Someone Like You 60/63: Not a plan - Beecher/Stabler
Someone Like You
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 4179
My goodness. This is like, practically the end. I can't believe I'm already up to posting this bit. Gyahhh!
Once again, huge thanks to Elayna, from whom I sourced all my Thanksgiving cooking information. She was kind enough to give an incredibly detailed portrait of your weird Thanksgiving traditions, which, as you can tell, I have altered.
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 60: Not a plan
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 59, Thanks:
Toby and Elliot enjoyed a private moment to talk. An evening of board games had been a great way to distract everyone from their various points of grump. Toby had overheard Harry and Dick talking: it wasn't all good, but Dick did set Harry straight on the opinions of old homophobes.
While the rest of the families were downstairs, Elliot gave Toby a pleasant wake up, and an offer to give the whole ass sex thing a bit of a whirl after they packed the kids off home.
While the others laid the table, Elliot went upstairs and eavesdropped on Harry, who was expressing his own opinions about Elliot and his family to his grandmother on the phone.
Everyone finally sat down to Thanksgiving dinner, and it was everything a Hallmark movie could ask for. At least until Kathleen's DUI came up, and Toby - being Toby - decided it was sharing time.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby rushed up the stairs. He had to get out of there. He couldn't believe he'd let all that spill out. Elliot was going to kill him. He made it to the bedroom, turned back to close the door and it was the first he realised Elliot was with him. He scrubbed his face with both hands. "I'm sorry."
"What the hell, Toby?" The door closed, not the slam Toby was expecting.
"I shouldn't have, I had no right to just, I don't know why I..." He faced Elliot. "Why didn't you tell me about Kathleen?"
"You think that's the issue right now? Hell, Toby! You said you wouldn't lie if it came up. You didn't say you'd blurt it out over Thanksgiving dinner! We were finally pulling everyone together and you-"
"You made her charge go away."
"-you had to..." Elliot choked off his rant and puffed himself up. "Yeah, I did."
"Like I made mine go away."
"Yeah! I protected my kid! You'd do the same thing if it was Holly."
"And you didn't tell me."
The staring competition lasted thirty seconds, a minute. Toby didn't know if he would do the same for Holly. But how the hell could Elliot not have told him?
Elliot put his head down, took a breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Kathleen's DUI. It was last year, before I even knew you."
Toby didn't know why it got to him so much. Because Elliot was setting Kathleen up for Toby's own mistakes? Because Elliot knew all Toby's skeletons and didn't trust Toby enough to talk about his own? Or because Toby was taken by surprise and just announced to Elliot's family that he'd killed someone? "Oh god, your kids know I was in prison."
"Yeah, you let that cat out of the bag."
They were still reeling that Toby was a man, they were just starting to talk to him, and now this was out there. "They're going to hate me. Kathleen must hate me. You must... I'm sorry."
Elliot softened his voice, but he was still holding himself like he wanted to hit something, and he kept his distance. "They were going to find out at some point, Toby. I guess it's today. Maybe this is better than putting it off until it becomes some kind of looming secret." Elliot was trying to persuade himself, but Toby latched on. "Now it's out we can just... deal with it."
"That's not how I wanted them to find out."
Elliot gave him a baleful look. "That's good, Toby. Because if blurting it out over Thanksgiving dinner was a plan, I'd be pretty pissed."
Toby turned to him, eyebrows climbing towards his hairline. "You think this is funny?"
"No." But the corner of his mouth lifted. "It's a little funny."
Toby had tipped Elliot over the edge. "Your kids just found out you're dating a junkie ex-con, and you're up here laughing about it?"
Elliot's lip curled higher. "Please tell me you're not planning to tell them about the drugs today?"
"Of course I'm not. That's more of a Christmas announcement."
Elliot sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands, shaking with laughter.
"I can't believe you're laughing."
Elliot reached to catch Toby's hand and lay back, pulling Toby over him. He tried to kiss him but he couldn't lose the grin and Toby was too indignant to cooperate. He'd just fucked up everything, and Elliot wanted to make out.
Toby sat up, turning serious. "I don't know why I did that."
Elliot watched him from the bed, eyes turning gentle. "Because you wanted to protect my daughter from what you went through."
Toby swallowed.
"Thank you for saying it. She needed to hear it."
"I don't think Kathleen's going to see it that way."
Elliot pushed himself to sit upright beside him. "Probably not, but it's not going to get better hiding up here."
"I'm sorry, Elliot."
"It's done."
He wasn't angry. Or at least, not angry enough to make a big deal out of this. "Are you angry?"
"Come on." He stood. "I don't want to imagine the conversation going on down there right now."
Toby's stomach tangled up all over again. He'd left Holly and Harry down there to deal with four shocked Stablers. He forced himself to his feet. "You're angry."
Elliot rolled that around, considering. "Yeah. I'm pissed at you. But I think I'm relieved as well, so..." He shrugged. "But if we leave Liv down there to answer all their questions, she's going to kill both of us."
Toby pulled Elliot close and kissed him hard. He was overwhelmed with how much he loved Elliot right now, but he was also shitting-his-pants terrified. "Thank you."
"Come on. Let's face this."
Toby let himself be pushed out into the hall. No yelling, no sound at all from below. "Maybe they all left."
"We can hope."
Toby was grateful for the hand on his back as they headed for the stairs, grateful again when Elliot gave him space before they came into view. Elliot's kids didn't need to see him propping up an ex-con.
