An empty room with a ruined view... I'm doing this for you... *~
Jack Kerouac
~~~ ** ~~
Tell me if you can relate-- I want to get so drunk right now, so that I can laugh at myself for slapping my own face and not feeling it. Because that's what I do when I'm wasted. I just feel kind of shitty right now, and I can't place why, exactly. If I weren't addicted to cigarettes... No, that's not it. If I weren't a lush... nope, that isn't it either. If I could be proud and satisfied with my writing... Enh, part of it, but no. Not really that either. Oh well. Who cares if I can't place it, all I know is that I feel worse and worse the more I recognize my present feelings because I feel selfish when I get this depressed. I just need to go read more Frank O'Hara poetry and laugh at myself. Because laughing at myself is the best way to try and not feel so terrible. The poem I read at the reading today was so sad, people were silent afterwards for almost a minute, until Wojo asked if anyone had anything happy. Not likely to get much happy, bright poems from Rachel. Ever. The last EVER AP US test... That is a joyful, joyful thing. And Parsons and I plan to get as jiggy as humanly possible at the end-of-school party. We'll have a bonfire, some "beverages"... And that makes me happy. No one who doesn't get messed up will understand, but feeling numb and distant helps me in my life. Take a few steps back, stop feeling, stop bitching, laugh, and then write it down. And that is all. Sure, hate me for it. Don't like, oh well. You aren't me, I suppose. Kind of like the people who were whining about gays in Bio, while we were fishing at the pond... "If you make gay marriage legal, you have to legalize beastiality and polygamy..." No, you don't, you close-minded fuck. Love is Love, it knows no gender and no bounds. So please, leave and open your mind passed your condescending Catholic education. I am so upset right now. :-/ Yuck.
Happy entires to come, one day. No worries. I love you all.