Have you ever, in the middle of a conversation, had the thought that your brain must work in a very different way than that of the person(s) you are conversing with
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Re: In what...windsweptFebruary 21 2005, 15:34:16 UTC
Here's an example: I think out decisions via a mental (or sometimes written) decision tree, with cost-benefit analysis and attention given to all possible forseeable outcomes (not that I'm perfect, but as far as my brain can manage, I mean). I also am perfectly comfortable with the 80-20 rule, and don't expect anything ever to go perfectly right or as I wish. Good enough is often good for me.
He, however, makes decisions entirely based on how he thinks the world/he should be - virtue-based decisions. (He's an academic by profession.) Or, in stark contrast, he makes decisions based entirely on impulse. But nothing in between, and nothing that takes consequences into consideration in either case. In other words, I guess, he's not outcome-based.
Whereas my decision-making process is almost entirely utilitarian.
Whereas my decision-making process is almost entirely utilitarian.
Hope that makes sense...
Actually, plenty of, and your husband seems to work the way I have been for so long, and you seem to work the way I'm trying to, more and more. Because the other way hasn't been very... useful, to me.
Nothing wrong with a bit of impulsiveness, or idealism for that matter, but I've felt an increasing need to be more practical/realistic/functional/pragmatic in my thinking. I think, in part, that's driven by my perception of a growing divide between the world I seem to subconciously assume I live in, and the world I see around me.
Re: In what...windsweptFebruary 21 2005, 17:07:31 UTC
I think, in part, that's driven by my perception of a growing divide between the world I seem to subconciously assume I live in, and the world I see around me.
You've nailed exactly where my biggest frustration lies -- "Can't you see that the world doesn't operate on theory, but on messy realities?" He does assume the world operates according to his ideals, no matter how often he is proven wrong. It boggles. But then again, he thinks I'm depressingly cynical and jaded.
You've nailed exactly where my biggest frustration lies -- "Can't you see that the world doesn't operate on theory, but on messy realities?" He does assume the world operates according to his ideals, no matter how often he is proven wrong. It boggles. But then again, he thinks I'm depressingly cynical and jaded.
The problem with seeing things the way you do? As I try to do it, I mostly find myself feeling extremely ignorant and stupid, because I'm not at all good at it. I never feel like I've got enough info to make a good decision, and I'm trapped between thinking that I'm either a) too ignorant, or b) too stupid to make the decision with the information I DO have.
For someone who has a very high opinion of their learnedness/intelligence/whatever, justified or not, that's a strong disincentive to changing one's worldview.
Not sure if that's applicable to your husband's situation or not, though.
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Reply
He, however, makes decisions entirely based on how he thinks the world/he should be - virtue-based decisions. (He's an academic by profession.) Or, in stark contrast, he makes decisions based entirely on impulse. But nothing in between, and nothing that takes consequences into consideration in either case. In other words, I guess, he's not outcome-based.
Whereas my decision-making process is almost entirely utilitarian.
Hope that makes sense...
Reply
Whereas my decision-making process is almost entirely utilitarian.
Hope that makes sense...
Actually, plenty of, and your husband seems to work the way I have been for so long, and you seem to work the way I'm trying to, more and more. Because the other way hasn't been very... useful, to me.
Nothing wrong with a bit of impulsiveness, or idealism for that matter, but I've felt an increasing need to be more practical/realistic/functional/pragmatic in my thinking. I think, in part, that's driven by my perception of a growing divide between the world I seem to subconciously assume I live in, and the world I see around me.
Reply
You've nailed exactly where my biggest frustration lies -- "Can't you see that the world doesn't operate on theory, but on messy realities?" He does assume the world operates according to his ideals, no matter how often he is proven wrong. It boggles. But then again, he thinks I'm depressingly cynical and jaded.
Reply
The problem with seeing things the way you do? As I try to do it, I mostly find myself feeling extremely ignorant and stupid, because I'm not at all good at it. I never feel like I've got enough info to make a good decision, and I'm trapped between thinking that I'm either a) too ignorant, or b) too stupid to make the decision with the information I DO have.
For someone who has a very high opinion of their learnedness/intelligence/whatever, justified or not, that's a strong disincentive to changing one's worldview.
Not sure if that's applicable to your husband's situation or not, though.
Reply
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