They came down to silence. All of Elliot's kids were staring at Holly and Harry and trying not to. Harry was staring at his lap, holding back tears. Toby had screwed him over, yet again. Holly looked like she was going to stab her fork in the eye of the first person to ask a question.
Olivia had her blank detective face on, but she didn't hide her relief when she saw them. Toby noticed the way she focused on Elliot, giving him a tiny smile and nod. She had Elliot's back, even when Toby let him down.
Elliot waited for Toby to round the table before taking his seat. "Did we miss anything interesting?"
"We thought we'd wait until you got back," said Olivia.
Toby sat heavily, met each of their eyes in turn. This was definitely his mess to clean up. "What do you want to know?"
Maureen jumped right in. "What were you convicted for?" Straight to the heart of it.
"DUI and vehicular manslaughter." It was amazing how difficult it still was to say that aloud. Clinical words for a child smashed across his windshield.
"How long were you in prison?"
"I served eight years of a fourteen year sentence."
"Eight years!" She wasn't loud enough to drown out the others' gasps. She looked straight at her father, appalled, and Toby shrank in his seat. He'd lost his best ally.
Lizzie asked Elliot, "Did you arrest him?" with a fearful glance at Toby.
"No. We met after he got out."
"When did he get out?"
Elliot licked his lip. "September."
"Last year? Only a year ago?" exclaimed Dickie.
"But that's how long you've known him," said Lizzie, eyes wide.
Her fear chilled Toby. He'd tried and failed to instil terror in his Em City companions, but he'd succeeded with Elliot's thirteen year-old daughter. He tried for a gentle voice, as he told her, "We met about a month after I got out. It was a couple of months after that that we ran into each other again, and we became friends."
"And he knew about you?" Maureen looked between them. "He knew you killed someone?"
"I knew, Maureen."
"Why didn't you tell us, Dad?" All eyes turned to Elliot.
"I wanted you to get to know him, first."
"You wanted us to think he was an okay guy."
"More than okay, Maureen." His voice was sharp, and it didn't do anything to ease the knot in Toby's gut.
"You put people in prison. You're really okay with someone like that being around Dick and Liz?"
"Yeah, I am."
She held her father's gaze until Dickie jumped back into the fray. "What prison were you in?"
"I was in a place called Oswald. It's up near-"
"Oswald? That's for really bad skels!"
"My dad isn't bad!" Holly snapped, and all of the Stablers pulled back. "Don't say that word! He made a mistake and he paid for it! Don't talk to him like this!"
Toby reached for her hand. "It's okay, Hol-"
"No it isn't! Your dad isn't perfect either, you know!"
Toby saw the terror flare in Elliot's eyes, wanted to clap a hand over Holly's mouth before she could drag up Elliot splitting Toby's lip but Kathleen jumped in before Holly could elaborate. "Believe me, Hol, we know."
Maureen turned on her. "Kathleen!"
"He isn't!"
"So you're okay with this?"
"No! Maybe. I don't know." She threw up her hands. "I don't know!"
She was staring at Toby and didn't see the disbelieving look she got from Maureen before Maureen turned back to Elliot. "Have you told Mom your boyfriend just got out of prison?"
Elliot grimaced. "No, but let me be the one to tell her, all right? I promise I'll call her tonight."
"She's going to freak."
Toby was sure Maureen was right, and Elliot looked like he knew it, too. Elliot was going to be stuck justifying this to her on his own. What mother would be okay with Toby playing house with her children?
"May I be excused? Dad?"
Toby looked at Harry, realised it was the second time he'd asked. He looked miserable. "I'm sorry, Harry. Of course. I'm sorry, I should have found a better way to do this."
"I don't know why you had to tell them at all." It was barely loud enough to hear, as he slid out of his seat and went to sit on the couch.
Toby ached to follow him, but he couldn't leave this. He looked at Harry's hanging head, looked at the sea of shocked, appalled faces. Harry had to wait. Toby had to be the one to fix this, this time. As much as he could. "I understand why you're all upset. I did a terrible thing, and then I spent a long time in a bad place, with dangerous men, and maybe some of that rubbed off." Toby wished he could tell them he wasn't like the rest of the men in Oz, but he knew better. He wanted to tell them he deserved another chance, but he knew how many chances he'd had already. He couldn't help thinking, if he met someone fresh out of Oz, would he want them anywhere near Holly and Harry? Would he let O'Reilly or Hill or Fiona or even Chris take his kids out for ice cream? "I don't understand why your father is willing to give me a chance. I don't deserve it, but-"
Holly shoved her chair back and stalked away from the table. She didn't bother asking to be excused. Toby opened his mouth, grasping for something to say, and closed it again when Holly went to the couch to sit with Harry. He couldn't hear what she said, and only the tops of their heads were visible, but Harry didn't storm off, and neither of them started yelling.
Olivia stood up. "How about we all take a breather, and start clearing the table?"
Yes. God. Please.
Kathleen cocked her head. "Olivia? Did you know?"
"I knew. I was there when Toby was just a witness." Her calm answer meant something to Kathleen. "Everyone grab a couple of plates, and leave them on the counter." She looked at Elliot and then Toby. "I've got this. Do what you have to do."
Toby could have hugged her. He had to get another five minutes alone with Elliot, he had to make sure Holly and Harry weren't quietly torturing each other, he had to find a cupboard or a drink and hide in it for an hour or five.
Elliot stood and pushed his chair in. "Thanks, Liv. I'd better go call Kathy."
