look, i'm sorry. In response to your text message last night, i don't like it either. I am not going to make excuses for it, but I want to at least explain what I've been thinking/going through.
I have felt like you have had absolutely no desire to hang out with me these last couple weeks. The only time i see you is when you come over to hang out with brad. I never even know when you are coming over either, and i have been jealous and resentful. I feel like you have replaced me, and that it just doesn't bother you. That may be ridiculous, but It's how I've felt. It's probably kindof cyclical: you hung out with Brad and Rachel a few times without asking me to join you, so I assume that you don't want me to so i stay in my room. You see me staying in my room so you assume that I don't want to hang out. I DO want to hang out with you. You are one of the best friends I've ever had. It's just been hard for me to adapt to you being here, and having other friends. It's probably incredibly selfish, and I'm sorry. I can't help how I feel though.
Anyway, "meh" probably wasn't an appropriate response to your txt message, but it was just the only thing i could think of to say without saying all of that up there.
I'm sorry you felt that way. I just wish you would talk to me about it. I guess you are right about the cycle thing, and I know its not cool to just up and start a new group of friends in front of your other ones, and thats why I made such a point of always coming to see you in your room or sending you a quick text or something whenever I came over, but I just feel like my efforts are always dismissed. Brad call me. He asks me to hang out. I feel like I'm not putting him out when I ask him to do something, and I just plain like hanging out with him and Rachel, but not more than I want to hang out with you! I just feel completely unwelcome and out of place when I try to see you in your room or drag you to Ruby Tuesdays or whatever it is. I guess ever since you told me that you sometimes just get tired of your friends...I was just waiting for my day, and it sure seemed like this was it. I'm sincerely sorry that I made you feel that way, but please just. talk. to. me.
Maybe we could make up, because I've been really unhappy without having you around.
i just feel like i have been the icing, and brad and rachel have been the cake. it just seemed like you did the obligatory say-hi-to-derek, and then went about your business hanging out with them. I'm not tired of you. I just hate waking up and not even knowing you're here because you are hanging out with my roommates. anyway. Heidi leaves town tuesday and she will be gone for a week. I want some one-on-one hangout time. and THAT's another thing that's been wierd/hard for me. I'm used to having you one-on-one on the phone, and then you are here... and it just isn't like that anymore, and i haven't adjusted yet.
yeah, you have definetely always been the cake. the only reason i kept it at "say-hi-to-derek" instead of "hang out with derek like i want to" is because i felt like i was just making a fool of myself falling all over you when you didnt care. ive gotten accustomed to hanging out with brad and rachel, so there may be times when you come downstairs and im there. but ill try to include you more if you wont hide from me.
one on one time sounds good. i have like 3 days off next week, too, so we can do whatever.
I have felt like you have had absolutely no desire to hang out with me these last couple weeks. The only time i see you is when you come over to hang out with brad. I never even know when you are coming over either, and i have been jealous and resentful. I feel like you have replaced me, and that it just doesn't bother you. That may be ridiculous, but It's how I've felt. It's probably kindof cyclical: you hung out with Brad and Rachel a few times without asking me to join you, so I assume that you don't want me to so i stay in my room. You see me staying in my room so you assume that I don't want to hang out. I DO want to hang out with you. You are one of the best friends I've ever had. It's just been hard for me to adapt to you being here, and having other friends. It's probably incredibly selfish, and I'm sorry. I can't help how I feel though.
Anyway, "meh" probably wasn't an appropriate response to your txt message, but it was just the only thing i could think of to say without saying all of that up there.
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Maybe we could make up, because I've been really unhappy without having you around.
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one on one time sounds good. i have like 3 days off next week, too, so we can do whatever.
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