Somebody's Baby

[drownondryland]

Though Meredith neither expects nor needs to fill the empty clinic shifts herself, having more than enough volunteers in need of something to keep them busy, she's still fallen into a habit of taking them on when she's around, and that's more often than not. The schedule's in constant flux, one month nearly full, the next slowly emptying out, and

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[justsookie]

This is mortifying.

Earlier that day, waking up to a comfortable warmth next to her on the bed, Sookie decided at last that she needed to look at the recent turns in her life just to gain perspective. Mitchell isn't the type of guy to plan things out in advance, that much is obvious just from the nature of their relationship and the long conversations they've had in the past few weeks. When he makes a promise, he keeps to it in whatever way he can, but everything comes into its own naturally, without much prior thought or weighing at all. Emotions over rationale. Sookie's always been much of the same way herself, but recently that looming future in front of her, murky and blurred, has started to scare her just enough to try and see past next Friday, now that she feels that she can without getting her plans torn asunder by any number of vampires.

Of course, resolve alone isn't enough. Not exactly knowing how to start planning for possible futures, Sookie had helplessly looked around the span of her room, eyes finally settling on her nightstand. The drawer, specifically. And what lay inside.

It's never been a problem before, needing to use contraceptives, and honestly it's a bit cringe-worthy to think of the fact that this is the first time she's been sleeping with someone who's... alive, but Sookie's been to enough health classes and heard enough pregnancy scares filtering through women's minds over the years to know that she should probably be taking the option of a child as fully off the table as she can. At least, for now. And with the packaging of the condoms in her nightstand always warning to keep them stored at a relatively cool temperature and in dry conditions, Sookie can't help wondering if she's playing a bit with fire.

Which is what brings her to the clinic, arms nervously crossed over her waist as she smiles at the doctor, glad at least that it's a woman there to greet her.

"Hi," she replies in a slightly hushed tone. "Yeah, uhm... I was wonderin' if I could ask a few questions? They're a little personal and maybe a little weird, but- lord, I don't know how to put this."

[drownondryland]

She has to assume the woman means personal for herself, not for Meredith, unless her day just got a whole lot weirder. It's not wholly out of the question here, after all, that it has. The nervousness around her makes Meredith thinks this is something else, though, and she does her best to make the smile that prompts into something friendly as she gets to her feet.

"Of course," she says, leaning back against the counter briefly, stories and paperwork forgotten for the moment. That's the other thing, the reason to be thrilled for the presence of a patient - not the work, but the way it means she hasn't got room in her head to think about her own life, about choices she hasn't made and doesn't know how to make. "I mean, of course you can ask. Don't worry, I'm kind of used to weird."

[justsookie]

On some level, Sookie supposes it makes sense, that a doctor would be accustomed to coming across strange things now and again, if medical dramas are any indication. In Bon Temps, though, most people went in for the flu, some of the jocks for athlete's foot, and anyone else simply stopped by to dip their hands into the plastic jar to grab a handful of free condoms (no one really knew how old or reliable they were, but better than shelling out money, and better than nothing at all). Actually, when she thinks about it, birth control should probably be one of the more normal requests that a clinic gets, a thought that makes Sookie regret calling it 'weird'- how much more juvenile can she make herself seem?

The only reason why it's strange to her is because, well, she ended up giving up hope at some point at the thought of having kids at all. Is it fair for a woman to have children when she knows she'll never be able to keep out of his or her head? Sookie's not so sure.

"Actually- maybe you've gotten this question before," Sookie continues, still keeping the volume of her voice low. "I wanted to ask, other than usin' condoms, is there any other form of birth control available on the island?"

[drownondryland]

It's actually almost adorable, so far as Meredith's concerned. The woman can't be much younger than herself, after all, and it's a topic she'd expect most people to know something about by this age. But then, she amends, life on the island is different from life anywhere else, and they don't exactly have the best publicity.

"There is," she says, nodding, managing to keep her smile friendly instead of teasing. It's a difficult topic for some people, she has to respect that. "There's a pill the lab's developed that's proven effective. It's actually, uh, it's for men, though, so you might want to talk to your boyfriend about coming in for a physical and a prescription. I mean, assuming this is for..." For all she knows, it's just advance preparation or the woman's got better luck with one night stands than Meredith ever had around here. If she got it right the first time, she just has to hope she's got better luck with talking to her boyfriend, too.

[justsookie]

Her stomach just about drops to her feet at that suggestion, and it's probably obvious as all gets out on her face, dismay evident in the slight parting of her lips and the rushed exhale that escapes between them. On the one hand, it's nice to know that there's more that she can turn to than the condoms the island has in ready stock. On the other, how in the world is she supposed to ask Mitchell whether or not he'd be willing to go on birth control? This isn't on the same level as pushing two mattresses together to make sure that they have enough space to themselves on a not-date that became a date. This is actually affecting his... well.

Swimmers.

And possibly in the process, making it seem like she doesn't want to have his kids, which might be true at present, but it isn't something Sookie's at all sure about for the long haul.

