked for the past 21 years. God I wish I beleaved that you existed. I could have faith in something like my dad. It would make things a lot easy I guess and that’s just like me to take the easy way out. Yeah the easy way out. God I hate myself right now

One more thought in a quote
"...Getting God's attention for being bad was better than getting no attention at all. Maybe because God's hate is better than His indifference. If you could either be God's worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?"

p.s this is what the letters of the alfabet would look like if "Q" and "R" were elimanated

p.p.s im almost 21

p.p.p.s those penguins look the same no matter how i feel

p.p.p.p.s i wish i was a penguin