i confess
I started calling her boogie, for nostalgia's sake, and basically because i wanted her to know what was in my mind when i had to say it. I remember the day I watched that movie with mandy moore.. you know, the one where she's dying of cancer and he still wants to be with her. I remember crying because i loved her like that.
She was the wonderful first. It was like loving someone so epicly wonderful was wrong in so many ways. Shouldn't you climb baby steps before St. Helens?
It wasn't even about her body. I could have cared less. Sure lots of conversations went down that alley, but I loved her mind. And, it was scary to me. It left artificial taste in my mouth the first time I met her because artificial was all I knew. I wanted to marry her because she was so beautiful. I could've cared less about her body. In a world full of weight loss pills, high priced clothes, makeup, and pride, I cared less what she had on. I wanted to marry her mind. Fuck that, I wanted to marry her soul. She was the perfect butterfly in side of herself, and it makes me cry to know that time is passing and i'm forgetting what she was. I'm forgetting the night she cried when she wanted to let me know how she felt. Tears stream down my face because my soul's trapped in a body where shit gets forgotten. Where things I never wanted to let go, have already left. I don't want her to read this to say "awww" and hear how I feel. I'm trying to hold on to the song.
The song?
I heard the song the night she told me she was my angel, and that she'd watch over me. I heard it when I finally grabbed a hold of my life and told her I wanted to be with her, before she told me the same thing. I heard it the day she swore I called her another girl's name on the phone late one night, and I wrote her every secret I had ever kept in my life. I told her about how my father should have been there for me when I needed him. I told her about how a drug dealing uncle was the predecessor to me in my mother's eyes, and that I could be no better than what he had become. I hear that song every time I see her name, and her face.
She doesn't remember the song.
But fuck. I don't even remember the song. I wasn't suspossed to forget how that jingle went. It scares me because I don't wanna forget her. I dont want to forget my first love and why I loved her because if I forget her, then I forget love. She knows that shit. She knows she's love to me. She knows she's why i'm still here. But she can't do anything to help me now because
she don't remember the song.
And I don't remember the song.
And now, I dont remember love.
So what do I got left? I don't even remember about the thing that means everything. The song I think was the song is probably some other misplaced chorus. That means I've got nothing to offer to whoever i'm suspossedly destined to be with. I'm fucked. Now without love, I don't even know who I am. I don't even know who I claim myself to be, or what i'm out about.
I'm deaf. She's heard another tune and our song is gone. No one remembers it, therefore no one knows who i am, not even me. So I confess to you, the misplaced story of what I am. I'm only 19 and i'm not even in touch with my soul. I'm not even touch with anything in this world.
Music doesn't even comfort me. It's not what I want to hear. The great myth of the song is a fucking nap I took. Don't even remember the nap. I blame the hennesey, the clothes I buy, the fake friends i think i have, the girls I visit on friday nights when no one's home, the sun I see in the sky, and the street I walk on everyday.
It became my reality, and now it doesn't even exist. I'm empty.
Now leave me to sit by myself and hum.
She was the wonderful first. It was like loving someone so epicly wonderful was wrong in so many ways. Shouldn't you climb baby steps before St. Helens?
It wasn't even about her body. I could have cared less. Sure lots of conversations went down that alley, but I loved her mind. And, it was scary to me. It left artificial taste in my mouth the first time I met her because artificial was all I knew. I wanted to marry her because she was so beautiful. I could've cared less about her body. In a world full of weight loss pills, high priced clothes, makeup, and pride, I cared less what she had on. I wanted to marry her mind. Fuck that, I wanted to marry her soul. She was the perfect butterfly in side of herself, and it makes me cry to know that time is passing and i'm forgetting what she was. I'm forgetting the night she cried when she wanted to let me know how she felt. Tears stream down my face because my soul's trapped in a body where shit gets forgotten. Where things I never wanted to let go, have already left. I don't want her to read this to say "awww" and hear how I feel. I'm trying to hold on to the song.
The song?
I heard the song the night she told me she was my angel, and that she'd watch over me. I heard it when I finally grabbed a hold of my life and told her I wanted to be with her, before she told me the same thing. I heard it the day she swore I called her another girl's name on the phone late one night, and I wrote her every secret I had ever kept in my life. I told her about how my father should have been there for me when I needed him. I told her about how a drug dealing uncle was the predecessor to me in my mother's eyes, and that I could be no better than what he had become. I hear that song every time I see her name, and her face.
She doesn't remember the song.
But fuck. I don't even remember the song. I wasn't suspossed to forget how that jingle went. It scares me because I don't wanna forget her. I dont want to forget my first love and why I loved her because if I forget her, then I forget love. She knows that shit. She knows she's love to me. She knows she's why i'm still here. But she can't do anything to help me now because
she don't remember the song.
And I don't remember the song.
And now, I dont remember love.
So what do I got left? I don't even remember about the thing that means everything. The song I think was the song is probably some other misplaced chorus. That means I've got nothing to offer to whoever i'm suspossedly destined to be with. I'm fucked. Now without love, I don't even know who I am. I don't even know who I claim myself to be, or what i'm out about.
I'm deaf. She's heard another tune and our song is gone. No one remembers it, therefore no one knows who i am, not even me. So I confess to you, the misplaced story of what I am. I'm only 19 and i'm not even in touch with my soul. I'm not even touch with anything in this world.
Music doesn't even comfort me. It's not what I want to hear. The great myth of the song is a fucking nap I took. Don't even remember the nap. I blame the hennesey, the clothes I buy, the fake friends i think i have, the girls I visit on friday nights when no one's home, the sun I see in the sky, and the street I walk on everyday.
It became my reality, and now it doesn't even exist. I'm empty.
Now leave me to sit by myself and hum.