myspace blogs I value
Feb 26, 2012
why..
feelings of complete abandoment and betrayal......im done with self-center selfish people who abuse the shit out of there sopposed loved ones life.
if you dont give a fuck, then why do you even talk to me. go away.... my hearts only open and there for people who want to be....
people who appreciate me in their life, love and friendship.
i will never forgot how much pain you've caused me.
9:54 AM
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Remove Mar 9, 2010
my broken heart.....
Current mood:crushed
friday…..I showed up to my mom house to do landry….and steve came in, in a panic.
He says, "help me put tigger in the box I’m takeing him to the vet…."
"Why?" I said…
"He hasn’t ate or drank in three days…" steve says……
sorta frighten by this statement I helped tiggy into the box and gave him a kiss on his head…
I thought he’d be okay, I thought it was his thyroid acting up again…..
Sooo, steve goes and comes back…he tells me he’s on an iv becuase of dehydration…
I found this not to be such a horrible thing, becuase that is what the vet does when animals are dehydrated….
saturday morning, I woke up feel like complete crap…
There was a stabbing pain in my heart.
I ended up crying all morning and I had no reasons why, just yet….
I felt like my heart had been broken….
Ryan keep trying to cheer me up and kept asking what was wrong…but I just told him I felt like my heart had jut been broken…by I don’t know why I feel this way..
days go by… and I never heard anything about my cat, until today…
Its tuesday and my mom calls me to tell me that tiggy died saturday morning….
They had to put him to sleep because he was suffering from toxins in his blood…
My father, my teacher, my lover is now gone, I didn’t even get to say good bye to him…
He was 14 years old, and was the most wonderfulest thing that had ever happen to me in my life…
I loved my tiggy, my beatiful cat.. my best friend….now I know why I cried….
He shall always be remembered, and I will never forget that feeling of my heart being broken….
03/6/2010.
4:37 PM
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Lady Love
..Hey! Tiggy was the shit! I'll never forget him at the house on Euclid. Im so sorry :( RIP tiggy!
Reply2 years ago
S M
..that really sux :(
Reply(1)2 years ago
Jag Sigl
yea :(
2 years ago
Jag Sigl
Reply2 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
..I am so sorry Jag....
He led a great life. Yes he will always be remembered. :(
Reply2 years ago
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Jan 17, 2010
I am shocked that i remembered my myspace password after all that….
Current mood:pissed off
dude.....you guys have no idea.....
its not the wisdom teeth that hurts when they are pulled out.....
its the part where they over dose you with Demerol…..
Everything would have been a okay if they didn’t over dose my ass with needless amounts of narcotics,
As I spend four days literally bed ridden because some asshole gave me too much junk.
I had not much pain form my teeth…I even had a root canal done….it was not excruciating at all…
It was my fucking head that was driving me insane….GET OUT OF MY SYSTEM GOD DAMN IT>
I didn’t even need the pain meds. Even though I tried them anyhow thinking it would help with the agony that was going on in my head….twice and it failed.
Yea…
Not only did I throw up endless amounts of blood that had been carelessly swallowed when it should have been sucked up by the assistant…
But I was vomiting and spinning for four days….I just wanted somebody to fucking shoot me.
I still feel wobbly.
But at least now I do not feel like vomiting, thank fucking god.
Even the antibiotics they gave me is sooo strong…they just add to the dizzyness and spinning/vomiting…..
I don’t even want to pee because of the smell from the meds, makes you want to vomit.
Soooo…….
Let me tell you.
Its not the teeth.
It’s the fucking drugs.
I cant believe I am even able to write this. I hope my brain isn’t fried. i am extermly lucky i did not get a dry socket from all the vomiting.
1:06 PM
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S M
wow damm that shits bad.....it almost killed my sister
Reply(1)2 years ago
Jag Sigl
no way!!! yea those people kept giveng me more to knock me out becuase my anxiety kept my body awake....even though i wasnt there... those assholes.
2 years ago
†Aleeseeuh†
dude... that sucks so bad.. im hella sorry... when u text me i felt hella bad... thats so ghey.. they might as well been feeding you crack if it was gonna do that to you..
Reply(1)3 years ago
Jag Sigl
seriously.....!!!!!! school starts tommrow... :( im just glad its practically gone out of my system. i thought i was gonna die. you ready for schoool? cuz im not!!!
3 years ago
Lady Love
Im sorry they drugged you so much Jamies! But let me tell you a dry socket...that fucking sucks so bad they stick this shit in the holes and it tastes bad and its gross, just don't drink from a straw or you will get a dry socket! I remember getting my teeth pulled, it wasn't too bad like you said. Maybe you should just not take pain meds at all if they make you feel like that, no good for your body if you feel like that yuck!
Reply(2)3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
Drugs are bad Mmmk.
Definately glad i am not going to go to that dentist
Reply3 years ago
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Aug 23, 2009
My Music video, In the end Madness
Current mood:cheerful
I started making this video back in september and i finally finished it. the beging is ghey...but i love the end. hehe let me know what you think?
12:31 PM
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Nicholas Nein Herz
I like the first part... the rest is Mind blowing. o.O
Reply3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
Its pretty cool. i like the affects. Seems like Ryan helped you with it.
Reply3 years ago
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Jul 18, 2009
The Uzi mystery...
Current mood:cheerful
Sooo for two weeks Uzi has been in critical condition…
Ryan woke up one Sunday morning to Uzi vomiting all over the place…
Uzi refuses to eat and drink and just laid there for two days…
We panicked and rushed to find a place that would take a ferret since they are illegal in cali,
It was a far n few in between before you found a vet who would look at uzi. Thank god it was down the street.
It was this Asian lady who spoke broken English, but was wise to in helping us.
Since he was dehydrated, uzi was treated with a subq ( which was a camel back hump of water injected into his back)
Then she sent us home with some antibiotics.
As we came home I ran-shacked the house and found chewed up ear-plugs…
I freaked when I found these. So the next day we took uzi back to the lady to get an x-ray.
They found nothing..his intestines were empty as could be (since he wasn’t eating), but there was no sign or ear plugs..
After discovering this….I was not going to give up…I was determined to find a solution.
The lady suggested we take him to uc davis were we had set up an appointment to do surgery on him for 3Gs or shed cut him open for 250. But I was not down with the 250, so off to uc davis we went. But on the way there…I was applying for care credit and my credit was disapproved…I was like fuck.. this meant I could not get the surgery for uzi, because I did not have that kind of money. I was devastated
we stopped at my moms house and as I sulked, uzi seemed to be dangling at the end of time..
My mother felt horrible..but she kept mentioning that it was too much money for how old he is.
My heart fell into pieces…
The next day my mother calls me to tell me I have an appointment with Dr. tuner in Lodi. Steve had made this appointment which was shocking…..
Steve was all for this because they guy was some kind of god, and took a tumor of Rudy’s (his bird) wing.
So, I took him in..they poked and prodded at him and the doctor kept saying ooo this in no good.
He extremely dehydrated we have to take him.
So they took uzi, for 4 days and three nights. I bugged and called them everyday, as they kept taunting me that uzi was going to be able to come home tomorrow.
Then the pressure was on….
They had no answers…the only thing they’d say was that he had a bad infection & was still dehydrated…..that was it…
So on Friday, I went straight the doctors and demanding him back….they doctor practically threaten me, that he was going to die if they do not get to cut him open tonight to see if he had lymphoma n‘such.
Well, at this time uzi kept crawling into my purse, so I figured some funny business was going on…..so I told him I was to take him home.
They sent us away with four kinds of antibiotic and a subQ pack with needles…and off we went.
Unfortunately, I took uzi to bodega bay that same day. until Monday morning…we came back
He’d had started to keep food down for three days after we got home, but….
Noticeably his tummy kept growing and growing… my mom came over to visit and mention to me that russel ralfe girl friend is the head doctor at uc davis….
My mother ended up calling them after she saw the bloating belly. So, the next day which would be Friday, we took uzi to see her at russels house….she felt him all over and said….wow that’s a big spleen….uhh looks like lymphoma……
I wanted to cry…
Finally an opinion form someone who was not money hungry…
But time had stopped….
She said he was in a great deal of pain and needed to see someone soon. He needs painkillers and a biopsy done on his spleen to check for lymphoma. She gave me a number in Roseville and I made an appointment…we took uzi home….
I tried to be strong, and so was uzi.
That night….I thought was going to be the end……I tried feeding him…..he kept throwing up…..
I did not even want it to end like this…but I placed him in his cage….
I woke this morning with an urked feeling..I was almost to scared to look in the cage this morning.
Finally I was brave enough, and I looked in and grabbed uzi….wow, he very light….
Where’s his belly??, I wondered….
Where the huge spleen??
Everything seemed to have just straight up disappeared…I had no idea what had happed…
Well, I just moved on and went to feed him… he kept putting up a huge fight, which made me feel uneasy about the whole thing… he looked wide awake and normal…..