Now? Elliot was headed for the door, shrugging on a coat and catching up a scarf before Toby could protest, and then he was gone and now Toby was facing four hostile faces. None of them would think anything of it if he grabbed one of Elliot's beers.
Olivia tugged his sleeve. "Come and show me where you keep your storage containers." There was more than a little police training in the seemingly casual way she hauled him out of his chair, away from the table to the kitchen. "Containers?"
Containers. Toby pointed, and then he pointed out the drawer with the foil and plastic wrap. "You're a guest, you shouldn't-"
"This is the least I can do. I may not cook, but I'm a master of storing leftovers." She dropped her voice. "I'm standing between you and all the beer, so if you're tempted, you don't have to worry about it being a choice."
"Two beers wouldn't be enough to do what I want anyway."
She didn't react to Toby's quick answer, the same way he hadn't reacted to her asking in the first place. If she could pretend she didn't mind that Elliot was dating an alcoholic, he could pretend too. "All the alcohol in the world won't get you anything you want." She touched his back, glancing towards the table where Elliot's kids were starting to pile plates, all talking in low voices and taking turns staring at Toby. "They're surprised, Toby. Give them some time to take it in before you decide this is a complete disaster."
Dick came in with a pile of plates, and Olivia stepped over to take them. She was a professional at giving people bad news. Toby didn't have much of a choice anyway. He sidled out of the kitchen to give them space and then stood uselessly in the middle of the room. Holly and Harry were still talking, and Toby didn't know whether to go and face them or stand back and hope they were getting along. He wanted to slink up to his bedroom and hide, but that probably wouldn't go down well with anyone. He wanted to follow Elliot out, eavesdrop and gauge how big an enemy he'd made of his ex-wife.
Sneaking the last two beers out to the backyard to wait for the axe to fall seemed like the best available plan. It was embarrassing that Olivia had stepped in to cut out the option, but it was a relief, too.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot wrapped on his scarf and jammed his woollen cap over his head and took a deep breath of the crisp afternoon air. He leaned back against the door. He knew this was a cheat, leaving Toby in there, but he needed just a few seconds without Maureen's outrage or Dickie digging for details.
It was beautiful out here: clear sky, a warm sun to take the edge off the cold. A bunch of kids ran past, barely keeping their grip on a bounding Husky. It pulled them over to sniff at Holly's snow castle, still standing strong, and then dragged them along the street. Elliot remembered how Toby looked two days ago, trailing Harry back up these stairs to the porch.
He couldn't believe Toby did it. Just when everything was going well, like some kind of reflex, Toby had to tear the calm to pieces. Elliot couldn't believe he wasn't angrier than he was, but he was still reeling.
On some level, he'd always believed he could bring the kids around on Toby being a man. He knew they'd be surprised, but he hadn't raised bigots. But all their lives he'd been putting people in prison, relishing getting bad guys off the streets, promising them he was making their home safer, and he'd never seen any need to clarify any shades of grey in the correctional system. He hadn't prepared for this because he didn't know how.
Maureen was furious. The twins were shocked. And as usual, he didn't know where Kathleen stood.
He shuffled over to the top of the steps as he dialled the home phone, kicked his shoes in the snow while it rang. He honest-to-god had no idea how Kathy was going to react to this.
"Elliot! How are you?"
"Hey, Kathy." He wished he'd thought to grab his gloves. "Do you have time to talk?"
"That sounds ominous."
"No, it's... It's fine. I just need to talk to you before the kids do."
"All right." He knew from the way her voice sounded in the room that she was in the kitchen. Probably sitting at the kitchen table now, head tipped towards the phone, staring at the ceiling as she waited for him to get the words together.
He took another deep breath. "There's something I didn't tell you about Toby. He's served time."
It was a long wait for a response. "In prison?"
"Yeah. Nine years ago he was driving drunk and he, he killed someone. A child."
There was a long, long silence.
"Kath?"
"I'm here. I take it you just told the kids."
"Yeah."
After a moment she asked, "Was it his son?"
"No! What made you-"
"Maureen told me he lost a son."
Of course Maureen had filled in what she knew. Elliot wandered down the steps into the front yard. "No. It wasn't his son. Toby did eight years, got out last September."
"And you didn't think it was important to mention to me that you're introducing your children to an ex-con?"
"He isn't a master criminal or a perv, Kathy. He was driving drunk, no different to our daughter, except she was lucky not to cross paths with a girl on a bike."
"Get off your high horse, Elliot. How would you react if we switched roles?"
He made himself inhale a slow breath. He couldn't afford to take offence right now. "I'd be a grade-A prick."
Kathy went quiet for a moment. Elliot knew exactly the look in her eye. He wanted to leave it at that, but he knew Maureen was going to call as soon as she could, and he needed to get the ugly details out of the way first. "He did his time in maximum security, in Oswald."
"Eight years in maximum?" He could see her face, the shock and worry. "I thought it was hard enough to believe you were dating a lawyer. How are the kids reacting?"
"I don't know. Maureen's upset."
"She thought he was nice."
"He is." Elliot bit back his temper. "I didn't decide to tell them, Kath. Toby found out about Kathleen's DUI and he just... He was trying to warn her. He was trying to do the right thing."
He didn't want to deal with this now. He needed to go check Toby was okay. "Look, I have to get back in there. When I come back to New York, maybe we should get a drink, or a coffee, and I'll fill you in on the details."
"There's more?"
"I don't know. I'll talk to you when I get home, all right?" Elliot rubbed his neck.
