(no subject)
This weekend kinda sucked. When you think of it as a whole. Friday started out good, then went to complete shit. Saturday was crappy then got a bit better. Sunday was alright. Friday i hung out with Rob and It went fine for awhile. Then Audrey came over and he almost completely ignored me. I dont mean that to sound like its Audreys fault cuz its not. But it was like what the fuck?, I think what got me the most was he did that thing where he makes himself a complete hypocrite. In the span of about 4 hours or so, he maybe talked to me for 15 mins. And i couldnt just go home cuz he picked me up. So i was stuck. I was tired and had very little sleep but i couldnt sleep, i tried to see if anyone was in down the hall but they had gone to the mall. So when i went back, i started taking shot of So Co. I remember thinking that i wanted to laugh. And the way i was feeling i wasnt gonna laugh. So within an hour i had about 8 or 9 shots. And i was watching Comedy Central and Wrapping some Christmas presents. Audrey left around 11? i think, and magically i was in the Apt. again. Then he realized i was drunk, even though the bottle was in plain sight and almost half empty. At one point we went to go get his laundry and when i got back MIke had called me back so I called him and talked to him for 20 mins. And told him what happened. When i went upstairs, Rob and I we got into a big fight. I was like you say all this shit to me, then as soon as she comes over i dont exsist anymore. He tried to say oh well you just talked to Mike on the phone for 20 mins. I was like what the fuck? I countered with dont even fucking try it, you just ignored me for the past 4 hours or more and i cant talk to Mike for 20 mins? And then he said something like it seemed to him like Audrey was paying more attention to him because i was there. He tried to get me to lay down but i didnt want to. He wanted me to drink water, and seemed like he was trying to take care of me, then Audrey called and said come over for a cup of tea, and of course he dropped what he was doing and went over. Remember i was drunk so....when he hung up i was like what the hell was that, and he said he was gonna go over there. I said so you just gonna fucking leave me here?. And then he tried to hug me or something, and i told him not to fucking touch me and to get the fuck away from me. Then i told him to hurry over there and suck up all the attention she was giving him tonight before it went away. I practically kicked him out of his own apartment. I was yelling at him to leave. He hide the alchohol then left. And i got really ticked so i decided to get my shit together and wait in the stairwell and get Mike to pick me up when he was done work, which wasnt for another 4 hours. But i didnt care. I didnt want to stay there, about 20 mins later Rob started calling my cell looking for me. I told him where i was and he took me back up stairs, then started getting all upset cuz Audrey was mad at him too. I told him i never wanted to come back and wasnt sure i ever wanted to see him again. And it looked to me like he wanted me to come over and comfort him, but i wasnt going anywhere near him, i had no sympathy for him, and then he crawled into his room and shut the door. The next thing i knew it was 9:30 and i got some water, then fell asleep for another 2 hours. He asked if i wanted to go to breakfast and even though i was incredibly hungry, i said no. We barely said anything to each other, he said he was sorry when we got in his van to take me home, and all i said was i should have gone home. We didnt talk the rest of the way home. When he pulled into my drive way he started with the im sorry, its all his fault. I wanted so bad to say to him "I'm so sick of hearing im sorry, why dont you do something about it", but i kept my mouth shut. He gonna come over tuesday for a bit so we can exchange Christmas presents, but i dunno where anythings going or if i want it to go anywhere. But afteri went inside, i got ready cuz it was my family Christmas party, and i was anxious for Mike to come over, cuz i felt like shit, and i just needed to be around someone to who cared about me. I stared at myself the mirror for awhile cuz i noticed my eyes looked really sad, and I wanted them to be happy, even when i smiled my eyes still looked sad. And nothing i put on looked right. It was really starting to bug me. But Mike came over and we went to the Christmas party, and i felt a tiny bit better, but i was still kinda sad. As the night went on a felt a bit better, maybe feelings felt worse cuz i was tired, i dunno. But I spent the night at Mike's and in the morning i felt better, i was being my annoying self, bugging him to wake up, tickling him, wierd stuff like that. Unfortunatly i couldnt spend the whole day with him like i would have liked to. But last night at work i was a bit down, but not nearly as down as Saturday. Its just taking time, and ill be all happy again.