"It'd be for a boyfriend, yeah," Sookie nods, her eyes slightly widened with panic and a grimace toying at her expression. "But how am I supposed to talk to him about that? Like... oh lord, what does it do? What are the risks? Fudge, I feel bad comin' in and bothering you about somethin' like this, I'm sure you have better ways to spend your time."

[drownondryland]

"No, no, no," Meredith says quickly, waving a hand as she grins. "Why don't you have a seat? Trust me, I have lots of time and this is, it's my job. I'm glad to help. I can walk you through it so you have all the information when you're ready to bring it up."

It was difficult enough for her and sex isn't exactly a taboo topic as far as she's concerned. In all other aspects of it, she's always been perfectly frank, whether with Sean or not, but approaching this isn't easy, bringing with it, as it does, the topic of children, even if only by implication. Sometimes implication is bad enough, and this isn't something all men deal with well. Hell, it still makes her nervous at times, even knowing it's something neither of them wants.

[justsookie]

Taking the offered seat, Sookie slides down on the chair with bated breath, as though trying to fit together all of her thoughts and emotions in a way that might even stand a chance of being halfway coherent. She does manage fragments of what she wants to express. That she's grateful for this doctor, who is able to smile at her like this isn't such a big deal, who isn't laughing at the way she flails and babbles over the matter. That it's overwhelming to feel all the heavy topics just waiting to come down on her, talks that she should have had with her mother, or even with gran, but never got the opportunity. That there's a part of her that really wants to sit down with Mitchell and just hammer it all out in the way that she does with everything in her life.

But instead, as soon as she settles down, she giggles. It's quiet, hushed, nervous and girlish all at once.

"Thank you. I know I learned some of this stuff a decade ago, and it's not the sort of thing you're supposed to forget, ever. But there were reasons why I couldn't really- this is the first time I've been able to get involved with someone who isn't a vampire, and thus... dead." Sookie winced at the way it sounded, never having phrased it that way herself in spite of how many people pointed it out to her, that she was dancing with a corpse. "This is soundin' pretty weird, isn't it?"

[drownondryland]

"It's... a new one," Meredith agrees, slipping back into her seat to face her, hoping to keep her at her ease. Strange or not, judgment isn't supposed to come into it for her, and anyway, having lived here so long, she's not a fraction so fazed by it as she would have been at home. Of course, at home, she would have been discreetly making calls up to the psych floor for a consult, but here, where she knows there are erstwhile vampires, she takes the woman at her word. Besides, her own boyfriend used to fly, she doesn't have a high horse to get on here.

"But everyone approaches sex differently, at different points in their lives, with different people... and it's probably not the weirdest thing to happen to anyone around here." She smiles, leaning forward a little, and tries not to laugh at how much it feels like she's trying to give someone the sex talk when that's not a scenario she can ever imagine herself in. Not, at least, outside of a doctor-patient situation like this one. "And if you're not putting things into practice, you forget. It's natural. I'm Dr. Grey, by the way - Meredith. And I know this can be awkward, but it's really okay. What you say, what you ask, doesn't leave this room."

[justsookie]

On some level, she knows everything that Meredith's telling her. Somewhere in the span of thirteen and sixteen, gran managed to drop off all the facts that Sookie needed to know most- that yes, you can get pregnant the first time, that you should always use condoms to help protect from a great deal of things, babies included. That it might actually not be a terrible idea to get someone tested for all manner of diseases. Gosh, she thinks, she hasn't actually done any of that yet, and maybe it was the tumult of her life that kept Sookie from eying things with any amount of discretion, or maybe it's just been too long since gran's said any of that. There's a difference between hearing a warning and needing to be guided after a situation's under way.

But she's been guided now, by a woman who seems terribly kind, not at all impatient, the sort of personality all doctors are ideally supposed to have. Sookie's expression softens, the clanging of her nerves no longer cacophonous.

"Gosh, I've totally forgotten my manners," Sookie shakes her head, scolding herself. "It's so nice to meet you, Dr. Grey. I'm Sookie, Sookie Stackhouse. I was in here some time ago after all the dinosaur territory mess, but I didn't get around to introducin' myself to a lot of the people here, just... slept, most of the time."

After a pause, she adds, completely earnest, "I've got to say, you look way too young and pretty to be a doctor. I know that doctors like you are supposed to exist once in a while, but when I say pretty, I mean really pretty."

[drownondryland]

Meredith's all ready to apologize for not recalling her right off, though there were enough people in and out of the clinic after all that for once that she can't honestly expect herself to remember all of them. The compliment, though, takes her by surprise enough to derail her, and she laughs instead, pleased.

"Thank you," she says lightly, "you're very pretty yourself. And flattery might just make you my new favorite patient." She's rarely been especially insecure about her looks, but she's never considered herself all that pretty either, and it's kind of nice to hear from someone other than Sean, who is essentially contractually obliged to believe she's the most gorgeous woman to walk this island. She clears her throat, remembering herself before she starts in on saying how young she is (it's kind of nice to be reminded of that, too, though she feels far younger than thirty more than she cares for). "That was a, uh, busy time. How are you feeling now?"

