(no subject)
its almost eight and i havent been able to fall asleep. i cant quite tell if i am tired or not. i have to be to work by three. i waste too much of my mind trying to impress people to some capacity. nothing obvious, but i do catch myself saying things or doing things that i wouldnt normally do or say. i wish i want so vain or insecure or whatever i am. i find it easier to come to terms with my personal and spiritual flaws than my physical. if i let myself think about that it sickens me. its one of the things i hate about humanity. i also wish i could go through this existence without directly causing anyone pain and grief. for to do so seems to stem completely from selfishness. and i cant figure that out. i feel as though if i was wiser i could embrace everyone. my mother keeps walking by wondering if somethings wrong, so i guess i should try to go to sleep. in my state i thought it would be a good idea to try to create a new screen name. i dont know if i will actually ever use it. maybe i will create a new list that isnt from ninth grade. i was looking at it the other day and i have one hundred and sixty-five people on it and i talk to maybe twenty of them. oh. and the phone is back on...