sitting...waiting...wishing....
So what is it about a romantic relationship that makes it so hard to let go. Sure, you love/loved the person but I love my family and am able to be away from them without this much pain. Maybe because I know that my family is still going to love me no matter what. I guess break ups take a toll on you self-image. Like for so long I was 'Adam's girlfriend' and now, well now I really have no idea who I am. I feel kind of scattered...like everything I do is on impulse and I can't really think things through. I dunno. My friends tell me thats normal and that I will feel that way for awhile. This is so annoying. I hate feeling like this but no matter what I do to try to organize my thoughts it doesn't work. And the fact is that I don't think its just that I don't have Adam anymore...its a mixture of everything...like when I moved up here I was dating adam and living with my brother so I still had a bit of a structure similar to the setup I had in highschool. Now, I'm completely on my own and there's a certain lonliness in that but also a certain freedom. Also, I've really never been single...especially not in a situation like this...I mean I'm not used to going to parties and having guys hit on me. Definately not used to it because before, adam was always at the party, or it was always known that we were a couple. Big changes. And now I'm talking to a couple people that are interested in me and I actually feel bad. I mean I'm not trying to be a "player" lol. cuz they both know about each other...I just feel weird about it.....I mean I'm used to being in a relationship...and right now, well I get really bored of guys really quickly. there's noone that has really grabbed my interest. Well, one guy might be boyfriend material...but commitment is seriously for the birds in my mind right now. It's gonna take me some more time to feel up to a relationship again.
That was just some stuff I was thinking about.
Anywho...I'm sure alot of you have read lately that I'm going to CALIFORNIA!!! I was offered a chance to go as part of my friend's band. (my friends going up because a record producer is interested) but that would mean leaving my apartment, and possibly school depending on what happens...and as cool as it would be, I'm not ready to risk everything I've worked for. I'll wait for my own big break. But I am going to visit her for awhile this summer. She's got an apartment in LA right on the strip. It's gonna be freakin AWESOME!!! you have NO idea. lol. we're gonna stalk celebrities. :) I'll take lots of pictures. The whole thing is kind of romantic...not in a boy meets girl kind of way, but in a believing in your dreams and following them kind of way. I really hope everything works out for her.
Other than that, not much is happening...just been sick AGAIN...and working my butt off. Watched American History X with Joe the other night. Freaked me out. There were several parts I about squeezed his arm off...lol. It was just so cruel! and the ending...I won't tell you in case you haven't seen it, but I cried, and Joe laughed at me and told me I was "cute". He can shove it. lol. Well that's about it for me...I'll leave you with my new favorite song...that reminds me of my past (<3ACC) and gives me hope for the future.
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
That was just some stuff I was thinking about.
Anywho...I'm sure alot of you have read lately that I'm going to CALIFORNIA!!! I was offered a chance to go as part of my friend's band. (my friends going up because a record producer is interested) but that would mean leaving my apartment, and possibly school depending on what happens...and as cool as it would be, I'm not ready to risk everything I've worked for. I'll wait for my own big break. But I am going to visit her for awhile this summer. She's got an apartment in LA right on the strip. It's gonna be freakin AWESOME!!! you have NO idea. lol. we're gonna stalk celebrities. :) I'll take lots of pictures. The whole thing is kind of romantic...not in a boy meets girl kind of way, but in a believing in your dreams and following them kind of way. I really hope everything works out for her.
Other than that, not much is happening...just been sick AGAIN...and working my butt off. Watched American History X with Joe the other night. Freaked me out. There were several parts I about squeezed his arm off...lol. It was just so cruel! and the ending...I won't tell you in case you haven't seen it, but I cried, and Joe laughed at me and told me I was "cute". He can shove it. lol. Well that's about it for me...I'll leave you with my new favorite song...that reminds me of my past (<3ACC) and gives me hope for the future.
The dawn is breaking
A light shining through
You're barely waking
And I'm tangled up in you
Yeah
I'm open, you're closed
Where I follow, you'll go
I worry I won't see your face
Light up again
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide
I'm quiet you know
You make a first impression
I've found I'm scared to know I'm always on your mind
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time
I somehow find
You and I collide
Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to ryhme
Out of the doubt that fills your mind
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide
You finally find
You and I collide