(no subject)
He has changed what I want for the worst. I kiss on the thighs, a dirty thought whispered in the ear. I never allowed it from the boys who cared, and I knew he didn’t care. I am worth more. Not that I still want him, or ever really wanted him. One thing I defiantly never wanted to be was out lash of a bad marriage, he knew that too or he wouldn’t have lied. I feel tricked. Yes I was tricked, but I played my part too. I lost myself in a smooth talking gorgeous man with a big vocabulary that treated me like a piece of meat. Back to his wife and baby, back to my…nothing really. I think of it every day, not to sulk in regret, after all I am forgiven, but to learn from the past. I’m not sure if I would take it back or not because I have learned so much from this, but the fact that it hurt me like hell guarantees I wont do it again. I wonder what it would be like if I saw him at the store in five, ten years. Would his wife be there? Would my husband? Would he recognize me? Would I him? I do want the best for him, even after what he did to me, to her, to him. I feel like a big change is coming, like God’s preparing me for something soon. I think I might know what, but I promise myself I won’t rush into it. Life has been so crazy lately. If this had happened a year ago I wouldn’t have been able to handle it. For once I’m proud of myself for being able to handle it.
wtf ashton kutcher?
wtf ashton kutcher?