"Fine. Thanks for telling me." The 'finally' hung there, unspoken.
"Okay. Bye."
He started to hang up, until he heard her, "El?"
"Yeah?"
"Happy Thanksgiving."
He swallowed. "You too, Kath."
Elliot shut his phone and slid it back into his pocket, stared down at his footprints in the snow. He was going to have that long to figure out what Kathy needed to know. She should know what happened to Gary and Holly. She didn't need to know what happened to Toby in that place. No way in hell was she going to hear all the ugly details about Chris Keller.
Elliot turned back to the house and stopped. "How long have you been standing there?"
Kathleen came down to the last step. "I just came out. Don't worry, I wasn't eavesdropping."
"Come inside, you don't have proper shoes." Or a scarf, or a hat.
"I'm okay for a few minutes." She wrapped her arms around herself and waited.
Elliot ran his tongue along his teeth. He and Kathleen weren't good at talking to each other. Elliot thought about how Toby and Holly talked. Toby just laid himself open, as much as he could. Elliot huffed. Apparently Toby was going to do the same with Elliot's kids.
He rubbed his hands. "Thank you for what you said in there."
"About you not being perfect? I say that all the time."
Sometimes Elliot worried about the consequences of getting Kathleen out of lockup that day - how it might fall on him, or the guys who helped out - but he'd never let anyone question him protecting his family. Anyone but Toby. Toby had just done the job Elliot should have done with her last year. "You scare the hell out of me, Kathleen."
"I don't drink and drive anymore, Dad."
"But you drink a lot."
"Not as much as you think I do. I'm seventeen. Kids drink."
Other people's kids, not Elliot's. "Maureen didn't drink as much as-"
"I'm not Maureen!" She shut her mouth, and he could see how she was revising, looking for another way in. Sometimes they were alike. "You really think I'm some kind of alcoholic, don't you?"
"I don't know!" He caught his breath. He'd never dared to suggest it. "I don't know. You don't talk to me."
"You don't talk to me, Dad. You just yell."
That hurt, but Elliot swallowed it back, spread his hands. "I'm not yelling now." Toby had made a conscious decision not to start a war with Holly over smoking. He'd cared about the why, more than the what. "Is there... Is there anything wrong? If you're drinking to... If you're hurting, I want to help."
She rolled her eyes, but without the usual hostility. "I swear, Dad, I'm not an alcoholic. I know, I'd say that anyway, but I'm not sneaking drinks in the daytime, and I don't have to drink to have a good time. Just... sometimes I do. Every night there's about a million teenage parties with alcohol that don't turn into SVU cases."
"And every night there are a few that destroy people's lives."
"Do you really think I'm on a fast slide to prison?" She sounded hurt.
Elliot crossed to stand in front of her. "I'm telling you, one stray kid on a bike and you could already be in prison."
"I get it, okay?" Her voice wobbled. Toby really had gotten to her. She clutched herself a little tighter, shuffling on the step to keep warm.
He unwound his scarf and reached up to tuck it around her neck, shivering as the cold slipped down his jacket. "Just... For five minutes, let's pretend I don't hate the idea of you drinking at all. Tell me that when you do, you're careful."
"I don't drink at all when I'm driving. Not one drink."
It was all such straight lines when you were seventeen. No concept of the infinite sprawling possibilities of things that could go wrong. "Do you watch your drinks, to make sure guys don't slip anything in them? Do you make sure someone's sober enough to keep an eye out? Do you always make sure you have the credit card I gave you for emergencies?"
"I'm careful, Dad."
Elliot was sure they had different concepts of careful, but it was the best he'd get. On impulse he climbed up on her step and hugged her, and she hugged him back, no hesitation. Elliot hugged her tighter. Kathleen still smelled the way she had as a little girl, when she used to crawl into his lap every chance she got.
He made himself let go when she loosened her grip, and there was another silence, neither of them meeting each other's eyes. "At least this time you can't complain that I told Maureen first."
"Because Toby told us. Not you."
"We were planning to wait a little longer." That wasn't true. It was an unspoken agreement, more than a plan. They'd never made any kind of plan. "How upset are you?"
"Am I upset that the most repressed, judgemental father in the history of the world has gone and hooked up with a male ex-con?" She cracked a smile. "That part's kind of funny."
"Funny?" Elliot parroted.
"You. I never would have guessed you could do something so crazy. Grandma's gonna love this."
Kathleen was off her rocker. If Elliot had his way, his mother was never going to hear about this at all.
"I'm not saying I'm okay with how you treated Mom or with you being happy. But I like him."
"I'll take it." He shook his head and pushed his hands into his pockets. "It's typical Toby, to avoid talking to you guys all weekend, and then dump half his baggage out over the dinner table."
"That's only half his baggage?"
"Kathleen..."
"Does he have any prison tattoos? Because that'd be even better."
"No. He doesn't." She wouldn't find his brand funny at all, but Elliot's snotty tone got a smile.
She grabbed his collar and gave it a pull. "Come back inside, Dad. It's cold out here."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 60
Feedback makes cats purr and dogs' tails wag. Concrit thoroughly welcome, warm fuzzies treasured. Here or at drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
The complete works of Dr Squidlove can be found at http://members.iinet.net.au/~tentacles/squidfic.html
S.
by Dr Squidlove
drsquidlove @@@ livejournal.com
Oz/Law & Order: SVU crossover
Tobias Beecher's trying to rebuild his family in the shadow of the man he was in prison. Elliot Stabler's struggling to continue in the wake of divorce while his job eats away at his soul. It makes for an odd friendship, but it works.