[justsookie]

Sookie wrinkles her nose and shakes her head with a sheepish smile, not one to care too much for praise aimed at her own person. To some extent, it's because she's already heard most of them directly from people's thoughts, the fact that she has nice legs and that her tan makes her look healthy as can be. Tone wry and slightly self-deprecating, Sookie remarks, "Oh, I get by with a good tan now and again, but somehow both my mom and my gran were loads prettier, believe me. Can't complain, though; the people I've dated don't seem to mind."

The quirk of her lips relaxes as Sookie's foot jiggles in the air, hands clasping tightly together. "But yeah, that was... it was pretty chaotic. I think I'm okay now, but I prefer not to think about it too much, otherwise I wake up with a start and can't get back to sleep. Did any of yours get caught up in all of the mess?"

[drownondryland]

Meredith shakes her head, hands on her knees. "Not really," she admits. "I got... surprisingly lucky." That really doesn't happen most of the time and, in retrospect, she's still a little surprised she didn't find herself being hunted down by some over-sized lizard, all teeth and claws, let alone any of her friends. It's not normal, she feels even now, for her not to be the receiving end of a whole lot of trouble, for everything to go so right, for her mishaps to be no worse than any ordinary woman, being one half of any ordinary couple, might otherwise experience.

"Mostly I was just in here," she says, "dealing with the aftermath. I was told it's happened before, too. You never really know with this place, do you?" In a way, she guesses, they all got lucky. There were more than a few injuries to contend with, but no casualties, which is a hell of a lot better than she would have expected.

[justsookie]

She's avoiding a return to the topic of birth control at this point, knowing that nothing can progress very far without asking Mitchell whether or not he's willing to take anything in the first place. Not to mention that talk of the island's unpredictability has her stomach dropping for the millionth time, every mention a reminder of the fact that the calm life she's leading is the equivalent of an extended dream. No one's stayed on the island for more than six years, and many stay for far less.

"No, we never know what to expect," she exhales, expression slightly melancholy as Sookie runs a hand through her hair, loosening some of the tight curls she's managed for the day. "That's what keeps it from actually bein' an island paradise, right? Doubt that anyone's gonna stay forever, as much as we might want to, but gosh, I don't want to think of this place as just a long vacation either."

[drownondryland]

Whatever response Meredith expected, she didn't think it'd hit quite this close to home. She longs for Seattle Grace, for her family, hell, for any hospital where she can finally finish her residency, become a fully qualified surgeon, save lives, but when she tries to imagine that now, returning to that life, it doesn't sit right. There's nothing left that fits her anymore, not for good; she can hold a scalpel a little while or be held by Sean and that works while it's happening, but there's no life that's ever going to complete, not so long as she can't have both. She knows that, when she lets herself. She's pretty sure he does, too.

"Neither do I," she says, soft, then sits up a little straighter, forces a little more strength into her tone and shakes her head. "Neither do a lot of people. I think it's kind of all or nothing, you wanna be here or you don't. But either way, I don't think thinking of it like that helps anybody. We have to treat it like real life, not a break from it, or we're just... waiting." However she feels about the place from one day to the next, she isn't about to let anyone else have what control she can glean for herself.

[justsookie]

After closing her eyes for an extended moment, Sookie shakes her head, blinking them open with the same sincerity as before, the frank nature with which she approaches everything in life. Time's too short for her to go dilly-dallying around her emotions, her state of being, any of that. "I don't know," she confesses. "If it's all or nothin' for most people, I don't think I can put myself in either. Maybe I'm just weird, but there is so much goin' on back home that I want to return to- I had a boyfriend back there, not the one I'm datin' here, and my best friend, my job. I grew up and spent almost thirty years in one place, and now to be on the island, it's like I'm a fish outta water."

Letting her gaze turn to the side, Sookie tilts her head for emphasis, losing herself a bit in her own thoughts, her explanation. "But I've got a lot here, too. A brother who's told me things he never did back home, and someone I think I could be happy with, and I'm not like... fearin' for my life here. Which is great. Good enough that I don't want to think that I'll eventually forget everything that's happened here."

[drownondryland]

It's forgetting that terrifies Meredith. She hates so much bearing the burden of memory, being the one who recollects everything, and she's scared of forgetting more than she can say, more than she's ever explained to anyone here. George might get it. George is the only one who would, and it feels like only a matter of time before he's taken from her, too, and all she can do is fight to remember Seattle when it would hurt so much less to leave it behind her the way she keeps insisting she's done. It's one thing to say she wants to be here, but there are days it's almost impossible to believe it.

Far easier is putting herself in Sookie's shoes, even while envying the idea of family, of closeness, of safety. She still keeps waiting to feel she belongs. She's been waiting thirty years for that, and every time it finally happens, it gets taken away again.

"It's not simple," she sighs. "I loved where I was. I loved my job. And there's a lot I just can't stand about this place. But the things I like about it, well... those, I like a lot. A lot." Whether or not they make up entirely for what she's lost is a matter of debate from one day to the next. She usually decides they do, but every now and then, on the darkest days, she can't imagine anything's really worth this. Not that she's got a boyfriend to go back to, no matter what those videos say. "Were you in trouble back there?"