I was like……wow what the fuck??
How could this be….
As I got ready to go take uzi to the doctors… I see this fucking pink ear plug in the little box covered in diarrhea…..
I fucking knew it….
UZI DID NOT HAVE CANCER
That little shit ate my ear plug like I originally thought…
Now he is fine…..just really emaciated…
I am just glad if is all over with….I knew he was a strong little bastard….and he will now live happily with zix for longer more. Weasel usually die in 48 hours…..do to anything…even shock...they are fragile ..but not this little Uzinator.. yay! I’m happy :D
11:35 AM
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Nicholas Nein Herz
Hahahah, so he pooped it out? WHat a fighter. Did you keep it? o.O
Reply3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
Well There ya go. Guess no you wont let him run around too much without watching him. You are very lucky for everything to have turned out so well. I am happy for you and him.
Reply3 years ago
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Jun 29, 2009
ooooOOOOOOoooo
Current mood:cheerful
tee hee i am one credit away from haveing my AS. :D all i have to do is take one more science class and retake inter. algebra. :) i will have an AA/AS with a concentration of natural sciences! hehe its practically a two in one ordeal. but for the nursing program, sounds like i am going to have to get a private nursing education cuz delta college sucks and whats a 4.0 gpa basically. haha
ooo well, i just need to bust my ass and get a student loan cuz im a loser like that.
now lets see where i can get once i finish taken all those. weee
1:37 PM
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Aojiroi Kage
Cool! Thats good news!
Reply3 years ago
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Apr 30, 2009
My star <3
Current mood:imaginative
I decided to move my piercing videos to my blog, becuase i am going to make my profile unprivate.
Anabolical Happyness....it shall return once im rich. lol I am definatly getting anchors next time, they last longer and dont reject so badly, i had this pierceing for almost 2 years...but it fell short of two yearsi think i got it june 2007. I got some pretty nasty scaring from it, but it is slowly going away...and it is not going to stop me from doing it again... Pure seduction ~JAG
successfully done by Jose at legacy imports. Took two hours, which felt like 10 mins for me.
9:25 AM
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Nicholas Nein Herz
Thats hot.
Reply3 years ago
Lady Love
Dude did it completely reject?
Reply3 years ago
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Apr 13, 2009
OOO NO!!!
Current mood:amused
Pussy pillow poping fools.
Popin all ova the neighborhoods.
Popin here! N Popin there!
Popin on papa.
Wow! He looks scared!
Popin pussies here n there,
Pussies popin far n near!
Phat purple popin pussies to fear!
Run into the darkness! There aint no popin pussies here!
Run boys n girls for your lives!
Cuz popin pussies wont do youz right!
:D
2:43 PM
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Nicholas Nein Herz
is popin the new pimpen for girls?
Reply3 years ago
Marc & Christina
pop my pussy bitch!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply3 years ago
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Mar 28, 2009
then,
Current mood:disappointed
It’s kind of like getting a bag of candy,
And as you start eating the pieces,
You run into a bad one,
And then another bad one,
And then another until you have eating far too many bad ones,
So then you look at the box and realize,
That the whole bag was Expired. Hmm
Now that’s food for thought.
9:27 AM
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Aojiroi Kage
That is a really interesting comparison!
I like it and yeah you know what that is a good way to look at things. Some things must be studied far more closely than others.
Reply3 years ago
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Mar 14, 2009
no one knows
Let me down, said the sounds
Let me know, the words followed one another
Let me feel, Letter after letter was said
Let me Love, how could these words say so.
I fall down, I can’t get back up
I will never know, unless words decease
I am so numb, I can not feel your face
I cant Love, no one can feel it in the first place.
Action speak louder then words.
5:43 PM
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Aojiroi Kage
Whats this about dear?
I love you ^_^
Reply3 years ago
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Jan 23, 2009
how could you.
Current mood:shocked
(This poem was inspired by something I had witness and ran into, that i would have never thought anyone in their life time...would even think that it was okay for what they had done. I am typically disgusted and enraged... or I am just misconceiving that person intensions...other wise, I am pissed.)
The unfit…..
They fail to perceive…
Once acknowledge, can be forgotten…
I failed to seek full grounds, yet I fell so hard for…
Leaving me inside of you..
столь же испорченный, как Вы были ко мне….
Now you know, the works of my mind…
The feel….
The taste….
The sorrow…
And…
The HATE.
6:55 PM
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Genesis Wise
id leave you inside me too... itd be like 24/7 pleasure.
Reply3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
whoa......whos this about?
Reply3 years ago
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Jan 5, 2009
:O
Current mood:voluminous
booooioioioiiiiinnnngggg!!
8:03 PM
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Nov 24, 2008
What do you think?
Current mood:bitchy
There something you should know. lol
I am stuck in this very strange dilemma, which I have no idea if i have a serious problem, or not.
family background: My mom has raised me to be some kind of invincible person.....and of course there has been many negative mistake she had done by not listening to me and takeing me to the doctors, when needed. For example, the time i had a ear ache for like three weeks. It was soo painful...finally i kept whining about it...and my mom FINALLY took me to the doctors even though she didn't want to, cuz "it was just an ear ache" .......
The doctor took a look at my ear and told my mom if she wait three more days, i would have lost all my hearing in that ear....they gave me enough amoxicillin for three weeks. it healed and went away, and i never had a problem afterwards.
But this isn't the only time my mom had ever refused to take me to the doctors. there has been a few other times, even times where i could have been dead because of a fever and my mom didn't take responsibility to take me to a doctor...instead shed pass me off to my dad in which he would take me and find these things out....i wasnt that old either..
Other then that I have NEVER been taken to the doctors except for acne and social anxiety……and that's the only thing my mom ever took me to go do…she's so materialistic and doesn't care about her children's health concerns……sooo….
Well, so now i have this dilemma, where i don't know weather or not i should get checked out for this heart problem, that I think I have but don't know exactly. i have been having for years now. I have these heart palpitation, sometimes it feels like im gonna have a heart attack and die, and other times it feels like its going to flutter and shut off. There kind of painful..It seems like it is getting worser then i remembered.
But like, i have this thing in me telling me that its not important...probably for my mother reactions to my illnesses.
so, i guess all i am asking is....is that something necessary to go get looked at for? or is it just something that i should overlook. just symptoms of age? Is this an abnormal thing? Also I have like social anxiety, and I heard that cause your heart to do that. I had a blood test taking for the social anxiety (checking for hormone imbalance), and everything on my test was good except my good cholesterol levels where low...and the doctor said it was a bad thing and that I should raise it. Thus giving me instruction on how to do so…. How the fuck do you raise it, when it tells you to do the same exact things to lower your bad cholesterol. don't smoke, eat right, exercise….I do all of those…. O.O soooooooo…………..confused…..maybe I should just give up. lol
10:23 PM
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Genesis Wise
if your having pain (especially serious pain) anywhere on your body that is reacuring you should probably get it checked. especially sense this is your heart. you shouldnt feel pain in your heart. of course, everyones heart races from time to time or even feels off a bit especially when excited or emotional but if your feeling this when your just chillin, relaxed, sober n what not then it might be all bad. also if it is getting worse like you said then go soon. my grandpa never took me for check up or anything he hated going to the doctors. he would always say shit like tough it out and it'll heal on its own n crap like that.. my poor brother had to suffer with 105 temp once.. plus if you have health insurance then fuck whats stoppin ya!
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Reply3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
Even if it is just from doing drugs, if it bothers you alot I think you should get it checked out. It wont hurt anything if you do, just ask for a heart scan.
Reply4 years ago
Lady Love
You know whats funny, I have the same thing some time. And you remember I have a slight form of anxiety not social just in general. But I also do smoke and I think that has alot to do with it. I have felt like I was having a heart attack even where my arm starts to go numb but eventually it goes away. I do believe mine has to do with how much I smoke and drink, but I also think it has to do with our past and many fun long night expaditions that we went on. That stuff does effect your heart, so try to think real hard wether or not this was happening before you started doing those things. And if it was definately go cause thats not good I believe and even if it didnt start until after you starting doing that then still go. As it is I can't get a certain kind of birth control cause I have chest pains. So it effects other things than just your body it effects other medications you might need to take later on down the road and then the doctor will tell you have to get that pain figured out before you get this medicine or what not. SO CHECK IT OUT HUN! I hope this helps <3
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Reply(1)4 years ago
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Oct 20, 2008
IM FUCKING INLOVE WITH THIS SONG!
