Ode to My Astros
In a way, I'm glad the Astros are out of it so I can stop being so fucking stressed out all the time. However, in a billion other ways, I'm sad it's over. The Astros are now and forever will be my favorite sports team and it may seem foolish to some of you that I would let a game upset me so much. I don't think it's crazy and if you feel the same way about the Astros or whatever team you hold near and dear to your heart, you know exactly what I'm talking about. For those of you who think I'm stupid for it, I'll do my best to explain it to you. An Astros game (or games for several other sports teams for that matter) is not just about watching my hometown team and wanting to take pride in their success. It's not about trying to be the best for the sake of status or b/c I love competition. Anytime I watch the Astros, I think back to all the games my Dad took me to at the Astrodome when I was a kid. At that time, the Astros were one of the worst teams in baseball, but it didn't matter b/c we were spending time together and having a blast cheering for a bottom-feeding, young team with potential that would later turn into a National League power. Sure, I cheer for the Astros to win and it breaks my heart when they don't. This sentiment stems from those moments with my Dad and how much I looked forward to going to those games or just watching them every day in the summer or when Greg and I used to wake up at 7 in the morning and go play baseball in his driveway. Any moron can break down baseball or any sport into something simplistic that is meant to belittle its significance. Can't we do that with anything though? I can sit here and question why music means anything to you by saying it's just a bunch of outcasts banging away on instruments or ask why Shakespeare is so special...I mean, does me saying that Othello is about a really jealous guy with an evil friend even begin to encompass all the complexities and nuances of that piece of writing? Of course not. People don't live and die by sports teams solely based on pride or a competitive nature, it's b/c it conjures up something for them and whatever that may be, it sparks the loyalty to a certain team. So in honor of my beloved Astros, I wish to say a few words to my homeys:
Roy Oswalt - Roy, you didn't have the best postseason, but you were a rock all year during the regular season and we wouldn't have made it without you. I love your toughness and the picture of you laughing at that piece of shit Michael Barrett while he was trying to fight you is one of the coolest thing I've ever seen. Here's to you being around many more years making hitters look like idiots with that sick curveball of yours.
Brad Lidge - You were the fuckin' man all year long. Your slider is the best pitch in baseball and your willingness to do everything you could in the postseason (including pitching 3 days in a row) shows that everyone should have not just a closer, but a teammate like you.
Roger Clemens - I loved you with the Red Sox, I hated you with the Yankees. It's good that you came back to the good guys, Roger. I had no idea you were gonna have a season like that and there was no one else that I'd rather have pitching game 7 for us, it just goes like that sometimes. I hope you come back next year and get in a fight with Mike Piazza.
Craig Biggio - You are the worst interview ever, but you don't get paid to talk, thank god. You're the grittiest player I've ever seen and proved you still could mash even at 39 years old. I don't know if you'll be back next year, but I thank you for all the great memories you've given us. I know I make fun of you all the time, but I do it out of love.
Lance Berkman - You are the goofiest bastard who ever lived. Aaron and I always joke about how you have this expression on your face like, "Everybody loves me! It's so fun to be Lance!" Well, it's true. As much as I hate to admit it, you are part of the future for this team and even though I always laugh at you, you rock and are a badass. So if you're down to stay in Houston for a while longer, I'm down to come out and watch you make an ass out of yourself in the outfield. Deal? Deal.
Carlos Beltran - You've already become one of my favorite players and I have a man-crush on you. You made this team exciting to watch again and I know you're gonna have a lot of money thrown at you this winter, but just remember...they don't have football sundays at Troy and Yvette's in New York. Think about it.
Brad Ausmus - You're a jedi. Enough said.
Brandon Backe - Ol' Shutout Backe. You are the man. In a game we had to have, you gave the best pitching performance of this postseason and to think that you were a shortstop just a coupla years ago. I hope you keep getting better and that the nickname "Shutout" eventually stops being ironic.
Jeff Kent - Can't believe I almost forgot Jeff Kent. Game 5 says it all and you still have a porn-stache.
Jeff Bagwell - What can I say, you're my favorite player ever, of any sport. You're a hall of famer and you finally got all the shit-talkers to shutup this postseason with your great play in October. You're shoulder is hanging on by a thread and yet you play hard every single day, never complain at all, and take full responsibility for any shortcomings of the team. You are a true role model and leader for this team.
I love you Astros, it was a lot of fun. Ok, I'm done being sentimental, the end.
Roy Oswalt - Roy, you didn't have the best postseason, but you were a rock all year during the regular season and we wouldn't have made it without you. I love your toughness and the picture of you laughing at that piece of shit Michael Barrett while he was trying to fight you is one of the coolest thing I've ever seen. Here's to you being around many more years making hitters look like idiots with that sick curveball of yours.
Brad Lidge - You were the fuckin' man all year long. Your slider is the best pitch in baseball and your willingness to do everything you could in the postseason (including pitching 3 days in a row) shows that everyone should have not just a closer, but a teammate like you.
Roger Clemens - I loved you with the Red Sox, I hated you with the Yankees. It's good that you came back to the good guys, Roger. I had no idea you were gonna have a season like that and there was no one else that I'd rather have pitching game 7 for us, it just goes like that sometimes. I hope you come back next year and get in a fight with Mike Piazza.
Craig Biggio - You are the worst interview ever, but you don't get paid to talk, thank god. You're the grittiest player I've ever seen and proved you still could mash even at 39 years old. I don't know if you'll be back next year, but I thank you for all the great memories you've given us. I know I make fun of you all the time, but I do it out of love.
Lance Berkman - You are the goofiest bastard who ever lived. Aaron and I always joke about how you have this expression on your face like, "Everybody loves me! It's so fun to be Lance!" Well, it's true. As much as I hate to admit it, you are part of the future for this team and even though I always laugh at you, you rock and are a badass. So if you're down to stay in Houston for a while longer, I'm down to come out and watch you make an ass out of yourself in the outfield. Deal? Deal.
Carlos Beltran - You've already become one of my favorite players and I have a man-crush on you. You made this team exciting to watch again and I know you're gonna have a lot of money thrown at you this winter, but just remember...they don't have football sundays at Troy and Yvette's in New York. Think about it.
Brad Ausmus - You're a jedi. Enough said.
Brandon Backe - Ol' Shutout Backe. You are the man. In a game we had to have, you gave the best pitching performance of this postseason and to think that you were a shortstop just a coupla years ago. I hope you keep getting better and that the nickname "Shutout" eventually stops being ironic.
Jeff Kent - Can't believe I almost forgot Jeff Kent. Game 5 says it all and you still have a porn-stache.
Jeff Bagwell - What can I say, you're my favorite player ever, of any sport. You're a hall of famer and you finally got all the shit-talkers to shutup this postseason with your great play in October. You're shoulder is hanging on by a thread and yet you play hard every single day, never complain at all, and take full responsibility for any shortcomings of the team. You are a true role model and leader for this team.
I love you Astros, it was a lot of fun. Ok, I'm done being sentimental, the end.