Rated R for violence and explicit references to sexual violence.
Wordcount this post: 4179
My goodness. This is like, practically the end. I can't believe I'm already up to posting this bit. Gyahhh!
Once again, huge thanks to Elayna, from whom I sourced all my Thanksgiving cooking information. She was kind enough to give an incredibly detailed portrait of your weird Thanksgiving traditions, which, as you can tell, I have altered.
Full headers are on chapter 1.
Oz is the property of Tom Fontana and HBO. Law & Order: SVU is the property of Dick Wolf and NBC. The characters are used without permission, but with much appreciation.
Someone Like You
chapter 60: Not a plan
by Dr Squidlove
Previously, in chapter 59, Thanks:
Toby and Elliot enjoyed a private moment to talk. An evening of board games had been a great way to distract everyone from their various points of grump. Toby had overheard Harry and Dick talking: it wasn't all good, but Dick did set Harry straight on the opinions of old homophobes.
While the rest of the families were downstairs, Elliot gave Toby a pleasant wake up, and an offer to give the whole ass sex thing a bit of a whirl after they packed the kids off home.
While the others laid the table, Elliot went upstairs and eavesdropped on Harry, who was expressing his own opinions about Elliot and his family to his grandmother on the phone.
Everyone finally sat down to Thanksgiving dinner, and it was everything a Hallmark movie could ask for. At least until Kathleen's DUI came up, and Toby - being Toby - decided it was sharing time.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Toby rushed up the stairs. He had to get out of there. He couldn't believe he'd let all that spill out. Elliot was going to kill him. He made it to the bedroom, turned back to close the door and it was the first he realised Elliot was with him. He scrubbed his face with both hands. "I'm sorry."
"What the hell, Toby?" The door closed, not the slam Toby was expecting.
"I shouldn't have, I had no right to just, I don't know why I..." He faced Elliot. "Why didn't you tell me about Kathleen?"
"You think that's the issue right now? Hell, Toby! You said you wouldn't lie if it came up. You didn't say you'd blurt it out over Thanksgiving dinner! We were finally pulling everyone together and you-"
"You made her charge go away."
"-you had to..." Elliot choked off his rant and puffed himself up. "Yeah, I did."
"Like I made mine go away."
"Yeah! I protected my kid! You'd do the same thing if it was Holly."
"And you didn't tell me."
The staring competition lasted thirty seconds, a minute. Toby didn't know if he would do the same for Holly. But how the hell could Elliot not have told him?
Elliot put his head down, took a breath. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Kathleen's DUI. It was last year, before I even knew you."
Toby didn't know why it got to him so much. Because Elliot was setting Kathleen up for Toby's own mistakes? Because Elliot knew all Toby's skeletons and didn't trust Toby enough to talk about his own? Or because Toby was taken by surprise and just announced to Elliot's family that he'd killed someone? "Oh god, your kids know I was in prison."
"Yeah, you let that cat out of the bag."
They were still reeling that Toby was a man, they were just starting to talk to him, and now this was out there. "They're going to hate me. Kathleen must hate me. You must... I'm sorry."
Elliot softened his voice, but he was still holding himself like he wanted to hit something, and he kept his distance. "They were going to find out at some point, Toby. I guess it's today. Maybe this is better than putting it off until it becomes some kind of looming secret." Elliot was trying to persuade himself, but Toby latched on. "Now it's out we can just... deal with it."
"That's not how I wanted them to find out."
Elliot gave him a baleful look. "That's good, Toby. Because if blurting it out over Thanksgiving dinner was a plan, I'd be pretty pissed."
Toby turned to him, eyebrows climbing towards his hairline. "You think this is funny?"
"No." But the corner of his mouth lifted. "It's a little funny."
Toby had tipped Elliot over the edge. "Your kids just found out you're dating a junkie ex-con, and you're up here laughing about it?"
Elliot's lip curled higher. "Please tell me you're not planning to tell them about the drugs today?"
"Of course I'm not. That's more of a Christmas announcement."
Elliot sat on the bed and buried his face in his hands, shaking with laughter.
"I can't believe you're laughing."
Elliot reached to catch Toby's hand and lay back, pulling Toby over him. He tried to kiss him but he couldn't lose the grin and Toby was too indignant to cooperate. He'd just fucked up everything, and Elliot wanted to make out.
Toby sat up, turning serious. "I don't know why I did that."
Elliot watched him from the bed, eyes turning gentle. "Because you wanted to protect my daughter from what you went through."
Toby swallowed.
"Thank you for saying it. She needed to hear it."
"I don't think Kathleen's going to see it that way."
Elliot pushed himself to sit upright beside him. "Probably not, but it's not going to get better hiding up here."
"I'm sorry, Elliot."
"It's done."
He wasn't angry. Or at least, not angry enough to make a big deal out of this. "Are you angry?"
"Come on." He stood. "I don't want to imagine the conversation going on down there right now."
Toby's stomach tangled up all over again. He'd left Holly and Harry down there to deal with four shocked Stablers. He forced himself to his feet. "You're angry."
Elliot rolled that around, considering. "Yeah. I'm pissed at you. But I think I'm relieved as well, so..." He shrugged. "But if we leave Liv down there to answer all their questions, she's going to kill both of us."
Toby pulled Elliot close and kissed him hard. He was overwhelmed with how much he loved Elliot right now, but he was also shitting-his-pants terrified. "Thank you."