I know im ghey.....but i cant help it.lol
Lyrics by: Stereolab
Song: Sudden Stars
http://www.actionext.com/names_s/stereolab_lyrics/sudden_stars.html
Sweet smelling
essences
hugs and smiles
sweet kisses
movements
towards me
embrace
reverie
tenderness
velvet skin
treasured dreams
intimate
silk and gold
nuit d'amour
naked soul
After such distance
Come to me, precious being, come to me
After such ennui
Come to me, delicious, enfold me
After such a long drought
Here a place for flowers to flourish
But if you must,
And if you must,
If you must go, go--
The wind will take you
It will lift you
Across the ocean
Into the sky
Towards the sun
It will take you, high--
So if you must,
And if you must,
If you must go, go--
Sweet smelling wind
Announcing
L'amour de ma vie
When you're ready
Mon bel amour
Simply come to me.
8:40 PM
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Sep 1, 2008
Decodeing
Current mood:blank
Watching organs swell, falling out on to this shattered glass mirror..
Nothing else, to close or dear.
The Afternoon calls. Stands here, waiting for.. Waiting for you.
You start to fall.
fall…
Crashing into inner fears.
Left inside, it weeps, deep inside, with in your mind.
Left inside,
a fearful dream.
Cant cry, cant hide, cant reside.
Deep with in your inner mind.
As the sun, it rise above, leavening you in raze so sharp,
As you fall, into the stars, you cant escape it now...
Only left Deep inside.. your inner cries.
Bleeding out this saddening, to only see, the inner me.
Mind is hardening, over time. In Scaring times. Scaring lines.
One thing to keep in mind…
Things are better left unsaid, then done…
7:42 PM
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Jul 16, 2008
lost if thats what u’ve called it
you feel the need to see me as spectacular, in between just those two sets of eyes......as if breathing was something new in this kind of world.
breathing in a sense of being, around with those who are with in their very minds.
no one thought to ever wonder or give thanks to their delusions....nor did they ever welcome their thoughts of being someone completely new and different...
everyone just simply takes it, as if they have found themselves along the line of simplicity. nothing more, nothing less, only them self they have truly compromised.
now, if this were true....then why must a decision be so massive and yet so effortlessly devastating....
when we all just wished it would just end in completion, sending happy examples and phrases threw our minds.
as we try and smile, we lead no signs of resistance or saddening fate.
As if they walked firmly, with out a cause in this world, but instead they effect themselves, having the same intuition of the generation of loses..
So then and after all, could you truly look in the mirror and say, this is it....I've found it....
i bet they said they have......to lie with in their doubts.
in that note, hiding your eyes from souls and lovers and thought to no wonder, why there is no returning yourself from fame.
but that is the complete end to the complete silencing of ones self, in order to keep in contact with the souls we've shared and with the souls we've lost..
12:43 AM
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May 16, 2008
i hate my brain -.-
Current mood:annoyed
i thought, since I WANTED to be, i was going to be very understanding and kool about a certain situation....but instead,
my brain is playing a horrible game with my thoughts,
and now, i am left truthfully disguested and disrespected, istead of understanding about it all.
and that is totally not how i wanna feel about this situation....which pisses me off..
why cant i control the way i want to feel, why does my brain override my every commande?
UGG
9:53 AM
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Apr 30, 2008
another
Current mood:blustery
either life has no meaning or i am about to start pmsing.
but i am pathetically bored.
kinda getting bored with life itself.
maybe im just pmsing.
i wish i could tell......
1:00 PM
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Apr 2, 2008
anxiety- i am fucking tired
Current mood:aggravated
-.-
I AM FUCKING SICK OF HAVING ANXIETY ATTACKS IN MY FUCKING SLEEP...........
it is the worst ever....waking up to what feels like an on going heart attack. heart pumping so deeply and fast, like its trying to break free....happens once a week practically, i am lucky if i pass two weeks without one.
why are you waking me up? cant you let me sleep? I AM SOO FUCKING TIRED BEACUASE OF YOU........im sorry i did this too you..... :( its alll my fault....i deserve this.
10:05 AM
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Mar 21, 2008
hahah so true.
Current mood:adored
Leo aug.11 1987
Your sign is that of dramatic Leo, the fifth sign of the zodiac, and the sign of generosity and nobility. It stands for self-expression and the unfolding of the internal power principle. Generous and self-aware, you are truly king of the jungle.
The Sun, defines the dominant traits of your personality and your basic character. This makes you a self-assured, magnanimous, and buoyant person who enjoys being the center of attention, and others often see you as invincible, because your courage and charisma are so impressive.
Your sign is the second of the fire signs, which makes you a strong-willed and courageous individual, with great leadership qualities. Your aura radiates magnetism and dignity like the rays around the sun.
You rule the fifth house of the horoscope, which is the section associated with pleasure, creativity, and play. This includes romance, children, gambling and speculation, hobbies, sports, fun and games. Your desire to live out your emotions is powerful, and you constantly seek new ways of self-expression.
The mode of a Leo is fixed, which means that you are passive in your need for admiration, expecting others to naturally notice and approach you. You enjoy stability and comfort, and are generous in sharing it with others.
Your strengths, dear Leo, lie in your open-minded and extremely faithful nature. You tend to act as the protector of the downtrodden, and when taking sides, most often root for the underdog. In relationships, you are sincere, genuine, and trusting, because you hold high ethical standards.
However, even you have weaknesses, dear Leo! At times, you have a tendency to become vain and egocentric, and get anxious and hypersensitive when you don’t get the attention you want. If you are fishing for compliments and get a dissatisfying result, you compensate by displaying arrogance, and are very capable of delivering a grandiose and exaggerated performance.
10:36 AM
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Mar 14, 2008
Triangle!! :p yay!
Current mood:thankful
I DID IT! yay! hehe if you guy even have a clue what i am talking about...but....id love to give thanks for...
I am seriously thankful for time spent and helpfulness given, as well as receiving a beautiful piercing that looks absolute gorgeous,
It was a great success!! All thanks to a wonderful piercer, at cold steel America in san fran!
with out the care, helpfulness and patients from Jeff, I do not think I would have had such a GOOD JOB done!! he defiantly took the time and care, I wish that all piercers where more like that!! I was VERY lucky to have someone, Who takes pride in their job, to give me such a marvelous piercing!!
IM SO GLAD....I did not go talk to someone else...cuz I bet you they would have ended up talking me into something that I really did not want! or worse case scenario...get jewd....or even messed up very badly.
I WOULD TOTALLY recommend, if you are looking to get a piercing, to go threw this guy. he took the time with me to explain everything to me! Very nice guy, know exactly what he is saying, was more then willing to work with my decision! ^.^
12:02 AM
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Mar 4, 2008
happyness has failed
Current mood:depressed
i'd give anything...........if only i could....
have my friends back....
alll the love i had.....
i miss being loved.....i miss being talking care of..
ive completely fucked over with what made me happy...and over what......something dumb and stupid...... like jealousy...
i am completely pittyful person, i am a complete mess.
i am ugly inside and out now. it is obvious.
ive lost alot and gained nothing in return.....
how did i get here....
here i am. all alone and confused.
i dont feel like i am needed much anymore....by anyone or anything...
how did i get here...
how did i do this to myself, i am always fucking myself over....some how.
and it just got to it worst point.
i hate being alone. i want everything back. but i know it never going to happen.
i want to go back to the place i felt like was my home....but i can never return i know i could never return there.....or be loved anymore cuz i fucked myself over on that.
i am hurting inside more then ever before.......
i just want to be loved and accepted.....
maybe, i should probably leave.
9:20 PM
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Nov 12, 2007
distressed over thoughts
Current mood:pissed off
how could such lovely memories haunt me so,
i don't know which way to go, knowing that they will never happen again,
why are memories not my friend?
why cant i just hold them and keep them form doing me harm?
why should i get like this over something i fond.
i wish there was reason for these feelings so,
to keep rethinking memories is eating my soul,
The thrill, the chill they send through me.. until the memories over..
it starts depleting me.
why can't the thought just stay the same.
good memories really should not play with my brain..
11:20 AM
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Oct 20, 2007
emotional issues here...
Current mood:confused
ummm like do you ever hate to feel like some one made a effortless mistake?
even though you greatly enjoyed what happened in sleep, but to later feel like why the fuck did they do that? O.O
to have my conscious slip down the tube of agony...while my realitic mind stays striaght..
its like when you put on a tape on while you sleep, only haveing the next day containing all that you heard that night....
a slight torchure kicks in as i go on a walk, which seemed somewhat alonesome.
i wonder how i really feel inside....i just can not seem to grasp it.
and im getting to a slight confusion and the delerium is kickin in......
im i going to let this feeling kill me completely?
or should i let it. should i never give anyone a chance. distrust is all i know.
i was fine before, why now?
11:23 PM
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Oct 9, 2007
something u maybe rather not know
Current mood:frustrated
I AM SLOWLY SLIPPING AWAY INTO A DEMENTIA OF SEXUAL FRUSTRATION>
*eye twitchese*
o.O the worst part is.........there are only GIRLS in my head.....
wtf is that all about........
