(no subject)
after re-evaluating my summer i have come to a few conclusions. i have a problem. a big one. i think i can beat it. this summer i did nothing but pull all nighters and do drugs. alot of them. im an addict. i sat in my shower today and cried because i finally realized just how much ive fucked up my life. i thought about it, this time last year i would never even think of drugs. this isnt me. im a completely different person. i hate myself. i hate the decisions ive made. i am a horrible person. i have bags under my eyes from the lack of sleep. i cant think straight because ive put so many holes in my brain. i dont have a quick reaction time anymore. ive hit bottom. i dont think i can go any lower. ive spent so much money to buy ecstacy and weed and other things. i have no one to talk to. i need someone right now and i dont know who to turn to. i didnt sleep from friday morning till 11 on sunday night. sunday was my eye opener. i talked to a friends cousin about everything, and she helped me realize the severity of drugs. and how they affect your life. it was the first time i really saw things. i cant stop crying. i stopped taking my medication because i wouldnt feel good when i mixed it with drugs. i stopped the medication instead of the drugs. my priorities are mixed up. i dont know what to do with myself anymore. i feel used by everyone. i feel like people arent really my friends, they just use me cause i pay for alot of things. i didnt go away to college cause at the time i thought i could live the rest of my life how i was living it. but i cant, i need to grow up and move on, but i dont know if i can.