An ode to the Super-est Bowl of them all...
I found this on the internets...and it pretty much sums up my opinion of the sport which has for the past however many years grabbed American idiots by the balls
"What a boring game. At any given moment there is only a maximum of ten, fifteen seconds of actual play, punctuated by endlessly recurring minutes of nothing happening. When we’re lucky, some beloved star gets really fucked up and has to be carried off the field. But at least it’s not baseball…best one can hope for there is that someone gets beaned in the noggin.
If one is in the football stands, there is piss-clear Bud Light served in flimsy plastic cups to purchase at outrageous prices, as well as the inevitable human wave phenomenon. If one doesn’t take part, people around him who do will get pissed off and make accusations of communism. If one is watching from home, there are repetitive replay shots, and the inane color commentary by men with ugly hair and ugly jackets who remind one of drunk uncles at sappy weddings. And, of course, all the beer and truck commercials one could ever wish to see.
There are only a few talented athletes on the field at any given time: the quarterback and the receivers. Everyone else is just an ogre for whom brainpower plays a distant second to sheer body mass.
The NFL is nothing but masturbation material for onetime high school jocks who relive their glory day vicariously every Monday night. Televised pro ball is little more than thinly veiled homoeroticism for a repressed mass culture. Put it back-to-back with the WWF and Ultimate Fighter shows, and one really might be better off getting a subscription to Honcho magazine.
You want a real sport? Watch hockey. I’m amazed that hockey isn’t a more popular spectator sport than football since there is a lot more blood and nearly no downtime. I suppose it’s because it moves too fast, it’s not as simple to understand, and it’s difficult to do a victory dance on the ice every time someone scores some points. Want an even more brutal spectator sport? Try rugby. It’s very close to football, again with almost no downtime, and no pads! Guys die doing that shit.
Hit me, I know I’ve pissed a lot of you armchair athletes off by now. Tell me why football matters to you and I promise I’ll give it some thought. Maybe I’m just too sissy and soft. Maybe I’m just a communist. Perhaps when I die they should throw a party at the orange bowl, too."
God I hate Football -- what's worse is that to traverse the world of casual conversation I am forced to know some stuff about it
How else am I going to swindle money out of soulless alumni who would give tens of thousands of dollars a year to our very own Ralph Young Fund while refusing to spare even a pittance ten bucks for scholarships. " Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I worked my way through school." Fuck you!
"What a boring game. At any given moment there is only a maximum of ten, fifteen seconds of actual play, punctuated by endlessly recurring minutes of nothing happening. When we’re lucky, some beloved star gets really fucked up and has to be carried off the field. But at least it’s not baseball…best one can hope for there is that someone gets beaned in the noggin.
If one is in the football stands, there is piss-clear Bud Light served in flimsy plastic cups to purchase at outrageous prices, as well as the inevitable human wave phenomenon. If one doesn’t take part, people around him who do will get pissed off and make accusations of communism. If one is watching from home, there are repetitive replay shots, and the inane color commentary by men with ugly hair and ugly jackets who remind one of drunk uncles at sappy weddings. And, of course, all the beer and truck commercials one could ever wish to see.
There are only a few talented athletes on the field at any given time: the quarterback and the receivers. Everyone else is just an ogre for whom brainpower plays a distant second to sheer body mass.
The NFL is nothing but masturbation material for onetime high school jocks who relive their glory day vicariously every Monday night. Televised pro ball is little more than thinly veiled homoeroticism for a repressed mass culture. Put it back-to-back with the WWF and Ultimate Fighter shows, and one really might be better off getting a subscription to Honcho magazine.
You want a real sport? Watch hockey. I’m amazed that hockey isn’t a more popular spectator sport than football since there is a lot more blood and nearly no downtime. I suppose it’s because it moves too fast, it’s not as simple to understand, and it’s difficult to do a victory dance on the ice every time someone scores some points. Want an even more brutal spectator sport? Try rugby. It’s very close to football, again with almost no downtime, and no pads! Guys die doing that shit.
Hit me, I know I’ve pissed a lot of you armchair athletes off by now. Tell me why football matters to you and I promise I’ll give it some thought. Maybe I’m just too sissy and soft. Maybe I’m just a communist. Perhaps when I die they should throw a party at the orange bowl, too."
God I hate Football -- what's worse is that to traverse the world of casual conversation I am forced to know some stuff about it
How else am I going to swindle money out of soulless alumni who would give tens of thousands of dollars a year to our very own Ralph Young Fund while refusing to spare even a pittance ten bucks for scholarships. " Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, I worked my way through school." Fuck you!