8:57 AM
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Sep 8, 2007
find yourself
Current mood:ecstatic
i couldn't possibly ask for anything more....<3
*smiles*
10:20 AM
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Jun 11, 2007
mmaaann
Current mood:irate
dude fuck the fame...
BUT ID STILL WANT THE JOB..
but i fucking hate the fame.... :( me sad, i want it, but not the fame.
sigh. ooo well, time to cut things open instead. :D
what a shame.
9:41 PM
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Mar 14, 2007
HaHA
Current mood:curious
:D i just don't care anymore.... :D
11:08 PM
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Jan 5, 2007
SWEET JEZetS
Current mood:contemplative
hmmmmm, SO BORED!!
but i dont want to be around anyone, even though i feel like that would be fun like always!
im too afrid too.
wtf do you call such an attribute?
8:12 PM
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Nov 8, 2006
heres an old one i found and realised it was not on here.
Current mood:anxious
waaaiting.....waiting....wait........pateintly.
i wait pateintly.
gazed upon the concepts...
of what i need,
to breathe,
soundless avenues,
i come across nothing....
no sounds of assurence.
never anything at all.
i look through mind ..
finds...
that...
only memories....
that cant fade....
so now immobilized,,
i wait....
my mind now agonized......
awaits...
collapsed in the corner.
pateints still lingers,
then in tears,
i lay, still remaining.......
pateint..
cant just kill time,
just wait.
just wait to be shaken,
to be awakened,
out of prison..
out of mind.
please....
don't wait,
like i do,
just wake.
but here i wait....
pateintly....
in mind prison.
not any finds.
no catchings.
no change.
no deliverance,
not even you.
never is you.
2:53 PM
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Aug 2, 2006
i am just not sure..
Current mood:scared
in the end,
it's kinda of sad....
i really cant tell if i am happy or not.
im thinking of an escape plan, that really isn't working.
im finding that i need those who i hate, and dont apprecate...
i need to go back there, and start to be human.
if only i knew how........
it sad really, when you get what you want but don't really want it after all.
its kind of sad.
just sorta,
something bad...
9:40 AM
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May 15, 2006
accomadations for? who? you?
Current mood:intimidated
to begin,
i fall back.
into the same cycle that once was.
into the cycle of suicide, or a notice, or a bribe.
to keep that seceret from the cops.
and to lie, hide, and fly.
this cycle it comes back to me.
in focus. and so clear.
and will i finally kill that pain?
or just find a way to snub out that state of mind?
or maybe, even, find that one. that one who tricks me to feel worthwhile.
but here i am,
moving again,
back to that place i hate,
it only reminds me of how i failed,
and how i can't escape.
now thinking back,
what have i gained?
a knife? a light? even a car, or a knight.
but this, i think, can not save me,
but help me out a bit.
the knifes to scare and keep me aware that im more there then him.
the light that stays awake at night, will let me do as i please.
the car, is what ill use for my failed escapes.
that takes me to that only knight.
where comfort feelings, along with "safe" and "happyness" comes over me.
hold me,
scold me
and just loving me, too.
those, those keys,
or was it no keys.
will help me lose this fight?
back to the begining,
I lie, hide, and fly;
i lie to you, to save your ears, and keep you out my fears.
i hide from you to keep you aware, to tempt you to stay here.
i fly away from memories, that taunt me all night.
and for that never ending loop hole.
the abuse will never exceed.
ill guess... ill stop... this story..now.
10:31 PM
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Apr 6, 2006
everytime, spin or blow, 1, 2, tweekers...
Current mood:bitchy
many upon many jion this group each year.
everytime,
spin or blow.
one
two
tweekers
Life seems to add things ungiveingly.
usaully, its the bad things in life,
like;
spinnin, blowin, or snuffin and taken the seed.
you'll let your life pass,
while your teeth keep rotten.
everytime,
i spin or blow.
one
two
tweekers.
The only time i spin or blow is no more,
then the speakers.
the only time they spin or blow,
the group just keeps getting bigger.
everytime
she spins or blows,
her teeth become less thicker.
and
everytime
he spins and blows
his life becomes much weaker
and everytime they spin or blow,
the hole just gets much deeper.
and everytime they spin or blow,
My life feels soo much better.
cuz for one, and for two and the rest of the crew,
im not up in your group
like you wanted me too.
so,
everytime
you spin or blow,
one
two
tweekers,
im never gonna be like you,
so stop with your snickers.
and everytime you want me too,
ill just listenin to the speakers
and it always tellin me that,
everytime you spin or blow
you'll die like a tweeker...
7:47 PM
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Mar 22, 2006
why.
Current mood:hot
You should fear this hate in me,
you should fear my place.
you know you've cause this hate in me,
and you rub it in my face.
So this is what im telling you,
fuck off, get out of my face.
or else you will be wishing that
you had'nt fucked my ways.
This is not a warning,
this is not a game.
this shit i am not playing you,
get the fuck out of my space,
if i find you here again,
ill stright fuck your face..
or else
you'd better give me kisses.
and love me like always..
but if you here to fuck with me,
you have picked the wrong place.
9:21 PM
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Mar 22, 2006
its never worth knowing.
Current mood:crappy
were never worth knowing,
never time or space.
a pair of lovely lips worth holding,
or severing hips with glue.
i'm never worth knowing,
not after i met you.
its sadly worth of counting,
but really,
just isnt worth soemthing.
i wish i had a friend.....
i'd wish they'd just understand...
9:04 PM
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Jan 24, 2006
note to self
Current mood:confused
There something I must tell you,
Something you’ve missed placed.
Its something over-writing,
And something worth of crying.
You’ve left it behind the kitchen door,
You’ve left it in a place,
You’ve left it almost everywhere.
anywhere, but your space.
I know I’m not exciting,
I know I’m a disgrace.
But there’s something you should have done,
And that was let me in your space.
9:27 PM
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Jan 22, 2006
Don't let the light flip you.
Now something rather,
near and thin.
has lost the host.
for a new sin.
8:15 PM
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Jan 6, 2006
brains have faded.
Current mood:contemplative
tv makes no sense no more,
along with video games,
card games,
and more.
to take the time to actaully think,
would leave just behind the sink.
I'd like to oneday dissapear.
and so it appears that i wasn't there.
leaveing everything dear,
so far and so not near.
I'd leave to a space
so wides,
and not feard,
to spend with the time,
of a great friend, so clear.
but to one find, that i know.
for thee others will not know,
and for their tears they bleed,
and for the mirrors that feed
on memories of everyones happyness.
to the end of such sadness.
ive only lastd here for so long.
and now ive gone somewhere far,
but i will always, find loathing
for such adventures ive lost, to only
be left in such memorise, for such time.
id sadly said nothing to those who abuse.
forgranted and returned such imagiable burn.
i will not return. not for miss. not for sad. not even for glad.
nothing will care,
not even for you.
5:20 PM
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Dec 29, 2005
she knew, but chewed
Current mood:confused
if only she knew,
whats flowers had bloomd
or what seeds that had unshapen or fallen.
if only she could,
what should,
or whats good,
only to set life to its perciseness.
If only she would,
just wait like she should,
or let down a night
for whats right.
Now if she just could,
just let down her word,
to finish, this on going nightmare,
thats out there.
if only she was dear,
to her friends,
and her fears.
shed stay place,
for many years,
without those nightmares.
but instead,
these fears,
they don't hold her dear.
so this world is just not worth living in.
and if she did,
lives would better,
even in letters,
to what matters,
its for the better.
o but why can't she
o why can't she.
12:13 PM
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Dec 23, 2005
figure
if anyone can figure this one out,
id give you credit.
DropDeadJAG
9:55 PM
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Nov 17, 2005
over flowd.
Current mood:uncomfortable
I set her beauty on glass:
It floated like a rainbow
i left her unfortunes in the glass:
it sadly over flowd. she grasp softly, lighty vained
syrup covered candy coated,
life was lovely, knowing nothing.
I left her sitting on the stunning plate,
i would have ate, but the timers clicking
She went to call me from the disruption
Intervention meant nothin,
distant garbage disposal in my ear, i left to hear no more fear
the end was forever there.
you wasted my time. the end was there..
8:29 PM
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Sep 26, 2005
her
Current mood:cold
When can i go home now?
She fakes a fake escape.
Her mind has tasted everything ,
Yet she fakes to take this fate.
I have not left this place.
I wait till time has hasted.
I can not leave this place,
Till time has soon to waste.
She ask how we are doing.
No make up on her face.
She makes a face worth facing,
But no one can reclaim.
I sit out side her front door.
Sitting right in place.
I act like she’ll remember me,
Or think I’m worth her space.
She looks out far,
Far past that star,
Will they remember me?
My parents they abandoned me.
With out you, I can not be.
For right now the time can’t tell.
So here I wait for it.
I linger here for her return.
In the end, at the end.
For all of it.
