(no subject)
ive felt pretty shallow as of late. i guess in regards to speaking aloud, where i speak to people about nothing of substance. the things that go through my head are so much more profound than the things that come out of my mouth. i think its because i dont like sharing. so much has happened that has changed the way i am. ive built walls of great heights. i almost feel bad when someone wants to get close to me. i have no urge to let them in, so we never had a chance. no one takes me seriously anyways.
i think i speak with my eyes more than anything now. i dont lie with them, but i dont exactly tell the truth either.
i dont think i would mind it too much if i could never speak again. its not like i say whats on my mind anyways. i forget what came out of my mouth half the time.
i enjoy being alone. i joke around about how ill die alone. people say thats sad, but we are all going to die alone. im not scared of death. there is no point in fearing death because we wont be alive to experience it anyways.
i think ive forgotten how to feel certain feelings. it makes it easier not to miss things i dont have in my life like those feelings. the only problem is now ive forgotten to want those things in general. the shades of gray in my life are slowly fleeting. this black and white field id call my perspective explains this me so well.
i dont even care what direction im going in. i dont even care if i have no direction. i feel like my life is one big sedative. im holding onto myself the best that i can.
even this whole journal entry is fucking stupid. wow.
No time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
It takes a while to grow anything,
before it's coming to an end.
i think i speak with my eyes more than anything now. i dont lie with them, but i dont exactly tell the truth either.
i dont think i would mind it too much if i could never speak again. its not like i say whats on my mind anyways. i forget what came out of my mouth half the time.
i enjoy being alone. i joke around about how ill die alone. people say thats sad, but we are all going to die alone. im not scared of death. there is no point in fearing death because we wont be alive to experience it anyways.
i think ive forgotten how to feel certain feelings. it makes it easier not to miss things i dont have in my life like those feelings. the only problem is now ive forgotten to want those things in general. the shades of gray in my life are slowly fleeting. this black and white field id call my perspective explains this me so well.
i dont even care what direction im going in. i dont even care if i have no direction. i feel like my life is one big sedative. im holding onto myself the best that i can.
even this whole journal entry is fucking stupid. wow.
No time to get the seeds into the cold ground.
It takes a while to grow anything,
before it's coming to an end.