"Come on. Let's face this."
Toby let himself be pushed out into the hall. No yelling, no sound at all from below. "Maybe they all left."
"We can hope."
Toby was grateful for the hand on his back as they headed for the stairs, grateful again when Elliot gave him space before they came into view. Elliot's kids didn't need to see him propping up an ex-con.
They came down to silence. All of Elliot's kids were staring at Holly and Harry and trying not to. Harry was staring at his lap, holding back tears. Toby had screwed him over, yet again. Holly looked like she was going to stab her fork in the eye of the first person to ask a question.
Olivia had her blank detective face on, but she didn't hide her relief when she saw them. Toby noticed the way she focused on Elliot, giving him a tiny smile and nod. She had Elliot's back, even when Toby let him down.
Elliot waited for Toby to round the table before taking his seat. "Did we miss anything interesting?"
"We thought we'd wait until you got back," said Olivia.
Toby sat heavily, met each of their eyes in turn. This was definitely his mess to clean up. "What do you want to know?"
Maureen jumped right in. "What were you convicted for?" Straight to the heart of it.
"DUI and vehicular manslaughter." It was amazing how difficult it still was to say that aloud. Clinical words for a child smashed across his windshield.
"How long were you in prison?"
"I served eight years of a fourteen year sentence."
"Eight years!" She wasn't loud enough to drown out the others' gasps. She looked straight at her father, appalled, and Toby shrank in his seat. He'd lost his best ally.
Lizzie asked Elliot, "Did you arrest him?" with a fearful glance at Toby.
"No. We met after he got out."
"When did he get out?"
Elliot licked his lip. "September."
"Last year? Only a year ago?" exclaimed Dickie.
"But that's how long you've known him," said Lizzie, eyes wide.
Her fear chilled Toby. He'd tried and failed to instil terror in his Em City companions, but he'd succeeded with Elliot's thirteen year-old daughter. He tried for a gentle voice, as he told her, "We met about a month after I got out. It was a couple of months after that that we ran into each other again, and we became friends."
"And he knew about you?" Maureen looked between them. "He knew you killed someone?"
"I knew, Maureen."
"Why didn't you tell us, Dad?" All eyes turned to Elliot.
"I wanted you to get to know him, first."
"You wanted us to think he was an okay guy."
"More than okay, Maureen." His voice was sharp, and it didn't do anything to ease the knot in Toby's gut.
"You put people in prison. You're really okay with someone like that being around Dick and Liz?"
"Yeah, I am."
She held her father's gaze until Dickie jumped back into the fray. "What prison were you in?"
"I was in a place called Oswald. It's up near-"
"Oswald? That's for really bad skels!"
"My dad isn't bad!" Holly snapped, and all of the Stablers pulled back. "Don't say that word! He made a mistake and he paid for it! Don't talk to him like this!"
Toby reached for her hand. "It's okay, Hol-"
"No it isn't! Your dad isn't perfect either, you know!"
Toby saw the terror flare in Elliot's eyes, wanted to clap a hand over Holly's mouth before she could drag up Elliot splitting Toby's lip but Kathleen jumped in before Holly could elaborate. "Believe me, Hol, we know."
Maureen turned on her. "Kathleen!"
"He isn't!"
"So you're okay with this?"
"No! Maybe. I don't know." She threw up her hands. "I don't know!"
She was staring at Toby and didn't see the disbelieving look she got from Maureen before Maureen turned back to Elliot. "Have you told Mom your boyfriend just got out of prison?"
Elliot grimaced. "No, but let me be the one to tell her, all right? I promise I'll call her tonight."
"She's going to freak."
Toby was sure Maureen was right, and Elliot looked like he knew it, too. Elliot was going to be stuck justifying this to her on his own. What mother would be okay with Toby playing house with her children?
"May I be excused? Dad?"
Toby looked at Harry, realised it was the second time he'd asked. He looked miserable. "I'm sorry, Harry. Of course. I'm sorry, I should have found a better way to do this."
"I don't know why you had to tell them at all." It was barely loud enough to hear, as he slid out of his seat and went to sit on the couch.
Toby ached to follow him, but he couldn't leave this. He looked at Harry's hanging head, looked at the sea of shocked, appalled faces. Harry had to wait. Toby had to be the one to fix this, this time. As much as he could. "I understand why you're all upset. I did a terrible thing, and then I spent a long time in a bad place, with dangerous men, and maybe some of that rubbed off." Toby wished he could tell them he wasn't like the rest of the men in Oz, but he knew better. He wanted to tell them he deserved another chance, but he knew how many chances he'd had already. He couldn't help thinking, if he met someone fresh out of Oz, would he want them anywhere near Holly and Harry? Would he let O'Reilly or Hill or Fiona or even Chris take his kids out for ice cream? "I don't understand why your father is willing to give me a chance. I don't deserve it, but-"
Holly shoved her chair back and stalked away from the table. She didn't bother asking to be excused. Toby opened his mouth, grasping for something to say, and closed it again when Holly went to the couch to sit with Harry. He couldn't hear what she said, and only the tops of their heads were visible, but Harry didn't storm off, and neither of them started yelling.
Olivia stood up. "How about we all take a breather, and start clearing the table?"
Yes. God. Please.
Kathleen cocked her head. "Olivia? Did you know?"
"I knew. I was there when Toby was just a witness." Her calm answer meant something to Kathleen. "Everyone grab a couple of plates, and leave them on the counter." She looked at Elliot and then Toby. "I've got this. Do what you have to do."