9:54 PM
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why..
feelings of complete abandoment and betrayal......im done with self-center selfish people who abuse the shit out of there sopposed loved ones life.
if you dont give a fuck, then why do you even talk to me. go away.... my hearts only open and there for people who want to be....
people who appreciate me in their life, love and friendship.
i will never forgot how much pain you've caused me.
9:54 AM
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Remove Mar 9, 2010
my broken heart.....
Current mood:crushed
friday…..I showed up to my mom house to do landry….and steve came in, in a panic.
He says, "help me put tigger in the box I’m takeing him to the vet…."
"Why?" I said…
"He hasn’t ate or drank in three days…" steve says……
sorta frighten by this statement I helped tiggy into the box and gave him a kiss on his head…
I thought he’d be okay, I thought it was his thyroid acting up again…..
Sooo, steve goes and comes back…he tells me he’s on an iv becuase of dehydration…
I found this not to be such a horrible thing, becuase that is what the vet does when animals are dehydrated….
saturday morning, I woke up feel like complete crap…
There was a stabbing pain in my heart.
I ended up crying all morning and I had no reasons why, just yet….
I felt like my heart had been broken….
Ryan keep trying to cheer me up and kept asking what was wrong…but I just told him I felt like my heart had jut been broken…by I don’t know why I feel this way..
days go by… and I never heard anything about my cat, until today…
Its tuesday and my mom calls me to tell me that tiggy died saturday morning….
They had to put him to sleep because he was suffering from toxins in his blood…
My father, my teacher, my lover is now gone, I didn’t even get to say good bye to him…
He was 14 years old, and was the most wonderfulest thing that had ever happen to me in my life…
I loved my tiggy, my beatiful cat.. my best friend….now I know why I cried….
He shall always be remembered, and I will never forget that feeling of my heart being broken….
03/6/2010.
4:37 PM
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Lady Love
..Hey! Tiggy was the shit! I'll never forget him at the house on Euclid. Im so sorry :( RIP tiggy!
Reply2 years ago
S M
..that really sux :(
Reply(1)2 years ago
Jag Sigl
yea :(
2 years ago
Jag Sigl
Reply2 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
..I am so sorry Jag....
He led a great life. Yes he will always be remembered. :(
Reply2 years ago
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Jan 17, 2010
I am shocked that i remembered my myspace password after all that….
Current mood:pissed off
dude.....you guys have no idea.....
its not the wisdom teeth that hurts when they are pulled out.....
its the part where they over dose you with Demerol…..
Everything would have been a okay if they didn’t over dose my ass with needless amounts of narcotics,
As I spend four days literally bed ridden because some asshole gave me too much junk.
I had not much pain form my teeth…I even had a root canal done….it was not excruciating at all…
It was my fucking head that was driving me insane….GET OUT OF MY SYSTEM GOD DAMN IT>
I didn’t even need the pain meds. Even though I tried them anyhow thinking it would help with the agony that was going on in my head….twice and it failed.
Yea…
Not only did I throw up endless amounts of blood that had been carelessly swallowed when it should have been sucked up by the assistant…
But I was vomiting and spinning for four days….I just wanted somebody to fucking shoot me.
I still feel wobbly.
But at least now I do not feel like vomiting, thank fucking god.
Even the antibiotics they gave me is sooo strong…they just add to the dizzyness and spinning/vomiting…..
I don’t even want to pee because of the smell from the meds, makes you want to vomit.
Soooo…….
Let me tell you.
Its not the teeth.
It’s the fucking drugs.
I cant believe I am even able to write this. I hope my brain isn’t fried. i am extermly lucky i did not get a dry socket from all the vomiting.
1:06 PM
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S M
wow damm that shits bad.....it almost killed my sister
Reply(1)2 years ago
Jag Sigl
no way!!! yea those people kept giveng me more to knock me out becuase my anxiety kept my body awake....even though i wasnt there... those assholes.
2 years ago
†Aleeseeuh†
dude... that sucks so bad.. im hella sorry... when u text me i felt hella bad... thats so ghey.. they might as well been feeding you crack if it was gonna do that to you..
Reply(1)3 years ago
Jag Sigl
seriously.....!!!!!! school starts tommrow... :( im just glad its practically gone out of my system. i thought i was gonna die. you ready for schoool? cuz im not!!!
3 years ago
Lady Love
Im sorry they drugged you so much Jamies! But let me tell you a dry socket...that fucking sucks so bad they stick this shit in the holes and it tastes bad and its gross, just don't drink from a straw or you will get a dry socket! I remember getting my teeth pulled, it wasn't too bad like you said. Maybe you should just not take pain meds at all if they make you feel like that, no good for your body if you feel like that yuck!
Reply(2)3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
Drugs are bad Mmmk.
Definately glad i am not going to go to that dentist
Reply3 years ago
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Aug 23, 2009
My Music video, In the end Madness
Current mood:cheerful
I started making this video back in september and i finally finished it. the beging is ghey...but i love the end. hehe let me know what you think?
12:31 PM
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Nicholas Nein Herz
I like the first part... the rest is Mind blowing. o.O
Reply3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
Its pretty cool. i like the affects. Seems like Ryan helped you with it.
Reply3 years ago
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Jul 18, 2009
The Uzi mystery...
Current mood:cheerful
Sooo for two weeks Uzi has been in critical condition…
Ryan woke up one Sunday morning to Uzi vomiting all over the place…
Uzi refuses to eat and drink and just laid there for two days…
We panicked and rushed to find a place that would take a ferret since they are illegal in cali,
It was a far n few in between before you found a vet who would look at uzi. Thank god it was down the street.
It was this Asian lady who spoke broken English, but was wise to in helping us.
Since he was dehydrated, uzi was treated with a subq ( which was a camel back hump of water injected into his back)
Then she sent us home with some antibiotics.
As we came home I ran-shacked the house and found chewed up ear-plugs…
I freaked when I found these. So the next day we took uzi back to the lady to get an x-ray.
They found nothing..his intestines were empty as could be (since he wasn’t eating), but there was no sign or ear plugs..
After discovering this….I was not going to give up…I was determined to find a solution.
The lady suggested we take him to uc davis were we had set up an appointment to do surgery on him for 3Gs or shed cut him open for 250. But I was not down with the 250, so off to uc davis we went. But on the way there…I was applying for care credit and my credit was disapproved…I was like fuck.. this meant I could not get the surgery for uzi, because I did not have that kind of money. I was devastated
we stopped at my moms house and as I sulked, uzi seemed to be dangling at the end of time..
My mother felt horrible..but she kept mentioning that it was too much money for how old he is.
My heart fell into pieces…
The next day my mother calls me to tell me I have an appointment with Dr. tuner in Lodi. Steve had made this appointment which was shocking…..
Steve was all for this because they guy was some kind of god, and took a tumor of Rudy’s (his bird) wing.
So, I took him in..they poked and prodded at him and the doctor kept saying ooo this in no good.
He extremely dehydrated we have to take him.
So they took uzi, for 4 days and three nights. I bugged and called them everyday, as they kept taunting me that uzi was going to be able to come home tomorrow.
Then the pressure was on….
They had no answers…the only thing they’d say was that he had a bad infection & was still dehydrated…..that was it…
So on Friday, I went straight the doctors and demanding him back….they doctor practically threaten me, that he was going to die if they do not get to cut him open tonight to see if he had lymphoma n‘such.
Well, at this time uzi kept crawling into my purse, so I figured some funny business was going on…..so I told him I was to take him home.
They sent us away with four kinds of antibiotic and a subQ pack with needles…and off we went.
Unfortunately, I took uzi to bodega bay that same day. until Monday morning…we came back
He’d had started to keep food down for three days after we got home, but….
Noticeably his tummy kept growing and growing… my mom came over to visit and mention to me that russel ralfe girl friend is the head doctor at uc davis….
My mother ended up calling them after she saw the bloating belly. So, the next day which would be Friday, we took uzi to see her at russels house….she felt him all over and said….wow that’s a big spleen….uhh looks like lymphoma……
I wanted to cry…
Finally an opinion form someone who was not money hungry…
But time had stopped….
She said he was in a great deal of pain and needed to see someone soon. He needs painkillers and a biopsy done on his spleen to check for lymphoma. She gave me a number in Roseville and I made an appointment…we took uzi home….
I tried to be strong, and so was uzi.
That night….I thought was going to be the end……I tried feeding him…..he kept throwing up…..
I did not even want it to end like this…but I placed him in his cage….
I woke this morning with an urked feeling..I was almost to scared to look in the cage this morning.
Finally I was brave enough, and I looked in and grabbed uzi….wow, he very light….
Where’s his belly??, I wondered….
Where the huge spleen??
Everything seemed to have just straight up disappeared…I had no idea what had happed…
Well, I just moved on and went to feed him… he kept putting up a huge fight, which made me feel uneasy about the whole thing… he looked wide awake and normal…..
