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YOU WANT IT, YOU WANT IT, YOU WANT IT SO BADLY....YOU WANT IT, YOU WANT IT, YOU WANT IT SO BADLY...WHAT'S THE POINT THEN IF YOU'RE GONNA GET SHOT DOWN. WHAT'S THE POINT THEN. WHAT'S THE POINT OF FEELING, WHEN I STAND BEFORE YOU I'M INVISIBLE., WHEN THERE'S NOTHING INSIDE, WHAT'S THE POINT THEN.
why is that i only feel like writing when things are going to shit.
so another days of useless, mindless life. work and hanging out. i feel like my life is lacking purpose. im falling into a routine that i dont wanna be in. whn i look around me i see so many poeple being happy and im stuck in the corner.i act out to feel a split moment of joy, but the feeling is hollow. im hoping something changes fast cause i feel like im about to loose my mind. this whole divorce thing has really threw me for a loop. its all i think about . i wake up in the morning and it takes a second for me to realize that julies not right next to me and jaymes isnt crying for a bottle in the other room. i know i keep saying the same thing over and over again but its all i think about. its this nagging feeling that i cant seem to shake loose.i know julie says she doesnt care about it, but i cant help but feel that if you had a child with someone, on some level you must and will always feel some emotional connection to that person. i cant see how she can physically remove her emotion from all that we had. its crazy. but the day i start to understand her is the day i put a bullet in my brain. i dont wanna sound like the emo kid rambling on about his " past love". but when you fell physical pain over the lose of a loved one then you can talk motherfucker. noone understand what im going through, at least not in the way that they can understand it and relate. i need some sort of guidence, i need some sort of outlet. i need julie for fucks sake. this is going to be an interesting year. i can only wait for it to get better, right? then again you make your own destiny. sucks that the one you want ,you're the only person trying for it.
why is that i only feel like writing when things are going to shit.
so another days of useless, mindless life. work and hanging out. i feel like my life is lacking purpose. im falling into a routine that i dont wanna be in. whn i look around me i see so many poeple being happy and im stuck in the corner.i act out to feel a split moment of joy, but the feeling is hollow. im hoping something changes fast cause i feel like im about to loose my mind. this whole divorce thing has really threw me for a loop. its all i think about . i wake up in the morning and it takes a second for me to realize that julies not right next to me and jaymes isnt crying for a bottle in the other room. i know i keep saying the same thing over and over again but its all i think about. its this nagging feeling that i cant seem to shake loose.i know julie says she doesnt care about it, but i cant help but feel that if you had a child with someone, on some level you must and will always feel some emotional connection to that person. i cant see how she can physically remove her emotion from all that we had. its crazy. but the day i start to understand her is the day i put a bullet in my brain. i dont wanna sound like the emo kid rambling on about his " past love". but when you fell physical pain over the lose of a loved one then you can talk motherfucker. noone understand what im going through, at least not in the way that they can understand it and relate. i need some sort of guidence, i need some sort of outlet. i need julie for fucks sake. this is going to be an interesting year. i can only wait for it to get better, right? then again you make your own destiny. sucks that the one you want ,you're the only person trying for it.