(no subject)
Sometimes I get so annoyed, frustrated, and jealous because I feel like I miss out on so much...why do I always pick friends that get so much more freedom than me. I have a TON of freedom, I know...but there are some things that I miss out on. Like being able to hang out with people more than about two times a week. I don't know if it's because everyone else is really like that (able to spend time with friends that often) or if I just always end up with friends who have that luxury...but it's really hard sometimes. really hard to maintain friendships like that when everyone in a certain "group" is always out having fun without me, and there's not much I can do about it... I mean, how much fun am I? It's hard to hear about how much fun people have "hanging out" and "just chilling" I get so bitter about missing out on all that. I want to try that sometime, just...waste a day away with someone, or a group of people. How do I fit in with people that are allowed to live such different lives? How do I convince them that I can be a good friend? Sometimes, like now, it just hits me... the definition of "friends" that most people my age would give, is something that hasn't really existed to it's fullest extent in my life, for the most part. I know you have one or two good friends, and finding them is supposed to be hard, and they are rare, blah blah, and i am grateful for whatever friendships i may have had, and have now, but most of them seem to be kind of...off. something is missing, or not quite right. even if it is just the fact that i hardly ever get to spend time with anyone. and i don't know what to do about it, because i mean, how does one go about solving a problem like that?
I really wish i were the happy, peppy, energetic 100% of the time person that i feel inside me, but this stuff has been nagging at me for so long, it just gets me down every once in a while, and i need a while to get back up. and i feel really selfish, and gross, and it really disgusts me. here i am feeling all sorry for myself. i feel like slapping myself back into reality - back into the wonderful world around me, and all of the great things in my life... but...*even a small leak can sink a great ship*...and right now that small leak is sinking me into the bottom of the ocean.
every time this happens i get scared that i won't come back up. and i know, deep down that there will be a time. if this keeps going, one of these times i will sink for good. and that kind of scares me.
i really didn't mean for this entry to be this bleak.
i have to go to bed
on a brighter note, i got the 370some colleges in california narrowed down to 148, narrowed down to about 42. All in one day. aren't you proud? =p
Azusa Pacific University
Biola University
California Polytechnic State University: San Luis Obispo
California State Polytechnic University: Pomona
California State University: Bakersfield
California State University: Chico
California State University: Dominguez Hills
California State University: Fresno
California State University: Fullerton
California State University: Hayward
California State University: Long Beach
California State University: Los Angeles
California State University: Monterey Bay
California State University: Northridge
California State University: Sacramento
California State University: San Bernardino
California State University: San Marcos
California State University: Stanislaus
Claremont McKenna College
Harvey Mudd College
Pomona College
Scripps College
Pitzer College
Concordia University
Humboldt State University
Loyola Marymount University
Mills College
Northwestern Polytechnic University
Occidental College
Pepperdine University
San Jose State University
Santa Clara University
Stanford University
University of California: Davis
University of California: Irvine
University of California: Riverside
University of California: San Diego
University of California: Santa Barbara
University of La Verne
University of Redlands
University of Southern California
University of the Pacific
Whittier College
well there you have it - think i can cut it in half by tomorrow? hopefully, but we'll see. Well for starters about all but two of those CalState colleges will be cut from the list. Then again, i have to look at a few exceptional ones outside of California, so the list may get longer instead of shorter >_<. But it's okay because this is all still somewhat amusing.
since i'm on a roll:
Hightlights of the past week:
--Kevin got his permit (after a WHILE driving around wondering where the heck we were...>_< )
--Saw "the incredibles" which was a really cute, fun, and amusing movie
--had a great scrimmage on tuesday against mission san jose.
--thanksgiving feast with rubio's class 5th period
--Ben Franklin-like sayings in english with Golda:
"nightlights are brightest during the darkest times"
"sprinting in a marathon won't get you anywhere if you don't make it to the finish line"
those where the two we came up with. pretty snazzy if i say so myself.. =D
--passé les temps avec mon ange =) <3
--I'm sure there's more, but i'm tired so im going to bed now.
~*Goodnight*~
I really wish i were the happy, peppy, energetic 100% of the time person that i feel inside me, but this stuff has been nagging at me for so long, it just gets me down every once in a while, and i need a while to get back up. and i feel really selfish, and gross, and it really disgusts me. here i am feeling all sorry for myself. i feel like slapping myself back into reality - back into the wonderful world around me, and all of the great things in my life... but...*even a small leak can sink a great ship*...and right now that small leak is sinking me into the bottom of the ocean.
every time this happens i get scared that i won't come back up. and i know, deep down that there will be a time. if this keeps going, one of these times i will sink for good. and that kind of scares me.
i really didn't mean for this entry to be this bleak.
i have to go to bed
on a brighter note, i got the 370some colleges in california narrowed down to 148, narrowed down to about 42. All in one day. aren't you proud? =p
Azusa Pacific University
Biola University
California Polytechnic State University: San Luis Obispo
California State Polytechnic University: Pomona
California State University: Bakersfield
California State University: Chico
California State University: Dominguez Hills
California State University: Fresno
California State University: Fullerton
California State University: Hayward
California State University: Long Beach
California State University: Los Angeles
California State University: Monterey Bay
California State University: Northridge
California State University: Sacramento
California State University: San Bernardino
California State University: San Marcos
California State University: Stanislaus
Claremont McKenna College
Harvey Mudd College
Pomona College
Scripps College
Pitzer College
Concordia University
Humboldt State University
Loyola Marymount University
Mills College
Northwestern Polytechnic University
Occidental College
Pepperdine University
San Jose State University
Santa Clara University
Stanford University
University of California: Davis
University of California: Irvine
University of California: Riverside
University of California: San Diego
University of California: Santa Barbara
University of La Verne
University of Redlands
University of Southern California
University of the Pacific
Whittier College
well there you have it - think i can cut it in half by tomorrow? hopefully, but we'll see. Well for starters about all but two of those CalState colleges will be cut from the list. Then again, i have to look at a few exceptional ones outside of California, so the list may get longer instead of shorter >_<. But it's okay because this is all still somewhat amusing.
since i'm on a roll:
Hightlights of the past week:
--Kevin got his permit (after a WHILE driving around wondering where the heck we were...>_< )
--Saw "the incredibles" which was a really cute, fun, and amusing movie
--had a great scrimmage on tuesday against mission san jose.
--thanksgiving feast with rubio's class 5th period
--Ben Franklin-like sayings in english with Golda:
"nightlights are brightest during the darkest times"
"sprinting in a marathon won't get you anywhere if you don't make it to the finish line"
those where the two we came up with. pretty snazzy if i say so myself.. =D
--passé les temps avec mon ange =) <3
--I'm sure there's more, but i'm tired so im going to bed now.
~*Goodnight*~