I was like……wow what the fuck??
How could this be….
As I got ready to go take uzi to the doctors… I see this fucking pink ear plug in the little box covered in diarrhea…..
I fucking knew it….
UZI DID NOT HAVE CANCER
That little shit ate my ear plug like I originally thought…
Now he is fine…..just really emaciated…
I am just glad if is all over with….I knew he was a strong little bastard….and he will now live happily with zix for longer more. Weasel usually die in 48 hours…..do to anything…even shock...they are fragile ..but not this little Uzinator.. yay! I’m happy :D
11:35 AM
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Nicholas Nein Herz
Hahahah, so he pooped it out? WHat a fighter. Did you keep it? o.O
Reply3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
Well There ya go. Guess no you wont let him run around too much without watching him. You are very lucky for everything to have turned out so well. I am happy for you and him.
Reply3 years ago
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Jun 29, 2009
ooooOOOOOOoooo
Current mood:cheerful
tee hee i am one credit away from haveing my AS. :D all i have to do is take one more science class and retake inter. algebra. :) i will have an AA/AS with a concentration of natural sciences! hehe its practically a two in one ordeal. but for the nursing program, sounds like i am going to have to get a private nursing education cuz delta college sucks and whats a 4.0 gpa basically. haha
ooo well, i just need to bust my ass and get a student loan cuz im a loser like that.
now lets see where i can get once i finish taken all those. weee
1:37 PM
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Aojiroi Kage
Cool! Thats good news!
Reply3 years ago
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Apr 30, 2009
My star <3
Current mood:imaginative
I decided to move my piercing videos to my blog, becuase i am going to make my profile unprivate.
Anabolical Happyness....it shall return once im rich. lol I am definatly getting anchors next time, they last longer and dont reject so badly, i had this pierceing for almost 2 years...but it fell short of two yearsi think i got it june 2007. I got some pretty nasty scaring from it, but it is slowly going away...and it is not going to stop me from doing it again... Pure seduction ~JAG
successfully done by Jose at legacy imports. Took two hours, which felt like 10 mins for me.
9:25 AM
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Nicholas Nein Herz
Thats hot.
Reply3 years ago
Lady Love
Dude did it completely reject?
Reply3 years ago
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Apr 13, 2009
OOO NO!!!
Current mood:amused
Pussy pillow poping fools.
Popin all ova the neighborhoods.
Popin here! N Popin there!
Popin on papa.
Wow! He looks scared!
Popin pussies here n there,
Pussies popin far n near!
Phat purple popin pussies to fear!
Run into the darkness! There aint no popin pussies here!
Run boys n girls for your lives!
Cuz popin pussies wont do youz right!
:D
2:43 PM
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Nicholas Nein Herz
is popin the new pimpen for girls?
Reply3 years ago
Marc & Christina
pop my pussy bitch!!!!!!!!!!!
Reply3 years ago
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Mar 28, 2009
then,
Current mood:disappointed
It’s kind of like getting a bag of candy,
And as you start eating the pieces,
You run into a bad one,
And then another bad one,
And then another until you have eating far too many bad ones,
So then you look at the box and realize,
That the whole bag was Expired. Hmm
Now that’s food for thought.
9:27 AM
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Aojiroi Kage
That is a really interesting comparison!
I like it and yeah you know what that is a good way to look at things. Some things must be studied far more closely than others.
Reply3 years ago
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Mar 14, 2009
no one knows
Let me down, said the sounds
Let me know, the words followed one another
Let me feel, Letter after letter was said
Let me Love, how could these words say so.
I fall down, I can’t get back up
I will never know, unless words decease
I am so numb, I can not feel your face
I cant Love, no one can feel it in the first place.
Action speak louder then words.
5:43 PM
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Aojiroi Kage
Whats this about dear?
I love you ^_^
Reply3 years ago
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Jan 23, 2009
how could you.
Current mood:shocked
(This poem was inspired by something I had witness and ran into, that i would have never thought anyone in their life time...would even think that it was okay for what they had done. I am typically disgusted and enraged... or I am just misconceiving that person intensions...other wise, I am pissed.)
The unfit…..
They fail to perceive…
Once acknowledge, can be forgotten…
I failed to seek full grounds, yet I fell so hard for…
Leaving me inside of you..
столь же испорченный, как Вы были ко мне….
Now you know, the works of my mind…
The feel….
The taste….
The sorrow…
And…
The HATE.
6:55 PM
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Genesis Wise
id leave you inside me too... itd be like 24/7 pleasure.
Reply3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
whoa......whos this about?
Reply3 years ago
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Jan 5, 2009
:O
Current mood:voluminous
booooioioioiiiiinnnngggg!!
8:03 PM
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Nov 24, 2008
What do you think?
Current mood:bitchy
There something you should know. lol
I am stuck in this very strange dilemma, which I have no idea if i have a serious problem, or not.
family background: My mom has raised me to be some kind of invincible person.....and of course there has been many negative mistake she had done by not listening to me and takeing me to the doctors, when needed. For example, the time i had a ear ache for like three weeks. It was soo painful...finally i kept whining about it...and my mom FINALLY took me to the doctors even though she didn't want to, cuz "it was just an ear ache" .......
The doctor took a look at my ear and told my mom if she wait three more days, i would have lost all my hearing in that ear....they gave me enough amoxicillin for three weeks. it healed and went away, and i never had a problem afterwards.
But this isn't the only time my mom had ever refused to take me to the doctors. there has been a few other times, even times where i could have been dead because of a fever and my mom didn't take responsibility to take me to a doctor...instead shed pass me off to my dad in which he would take me and find these things out....i wasnt that old either..
Other then that I have NEVER been taken to the doctors except for acne and social anxiety……and that's the only thing my mom ever took me to go do…she's so materialistic and doesn't care about her children's health concerns……sooo….
Well, so now i have this dilemma, where i don't know weather or not i should get checked out for this heart problem, that I think I have but don't know exactly. i have been having for years now. I have these heart palpitation, sometimes it feels like im gonna have a heart attack and die, and other times it feels like its going to flutter and shut off. There kind of painful..It seems like it is getting worser then i remembered.
But like, i have this thing in me telling me that its not important...probably for my mother reactions to my illnesses.
so, i guess all i am asking is....is that something necessary to go get looked at for? or is it just something that i should overlook. just symptoms of age? Is this an abnormal thing? Also I have like social anxiety, and I heard that cause your heart to do that. I had a blood test taking for the social anxiety (checking for hormone imbalance), and everything on my test was good except my good cholesterol levels where low...and the doctor said it was a bad thing and that I should raise it. Thus giving me instruction on how to do so…. How the fuck do you raise it, when it tells you to do the same exact things to lower your bad cholesterol. don't smoke, eat right, exercise….I do all of those…. O.O soooooooo…………..confused…..maybe I should just give up. lol
10:23 PM
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Genesis Wise
if your having pain (especially serious pain) anywhere on your body that is reacuring you should probably get it checked. especially sense this is your heart. you shouldnt feel pain in your heart. of course, everyones heart races from time to time or even feels off a bit especially when excited or emotional but if your feeling this when your just chillin, relaxed, sober n what not then it might be all bad. also if it is getting worse like you said then go soon. my grandpa never took me for check up or anything he hated going to the doctors. he would always say shit like tough it out and it'll heal on its own n crap like that.. my poor brother had to suffer with 105 temp once.. plus if you have health insurance then fuck whats stoppin ya!
... Show more
Reply3 years ago
Aojiroi Kage
Even if it is just from doing drugs, if it bothers you alot I think you should get it checked out. It wont hurt anything if you do, just ask for a heart scan.
Reply4 years ago
Lady Love
You know whats funny, I have the same thing some time. And you remember I have a slight form of anxiety not social just in general. But I also do smoke and I think that has alot to do with it. I have felt like I was having a heart attack even where my arm starts to go numb but eventually it goes away. I do believe mine has to do with how much I smoke and drink, but I also think it has to do with our past and many fun long night expaditions that we went on. That stuff does effect your heart, so try to think real hard wether or not this was happening before you started doing those things. And if it was definately go cause thats not good I believe and even if it didnt start until after you starting doing that then still go. As it is I can't get a certain kind of birth control cause I have chest pains. So it effects other things than just your body it effects other medications you might need to take later on down the road and then the doctor will tell you have to get that pain figured out before you get this medicine or what not. SO CHECK IT OUT HUN! I hope this helps <3
... Show more
Reply(1)4 years ago
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Oct 20, 2008
IM FUCKING INLOVE WITH THIS SONG!