Toby could have hugged her. He had to get another five minutes alone with Elliot, he had to make sure Holly and Harry weren't quietly torturing each other, he had to find a cupboard or a drink and hide in it for an hour or five.
Elliot stood and pushed his chair in. "Thanks, Liv. I'd better go call Kathy."
Now? Elliot was headed for the door, shrugging on a coat and catching up a scarf before Toby could protest, and then he was gone and now Toby was facing four hostile faces. None of them would think anything of it if he grabbed one of Elliot's beers.
Olivia tugged his sleeve. "Come and show me where you keep your storage containers." There was more than a little police training in the seemingly casual way she hauled him out of his chair, away from the table to the kitchen. "Containers?"
Containers. Toby pointed, and then he pointed out the drawer with the foil and plastic wrap. "You're a guest, you shouldn't-"
"This is the least I can do. I may not cook, but I'm a master of storing leftovers." She dropped her voice. "I'm standing between you and all the beer, so if you're tempted, you don't have to worry about it being a choice."
"Two beers wouldn't be enough to do what I want anyway."
She didn't react to Toby's quick answer, the same way he hadn't reacted to her asking in the first place. If she could pretend she didn't mind that Elliot was dating an alcoholic, he could pretend too. "All the alcohol in the world won't get you anything you want." She touched his back, glancing towards the table where Elliot's kids were starting to pile plates, all talking in low voices and taking turns staring at Toby. "They're surprised, Toby. Give them some time to take it in before you decide this is a complete disaster."
Dick came in with a pile of plates, and Olivia stepped over to take them. She was a professional at giving people bad news. Toby didn't have much of a choice anyway. He sidled out of the kitchen to give them space and then stood uselessly in the middle of the room. Holly and Harry were still talking, and Toby didn't know whether to go and face them or stand back and hope they were getting along. He wanted to slink up to his bedroom and hide, but that probably wouldn't go down well with anyone. He wanted to follow Elliot out, eavesdrop and gauge how big an enemy he'd made of his ex-wife.
Sneaking the last two beers out to the backyard to wait for the axe to fall seemed like the best available plan. It was embarrassing that Olivia had stepped in to cut out the option, but it was a relief, too.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Elliot wrapped on his scarf and jammed his woollen cap over his head and took a deep breath of the crisp afternoon air. He leaned back against the door. He knew this was a cheat, leaving Toby in there, but he needed just a few seconds without Maureen's outrage or Dickie digging for details.
It was beautiful out here: clear sky, a warm sun to take the edge off the cold. A bunch of kids ran past, barely keeping their grip on a bounding Husky. It pulled them over to sniff at Holly's snow castle, still standing strong, and then dragged them along the street. Elliot remembered how Toby looked two days ago, trailing Harry back up these stairs to the porch.
He couldn't believe Toby did it. Just when everything was going well, like some kind of reflex, Toby had to tear the calm to pieces. Elliot couldn't believe he wasn't angrier than he was, but he was still reeling.
On some level, he'd always believed he could bring the kids around on Toby being a man. He knew they'd be surprised, but he hadn't raised bigots. But all their lives he'd been putting people in prison, relishing getting bad guys off the streets, promising them he was making their home safer, and he'd never seen any need to clarify any shades of grey in the correctional system. He hadn't prepared for this because he didn't know how.
Maureen was furious. The twins were shocked. And as usual, he didn't know where Kathleen stood.
He shuffled over to the top of the steps as he dialled the home phone, kicked his shoes in the snow while it rang. He honest-to-god had no idea how Kathy was going to react to this.
"Elliot! How are you?"
"Hey, Kathy." He wished he'd thought to grab his gloves. "Do you have time to talk?"
"That sounds ominous."
"No, it's... It's fine. I just need to talk to you before the kids do."
"All right." He knew from the way her voice sounded in the room that she was in the kitchen. Probably sitting at the kitchen table now, head tipped towards the phone, staring at the ceiling as she waited for him to get the words together.
He took another deep breath. "There's something I didn't tell you about Toby. He's served time."
It was a long wait for a response. "In prison?"
"Yeah. Nine years ago he was driving drunk and he, he killed someone. A child."
There was a long, long silence.
"Kath?"
"I'm here. I take it you just told the kids."
"Yeah."
After a moment she asked, "Was it his son?"
"No! What made you-"
"Maureen told me he lost a son."
Of course Maureen had filled in what she knew. Elliot wandered down the steps into the front yard. "No. It wasn't his son. Toby did eight years, got out last September."
"And you didn't think it was important to mention to me that you're introducing your children to an ex-con?"
"He isn't a master criminal or a perv, Kathy. He was driving drunk, no different to our daughter, except she was lucky not to cross paths with a girl on a bike."
"Get off your high horse, Elliot. How would you react if we switched roles?"
He made himself inhale a slow breath. He couldn't afford to take offence right now. "I'd be a grade-A prick."
Kathy went quiet for a moment. Elliot knew exactly the look in her eye. He wanted to leave it at that, but he knew Maureen was going to call as soon as she could, and he needed to get the ugly details out of the way first. "He did his time in maximum security, in Oswald."
"Eight years in maximum?" He could see her face, the shock and worry. "I thought it was hard enough to believe you were dating a lawyer. How are the kids reacting?"
"I don't know. Maureen's upset."
"She thought he was nice."
