Self-imposed Break Over
Well, I think that I can actually try this again. After talking some things out with Master about what I want to post and what should/shouldn't be posted about, deciding in my head whether or not I can live with that, and catching up... at least for the most part at work, I have decided to rejoin the LJ chatting. I was having a hard time because Master and I had decided not to post much info about our dating here as we were sending potentials to our LJ to see what our lives were like. Lately we haven't been doing that and actually we discussed that me talking some things out on here might actually help as usually my real life acquaintences give good advice. So I will talk about some things on here and keep others silent and see if I can get what I need while not sounding like I am complaining. So if my LJ's start sounding more like complaining that asking for/ seeking advice or just some sympathy or encouragement then let me know. Well hopefully sometimes they just talk about successes too.
I am a procrastinator. I put things off until I must absolutely must get them done, and then because of how nervous I am about getting them done, they take even longer and sometimes Master says enough and then they just don't get finished. I have this issue mostly with work stuff. I hate it , hate the job, the company, and most of what they ask me to do. I think that there are several of them that are unethical and in turn that makes me have to either do, cover up for, or ignore things that I find appaling. So I procrastinate on the work, but it doesn't hurt them, it only hurts me, my time with Master, and my students. I put a lot into my job because I feel like I must in order to really make a difference. You see I went into teaching because I had bad teachers and didn't realize that work was "hard" and that being smart didn't get you anywhere until I got to college. My first college math class (taken as a senior in high school) made me cry. I had never cried in math before, it was my favorite subject and one I always did well in without trying. Then i hit College Algebra's word problems. What the hell did all of those words mean and why didn't the problem just ask in plain English. I struggled for 2 years of college, trying to decide what to become as I wasn't enjoying anything in college that I thought would be lots of fun and excitement and because I didn't want to "teach" that was for those that were lazy and couldn't find a better paying job. When I finally did decide, I applied and made it in to the following terms class (they only accept 60) and started working on an Elementary Education degree. I made enemies among some of my classmates because I did my best always along with a few other of my friends/classmates. I knew that what I did would affect someone else eventually forever and I remembered my dad telling me that it was okay to do poorly on something that only affected me but when it affected someone else I had to give it my best or not do it at all. I still have that same philosophy with teaching as in most things in my life, and still it gets me some enemies more so at this job than any other place before. This job seems to encourage the disagreement and conflict between teachers. But I can't do any less than what I do, unless Master orders me too, which I must admit at times he does. I have really struggled with the thought of working again next year. I do not want to work in a place where ethics and accountability are so lacking, where teachers can act horribly and be rewarded, where students needs are put second to the egos of teachers and parents. No one seems to think about the long term effect any of the decisions will have on the student. I even gave in and succumbed to the FCAT drama this year, pushing my kids to practice, practice, practice... something I am horrified and disgusted over.
Our search has slowed down although not by choice. It seems the more and harder we look the less there seem to be out there. We have dated some interesting people in the last few months. We dated a wonderful girl that was everything we could have asked for in a slave and roommate but there was no chemistry. She was pleasant, cheerful, wasn't a pain to have around the house for more than a few hours at a time, and was helpful. The chemistry just wouldn't come and that it seems can't be forced. We met another girl that is kinky as all get out, her and Master have a lot of common interests, actually other than her girly parts she is more male than female, she likes the same movies, music, and activities that he does, and she even plays WOW like we do. She had some health issues but they seemed not intrusive. On her second weekend with us, she breaks down and says that she can't commit to a relationship that would tie her down and that she would never ever be able to be a slave, just the thought of it made her want to run. She wants a poly relationship in which she has lots of lovers but isn't actually committed to any of them (and that isn't even describing it correctly but I don't know how exactly to describe it). We still see her and have play weekends but with the knowledge that it is leading no where but play. Then there is the other that really wants to be a slave but has very little experience with any of the play that we do and doesn't like what she has tried so far which are some of our biggest play things (spankings, and nipple torture). She confessed to me that she was not completely bi, that she would do whatever her Master told her to do though and then when we asked her together about it, she said that I had misunderstood her. WE are continuing to explore that one. We had a date with her last week, our 5th, and we finally ended up in the room for some play/snuggle, possibly sex. She helped me play with Master a little (both of us thought it would relax her) while he was completely nude and I was just in a robe (she stayed completely dressed). Then I undressed and lay down on the massage table for a turn at a massage, spanking, and orgasm. We then asked if she would like a turn and she said no. We have another date tomorrow which will hopefully go more smoothly.