I know im ghey.....but i cant help it.lol
Lyrics by: Stereolab
Song: Sudden Stars
http://www.actionext.com/names_s/stereolab_lyrics/sudden_stars.html
Sweet smelling
essences
hugs and smiles
sweet kisses
movements
towards me
embrace
reverie
tenderness
velvet skin
treasured dreams
intimate
silk and gold
nuit d'amour
naked soul
After such distance
Come to me, precious being, come to me
After such ennui
Come to me, delicious, enfold me
After such a long drought
Here a place for flowers to flourish
But if you must,
And if you must,
If you must go, go--
The wind will take you
It will lift you
Across the ocean
Into the sky
Towards the sun
It will take you, high--
So if you must,
And if you must,
If you must go, go--
Sweet smelling wind
Announcing
L'amour de ma vie
When you're ready
Mon bel amour
Simply come to me.
8:40 PM
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Sep 1, 2008
Decodeing
Current mood:blank
Watching organs swell, falling out on to this shattered glass mirror..
Nothing else, to close or dear.
The Afternoon calls. Stands here, waiting for.. Waiting for you.
You start to fall.
fall…
Crashing into inner fears.
Left inside, it weeps, deep inside, with in your mind.
Left inside,
a fearful dream.
Cant cry, cant hide, cant reside.
Deep with in your inner mind.
As the sun, it rise above, leavening you in raze so sharp,
As you fall, into the stars, you cant escape it now...
Only left Deep inside.. your inner cries.
Bleeding out this saddening, to only see, the inner me.
Mind is hardening, over time. In Scaring times. Scaring lines.
One thing to keep in mind…
Things are better left unsaid, then done…
7:42 PM
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Jul 16, 2008
lost if thats what u’ve called it
you feel the need to see me as spectacular, in between just those two sets of eyes......as if breathing was something new in this kind of world.
breathing in a sense of being, around with those who are with in their very minds.
no one thought to ever wonder or give thanks to their delusions....nor did they ever welcome their thoughts of being someone completely new and different...
everyone just simply takes it, as if they have found themselves along the line of simplicity. nothing more, nothing less, only them self they have truly compromised.
now, if this were true....then why must a decision be so massive and yet so effortlessly devastating....
when we all just wished it would just end in completion, sending happy examples and phrases threw our minds.
as we try and smile, we lead no signs of resistance or saddening fate.
As if they walked firmly, with out a cause in this world, but instead they effect themselves, having the same intuition of the generation of loses..
So then and after all, could you truly look in the mirror and say, this is it....I've found it....
i bet they said they have......to lie with in their doubts.
in that note, hiding your eyes from souls and lovers and thought to no wonder, why there is no returning yourself from fame.
but that is the complete end to the complete silencing of ones self, in order to keep in contact with the souls we've shared and with the souls we've lost..
12:43 AM
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May 16, 2008
i hate my brain -.-
Current mood:annoyed
i thought, since I WANTED to be, i was going to be very understanding and kool about a certain situation....but instead,
my brain is playing a horrible game with my thoughts,
and now, i am left truthfully disguested and disrespected, istead of understanding about it all.
and that is totally not how i wanna feel about this situation....which pisses me off..
why cant i control the way i want to feel, why does my brain override my every commande?
UGG
9:53 AM
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Apr 30, 2008
another
Current mood:blustery
either life has no meaning or i am about to start pmsing.
but i am pathetically bored.
kinda getting bored with life itself.
maybe im just pmsing.
i wish i could tell......
1:00 PM
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Apr 2, 2008
anxiety- i am fucking tired
Current mood:aggravated
-.-
I AM FUCKING SICK OF HAVING ANXIETY ATTACKS IN MY FUCKING SLEEP...........
it is the worst ever....waking up to what feels like an on going heart attack. heart pumping so deeply and fast, like its trying to break free....happens once a week practically, i am lucky if i pass two weeks without one.
why are you waking me up? cant you let me sleep? I AM SOO FUCKING TIRED BEACUASE OF YOU........im sorry i did this too you..... :( its alll my fault....i deserve this.
10:05 AM
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Mar 21, 2008
hahah so true.
Current mood:adored
Leo aug.11 1987
Your sign is that of dramatic Leo, the fifth sign of the zodiac, and the sign of generosity and nobility. It stands for self-expression and the unfolding of the internal power principle. Generous and self-aware, you are truly king of the jungle.
The Sun, defines the dominant traits of your personality and your basic character. This makes you a self-assured, magnanimous, and buoyant person who enjoys being the center of attention, and others often see you as invincible, because your courage and charisma are so impressive.
Your sign is the second of the fire signs, which makes you a strong-willed and courageous individual, with great leadership qualities. Your aura radiates magnetism and dignity like the rays around the sun.
You rule the fifth house of the horoscope, which is the section associated with pleasure, creativity, and play. This includes romance, children, gambling and speculation, hobbies, sports, fun and games. Your desire to live out your emotions is powerful, and you constantly seek new ways of self-expression.
The mode of a Leo is fixed, which means that you are passive in your need for admiration, expecting others to naturally notice and approach you. You enjoy stability and comfort, and are generous in sharing it with others.
Your strengths, dear Leo, lie in your open-minded and extremely faithful nature. You tend to act as the protector of the downtrodden, and when taking sides, most often root for the underdog. In relationships, you are sincere, genuine, and trusting, because you hold high ethical standards.
However, even you have weaknesses, dear Leo! At times, you have a tendency to become vain and egocentric, and get anxious and hypersensitive when you don’t get the attention you want. If you are fishing for compliments and get a dissatisfying result, you compensate by displaying arrogance, and are very capable of delivering a grandiose and exaggerated performance.
10:36 AM
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Mar 14, 2008
Triangle!! :p yay!
Current mood:thankful
I DID IT! yay! hehe if you guy even have a clue what i am talking about...but....id love to give thanks for...
I am seriously thankful for time spent and helpfulness given, as well as receiving a beautiful piercing that looks absolute gorgeous,
It was a great success!! All thanks to a wonderful piercer, at cold steel America in san fran!
with out the care, helpfulness and patients from Jeff, I do not think I would have had such a GOOD JOB done!! he defiantly took the time and care, I wish that all piercers where more like that!! I was VERY lucky to have someone, Who takes pride in their job, to give me such a marvelous piercing!!
IM SO GLAD....I did not go talk to someone else...cuz I bet you they would have ended up talking me into something that I really did not want! or worse case scenario...get jewd....or even messed up very badly.
I WOULD TOTALLY recommend, if you are looking to get a piercing, to go threw this guy. he took the time with me to explain everything to me! Very nice guy, know exactly what he is saying, was more then willing to work with my decision! ^.^
12:02 AM
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Mar 4, 2008
happyness has failed
Current mood:depressed
i'd give anything...........if only i could....
have my friends back....
alll the love i had.....
i miss being loved.....i miss being talking care of..
ive completely fucked over with what made me happy...and over what......something dumb and stupid...... like jealousy...
i am completely pittyful person, i am a complete mess.
i am ugly inside and out now. it is obvious.
ive lost alot and gained nothing in return.....
how did i get here....
here i am. all alone and confused.
i dont feel like i am needed much anymore....by anyone or anything...
how did i get here...
how did i do this to myself, i am always fucking myself over....some how.
and it just got to it worst point.
i hate being alone. i want everything back. but i know it never going to happen.
i want to go back to the place i felt like was my home....but i can never return i know i could never return there.....or be loved anymore cuz i fucked myself over on that.
i am hurting inside more then ever before.......
i just want to be loved and accepted.....
maybe, i should probably leave.
9:20 PM
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Nov 12, 2007
distressed over thoughts
Current mood:pissed off
how could such lovely memories haunt me so,
i don't know which way to go, knowing that they will never happen again,
why are memories not my friend?
why cant i just hold them and keep them form doing me harm?
why should i get like this over something i fond.
i wish there was reason for these feelings so,
to keep rethinking memories is eating my soul,
The thrill, the chill they send through me.. until the memories over..
it starts depleting me.
why can't the thought just stay the same.
good memories really should not play with my brain..
11:20 AM
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Oct 20, 2007
emotional issues here...
Current mood:confused
ummm like do you ever hate to feel like some one made a effortless mistake?
even though you greatly enjoyed what happened in sleep, but to later feel like why the fuck did they do that? O.O
to have my conscious slip down the tube of agony...while my realitic mind stays striaght..
its like when you put on a tape on while you sleep, only haveing the next day containing all that you heard that night....
a slight torchure kicks in as i go on a walk, which seemed somewhat alonesome.
i wonder how i really feel inside....i just can not seem to grasp it.
and im getting to a slight confusion and the delerium is kickin in......
im i going to let this feeling kill me completely?
or should i let it. should i never give anyone a chance. distrust is all i know.
i was fine before, why now?
11:23 PM
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Oct 9, 2007
something u maybe rather not know
Current mood:frustrated
I AM SLOWLY SLIPPING AWAY INTO A DEMENTIA OF SEXUAL FRUSTRATION>
*eye twitchese*
o.O the worst part is.........there are only GIRLS in my head.....
wtf is that all about........
