Up at night thinking.
Well, as the title would imply, here I am, up north, comtemplating life. I just finished talking on the phone for at least a good three hours between two friends. It was nice, and it definitely helped to drive my thinking about life and where I'm trying to lead mine.
I must that a lot has been going on in my life. The last few months have been the most dramatic; changes that I did not expect occured. I was forced to find a new center of gravity toward life. I still think I'm trying to find it, we'll see what happens :) Right now, my life is a series of questions to which I have not found many answers.
First of which is career choice. I'm pretty much going through a process of figuring out what exactly I want to do with my life. I thought that I had a pretty good idea, but recent events have led me to believe otherwise. I guess I am fortunate in the sense that I am realizing this early on and not too far into my career. This gives me the flexibility to figure out where I need to go and what I need to do to accomplish this task. I do have some basic plans for what to do, which should hopefully make that whole area more clear as time goes on.
Next area of interest is life and relationships. I've kept pretty quiet on this topic for a while, and I don't want to dwell on it too much. Essentially, I had to come to some tough conclusions. Without getting into to too much details, I'll put it at this. My heart wanted to take the road most trodded on, the one that is associated with more comfort. I struggled with this concept for a long time. And in times past, I have decided to go with it, which ended up turning out all right for that time. However, this time, I knew I had to think about this in many different lights. I thought about the short and long term, as well as academic and career consequences of all my options. I am the type of person that tends to look well into the future when making bigger decisions concerning my life and those in it. I evaluated many outcomes of all the sides, and eventually came up with what I thought would be a proper way of working with the situation at hand. In this respect, I went with the road less taken, which was very difficult. Sometimes I wonder if I came to the right conclusion. Many friends and family have reassured me of this, but I don't necessarily agree 100% with them. There are definitely risks and consequences with each side. The difference with this time was that I took a stronger look at my life, and what I needed at this time. And for me right now, I just need time to think about what I need to do on this earth. I need to figure out where I stand, and where I may want to be in the near future. Because of this, I don't have time to focus on as many things as usual. Hence, a relationship would not have been the right choice for me at this time. I know I have growing to do, and I just need a lot of space to figure it all out.
My hope is that I'll eventually find my foundation, which will help me achieve the goals I set for myself. I just need to pray that I'll find my way.
-Phil
I must that a lot has been going on in my life. The last few months have been the most dramatic; changes that I did not expect occured. I was forced to find a new center of gravity toward life. I still think I'm trying to find it, we'll see what happens :) Right now, my life is a series of questions to which I have not found many answers.
First of which is career choice. I'm pretty much going through a process of figuring out what exactly I want to do with my life. I thought that I had a pretty good idea, but recent events have led me to believe otherwise. I guess I am fortunate in the sense that I am realizing this early on and not too far into my career. This gives me the flexibility to figure out where I need to go and what I need to do to accomplish this task. I do have some basic plans for what to do, which should hopefully make that whole area more clear as time goes on.
Next area of interest is life and relationships. I've kept pretty quiet on this topic for a while, and I don't want to dwell on it too much. Essentially, I had to come to some tough conclusions. Without getting into to too much details, I'll put it at this. My heart wanted to take the road most trodded on, the one that is associated with more comfort. I struggled with this concept for a long time. And in times past, I have decided to go with it, which ended up turning out all right for that time. However, this time, I knew I had to think about this in many different lights. I thought about the short and long term, as well as academic and career consequences of all my options. I am the type of person that tends to look well into the future when making bigger decisions concerning my life and those in it. I evaluated many outcomes of all the sides, and eventually came up with what I thought would be a proper way of working with the situation at hand. In this respect, I went with the road less taken, which was very difficult. Sometimes I wonder if I came to the right conclusion. Many friends and family have reassured me of this, but I don't necessarily agree 100% with them. There are definitely risks and consequences with each side. The difference with this time was that I took a stronger look at my life, and what I needed at this time. And for me right now, I just need time to think about what I need to do on this earth. I need to figure out where I stand, and where I may want to be in the near future. Because of this, I don't have time to focus on as many things as usual. Hence, a relationship would not have been the right choice for me at this time. I know I have growing to do, and I just need a lot of space to figure it all out.
My hope is that I'll eventually find my foundation, which will help me achieve the goals I set for myself. I just need to pray that I'll find my way.
-Phil