"He is." Elliot bit back his temper. "I didn't decide to tell them, Kath. Toby found out about Kathleen's DUI and he just... He was trying to warn her. He was trying to do the right thing."
He didn't want to deal with this now. He needed to go check Toby was okay. "Look, I have to get back in there. When I come back to New York, maybe we should get a drink, or a coffee, and I'll fill you in on the details."
"There's more?"
"I don't know. I'll talk to you when I get home, all right?" Elliot rubbed his neck.
"Fine. Thanks for telling me." The 'finally' hung there, unspoken.
"Okay. Bye."
He started to hang up, until he heard her, "El?"
"Yeah?"
"Happy Thanksgiving."
He swallowed. "You too, Kath."
Elliot shut his phone and slid it back into his pocket, stared down at his footprints in the snow. He was going to have that long to figure out what Kathy needed to know. She should know what happened to Gary and Holly. She didn't need to know what happened to Toby in that place. No way in hell was she going to hear all the ugly details about Chris Keller.
Elliot turned back to the house and stopped. "How long have you been standing there?"
Kathleen came down to the last step. "I just came out. Don't worry, I wasn't eavesdropping."
"Come inside, you don't have proper shoes." Or a scarf, or a hat.
"I'm okay for a few minutes." She wrapped her arms around herself and waited.
Elliot ran his tongue along his teeth. He and Kathleen weren't good at talking to each other. Elliot thought about how Toby and Holly talked. Toby just laid himself open, as much as he could. Elliot huffed. Apparently Toby was going to do the same with Elliot's kids.
He rubbed his hands. "Thank you for what you said in there."
"About you not being perfect? I say that all the time."
Sometimes Elliot worried about the consequences of getting Kathleen out of lockup that day - how it might fall on him, or the guys who helped out - but he'd never let anyone question him protecting his family. Anyone but Toby. Toby had just done the job Elliot should have done with her last year. "You scare the hell out of me, Kathleen."
"I don't drink and drive anymore, Dad."
"But you drink a lot."
"Not as much as you think I do. I'm seventeen. Kids drink."
Other people's kids, not Elliot's. "Maureen didn't drink as much as-"
"I'm not Maureen!" She shut her mouth, and he could see how she was revising, looking for another way in. Sometimes they were alike. "You really think I'm some kind of alcoholic, don't you?"
"I don't know!" He caught his breath. He'd never dared to suggest it. "I don't know. You don't talk to me."
"You don't talk to me, Dad. You just yell."
That hurt, but Elliot swallowed it back, spread his hands. "I'm not yelling now." Toby had made a conscious decision not to start a war with Holly over smoking. He'd cared about the why, more than the what. "Is there... Is there anything wrong? If you're drinking to... If you're hurting, I want to help."
She rolled her eyes, but without the usual hostility. "I swear, Dad, I'm not an alcoholic. I know, I'd say that anyway, but I'm not sneaking drinks in the daytime, and I don't have to drink to have a good time. Just... sometimes I do. Every night there's about a million teenage parties with alcohol that don't turn into SVU cases."
"And every night there are a few that destroy people's lives."
"Do you really think I'm on a fast slide to prison?" She sounded hurt.
Elliot crossed to stand in front of her. "I'm telling you, one stray kid on a bike and you could already be in prison."
"I get it, okay?" Her voice wobbled. Toby really had gotten to her. She clutched herself a little tighter, shuffling on the step to keep warm.
He unwound his scarf and reached up to tuck it around her neck, shivering as the cold slipped down his jacket. "Just... For five minutes, let's pretend I don't hate the idea of you drinking at all. Tell me that when you do, you're careful."
"I don't drink at all when I'm driving. Not one drink."
It was all such straight lines when you were seventeen. No concept of the infinite sprawling possibilities of things that could go wrong. "Do you watch your drinks, to make sure guys don't slip anything in them? Do you make sure someone's sober enough to keep an eye out? Do you always make sure you have the credit card I gave you for emergencies?"
"I'm careful, Dad."
Elliot was sure they had different concepts of careful, but it was the best he'd get. On impulse he climbed up on her step and hugged her, and she hugged him back, no hesitation. Elliot hugged her tighter. Kathleen still smelled the way she had as a little girl, when she used to crawl into his lap every chance she got.
He made himself let go when she loosened her grip, and there was another silence, neither of them meeting each other's eyes. "At least this time you can't complain that I told Maureen first."
"Because Toby told us. Not you."
"We were planning to wait a little longer." That wasn't true. It was an unspoken agreement, more than a plan. They'd never made any kind of plan. "How upset are you?"
"Am I upset that the most repressed, judgemental father in the history of the world has gone and hooked up with a male ex-con?" She cracked a smile. "That part's kind of funny."
"Funny?" Elliot parroted.
"You. I never would have guessed you could do something so crazy. Grandma's gonna love this."
Kathleen was off her rocker. If Elliot had his way, his mother was never going to hear about this at all.
"I'm not saying I'm okay with how you treated Mom or with you being happy. But I like him."
"I'll take it." He shook his head and pushed his hands into his pockets. "It's typical Toby, to avoid talking to you guys all weekend, and then dump half his baggage out over the dinner table."
"That's only half his baggage?"
"Kathleen..."
"Does he have any prison tattoos? Because that'd be even better."
"No. He doesn't." She wouldn't find his brand funny at all, but Elliot's snotty tone got a smile.
She grabbed his collar and gave it a pull. "Come back inside, Dad. It's cold out here."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
end chapter 60
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