one.day.at.a.time
went to meeting #2 last nite at westlake. so that's 2/2 out of 90 in 90... i stayed with travis last nite in south austin. i've missed him so much since he left LaHa... we had been hanging out every day when we were strung out, and he ended up in the same treatment center at the same time by some miracle. i asked to be his roomate and they agreed, so we went from friends in addiction to friends in recovery. it was so awesome being his roomate, and life at LaHa was a little lonely after he discharged. after living with him for almost a month, it feels more normal to be sleeping at his place than mine.
someone i met in treatment is dead already, and another is in an ICU because of accidents involving alcohol. another relapsed on alcohol too. another on meth. one on adderall. another on alcohol. another on weed. another on alcohol. isn't life after LaHa sweet? fucking a. they weren't fucking anonymous after 30 days all day, every day, every moment of the day. let me tell you.
what does it take to succeed? the answer isn't elusive, but it's a tough alternative to face. giving up my identity in the rooms? force feeding NA-CA-AA on a daily basis? doing a 180 from atheism to finding a Higher Power to relieve me from relapse? doing excess work i never ever wanted? facing the fact that i became so defeated i let myself fall into a darkness of sickness so deep i couldn't escape on my own? that i brought others with me to the depths of despair? or maybe i should just go back to heroin. yeah right... so i guess it's all the tough shit i don't wanna have to face then.
at least i feel happy for the first time in forever. without heroin stealing away my emotions i can feel honest joy and appreciation again. i feel love for my family, appreciation for their presence in my life for the first time in i don't know how long. i've got friends who understand where i've been but that found an escape from it and give me hope in my own sobriety. there's a lot of conflicting emotion in recovery it seems...
"She's rubber and I am glue
She had a lot to say and stuck it to my brain
She is recovered and I am screwed
She had a lot to say and I'll take it to my grave
If I could make all of my words count
I'd ditch numbers altogether for sure
Voice reversed yelling a curse towards
The way-back of my skull
Over and over again
She had a lot to say
Came by to water my flower bed
Oh what a big mistake, it rains here everyday
Damage-needle pinned to red
She had a lot to say and I'll take it to my grave
If I could make all of my words count
I'd ditch numbers altogether for sure
Voice reversed yelling a curse towards
The way-back of my skull
Over and over again
This is more side effect than I expect
That boy is so glum
This is more side effect inside this wreck
That boy is so dumb
If I could make all of my words count
I'd ditch numbers altogether for sure
Voice reversed yelling a curse towards
The way-back of my skull
Over and over again
She had a lot to say"
someone i met in treatment is dead already, and another is in an ICU because of accidents involving alcohol. another relapsed on alcohol too. another on meth. one on adderall. another on alcohol. another on weed. another on alcohol. isn't life after LaHa sweet? fucking a. they weren't fucking anonymous after 30 days all day, every day, every moment of the day. let me tell you.
what does it take to succeed? the answer isn't elusive, but it's a tough alternative to face. giving up my identity in the rooms? force feeding NA-CA-AA on a daily basis? doing a 180 from atheism to finding a Higher Power to relieve me from relapse? doing excess work i never ever wanted? facing the fact that i became so defeated i let myself fall into a darkness of sickness so deep i couldn't escape on my own? that i brought others with me to the depths of despair? or maybe i should just go back to heroin. yeah right... so i guess it's all the tough shit i don't wanna have to face then.
at least i feel happy for the first time in forever. without heroin stealing away my emotions i can feel honest joy and appreciation again. i feel love for my family, appreciation for their presence in my life for the first time in i don't know how long. i've got friends who understand where i've been but that found an escape from it and give me hope in my own sobriety. there's a lot of conflicting emotion in recovery it seems...
"She's rubber and I am glue
She had a lot to say and stuck it to my brain
She is recovered and I am screwed
She had a lot to say and I'll take it to my grave
If I could make all of my words count
I'd ditch numbers altogether for sure
Voice reversed yelling a curse towards
The way-back of my skull
Over and over again
She had a lot to say
Came by to water my flower bed
Oh what a big mistake, it rains here everyday
Damage-needle pinned to red
She had a lot to say and I'll take it to my grave
If I could make all of my words count
I'd ditch numbers altogether for sure
Voice reversed yelling a curse towards
The way-back of my skull
Over and over again
This is more side effect than I expect
That boy is so glum
This is more side effect inside this wreck
That boy is so dumb
If I could make all of my words count
I'd ditch numbers altogether for sure
Voice reversed yelling a curse towards
The way-back of my skull
Over and over again
She had a lot to say"