8:57 AM
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Sep 8, 2007
find yourself
Current mood:ecstatic
i couldn't possibly ask for anything more....<3
*smiles*
10:20 AM
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Jun 11, 2007
mmaaann
Current mood:irate
dude fuck the fame...
BUT ID STILL WANT THE JOB..
but i fucking hate the fame.... :( me sad, i want it, but not the fame.
sigh. ooo well, time to cut things open instead. :D
what a shame.
9:41 PM
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Mar 14, 2007
HaHA
Current mood:curious
:D i just don't care anymore.... :D
11:08 PM
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Jan 5, 2007
SWEET JEZetS
Current mood:contemplative
hmmmmm, SO BORED!!
but i dont want to be around anyone, even though i feel like that would be fun like always!
im too afrid too.
wtf do you call such an attribute?
8:12 PM
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Nov 8, 2006
heres an old one i found and realised it was not on here.
Current mood:anxious
waaaiting.....waiting....wait........pateintly.
i wait pateintly.
gazed upon the concepts...
of what i need,
to breathe,
soundless avenues,
i come across nothing....
no sounds of assurence.
never anything at all.
i look through mind ..
finds...
that...
only memories....
that cant fade....
so now immobilized,,
i wait....
my mind now agonized......
awaits...
collapsed in the corner.
pateints still lingers,
then in tears,
i lay, still remaining.......
pateint..
cant just kill time,
just wait.
just wait to be shaken,
to be awakened,
out of prison..
out of mind.
please....
don't wait,
like i do,
just wake.
but here i wait....
pateintly....
in mind prison.
not any finds.
no catchings.
no change.
no deliverance,
not even you.
never is you.
2:53 PM
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Aug 2, 2006
i am just not sure..
Current mood:scared
in the end,
it's kinda of sad....
i really cant tell if i am happy or not.
im thinking of an escape plan, that really isn't working.
im finding that i need those who i hate, and dont apprecate...
i need to go back there, and start to be human.
if only i knew how........
it sad really, when you get what you want but don't really want it after all.
its kind of sad.
just sorta,
something bad...
9:40 AM
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May 15, 2006
accomadations for? who? you?
Current mood:intimidated
to begin,
i fall back.
into the same cycle that once was.
into the cycle of suicide, or a notice, or a bribe.
to keep that seceret from the cops.
and to lie, hide, and fly.
this cycle it comes back to me.
in focus. and so clear.
and will i finally kill that pain?
or just find a way to snub out that state of mind?
or maybe, even, find that one. that one who tricks me to feel worthwhile.
but here i am,
moving again,
back to that place i hate,
it only reminds me of how i failed,
and how i can't escape.
now thinking back,
what have i gained?
a knife? a light? even a car, or a knight.
but this, i think, can not save me,
but help me out a bit.
the knifes to scare and keep me aware that im more there then him.
the light that stays awake at night, will let me do as i please.
the car, is what ill use for my failed escapes.
that takes me to that only knight.
where comfort feelings, along with "safe" and "happyness" comes over me.
hold me,
scold me
and just loving me, too.
those, those keys,
or was it no keys.
will help me lose this fight?
back to the begining,
I lie, hide, and fly;
i lie to you, to save your ears, and keep you out my fears.
i hide from you to keep you aware, to tempt you to stay here.
i fly away from memories, that taunt me all night.
and for that never ending loop hole.
the abuse will never exceed.
ill guess... ill stop... this story..now.
10:31 PM
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Apr 6, 2006
everytime, spin or blow, 1, 2, tweekers...
Current mood:bitchy
many upon many jion this group each year.
everytime,
spin or blow.
one
two
tweekers
Life seems to add things ungiveingly.
usaully, its the bad things in life,
like;
spinnin, blowin, or snuffin and taken the seed.
you'll let your life pass,
while your teeth keep rotten.
everytime,
i spin or blow.
one
two
tweekers.
The only time i spin or blow is no more,
then the speakers.
the only time they spin or blow,
the group just keeps getting bigger.
everytime
she spins or blows,
her teeth become less thicker.
and
everytime
he spins and blows
his life becomes much weaker
and everytime they spin or blow,
the hole just gets much deeper.
and everytime they spin or blow,
My life feels soo much better.
cuz for one, and for two and the rest of the crew,
im not up in your group
like you wanted me too.
so,
everytime
you spin or blow,
one
two
tweekers,
im never gonna be like you,
so stop with your snickers.
and everytime you want me too,
ill just listenin to the speakers
and it always tellin me that,
everytime you spin or blow
you'll die like a tweeker...
7:47 PM
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Mar 22, 2006
why.
Current mood:hot
You should fear this hate in me,
you should fear my place.
you know you've cause this hate in me,
and you rub it in my face.
So this is what im telling you,
fuck off, get out of my face.
or else you will be wishing that
you had'nt fucked my ways.
This is not a warning,
this is not a game.
this shit i am not playing you,
get the fuck out of my space,
if i find you here again,
ill stright fuck your face..
or else
you'd better give me kisses.
and love me like always..
but if you here to fuck with me,
you have picked the wrong place.
9:21 PM
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Mar 22, 2006
its never worth knowing.
Current mood:crappy
were never worth knowing,
never time or space.
a pair of lovely lips worth holding,
or severing hips with glue.
i'm never worth knowing,
not after i met you.
its sadly worth of counting,
but really,
just isnt worth soemthing.
i wish i had a friend.....
i'd wish they'd just understand...
9:04 PM
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Jan 24, 2006
note to self
Current mood:confused
There something I must tell you,
Something you’ve missed placed.
Its something over-writing,
And something worth of crying.
You’ve left it behind the kitchen door,
You’ve left it in a place,
You’ve left it almost everywhere.
anywhere, but your space.
I know I’m not exciting,
I know I’m a disgrace.
But there’s something you should have done,
And that was let me in your space.
9:27 PM
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Jan 22, 2006
Don't let the light flip you.
Now something rather,
near and thin.
has lost the host.
for a new sin.
8:15 PM
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Jan 6, 2006
brains have faded.
Current mood:contemplative
tv makes no sense no more,
along with video games,
card games,
and more.
to take the time to actaully think,
would leave just behind the sink.
I'd like to oneday dissapear.
and so it appears that i wasn't there.
leaveing everything dear,
so far and so not near.
I'd leave to a space
so wides,
and not feard,
to spend with the time,
of a great friend, so clear.
but to one find, that i know.
for thee others will not know,
and for their tears they bleed,
and for the mirrors that feed
on memories of everyones happyness.
to the end of such sadness.
ive only lastd here for so long.
and now ive gone somewhere far,
but i will always, find loathing
for such adventures ive lost, to only
be left in such memorise, for such time.
id sadly said nothing to those who abuse.
forgranted and returned such imagiable burn.
i will not return. not for miss. not for sad. not even for glad.
nothing will care,
not even for you.
5:20 PM
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Dec 29, 2005
she knew, but chewed
Current mood:confused
if only she knew,
whats flowers had bloomd
or what seeds that had unshapen or fallen.
if only she could,
what should,
or whats good,
only to set life to its perciseness.
If only she would,
just wait like she should,
or let down a night
for whats right.
Now if she just could,
just let down her word,
to finish, this on going nightmare,
thats out there.
if only she was dear,
to her friends,
and her fears.
shed stay place,
for many years,
without those nightmares.
but instead,
these fears,
they don't hold her dear.
so this world is just not worth living in.
and if she did,
lives would better,
even in letters,
to what matters,
its for the better.
o but why can't she
o why can't she.
12:13 PM
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Dec 23, 2005
figure
if anyone can figure this one out,
id give you credit.
DropDeadJAG
9:55 PM
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Nov 17, 2005
over flowd.
Current mood:uncomfortable
I set her beauty on glass:
It floated like a rainbow
i left her unfortunes in the glass:
it sadly over flowd. she grasp softly, lighty vained
syrup covered candy coated,
life was lovely, knowing nothing.
I left her sitting on the stunning plate,
i would have ate, but the timers clicking
She went to call me from the disruption
Intervention meant nothin,
distant garbage disposal in my ear, i left to hear no more fear
the end was forever there.
you wasted my time. the end was there..
8:29 PM
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Sep 26, 2005
her
Current mood:cold
When can i go home now?
She fakes a fake escape.
Her mind has tasted everything ,
Yet she fakes to take this fate.
I have not left this place.
I wait till time has hasted.
I can not leave this place,
Till time has soon to waste.
She ask how we are doing.
No make up on her face.
She makes a face worth facing,
But no one can reclaim.
I sit out side her front door.
Sitting right in place.
I act like she’ll remember me,
Or think I’m worth her space.
She looks out far,
Far past that star,
Will they remember me?
My parents they abandoned me.
With out you, I can not be.
For right now the time can’t tell.
So here I wait for it.
I linger here for her return.
In the end, at the end.
For all of it.
9:54 PM
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