If anyone knows of any kinky, slave minded single women please let us know.
SO anyway, how has everyone been?
I like the questions game and if anyone has anything they want me to answer, send it my way.
Hugs to all and to my rl friends I can't wait to see ya soon. Camp in June.
Master and I are off to Barbados for 9 days on Friday and then maybe my family for Good Friday.
I am a procrastinator. I put things off until I must absolutely must get them done, and then because of how nervous I am about getting them done, they take even longer and sometimes Master says enough and then they just don't get finished. I have this issue mostly with work stuff. I hate it , hate the job, the company, and most of what they ask me to do. I think that there are several of them that are unethical and in turn that makes me have to either do, cover up for, or ignore things that I find appaling. So I procrastinate on the work, but it doesn't hurt them, it only hurts me, my time with Master, and my students. I put a lot into my job because I feel like I must in order to really make a difference. You see I went into teaching because I had bad teachers and didn't realize that work was "hard" and that being smart didn't get you anywhere until I got to college. My first college math class (taken as a senior in high school) made me cry. I had never cried in math before, it was my favorite subject and one I always did well in without trying. Then i hit College Algebra's word problems. What the hell did all of those words mean and why didn't the problem just ask in plain English. I struggled for 2 years of college, trying to decide what to become as I wasn't enjoying anything in college that I thought would be lots of fun and excitement and because I didn't want to "teach" that was for those that were lazy and couldn't find a better paying job. When I finally did decide, I applied and made it in to the following terms class (they only accept 60) and started working on an Elementary Education degree. I made enemies among some of my classmates because I did my best always along with a few other of my friends/classmates. I knew that what I did would affect someone else eventually forever and I remembered my dad telling me that it was okay to do poorly on something that only affected me but when it affected someone else I had to give it my best or not do it at all. I still have that same philosophy with teaching as in most things in my life, and still it gets me some enemies more so at this job than any other place before. This job seems to encourage the disagreement and conflict between teachers. But I can't do any less than what I do, unless Master orders me too, which I must admit at times he does. I have really struggled with the thought of working again next year. I do not want to work in a place where ethics and accountability are so lacking, where teachers can act horribly and be rewarded, where students needs are put second to the egos of teachers and parents. No one seems to think about the long term effect any of the decisions will have on the student. I even gave in and succumbed to the FCAT drama this year, pushing my kids to practice, practice, practice... something I am horrified and disgusted over.
Our search has slowed down although not by choice. It seems the more and harder we look the less there seem to be out there. We have dated some interesting people in the last few months. We dated a wonderful girl that was everything we could have asked for in a slave and roommate but there was no chemistry. She was pleasant, cheerful, wasn't a pain to have around the house for more than a few hours at a time, and was helpful. The chemistry just wouldn't come and that it seems can't be forced. We met another girl that is kinky as all get out, her and Master have a lot of common interests, actually other than her girly parts she is more male than female, she likes the same movies, music, and activities that he does, and she even plays WOW like we do. She had some health issues but they seemed not intrusive. On her second weekend with us, she breaks down and says that she can't commit to a relationship that would tie her down and that she would never ever be able to be a slave, just the thought of it made her want to run. She wants a poly relationship in which she has lots of lovers but isn't actually committed to any of them (and that isn't even describing it correctly but I don't know how exactly to describe it). We still see her and have play weekends but with the knowledge that it is leading no where but play. Then there is the other that really wants to be a slave but has very little experience with any of the play that we do and doesn't like what she has tried so far which are some of our biggest play things (spankings, and nipple torture). She confessed to me that she was not completely bi, that she would do whatever her Master told her to do though and then when we asked her together about it, she said that I had misunderstood her. WE are continuing to explore that one. We had a date with her last week, our 5th, and we finally ended up in the room for some play/snuggle, possibly sex. She helped me play with Master a little (both of us thought it would relax her) while he was completely nude and I was just in a robe (she stayed completely dressed). Then I undressed and lay down on the massage table for a turn at a massage, spanking, and orgasm. We then asked if she would like a turn and she said no. We have another date tomorrow which will hopefully go more smoothly.
If anyone knows of any kinky, slave minded single women please let us know.
SO anyway, how has everyone been?
I like the questions game and if anyone has anything they want me to answer, send it my way.
Hugs to all and to my rl friends I can't wait to see ya soon. Camp in June.
Master and I are off to Barbados for 9 days on Friday and then maybe my family for Good Friday.